Thank you for trying our new, improved Life(tm)(patent pending). If you've been prescribed Life(tm) by your doctor, there can be only one reason:1
You don't have one.2
Always exercise caution when taking Life. Some side effects may include moderate to severe:3
Aging: This is a normal, mild side effect of Life. Symptoms include: Wrinkles, hair loss, weight gain, senility, body aches and pains, memory loss,and more.4
Allergies: This is a moderate side effect and can include: sneezing, watery eyes, swelling, itching, bloating, hives. If you experience these side effects do not discontinue Life but rather ask your doctor about other pills to supress these symptoms.5
Dating: For some reason, patients who take Life tend to seek out other Life users for companionship. Warning: Dating, while fun, can lead to other unsafe side effects, such as marriage, pregnancy, rejection, and depression.6
Death: Should death occur, discontinue Life IMMEDIATELY and consult your doctor. Some symptoms of Death include: no heartbeat, lack of breathing, no response to pain stimulae. As of now there is no known cure for Death.
Author notes
The side effects of life. Sorry I couldn't resist entering this contest. Hope you like it!
A contest entry
- Side(Life)Effects by Ninja Bubble.
100 points, ended February 9, 2008, 2 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Ha!
You forgot to mention that this is a sexually transmitted condition for which death is the only known cure, albeit a bit on the terminal side. And where's the bit about it being infectious, if taken in sufficiently high doseage and spread with the enthusiasm and democracy, usually to the benefit of those caught up in it? Don't tell me you didn't know about that. And what about the side effects of telling others, ie, they'll all want some, so you might have to create more or sacrifice your own share. Didn't mention that did you?
Seriously, this was a good read, as was the one about Jeremiah's antecedents walking on water. Analogous to that, here's my only golfing joke (and don't worry, you don't have to understand or even like golf to understand this one!)
Jesus and Moses were having a round of golf. Moses, aware of the potential of the competition, was playing a very good game. When Jesus teed up at the first hole, he winked at Moses and said "This is going to be like Tiger Woods."
It wasn't, and neither were any of his follow-up shots. It continued to be a slaughter, and when they got to the water hole, there was a foursome close behind. They watched Moses drive straight and true, clean over the water. Jesus sliced clean into the drink, so he walked out over the water and hooked it into the sand.
One of the foursome got his jaw properly back in order and turned to Moses. "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus?"
Moses, who was a bit fed up, replied, "Oh, he knows he's Jesus, he thinks he's Tiger Woods!" -
this is really cool. the side affects of life. who woulda thought... anyways. great job!
-
This is what I was looking for! But I didn't even get that many hits
-
-
Thank you for the gold!!! And I'm glad it's what you were looking for. I had a lot of fun writing it, and I wish other people had taken the time to enter. I'd have liked to see some other people's take on this. It was a fun contest.
-
-
Wow...this takes concentration and wit. AWESOME and TRUE!!!!
-
I think I need it!
-
-
So do I!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
