Boys and girls in this town stay distant.
Forty bucks?
Watch compatriots fight a losing war.
Sins so unholy! Grab what you will!
Guilt don't just flow in this town, it spills -
all in good fun it corrupts and it kills.
Hush, m'boy! Watch a burial. 1
2
ADDITION
You, boy!
Enjoy!
Can you feel the welling-up inside your lungs?
Have fun!
Just one?
You'll be a swan before your song is sung!
Endure?
For sure!
Take your time and ready for the show!
What show?
Oh, no!
There are some little things you oughta know!3
Here in the underbelly,
TIME PASSES
It passes slowly, but it passes.
You can smoke your brains out -
No one cares, it ain't fair.
No one's there to keep you distant from yourself.
All you hope is that the smoke will push partitions far apart
and keep you reeling, searching, shelf to shelf.
Author notes
Asfand, only check the first verse, under the title "ENTRY". The rest is just something that couldn't be left out.
A contest entry
- The Poet's Challenge -- Round IV by Asfand.
100 points, ended February 5, 2008, 4 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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what a load of frikk. ^_^
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I'm judging according to the first stanza only, because that doesn't have an 'e'.
Your metaphors are step-clearing. Nice. Tjhe wording is fast spaced, the exclamation marks do help.
Loved the war-metaphor, really blends your imagery. A spoils of war moment, and the last line is a killer.
Great job! -
Interesting. Very obscure meaning. The language was nice, but I think this must be a personal poem, yes? Good job. I particularly liked the rhyme scheme.
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I need time to think on this one. which hometown, in particular?
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hmmm
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