.Why Wont You Love Me?.

“I’m trying to love you, Amy.”1

Her eyes are completely gazed over; I watch her in our heated silence. I can see her chest slowly rising and falling, I can feel her cool breath hitting my face gently as she tries to find a reply to my confusing statement. “Holly,” she whispers out quietly, the hurt in her voice almost makes me regret ever bringing her here, ever wanting to tell her the truth. “Stop trying and just do it.”2

I bring my head up to look into her eyes, those soft brown eyes that I have grown to love in this little time, the eyes that used to help me, but do nothing for me now. “It’s not that easy, Amy. I don’t know how to give you my heart when-“3

She scoffs before turning her head. “You’re still in love with her. I get it.”4

“Amy,” I say, grabbing her by the arm before she’s able to even think about running away. I pull her close to myself, breathing in that sweet intoxicating scent, the one that she still wears, just to please me. “You don’t understand.”5

“Then make me!” Her voice escalades from a whisper to a cry in seconds. I cringe at the feeling; I’m hurting her even more. “I’m sick of not knowing how you feel about her. I’m tired of it! One day you’re all in love with me, then the next, when you talk to her, it’s like-“6

“I know,” I cut her off, being sure not to let go of her arm, afraid that she might leave me. “Which is why I shouldn’t talk to her at all. She just does these things that make me want to come back to her…”7

“Why can’t I do those things?” Amy huffs, obviously desperate to please me. It makes me feel even worse, that knowing no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to love her the same.8

“Because…she means…a lot to me, Amy.” I try to tell her, I try my hardest, but really, no one understands but me.9

“Please,” Amy scoffs, rolling her eyes, while trying to yank her arm away from my grip. “Faith doesn’t even love you.”10

Those words hit me hard. My mind travels back to the other night, hearing Faith telling me that she loved me meant so much to me at that moment. But now, as Amy is telling me this, I cant help but wonder. Even when I know that’s the truth. “You don’t know that,” I say quickly, being sure that Amy doesn’t hear the un-sure sound in my voice.11

“Really?” She asks, yanking her arm once more. “Because I think that if she really did love you, she would want to be with you. And from the looks of it, she doesn’t.”12

My hand slowly slides away from Amy; I watch her with detest as she straightens herself up and wipes the sticky mascara from her cheeks. “I don’t understand, Holly,” Amy tells me, her voice cracks only slightly. “I just want to be with you. Forget about her, please. I can treat you better.”13

I want to believe what Amy says. I know that she can treat me better, and I know that she wont hurt me. Faith is the person that I want though, even if I know deep in my heart that she really doesn’t want to be with me. “I know, Amy. And I’m sorry. But I cant love two people at once. Not now.”14

My heart breaks just a little bit more as Amy turns away to leave. I watch her body sway back and forth before she stops to wipe the tears from her eyes. Her small body trembles only slightly, before a soft whimper escapes from her full lips. “I love you,” I think I hear her say.15

I breathe in deeply. I wont let this get to me. I pull out my cell phone and a smile automatically traps itself against my face, once I see that I have a text message from Faith. I gladly reply back to her, knowing that next week she’ll break my heart, and I’ll go crawling back to Amy, wanting for her to be the only one to cradle me in their arms.16