Description


CHAPTER 11

Dirt swirled lazily in a perfect funnel atop the old, barren road. The sky was painted a golden yellow, its glory shining through the dawn. The bright green grass swayed and bent slowly, revealing the hidden currents of wind that nature preffered to keep concealed. Red and brown trees wriggled and shook as the invisible entity forced them to perform a beautiful dance. Stray leaves floated slowly down to the ground, ready to lightly touch the hard earth, to start a new stage of their short, breathless lives.2

A frail girl shuffled down the ragged path, taking in the beauty of the serene nature scene. Her hair was dark brown, disheveled and sticking up in many a place, dirt flecked through it like it was meant to be there. Her eyes were big and blue, shining as tears illuminated their calm beauty.3

Her emotions swam through her head, clouding her better judgement. Her shirt was a bright red, representing the emotions that were flowing freely in her mind. Her jeans were in tatters, holes randomely ripped throughout their scratchy blue exterior. Her feet were bare and calloused, brown from the hard ground.4

She was on her way to nowhere, running from the person who had betrayed her. He had called her out, and now her already cracking life was tumbling, almost completely ruined. She only had one chance left to save it, to bring it back from its grave. She had to find the Fortuna, the legends that had sequestered themselves from all life, living in secrecy as they hid the dangerous powers that they held.5

It was said that they had the power to change lives, to go back in time and alter the future by utilizing the past. They could control nature merely with their minds, a feat that has been deemed immpossible in today's world. Stories told that they were in a secluded forest on the island of Baneram, but scientists discovered nothing through even the most intense searching procedures. 6

Despite all of these urban legends, Rose wanted, needed, to find the Fortuna, for only they could save her and repair her declining fate. She had a weapon, something that had been passed down through her family for generations, something that could locate the elusive Fortuna.7

She had a map.8

As the distraught teen rambled down the path, she contemplated these things. Soon, she would change the world with a piece of paper that the previous members of her family had been too afraid to use. She would study the confusing images that were clumsily scrawled across the old, crumpled, and yellowed paper, and she would figure them out, letting them lead her to a secret that she would use to save her relationship with her family.9

Soon Rose had reached a new landscape. It was barren pastureland, yellow with tall grass that flowed left and right in the wind. The sky was darkening still, light, puffy shapes flaoting acrossed it in a lazy ballet. A white eye began to shine through the dark, illuminating the landscape in a soft white glow, guiding the lonely soul that was struggling through the night. Animal sounds called through the air, filling the only two ears around with their high shrieks and low growls. Shadows began to loom as a creepier atmosphere filled the girl's mind, making her see things that were mere apparitions made by her powerful imagination.10

She began to ponder on where to sleep, not ever having been alone in the wild at night before. She ran through her mind the possibilities, and she managed to think up a few options.
Option 1: find a lonely, barren tree and snuggle up to it, granting it the comfort of a friend.
Option 2: curl up in the open and let the long grass cushion her body and be used as a mattress.
After thinking it through for a while, she decided on the tree decision. It would be safer, she thought, giving her protection from any creatures that reside in the night. 11

She began to look for the perfect tree, the perfect protector to watch over her while she became defenseless in sleep. Soon she found a match, after looking for a long hour in the scary dark of the forest. It was deep into the abyss, standing taller than all of its woody accomplices. It was thicker than an elephant, and it reached at least three stories high, looking out over the whole of the forest. It's wood was knarled and mossy, the green, fuzzy plant slowly overtaking the big entity. It was a deep, dark color of brown, blending perfectly with all of the other trees that were hiding behind it in the dark, insignificant to its immense size. 12

Its branches stretched out high above her head, fanning over the other trees, probably hiding many animals that enjoy the privacy of the sky. They held an inumerable amount of bright green leaves, their brilliant color presently dimmed by the black omen of night. They curled and twisted, entwining with each other, having come to love one another as they grew. If in the daylight, their shade would have covered many meters of land in their shelter.13

Rose siddled up to this great mass of protection, feeling safe under its lofty boughs. She rested her head gently on a patch of moss, feeling its soft and squishy comfort. It wasn't as good as a pillow, but it was good enough for the time being. Slowly she drifted off to sleep, dreams swimming silently in her mind, breaking through her defenses and creating strong images like movies in her head. Birds chirped her silently to sleep, cooing over and over again in a repetative song.14

********************************************************15

"Rose....Rose..." A soft voice called out to her, slowly lifting her from her intense dreams. She raised her head, slowly opening her eyes against the glaring sunlight that was streaming in through gaps in the tall branches above. Her thoughts rotated through her head, making her wonder who was out here that knew her name. She looked up and down, but not a single being presented itself to the lone girl by the tree. 16

"Rose..in here..." it called, obviously wanting her to find it. "Look into the tree.."
The voice carried away after every sentence or word, trailing off into thin nothingness. She turned to look at the tree, examing its bumpy, rough surface for any signs of human activity. She found something, something almost imperceptible upon first glance. It was a small hole in the tree, barely a foot in diameter, and it blended in perfectly with the dark bark in which it was encased.17

But what intrigued her was the thing that was sitting snugly inside the hole. It was a little creature, brown with hints of yellow sprawled randomly acrossed it's skin. It had large ears, in a ratio to its head, and wave-like wrinkles underlined its wide, deep set eyes. Its nose was a mere dot, barely stiking out at all, and its mouth was a black hole, widely resembling the very hole that the creature was sitting in, only smaller. Its body was excruciatingly thin, its arms mere sticks that accented its frailness. Its legs were extremely long, almost protruding out of the hole that it was so comfortably resting in.18

She stared in amazed silence at the little creature. She could not conjure up anything to say to it, for she was at a complete loss of words. It stared right back, but the wheels in its mind seemed to be turning in quick succesion, analyzing her and her appearence. She had never seen anyhting like it before, anything so wierd. In fact, it was always said to her that myhtical creatures such as this one did not exist. For her to find something so different from all reality was almost too much for her teenage brain to comprehend.19

"So, you're Rose, right?" the thing asked. Its voice was high and squeaky, carrying a load of mysticallity in its words. "It was told that you would come. Why is it that you don't talk?"20

Again she stared blankly, but this time only for a minute, for she was finally able to come up with some words. 21

"Yeah, uh... what the heck are you?" she said, her voice wavery from nerves.22

"That was rude, you know." It replied, looking the slightest bit hurt from her question."First of all, I have a name, and it just so happens that it is Wathe. And second of all, I do not know of my origin, for I was abandoned as a baby." Its eyes darted in their sockets, seeming to scan ev erything that they passed. "Oh, and by the way, I'm a male, in case you couldn't tell."23

This struck her as a weird thing to say, considering she hadn't even questioned the gender of the creature. She let it roll off as she tried to absorb the rest of what he had said. What kind of a name was Wathe? And what kind of mother would abandon their child out in the middle of the forest, alone and unatended.24

"But... I don't understand," she replied, question eminent in her voice. "How did you know my name? And how do you even EXIST?" It struck her that he might find this comment rude, so she added one more blurb, trying to soften the blow. "I mean, in a nice sense." It was a lame cover-up, and she knew it.25

"Do you realize that the words that come out of your mouth are extremely unthought-out?" he replied, giving her some spicy sass. "Do you ever think before you speak? Humans!"26

"Actually, yes, I do know that my words aren't always nice, but that's because I'm not perfect!" She snapped back, making Wathe leap back in surprise, hitting his head on the top of the hole in the process. "I am only human, as we humans say, so BACK OFF!" She had a very short temper, having had no food and semi-troubling dreams. She really didn't mean to snap, but she had had too much from the egotistical creature.27

His eyes watered as he recieved the harsh words, and his tiny mouth curved into a parabola, making him look suddenly innocent from all crime. The wrinkles that accented his face drooped lower and his forhead cinched up into his bald head. He made a soft whimpering sound, and it was the saddest noise that had ever made itself known to Rose's ears.28

She was immediately hit with many waves of remorse, lapping her over and over, cresting then crashing down on her, quickly making her regret every word that had escaped the confines of her mouth. She felt like crying for the poor, lonely creature, and she wanted to embrace him in a hug that would crush his lungs, but comfort him all the same.29

"I'm sorry little guy. I say things that I can't control, and I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings," she said, trying to console the crushed soul that was sitting inside the tree.30

He just stared at her, his wrinkles coming slowly back up and his eyes drying out slightly. "I guess it's okay... you humans ARE unpredictable though." This comment made Rose giggle, and at that moment an unbreakable friendship was formed between human and thing, and it was a bond that would last for a long time, one that they both knew would be unbreakable.31

"So, how did you know that I was going to be here?" she inquired, remembering his previous comment.32


"Well, I said that it was foretold that you would come," he replied. "I pulled the energy from the tree and used that to forsee the future. It's a power that I discovered I had a while ago."33

"That's amazing. how is it even possible?" she asked, amazed at this new discovery about Wathe.34

"Oh, it's easy," he answered, "I can do it with almost any living thing. All I have to do is focus my mind, and answers flow into my brain, filling me with knowledge of the future."35

Rose was mystified by this piece of imformation. For something to be able to do that...it just blew her mind. 36

Slowly, the day was brightening, unleashing an unimaginable power upon the forest. Animals called from every direction, and insects flew in black, clumpy swarms around the plants. Bright light filled holes in the canopy, illuminating the bright green ground that made up the forest's floor. The plants were all a different shade of beautiful green, from vibrant to dark and dismal. Floweres popped out of the ground and off of leaves and stems, glorifying the forest with their color. Beasts with human like arms and legs swung from the vines above, showering the ground in leaves and dirt that they knocked off of the trees.37

Rose took in the breathtaking scene with an open heart, and it filled her with joy that she could be a witness to something so amazing. Suddenly she felt as if she could do anything, go anywhere, as she was affected by the scene around her. She knew that she would find the Fortuna, along with Wathe, and together
they would change her life, and possibly his, with their power.38

"So, Wathe...I was wondering...do you want to come with me to find the Fortuna?" she asked, hoping that he would say yes, for she greatly needed a friend on her journey.39

"What are the Fortuna?" he replied, wonder filling his big black eyes.40

"They're a group of mystical beings that I am setting out to find, for it is said that they can change the future by going back in time. I need them to save my relationship with my family, before it's too late."41

"so you're saying..." he said, question emanating from him, "that they can change the past?"42

"yes! We both need something like this!" she exclaimed.43

"Yeah, you're right. I could have them go back and make my mother never abandon me...and I wouldn't be an orphan anymore." Sorrow filled his voice, making Rose feel sorry for the little creature.44

Softly, she said, "exactly...we would both have better families, and we would be happier."45

A serious atmosphere sudenly filled the vibrant forest, seeming to slightly dim its beuaty. The two friends stared at each other, each thinking about how the Fortuna could change their lives. Each thought of the other's story, and they felt pity for one another as they stood together in the forest.46

"Yes," Wathe said,"Of course I will come with you. Together we can make ourselves happier."47

"So it's settled!" Rose said happily, lifting the morose mood. "We'll set off together in search of the Fortuna, and they will change our lives."48

CHAPTER 249

Wathe and Rose strolled together for the first time through the thick vegetation of the forest. Wathe's gait was quick and hurried with short and hasty steps, while Rose's was more laid back and relaxed. The two had to compromise on their speed, for they obviously didn't match. They ended up both walking at a normal pace, Rose having to speed up, Wathe having to slow down. Occasionally this balance was interrupted by one of the two contributers, but they always worked it out in the end.50

Soon they broke out of the forest, once again breathing in the clear air of the pasturelands. The sun shone through the cloudless, picturesque sky, glinting off of the early morning dew that clung to the tall grass. The wind currents made it sway to and fro, and it wriggled in sporadic places as animals scurried through its roots. Flocks of birds flew overhead in angular V formations, occasionaly blocking out the sun. Squirrels climbed nimbly up and down the few trees that were dotted across the plain of grass, getting their morning workout. The sky was colored a perfect baby blue, revealing anything that came across it.51

Wathe and Rose turned left out of the forest, Rose once again meeting up with the dirty, barren pathway.52

"I really think that we should consult the map," Rose stated, thinking that they had to start getting on the Fortuna's trail. Wathe agreed, and with that Rose reached into her worn pocket and pulled out the old map. Its surface was thin and it was yellowed from age, coffee stains slurred across its wrinkly surface. She tenderly unwrapped it as the sun rose further into the sky. Her hands worked gently, carefully finding the places where she could pull it open.53

Finally it was ready to be scrutinized, open and looking up at the two friends. The drawings were faded, barely visible atop the yellow parchment. Some words were sloppily scribbled in, as if the writer was in a rush. They were almost illegible, but Rose was able to identify a small poem that was written at the side. It said as follows, word for word as the girl had interpreted it:54


Walk through the dark,55

search for the moon,56

the clouds will conceal,57

while the brain will reveal.58

Lean not toward the sky,59

but follow the inverted star60

blanked out white, search not far.61

"What in the world?" Rose asked, not understanding the scrawled poem. "It makes no sense. Why would it be talking about the moon and the night and the stars? I thought that this was a map to the Fortuna."62

"I'm at a loss as to what this is all about," Wathe replied, "I also do not understand it."63

They discussed the words for a long while, the sun slowly rising higher in the sky as the day approached its peak. The rays beat down on them, making little glistening drops of sweat roll down Rose's cheeks. The grass got yellower as the heat bleached its surface, causing it to blend in more with the ground.64

The rest of the map was indecipherable doodles, leading up to nowhere. Upon opening the map, they had discovered something about its mysterious origins: It wasn't a map at all, just a confusing poem that led them nowhere. In the end, the only skill that would matter was how they interpret poems, which wasn't very good, considering Wathe had never seen one in his life. Suddenly, their chances of finding the Fortuna were slim, and their hopes had slowly dwindled. But one thing that they would never do was give up, so they persevered and continued along the pathway, determined to change their lives.65

The sun was falling, now slowly descending behind the horizon, where it would sleep for the night, away from this part of the world. Exhausted feet shuffled along the road, dirty and sore, having to carry the weight of heavy bodies all day. Brains wheeled as the tired beholders no longer had the energy to think. Rose and Wathe were a pitiful sight, that was for certain. They were ready to find a place to rest for another night when they came across something that would drastically change their minds.66

It poked harmlessly out of the ground, imposing upon the beauty of the calm land. Its head was rectangular, words carved into it in the place of a face. Its body was a stick,causing the thing to have an anorexic look. It was shrouded in mystery as it sat so perfectly on the ground.67

The thing was a sign.68

The two companions ran up as soon as they saw it, eager to see something other than rolling fields of grass and trees. It was indecipherable from afar, but as soon as they were close enough Rose took it upon herself to look at its contents and read them aloud.69

"Rasham, 5 kilometers ahead," she read. And that was the extent of the information. But it was enough. They were about to come across a town, where they could sleep in comfortable beds and eat civilized meals. They would once again be in the presence of people, and they could find more information about the Fortuna.70

At least, that was what Rose was thinking.71

But Wathe, on the other hand, was completely worried. How was he to fit in in a town full of humans, and how were they supposed to accept that he was even real? He was doubting going there and he knew that if he was seen than it would lead to all kinds of new problems. He decided to voice his thoughts.72

"Listen, I don't know that this is such a good idea," he said, worry etched in his words, "what if people see me but don't accept me, because I'm...different."73

Rose stared thoughtfully at the little creature, who had opened the door to a new problem that she didn't even think of in her joy at finally finding another human civilization. "Oh my gosh," she replied, "that never even occured to me. There's absolutely NO way that I can take you into the town. They would attack us and take you, putting you under thourough investigations, and I just can't let that happen. We'll have to think of something, because we need the food and we could use a little extra imfortmation about the Fortuna." 74

Silence followed this statement as both of them thought about what could be done. They started to walk once more, which was brought about by anxiety. Their brains were put into gear, ideas slowly forming more in one of their heads than the other.75

"I know what we can do." Rose said.76

CHAPTER 377

The night set in, unnoticed by Rose and Wathe, who were busy setting about the plan, which wasn't even that complex, considering the brain power that could be found between the two. It was simple: Wathe would find a place to hide for two days while Rose went into town, ready to send an alarm signal of some sort if he were to see a member of Rose's family, whom Rose had been sure to describe thouroughly to him. She didn't want to be found by any of them, for she was still simmering over what her father had done.78

Making up the signal was easy, and they did it quick enough. The plan was for Wathe to blow into a hollow, fallen tree, which he had learned to do in his days living in the forest, and it would make a very loud sound that the whole town would be able to hear. She would rush out the back of the town if the signal was heard, and Wathe would meet her there. 79

Rose rubbed her temples in frustration. Having to come up with a plan like that at that time was hard for her to handle, so she was having trouble keeping her emotions bottled up inside of her. She ran from Wathe to burn off her energy, planning to find where Wathe would camp for the next few days in the process.80

"Hey! Where are you going!" Wathe shouted, confused about being suddenly abandoned. "Come back!"81

"Stay there!" she yelled back, "I'll be back soon!"82

She ran until she could run no more, heading for the forest, figuring that it would best conceal the elven man. Adrenalin pumped through her blood, getting her excited, making her want to run more. The grass was starting to collect dew, and her feet got wet as she whipped through it. It started to seep up to her pants, making her shiver against the cold. 83

Finally she ran out of energy and had to stop, and now she was in the middle of the forest, just barely knowing where she was. She awoke as if from a dream and immediately backtracked her steps, suddenly worried that she would get lost. She had to learn to better control her emotions, for she couldn't let them keep clouding her better judgement.84

Eventually she was able to see the grass once more, and relief flooded over her as she looked out at it. She was safe, and she wasn't lost. Now all that she had to do was find a safe place for Wathe to camp. She turned in a complete 360, searching for anything that would protect him against unpredictable weather or other creatures. Suddenly, memories started coming back to her, and they swiveled through her mind.85

They came to an ubrupt stop at the moment when she had first met Wathe. She was sitting on the ground, looking scared, and she was looking up at the creature above her. He was sittign in the tree, and he looked quite at home. His mouth opened to speak to the memory-Rose, but suddenly she flashed back to the present.86

She was utterly confused. Why had that happened? Was it a clue, ao was she completely insane? She pondered this, and suddenly it came to her. Wathe had been sitting in a tree! All she had to do was find a tree with a hole big enough to house him. She looked around at the tall brown giants. She felt small and insignificant to them, and they seemed to glare down at her from above.87

Her eyes latched to a specific one, scrawny and perched alone in a small clearing. It looked defeated and rejected. It was slightly yellow, and its leaves were brown in the wrong season. But the thing that intrigied the girl was the gaping hole that had rotted away at its center, big and roomy but yet protective. It was perfect.88

She ran back out to Wathe, who was sitting on the road, looking lonely and ignored. He looked up as he heard her footsteps steadily beating on the ground.89

"I found it!" she exclaimed, "I found the perfect place!"90

His eyes lit up as she approached, glad that she had not abandoned him forever. In fact, she had only been gone so that she could help him; he would find no better friend. She had found a place for him to be protected, and for that he was exremely grateful. He had never known someone who would do something for him. He had been forced to fend for himself since birth, fighting for food and accomodations. He had learned not to trust anyone, but now he knew one thing that would never leave his heart: he had someone on his side, someone who would be willing to do anything for him.91

He broke down and erupted into tears as he let his emotions swell and fester inside of him. He was not used to these feelings. Rose immediately dropped her excitement, knowing that her friend was in great need of a consoling heart. She walked up to him and sat down, her human-sized figure making Wathe look like a baby. She gently placed her arm on his shoulders, and tried to comfort him.92

This was strange to her as well. She was raised as an independent, loving but yet strong. She had never consoled anyone, for her family was a wreck and love didn't come easy to them. She had not formed lifelong bonds with people at school, had never made an impenetrable friendship.93

It was this that brought the two together; they were both loving but had never loved, were both friendly but had never made a friend. They had more in common then could be seen on the surface, and even they were still searching for the things that attracted each one to the other. They were strong and alone, and they were both ready to change what had made them this way.94

"Wathe, you're strong," Rose whispered, "so BE strong. I need you."95

"I know," He replied, his voiced choked from tiny sobs, "I need you too. I don't know what I would do if you hadn't slept under the very same tree that I had slept in. If we hadn't crossed paths... who knows where I would be now."96

The two sat in a silence that was filled with stong emotions. It was crucial that they absorb this moment, for they would need it for the hardships that were to come in the rest of their lives. 97

Rose was the one to break the silence, to alter the strong atmosphere that was covering their presence. "Let's go and see where you'll ne for the next couple of days, shall we?"98

"Alright. But it had better be good!" Wathe joked, happiness slowly taking the place of seriousness. They walked together into the darkness of the forest, hand in hand, friends to the end. They were ready to confront the world, and they would do it side by sice. They would find the Fortuna, and they would change their pasts.99

Together. 100

CHAPTER 4101

The town was bustling. Rose had entered it mere minutes ago, and she was still taking in the amazing scene that surrounded her. A human body could be found in every inch of the little square in which she had come in, and she was smooshed against a vast array of fat, skinny, and altogether smelly bodies. Each person carried some sort of item, hustling as quickly as they could through the streets, performing one errand or another. Some carried large bags of food that slowed them down, while others hauled pottery carefully, on their way to some sort of art class. The shouts of desperate street vendors could be heard over the constant chatter of those in the hustling crowd.102

She searched desperatly for anywhere that she could go, but no pheasable options presented themselves to her. She was lost amongst the people, and she was being pushed through the crowd like a little minnow going with the flow of the steam. Her eyes scanned the faces for any that seemed at all kindly, but all of them were steely eyed and determined to reach their destinations. It seemed that not a kind soul could be found in the crowd, and Rose was slowly breaking down.103

Short buildings rose up around her, made of hard, white stone. They were all dirty, and she felt as if she had been sent back in time. Strings of clothing line were hung between houses, carying a variety of colored clothing that had been hung out to dry by the inhabitants of the homes. Windows that were mere holes in the wall were filled with people leaning out of them, calling to other people down on the streets. Some of them were pranksters, teenagers that relished in the confusion of others. But some were lonely wives who were trying to find their husbands.104

Suddenly the answer to all of Rose's problems called out to her from a narrow side street.105

"Hey! Over here!" a voice called. It enticed her and for some reason she could tell that it was directed at her. She turned as best as she could and was tossed by the crowd into the alley. She fell on her face, her knees scraping the ground and tearing themselves up in the process. Her hands were also grazed, and she was reduced to a pathetic figure that was crumpled up on the ground.106

"Are you alright?" Gentle hands grabbed her waist and pulled her up. Soon she was back on her feet and looking into the face of a girl that seemed to be about her age. She had dirty blond hair that streaked down to her shoulders, and her nose was sharp as can be. Her eyes were a deep green, like the color of seeweed in the ocean. Her face was scratched and dirty, making her look as if she lived on the streets. She was short but well-built, thin, wiry muscles rippling in her arms.107

"My name's Ratletina, but most people just call me Rats." She said. Her voice was deep for a girl and hoarse as well. "Where do you come from? I've never seen you around Wellington before."108

All Rose could do was stare at the girl. She was contemplating her funny name, and she was processing the fact that she now also knew the name of the town in which she had come: Wellington.

Author notes

the quote that says "anyone that lives within their means suffers from lack of imagination" really ties into this story because if you can't imagine, than this story is worthless to you. The main character, Rose, obvioiusly has a good imagination, considering that she can see Wathe and describe the scenes so well. It isn't that Wathe isn't real, it's just that her powerful imagination enriches the picture of him that forms in her head. Rose does not live within her means because she ran away from home and rebelled from her father, which ultimately makes her different and stronger than many others, meaning that she breaks away from the common flow. If you use your imagination, life will be more enhanced and the world will be richer. Thankyou.

P.S.= the above note is only for the contest, so other readers please bear with it for a while!

A contest entry

it's a work in progress

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Toxic Paradox
    February 8, 2008

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    Para 9 - "to chicken" should be "too chicken", and I'm not sure I like that phrasing... it jars with the rest of the sensory description. But the rest of that paragraph is really effective.

    It's the same with the phrase "spicy sass". You've got some gorgeous imagery and the typos can be evened out as you go through it again, but I think that some of your phrasing is detrimental to the text. I'm still impressed though!

    Your ending definitely leaves the reader intrigued as to the next passage of Rose's journey.

    Thanks once again for entering and I really enjoyed reading this piece.

    Toxic Paradox[[xxx]]

  • Toxic Paradox
    February 7, 2008
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    Your opening fits nicely with the idea of imagination. The bright colours work really well to bring an image into the readers' mind.

    Also, the complete contrast of the description of Rose gives her a strong presence in the mind of a reader.

    Oooh... the Fortuna sounds incredibly interesting - the mention of that mystery makes the story intriguing, which is obviously a good thing. With all the colour descriptions you've involved, it reminds me of a book I read called 'Astonishing Splashes of Colour', but I can't remember who wrote it. It's not about magic or anything, but the narrator uses loads of colour imagery because she suffers from a mental illness which causes synaesthesia (emotions expressed as colours).

    Anyway, I'll finish this comment later, I'm in a rush!!

    So far I like it a lot, thanks for entering!


  • Breathless Ballons
    February 5, 2008
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    wow great story!! keep up the great writing!!


  • xBitterxSweetx
    February 5, 2008

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    You write very well! I'm impressed at all your knowlege of sentence structures. There were a few spelling oopsies but thats it. Overall, it was a wonderful story. Great Job!


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    February 3, 2008

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    That was such a cool story. You are very talented in your writing. I loved the interaction between Rose and the little creature. How one minute she was being mean then the next minute they was friends. I do hope that you write more of this because I would love to read it!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • VirginiaDarling
    January 31, 2008

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    Interesting story. To be 14 you have great talent. I loved the whole story, the way you described every event, and appearance and thought was perfect. Great job, keep it up.

1 - 6 of 6