I arrived at Derek's tree house after lunch on Saturday. They were all sitting around, except for Kevin who wasn't there, with left over pizza crust on the floor, and had nothing to do. 1
"Hey, Dem-mi," Derek began in a sing-song voice. I already knew where this was headed. "I heard you and Fred-dy were dancing last night. You know Freddy said he liked it."2
"I hate you Derek!" Freddy said. I could tell his mind was whirring with combacks. My face turned bright red at the same time. 3
"Besides Derek, I heard you were dancing with Maddie, and you liked it." Freddy taunted, pointing at him.4
"Doesn't matter," Derek said, brushing it off, "Maddie's not here, so it's not embarassing."5
"Yes I am." Maddie said, hauling herself up the stupid last rung of the ladder, "Dem you forgot your pillow at my house, and I knew where you would be, and who you'd be with." She casted a look at Derek that made him back off.6
"So, now that we can move on, let's do some prank calling." Freddy said, flipping open his phone. Maddie nodded and turned around from climbing down the ladder. I grinned too. 7
"Let's call Mr. T first." Freddy said, punching in the number.8
"How the hell do you know his number?" Derek asked, amusingly lookiing over his shoulder.9
"Trust me old pal, you don't want to know." Freddy said, patting him on the shoulder. 10
NOT DONE
In a list
sooooo.....
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Cool Series. I like it. It is really good.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Good job. I like the ending of this chapter.
Suggustion: When Derek teases Demi and Freddy, it says that Freddy blushed. Then he says some retort. I think you should change that. If Freddy is going to blush, he's more busy being embarassed than thinking of retorts. You could fix this by making Demi say the retort and Freddy get embarrased- or vice versa.
Just one more side note about the story- If you asked me to summarize the story I probably couldn't. First it was about putting gum under desks, then it was about Demi's relationship with Maddie and her other friends, then its a love story about Maddie, and now its a love story about Demi. I feel like the direction its going keeps changing. I still like the story, but that just kind of bugs me. But I don't know how you could fix it without rewriting the whole story.
Overall- great job. I can't wait for the ending!
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Yes about the first thing, I will fix that...eventually lol
but about the second thing, the story doesn't really have a theme. It's mostly showing about their friendship and whatever. I don't know. I didn't plan it on one theme though. Yeah, sorry if that confuses you, but in a way, it's supposed to twist and turn.
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ooooh great. can't wait for the end. this is getting really good. lol. see ya
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lawl
the end is HILARIOUS >.< can't wait for the fini :3
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LOL! The ending was hilarious, can't wait until this is finished.
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