Thank you for calling Multisquall1
There's no need to be nervous2
But we're recording every call3
To give you better service4
In order to connect you to5
The team that's best to serve you6
Please choose from this short me'n'u7
And don't let it unnerve you8
For ontological accounts9
Please press 1 right away10
For existentialistic doubts11
Press 2, that's 2 -okay?12
For hyperbolic histories13
It's 3 you ought to press14
For mediaeval mysteries15
Press 4, or did you guess?16
Press 5 if you have deep concern17
On post impressionism18
Press 6 if you would wish to learn19
About religious schism20
The figure 7 you should press21
To swiftly be connected22
To taxidermy - did you guess?23
It's just what you suspected24
Press 8 and 9 together now25
And you will be transported26
To undulating indolence27
Where calls are soon reported28
If you should wish to hear again29
This menu that preceded30
Then swiftly press the number 1031
I'll bet that's what you needed!32
You know that every call we get33
Receives our best attention34
Now you're on hold, but don't you fret35
Oh wait now, did I mention?36
That I'm a digital machine37
Did I forget to tell you ?38
Relax, chill out, know what I mean?39
And while we try to sell you40
A credit card - you'll have a ball !41
Or windows triple-glazy42
You'll wonder why you made this call43
Admit it now, you're crazy!44
Author notes
DEDICATED TO ALL WHO PHONE CALL CENTRES (CENTERS?) AND END UP THROWING THE PHONE VIOLENTLY ACROSS THE ROOM...
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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ah, yes, the ever annoying auntomated answering machines! I enjoyed reading this, as it reminds me of the many times I tried in vain to talk to someone in person!
Best wishes,
Moses -
you are amazing this is amazing wee! This is very well ritten and fun to read through. good luck in the contest!
Pheonix:: -
Lol. Boy have I ever been here before. By the time you reach a real person you are ready to reach throught the phone and throttle them. Take care and Have fun. Steve
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LOL I had to come check out the entries in this contest. This is great! You write good non-sense
~Lyrical
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Lmao. This was really funny. I hate calling those places especially when they require you to say what you are calling for and the machine gets it all wrong and has the nerve to ask if its correct so you wound up repeating yourself only to have it get it wrong again then they transfer you to an operator but by then it's too late because you are so frustrated that you don't even want to talk.
StillReal -
LOL This is really good. Good luck in the contest. LOL Patricia
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Entertaining
Yes, Keith, call centres are the work of you-know-who! Pity the people who work there, unless they enjoy it!
Your poem is very entertaining, and absolutely meaningless. I love the pokes at philosophy, which can also be a waste of time. Your rhyme and meter are light and delightful as ever.
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