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The music thundered through his veins time and again and he forgot for a sweet moment that this would be his final act of savoring it. The wondrous notes and the notions provided behind the lyrics were captivating enough for him to be content listening to but a second of it forever, but he knew this simply could not be. The music killing him came from within as the blues of yesterday rained down upon his heart like hail falls on a frozen road. He didn’t want those emotions or the thoughts that came with them, but he hadn’t a choice. He could no longer hide himself behind the curtain of relating lines and thunderous tunes, drowning and deluding his conscious mind until it no longer registered with reality. His memories matched disturbingly well with the music in his ears but were easily forgotten upon the revival of a singer’s voice or the echoes of a drum set signaling a rhythmic guitar solo. 2
The image of a woman’s face floated up out of oblivion to shatter his hard-earned bliss in his music. God dammit, why did he keep remembering her? But wait…it wasn’t that he remembered, it was that he couldn’t forget. Couldn’t a man suffer by himself without the ghosts of his present and past lives merging together and coming to haunt him like rot stuck to a corpse? He shook his head slowly and looked glumly at his CD-player. No, it wasn’t her fault; it was his. Him and his stubbornness. He sighed. He knew he should be happy for her and for himself, he knew he should just fucking let her go, he knew she didn’t hold interest in him that way, he knew so many things that his emotions simply didn’t want to accept. He felt foolish for feeling the way he did and wished for a brief moment that he didn’t even though a distant part of him knew it wasn’t his fault. “You can’t help how you feel,” was a common phrase he’d heard many times but he couldn’t help but wonder if he really even accepted that and believed it. Could he? Should he? He wasn’t sure if he could answer those questions and felt that even if he could, he wouldn’t really want to anyway. After all, like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. 3
The heartaches and hopes he carried with him fed ravenously off his heart and tore at each other with a ferocity and sense of betrayal and loss that only he could possibly know. A salty bitterness welled up in his throat and only with a terrible effort was he able to shove it back down to the depths within his pained soul. He knew it was only a matter of time before he cracked and all he could do for now was damage control; weak hands trying to hold back a tidal wave and slowly but surely failing. All this left him drained of heart to the point of where he could barely function, but he knew that was no excuse for the fact that his life consisted of precisely nothing worth noting to anyone, not even himself, and certainly not God. He chuckled quietly to himself with a side of despair and knew that simply feeling this way would only make things worse. 4
“And now we’re back to that quote about feelings; wonderful.” 5
He glanced at his CD-player and in the brooding darkness of his room, could barely make out that it was almost out of time before the disk ended and his confrontation with the real world took place. He had to stand as a man and accept that simply forgetting his troubles wouldn’t solve them. Still… 6
“Ah, well, what the hell; one more go ‘round.” 7
And so he started the disk over and leaned back in his chair, staring up at the invisible ceiling into a world he was happy in, if only for a little while…8
Author notes
You could say this is a lot more about how I feel quite often, a sort-of peeping hole into my mind. I feel quite strongly about this and I hope those of you who read this enjoy it, because I know I certainly did while writing it.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Yeah, I know it is.
Nah, Gwen Stefani is more...ska. Tori Amos is more...pretty. I don't know. But on that song, yeah, they do sound similar.
(speaking to the girl who just got NO DOUBT: THE SINGLES 1992-2003)
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She sounds kinda like Gwen Stefani, though the only Gwen Stefani song I've ever really cared much about is a song called "Snakes," which is on the Beavis and Butt-Head Do America soundtrack...good song
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Oy! You haven't said that in the longest time.
I definetly recommend every Tori Amos cd except "Strange Little Girls" and maybe "To Venus and Back". But they're good, just not as good as the other ones.
I like "Tales from the choirgirl hotel" best. But they are all amazing.
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This is gonna shock you, but I've never listened to Tori Amos; I've heard quite a bit about her, but I've never really heard any of her music. She seems to be quite good with her lyrics, from the bits and pieces I've read on your author page and elsewhere here .
Eh, don't feel bad; I gotta be at by four, and I'll probably be there 'til at least midnight...oy
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Mmmm. This is like me! Except I write the music. But I love music. Especially Tori Amos. Oh man, she's amazing. The goddess of something.
I loved this! Aaaaargh! A sort-of peeping hole into your mind, indeed. This day seems so long! It's only 11 am!
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Lol, go ahead; to be honest, I hadn't noticed your rule until you brought it to my attention that it even existed, but oh well. I like how you blocked me from commenting for no reason; not like I was gonna go rampaging around or anything.
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Nobody forced you to enter this contest. I am removing your entry.
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Poe eh? That's a huge compliment to me, as I've always liked Poe's writings. I don't think my style comes anywhere near to his, mainly because I don't recall reading any of his works that had cursing in it, but then again, perhaps I'm wrong.
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Wow, I can relate to this. I love music, almost all types. It can change your mood in so many ways... your writing style almsot reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe, and I love his work. Great job.
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I love music as well, and do anything I can to add to my collection of CDs and such. Just recently I bought "Queen--Greatest Hits: We Will Rock You Edition" and Pink Floyd's "The Wall," and I must say, I friggin' love 'em both.
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Loved the great detail, and the fact that I can relate very well to this helps! I appreciate your entry, this was a great write! I just love music, and I can tell that you do to, and as far as im concerned its all that matters! wonderful... wonderful...
Love,
Katy
~*LiquidLullaby*~ -
I can't stand Evanescence, but that's just me; I prefer, say, Metallica.
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great story. i really relate to it. i could listen to funeral of hearts, lose yourself, mad world, fortress of tears, or my immortal, forever nonstop.
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Thank you. I don't normally vent much, except to myself when I'm alone, but I felt I had to when I wrote this.
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Thanks. Maybe one day I'll change it, I'm not sure; right now, though, I'm leaving it where it is.
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Great
wow great work i enjoyed reading this i can realy relate to this i want to forgettn somone becuase i know she will never like me or return my love but there allways there in your mind allways there anoying and upseting you keep up the great work!!!!!!
well done -
excellent work - well done - i also don't agree with using God's name in vain - but its totally your own descison on whether you use it or not because you and only you are the only one who are going to suffer for using it. Other than that - excellent story.
esme xx -
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I, too, listen to music all the time as a means of saying, "Fuck reality for now."
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I too use music to get a way, that and writing my poetry has been at sometimes the only thing to keep me going. Now I also have my daughter but I do know what you mean by holding back reality with music if only for a little while. I of course like the rest do not like the use of the GD, you know he may forgive your use of that word but he never forgets. Keep writing,
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Yes it can; thank you for commenting on this.
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you had alot ot say in this.music can be a great motivional entity.
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Bah, I can't stand Evanescence, they're weak. Personally, I prefer something hard, fast, and metal, like Metallica. That sucks about your ex; it wasn't your fault he did what he did. Of course, maybe that was his rationale for his actions, but then he's a dumbass lol.
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Aye aye aye... I personally... I can't listen to... My Immortal by Evanescence, or Broken by Seether and Amy Lee.. because that's the song my ex and I had... He cheated on me... and yeah, I know I didn't make him happy... *shrugs*
Good job hun...
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Thanks. I'm sorry my use of the term offended you, but like I told rhstranger, since I'm a habitual curser (I can make a sailor blush lol) and this story is mainly about me, I felt using that term would be the "best" one to use. I'm glad you liked the rest of it, though I don't plan to edit that one part.
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Lol thanks. I'll check your write out here soon; I'm sure yours is just fine and hell, it's probably better than mine, I'm not THAT good lol. I often do the same thing at times; just crank up the music and forget about everything, and even when I know I have to stop, I'll keep listening so I can hold onto that bliss for just that much longer.
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Ahhhh, I'm sorry about the misunderstanding to; I thought maybe you'd made a typo or perhaps I was just being stupid, who knows? Anyway, as for the term that I used, well, I try to get inside my character's heads, and I'm afraid that I'm a habitual curser. I know, I know, it's saying God's name in vain and I need to stop that, and I promise to do so. But you have to understand, I felt that since my character was mainly about me and the fact that I DO curse a lot, it would be the "best," if you can call it that, term to use.
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This is good but I have to agree with rhstranger...there's no need to use GD and no I don't mean God...I mean taking his name in vain, I just don't like it but besides that it was good.
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I like this write. its good not only because of the fact that i usually think EVERYTHING is good becuase ev erything has its own style but because i can relate to this write. When I want to forget, or avoid or just... ignore and leave something or someone behind... i go into my room, I turn up something hard and violent-- preferably eminem or my favorite-- Fear Factor, Korn, Slipknot, and Lords of the Acids mixed cd, I put on some headphones, turn off all my lights and light one candle... and then... its gone. nothing exists unless I want it to exist. I enjoyed reading this write, and i just joined this contest... Im not sure i should have now that I've just... well read yours... I dun have much a chance...
*sighs* ^_^ life a cleche' ye know, live it honey, and dont let no one fuck up with the plot, ya get me?
keep it sweet and keep writing your heart out
Trisha -
I wasn't refering to the word God... But the Word God Dammit.. I tryed to abbrivate because I don't like that word at all... I love God with all my heart and wold the word and name GOD to my heart but when you but Dammit after it that is where I draw the line.. It to me is swearing at GOD... So I am sorry for the misunderstanding... But I for sure you knew what GD meant... But I guess I had to spell it out for you..
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It's not that long for a story; trust me, I've written much longer pieces. I'm glad you enjoyed it though; thanks for commenting on it.
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I was exspecting a poem but was pleasantly surprised to find this story. Not thinking I would enjoy something so long but it's well written.
Red -
Thanks; I do the same all the time.
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i thought it was cool. i am not a very good writer even though i love writing. i allways hide away in my room and listen to my radio/CD's
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Yay, thank ya! I often feel the exact same way when I get home from work or whatever; I crank up m'speakers and play some awesome tunes for a few hours to kinda drown out my own chaotic thoughts.
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this is how i feel after a crappy day when i stick my CDs into a CD player... its like the music is about my life... it gives me fire and that takes away the pain... it makes me happier
this is a very cool piece! -
What's wrong with saying God? I'm not gonna modify what I write so that everyone who reads it is happy with it. I'm sorry you hate the word "God;" personally, I don't see what's so bad about it, especially since I only used it once. I'm glad you liked the rest of it, and to answer your question, no, I couldn't think of anything else "better" to use. Sorry for my rather harsh response, but I can't see why people can't be grown-up enough to deal with the use of the word "God" every now and then.
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This is good but there is one thing I really didn't like is when you said GD.. To me I hate that word.... Couldn't you think of something better to use? But other then that it was ok the lines flowed really well and very vivid..
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Yay! Anytime I write something, I like to try and blend my lines together and make it so that each line flows in with each other and feeds the next one after it; at least, that's what I like to think anyway lol. I'm glad you liked it; your praise is greatly appreciated.
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I love the first paragraph. Your lines blend together like the music seems to in those very lines! I also enjoy how it loops over and starts again- how it seems to be unending. I'll have to read some more of your work.
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Thanks! I'm glad you liked as much as you did, and your praise is greatly appreciated. Thanks again.
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5 stars
i certainly enjoyed this one, great write! its so amazing. the words a re so descriptive as if im there. the words are touching and i feel sad but happy while reading this one. great job! keep it up
xxmaureen
Edited on Nov 13 because ''.
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