A thoughtful bad day

With all the thoughts racing through my mind, I found it hard to afford scrutiny to obvious thoughts of action that I was doing. For it was not long until I found my body dancing unclad in public. It was wrong to do, so this act I was not proud of.1

For the sake of my dignity, I would have stopped dancing unclad in public, but the thoughts within my chaotic mind were persisting harder and harder at my cerebrum to think more and more. So in public unclad dancing I had to stay at least until the thoughts give way.2

As the traffic jams of streaming, screaming, thoughts were prodding around for space, my unclad dancing body was attracting quite the crowd; a crowd that I wished would have never seen me. 3

The persisting thoughts were now going on strike within the chaos in my mind. I knew I had to do something, something that didn't involve thinking up more persistent thoughts. I had it, in order to get control back of my unclad dancing body, I simply had to think up huge thoughts to control my body. I was brilliant I could think freely now.4

Then I stopped fox trotting. Noticing lots of people crowding between the trees just so they could get closer to me, I decided it would be quite right for me to dress up into my clothes like I'd been before my thoughts interrupted my body from my mind.5

I hurriedly snatched up all my scattered clothing and ran down the street getting dressed on the way. I was nearly dressed and nearly home, when I noticed that my pants weren't in my arms.6

I was almost feeling better too, but I had to notice that I didn't grab my pants. So there I was a big boy walking down the street wearing my red button up shirt and my spider-man underwear. 7

As I continued walking towards my house I found myself entranced in a wave of hyper excessive thought again, only this time it was more like a big humility party. 8

This party was sad because unlike my other parties this one had no cake, which I really felt I could use right about now. Those pants were brand new too.9

I turned the last right angle which put me facing my residence where I may cry and make the embarrassments leave my mind. My ma had seen the news which I was apparently the headlining star. 10

This bitter bad day was the biggest life teaching that I had faced bravely according to my mom and this was just one of many life lessons that I would have to face.11

My mom always knows how to make thing better, she even got me a clean, hot out of the dryer, pair of pants. Pants, they feel so good now. I still couldn't help thinking, { I wish she could have been there to give me these earlier when I would have appreciated them more.}12

Today was by far the worst day of my life so far. I can't believe I ended up striping in public because my thoughts were persisting for more space to grow.13

If my mind wasn't so darn curious, persistent or chaotic, I just know this day would have been great. Why do I have to be so thoughtful? No I can't blame my thoughts for this.14

I'm positive about this thought, things would have been a lot more different if my mom hadn't told me the birds and the bees right before she sent me walking to school.

Author notes

Every boys worst night mare is to act like an idiot while being naked in public and guess what I had that nightmare last night so now I'm trying to describe it while following asfand's rules which means i have to compact the dream into 599 words or less.

William J. Fauxcinauf

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • F66142589
    October 10

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    Good!

    The first entry I enjoyed all over. I admire your skill (in this story) to make a whole deal out of nudity and keep it funny. It was also pretty random, and I like your formulations. Even though not very sick or dumb or anything, I liked this story. Awkward ending, perhaps. Endings are hard, and the story is based on a dream.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 2.


  • tonialoise
    September 11, 2008

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    with the repetition of certain phrases this has almost a poem like quality to it. Normally the repetition would bother me like it apparently did other people but not the way you used it, I just wish your entire story had kept the same poetic rhythm. It would have given the whole thing a dreamlike quality.

    nice spidey underwear

    thanks for entering my contest.


  • Vanilla King
    July 26, 2008

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    It's okay, but the intellectual aspect seems a little forced to me. It didn't really make me laugh to be honest, sorry!


  • GuitarShank Moderators member
    June 2, 2008

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    I liked the ending, though I was a bit confused by the whole thing of the thoughts that invaded his head. I'm assuming it has something to do with the last line, like the mating dances of birds or something...

    Thanks for entering


  • Miss Hanako Cullen
    February 22, 2008
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    WOW. That's all I am going to say..wow.


  • Asfand
    February 15, 2008

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    random idea, but pretty darn true. imagine hanging out with your friends and suddenyl your clothes disappear. that's evgen frightening to imagine.

    i like it. don't know about the other judges, but i really liked.

    good job.

  • Quank
    February 11, 2008

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    Heh

    Quite the intellectual take on dancing around naked. I see that this was written to follow rules for certain contests, but I would not have known if I hadn't read the authors notes. And I disagree with the earlier post; overusing the line "dancing unclad in public" made me chuckle -- such a distinguished way to explain your privates swinging to and fro for the world to see.


  • Kari gold member
    February 8, 2008

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    Very well done. I'll be commenting more after the contest. I wish you the best of luck in it


  • IrishMonahan
    February 4, 2008

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    Overall, I'd have to agree that this is one of the worst nightmares of anyone, child or adult. Now, on to the story--the word unclad is overused a bit. Try changing some of them to other words such as naked or exposed. In direct contrast to this, some of the vocabulary is that of a child and other vocabulary is seldom seen used by a child in the manner that this is. This gives the story a disjointed feel. I would suggest making it match, one way or the other instead of the random higher vocabulary inserted. While there is an element of humor in the story, I was not left with a comedic feel after reading the piece. I think more emotion should be inserted in the story to portray more of the humor of a situation such as this. I think to do this, you will have to lengthen the story some. Let me know if you revise this.


  • lovely nightmare
    January 30, 2008
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    Hey just finished reading your whole story! I didn't double check all the vowel things, but I think you did pretty well.

    My mom always knows how to make thing better, she even got me a clean, hot out of the dryer, pair of pants <-- this sentence is a little awkward. I would reorder it, and maybe use a dash. Something liek this maybe:

    My mom always knowns how to make me feel better--she even got me a pair of pants, clean and hot out of the dryer.

    You don't have to reorder it like that though. The reason I did two of the dashes because on MS Word if you type a word, two dashes and then another word (without spaces) it will become one long huge dash that is the gramatically correct dash to use as a sentence breaker (I hope that made sense. I'm not sure it was coherent)The more I look at your sentence I can see how it works. At a glance though it's a teeny bit awkward.

    Also in the first two paragraphs you say "dancing unclad in public" three times I think? Maybe find some other way to say it..I can't think of it right now though.

    This is a very cute story -- I've definately had this nightmare before! Although it wasn't exactly dancing naked in public...synchronized swimming unclad. Worst dream ever

  • lovely nightmare
    January 28, 2008

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    Don't forget paragraph one can't have any e's! you only have one though, in the word "the". Shouldn't be too hard to eliminate. I havent read the whole thing, I just saw the blurb of the first paragraph on your entry in the contest. Good luck editing this

1 - 12 of 12