Love with Other Robots

“Are you a man who has had sexual relations with another man?”1

No.2

“Are you a woman who has had sexual relations with another woman?”3

No.4

“Are you a man or woman who has had sexual relations with a robot?”5

That was a new one. I had not seen that question before. I didn’t know what they were looking for. I was filling out an application to give blood. Would I be rejected if I was truthful? I couldn’t see how my blood would be tainted if I had had sex with a robot. But it didn’t really make sense if I’d had sex with a woman, either. What if I got turned away, would my coworkers asked why? Then I’d have to tell them. Not that it’s too much of a shame, many people these days have done the same, but it’s often looked down upon as perverse.6

I resolved to be truthful on the form and if anyone asked me why I was rejected, then I’d tell them I am anemic. I checked the box.7

As it was, I wasn’t rejected, and I wondered why they even asked that question if it wasn’t necessary.8

Three of my coworkers were rejected, two for anemia, and another for being homosexual. We went back across the street to our office building. There, more phone calls needed to be made. I felt weak from the loss of blood, and told my supervisor. He let me go. I could feel him looking at my ass as I left, but I ignored that. 9

The streets were relatively deserted. I didn’t like taking the bus line, so I walked. I looked past the shop windows. These days, the only stores lining the streets are robot stores, offering all sorts of robot services, maids, animals, human-like companions. But those along this street are the poorest kind. They stare out of the window blankly. Anyone who would buy something so blank, human-looking, but with cheap programming like someone who can’t interact properly, I could not understand them. I would rather have nothing than something like that. I lower my eyes and turn up my collar when I walk past them so they don’t recognize me.10

I wanted to linger when I got to the next block by the park, but in the city a woman has to look like someone is expecting her wherever she is going. Besides, I actually had someone waiting for me at home.11

I got to my apartment building without being harassed, which is enough to qualify as a good walk home. My apartment is on the third floor. I walked up the stairs slowly, contemplating. When I got outside of my door, I stopped with my hand on the knob and listened with my head against the wood. I could hear nothing inside.12

I opened the door, and Gabriel was there waiting for me. As soon as I got in the door, he grabbed me in his arms and hugged me tightly. I smiled. It is impossible to not smile around Gabe. I put down my things and he hugged me from behind. I walked over to the kitchen and started cooking my dinner. Gabe sat at the dining table. “How was your day, honey?” he asked.13

I took out a pot and turned on the television. I started chopping some vegetables before I replied. “It was okay. I had my blood taken today, and I felt faint, so I got off early and walked home in the air.”14

He stood up. “Let me see your arm.”15

I turned around and he grabbed my arm. He got down on his knees and touched the place where the needle went in and then kissed it gently. I cupped his face with my other hand and then went back to chopping the vegetables. The television babbled softly behind me. Gabe sat at the table without saying anything. My food was done soon, and I sat down with him. He looked at me lovingly for a minute, then cocked his head jerkily. I slammed my plate down a little. It is only when he does things like that when I remember he is a robot. I got up and got his oil out of the refrigerator. I poured it into a glass and serve it to him.16

“Thank you, my love.”17

The oil runs thick and is the exact consistency of milk, except it left a black line across his lip instead of white. He shook his head a little to get the oil circulating to all of his joints.18

We have had many dinners together. We no longer feel the need to talk during them, and we focused on the television.19

I received Gabriel from a friend of mine who was concerned with my living alone. I had been opposed to having any sort of robot, but she did not listen. We were both from the same small country town, and when I told her I was moving to the city, she feared for my life. She became obsessed with looking up crime statistics. She at first insisted that I find myself a boyfriend to be with in my apartment. However, I don’t often get along well with other people, as I prefer a life alone. So, without my consent, she got me Gabriel. Her father was rich from tobacco, and she got a top model, a robot just like a man, except he would always want what I want.20

I did not like Gabriel. I did not like him being in my house. However, he is so much like a human, I cannot be angry with him. I’ve never had it in my blood to be cross with someone else; I’m too timid. At first he was just a companion. And because I retained somewhere in the back of my mind that he is a robot, I ordered him about quite a lot, telling him to clean. I would not let him out of the apartment, and still will not. I do not want people to think I have a robot, or that I am living any other way than alone. He slept in the corner on the floor. I still feel horrible for those days.21

However, it is hard to live with someone for a year, someone who is so kind to you and will always listen. Gabriel would never be angry at me. He always knows exactly what to do to cheer me. In time, I suppose I just forgot that he is a robot. Actually, I always know that he is a robot. I am fully aware of that fact at all times. After a while it just didn’t matter.22

I kissed him one day, on a whim, and the look I received was exactly the look I needed that day. I had never looked under his clothing, which stayed the same always. For those few hours I forgot he was a robot. I started to undress him and then I found that he was exactly like a man in every way. I didn’t know that he even had the capability for sex. I was afraid at first, but he assured me that he would be gentle. At that moment I remember thinking, “How can a thing, incapable of feeling pain or ecstasy be gentle?”23

It was when after the sex that I knew I was in love with him. It was after such a blissful, sacred event that I knew that there only needed to be one participant in love to make it legitimate. Even though Gabriel’s personality is nothing but a jumble of programs, even though I’m fully aware that he cannot love, and is only wanting what I want, I know that I am in love with him. After all, I am a real person. And I am really in love with another consenting party, so what is so wrong with that?24

There were people on the television, that day I gave blood, who were protesting in order to legitimize human-robot marriage. I asked Gabriel what he thought about it.25

“I don’t know.”26

I just nodded and continued eating.27

“Well, what do you think of it?”28

“I don’t know either.”29

I know that I will grow old and Gabriel will not appear to. However, in a few years time, Gabriel will become folly, his programming will start to malfunction, his internal wires will fray, and, with that perfect beautiful face that looks at me with such adoration, he will cease to function. Those who wish for marriage have forgotten that this will happen to their loves too. When they will no longer be human, when their wiring misfires and they revert to basic computations, when they look like humans, and work like a calculator, will their human lovers really be by their sides? At least I see through the ruse, that I only love Gabriel because of what he does for me.30

And yet, I still wonder if love is ever really different, no matter who or what it’s between. There are days when I kiss Gabe and I feel that I do not know the difference between the touch of a human or a robot. So, then, what’s the difference?31