I don't know what exactly it is I should say. 1
This pencil seems to move too slowly, lodging my emotions in the back of my throat as an inability to swallow; the fan beating it's breath of cool air unto my knee; the tables edge making elaborate designs over my exposed flesh. Yet this tension lacing through my teenage body denies me the chance to move. 2
Memories of his tender voice fill my mind and leave the deepest impression-an endless murral of pain. Almost like those crevices crawling across the moon, he leaves those intricate depressions all over me. You can't see it, but it's there. Like anything else. 3
I feel so locked inside myself. As if I'm beating against concrete, my fists a bloody mess, and the wall will just not collapse. Can't you at least see this?? This constant screaming a burden in my heart, waiting to be cured. 4
No one can.5
Not the man in which I talk to everyday, not the teachers who pat my back with encouragement and punch me in the gut when I fail. They are blind calfs running from the bright sunlight of a new life, of a new day.6
They are blind carcasses waiting...waiting to rot away. 7
You continue to believe I have no reason, I am dark, I am lifeless. In your perfect eyes I am just another waste of precious years where labels is all that really matters. 8
You could say this anxiety building onto my soul like moss to bark is mere anger. Rage unexpressed, if you will.9
Perhaps I am a little insane, but it's YOU that has made me this way. I am your creation, your obedient monster. Unleashed for the world to poke and prod. I feed upon my own misery, my own midnight sky looming in these "ignorant" blue eyes. Mortal, unescapeable, frightened.10
Sure, I have been brushed casually by the fingertips of love. Happiness has washed over my body like the refreshing water of a morning shower-after nightmares upon nightmares. My hands have held the lucky numbers of a poker game, my ears listened to words containing true affection, my toes bathed in the softest of beachsands. 11
If it's emotion you want, I have a bucket-load just lying around waiting for curiousity to strike. Enough to perpetually drown in, actually. 12
All I want is a turn to love passionately, to leave my complex worries and petty fears in the dust of these shuffling feet. To live life as if it really is coming to an end. 13
You decide if that makes me eligible to win some contest my glance caught in the passing.
Author notes
I don't know, I came up with this in the stir-of-the-moment kind of fashion. I hope it's something. Please tell me what you think?
A contest entry
- Tell Me How You Feel. by Siby Anan.
1200 points, ended February 15, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - For Writers Fourteen Or Under by Andy Stephenson.
350 points, ended June 10, 28 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Eh...what do you all think?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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unusually well-drawn narrative
Hi Stephanie, thank you for entering the contest and creating this unusually well-drawn narrative for us to read
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You are a very emotional and descriptive writer. You delve deep below the surface of your character to discover and uncover what makes them feel and function in their present situation.
Your words flow almost lyrically. I did sense a plot in the making, perhaps a young romance, or jilted lover. If you were to include some action and dialogue combined with these great description you provide
the story could grow.
Sometimes showing instead of telling allows your read to feel part of the activity taking place.
Nice job.
Geri
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Very emotional.
p8 labels (are) all that really (matter).
p10 Mortal, (inescapable), frightened.
This little monologue is very expressive and emotional. It is also very descriptive. You make interesting comparisons, good images.
This is pretty well written and was fun to read.
Thanks for entering 'For Writers Fourteen Or Under.
Andy
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That was really deep. Lots of raw emotion. Congrats on the silver trophy.
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O.O *is late*
That was uber deep. Gosh, I really enjoy your storied...like a lot. It held just the right mixture of emotions to leave someone with a heavy heart, straight to the end. BEAUTIFULLY written!
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Its amazing! I could connect really well, and reminded me of my own experience. well written. Good job, i plan to read more.
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wow, this is amazing, realy cool, really really cool
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This is great. Sometimes when I am at school with all those who take me for granted and all those who wouldn't care if I died, I want to write things just like this. Great job describing you and how you are in comparison to the world around you. I love it.
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Great piece. I am happy the random button brought me here XD and i wish you luck in the contetest
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I think...it was perfection. There's a bit more than rage here, though. That's what I think. It doesn't sound like a spur of the moment thing. It sounds very smooth. It sounds like you've been working on this and perfecting this for quite a while
You're definitely a finalist. Nice work
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loved it ^_^
you really did a great job, really makes me think about life and how the way ppl treat us affects our emotions and actions. -
beautiful tragedy ....it was just beautiful .... love
love blair
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