Chapter 1 (Etched)

Preface1

His eyes were filled with the pain that I had seen so often. I touched his face tenderly wiping away the tears. He was shaking his head. Please, please don’t cry Hunter, I wanted to say, but I was silent. I didn’t know what to say. I could feel my own tears coming, but I fought against them. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but I didn’t move. I was frozen. The air was cold, and the wind blew hard. The moon was high in the center of the sky. He looked at me and closed his eyes. I rubbed his cheek. He looked sick. He looked so vulnerable, so weak. I smiled trying to bring that sparkle back to his eyes, but his emotionless expression did not change. I could feel a deep uncontrollable anger building inside me. I fought against it clenching my free hand into a fist. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to blame him for everything. He deserved it. I hated him. I looked deep into his eyes knowing my own were filled with hate. I wanted to hurt him. I shifted and sharply pulled my arm away from his face. I took a step away, and stepped into the shadows of the trees. If I was gone. . . he would be different. I continued to walk deeper and deeper into the forest letting my anger guide me. I closed my eyes and continued to run. I heard him following. He was whimpering like a child. Forgive me. . . I thought as I ran deeper into the forest. Please. . .please forgive me. I ran to my destiny forever leaving Hunter behind...2

3


1. LAST TIME4

The cold water rushed unnaturally up the rocky shore brushing my bare feet, washing away the sand that half buried them. It felt good, like it was cleaning me even though the water was freezing cold. But I didn’t move, I didn’t flinch for fear of ruining the serenity of the moment. I wanted to live in this moment forever. I wanted to stay here leaning into Hunter, my head on his warm chest listening to the comforting sound of his beating heart. The air was cold and the wind whipped through my hair, but I felt warm sitting here. I felt comfortable. Looking out at the endless blue sea I felt protected. Hunter’s arm around my waist pulling me close like he cared, I loved that. He didn’t move. His eyes were closed and his head was resting on mine. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arm around his waist. I could have fallen asleep here on his lap listening to the peaceful sound of the waves crashing into the earth, but he would soon enough open his eyes and move me off of him. I didn’t want to be moved. I didn’t want to sit on the cold ground if I had a place to be warm. He wouldn’t leave, but he wouldn’t try to wake me. All I wanted was to see his eyes and his face. Maybe even a smile. I couldn’t see that if I was asleep. I hadn’t seen that in a while. His bright smile or his sparkling eyes. They were dull and emotionless and his smile was forced. I only wanted the old Hunter back. The one that needed me on his lap. The one who needed me and my smile. The one who loved to laugh. For the years I had known Hunter he had never acted like this before. It wasn’t him. Hunter-the Hunter I knew and love was kind. He never raised his voice at me nor did he find the need to question anything that I did. He had always wanted to be with me and do things with me. I miss that more than anything. But this new Hunter is the exact opposite. He’s quiet and angry all the time. He’s always by himself. He always wants to be by himself. He only makes exceptions if I’m in the mood to spend my day with him. Even that isn’t enough to make him change his attitude just for a few hours. It’s like he’s stuck in a black hole of anger that he just can’t seem to get out of. Hunter’s appearance has also taken a turn for the worst. His dark bronze skin is now sallow, unhealthy looking. His piercing green eyes have faded. They seem dull and tired all the time. He has dark bags under his eyes. He rarely smiles and his beautiful choppy black hair is thick and dirty. The natural disheveled appearance of it has become even more of a tangled mess. He just doesn’t seem to care about anything anymore. He doesn’t seem to care about me. It scares me and despite my growing hostility toward him I just want to be the one to make it stop. Thinking of him makes me want to cry. I don’t know why he is acting like this. I just want to know what happened that just forced him into this deep state of unavoidable depression. I’m worried that he’ll kill himself . . . But I know Hunter better than that. He would never put me through that kind of pain no matter how he felt. He knows what that would do to me. Even though I was beginning to hate him more and more every day. He was pulling me deep into his own black hole of depression. I didn’t want to be a part of that. I was terrified of that. I was terrified that I was becoming more like Hunter. I hated that. I wanted to end it with him, but I knew that was just the thing that would push him over the edge that he was already so close to falling over. I was choosing between my happiness and someone else’s. It was a hard-almost impossible to make-decision. I didn’t want to be selfish. I wasn’t the one who needed the small amount of happiness I could now give him. I wished that just the sight of me would make him smile, but that just isn’t enough anymore. The sight of him is just enough to make me want to cry. The last thing he would ever make me do right now was smile. He use to do that a lot. He would always make jokes out of everything I did. It use to annoy me, but I miss it so much anymore. I had never had to worry about not being happy around him. That is until now. He use to be the prime example of what happiness is. But now . . . what was he anyway? The prime example of a seriously depressed person? Or of a suicidal? I could feel the tears that were beginning to form in my eyes. I could not fight them. I kept my eyes closed though letting the tears break through. I did not sob. I tried to be silent. I had always thought that I was safe in my mind. When I met Hunter, I didn’t need that kind of protection I had him. I don’t have him any more and my mind doesn’t seem to be safe. The thoughts that filled it frightened me. They pushed back all those thoughts of happiness. My mind was no longer a safe haven. It scared me. I wiped the hot tears from my face. It felt warm. I wanted to stop crying. I didn’t want him to see me like this. It had killed me to see him the last time I had cried in front of him. He had looked for frightened so worried. He knew it was his fault and it caused him so much pain. He had never done that before. He had never made me cry. I was sensitive. I cried often, but he was never what has caused me to cry. I can’t even remember why I did. I think we had been fighting. Figures. I had tried to convince him that he had nothing to do with it. My fault, my problem. Not his. He didn’t believe me. He went on a rampage, breaking anything in sight. He had promised himself that if he ever hurt me like that again that he would surely kill himself. The look on his face when he had said that would haunt me forever. It looked so twisted so filled with agonizing pain. He looked so scared so alone like he had nothing to live for anymore. He had frightened me so much. I had avoided him afraid that I would start another one. I was afraid that I would make him hurt himself. But I couldn’t avoid him for long. My heart longed for him, but I was still terrified and whenever I felt like I was going to cry anymore I left. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him as much as I had that day. The tears had triggered a memory I had wished to avoid. I forced myself to push back that memory struggling to bring back something happy or to just let my mind wander freely and pick up on something. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I didn’t want to think of Hunter like that. He had heard me crying. He didn’t move though. He was stroking my tangled hair trying to comfort me. I took deep breathes, but it sounded like I was hyperventilating as I struggled to fight back the loud sobs. He had twisted his head around. He was breathing into my ear still stroking my hair. His breath felt warm on the side of my face. I didn’t flinch. It did not bother me to have his face so close to mine. My head was still on his chest. But I wasn’t listening to his heart. I was listening to his breathing and only that. It made my feel tired and sleepy. He was trying to put me to sleep so he could take me home, but I fought against my heavy eyelids. I lifted my head off of his chest. He moved his with mine still breathing into my ear. I turned my head and pressed my forehead into his. His eyes were narrowed. I narrowed mine and tried to lean in and kiss him. He pulled his face away. I only blinked. It didn’t register. I looked at him. I was confused. I raised my eyebrows and cocked my head. I pouted and looked at him with sad eyes. He raised his eyebrows at me and gave me a stern look. He finally gave in. He leaned his head back in and pressed his lips to mine. It felt good, but he instantly pulled away. I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in. He fought. I pressed mine to his, hard. He closed his eyes and so did I. He moved his lips with mine not bothering to pull away this time. I could feel more hot tears coming, burning. I kept my eyes closed forcing them back. I stopped for a moment and let my lips be still. He kept his on mine. I opened my eyes. They were filled with tears. Hunter was looking at me. I kissed him one last time and then pulled my self away from his grip. I turned my eyes and dug my fingers into the thick gritty sand. I stared out at the ocean trying to focus my blurred vision. He touched my shoulder tenderly. I didn’t move. He let his finger trace down my arm then he reached up and turned my head towards his. He smiled. I tried to smile back, but instead I collapsed into his shoulder crying. The one thing I had tried to avoid doing for so long. He rubbed my back. Neither of us spoke. We hadn’t said a word to each other since we had arrived at the beach. “Please, please don’t cry Elizabeth*,” his voice was filled with pain. 5

I pulled my head off of his shoulder and wiped the tears from my flushed face. He wiped them from my cheek and smiled. 6

“I hate it when you cry.” He sounded serious. But his eyes were filled with sadness. He was on the verge of tears.7

I nodded.8

“Please Hunter. I hate it when you cry. Please don’t,” my voice cracked as I managed to speak to him. I could feel the hot tears coming back.9

He smiled at me-the smile I loved- then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a friendly hug. I followed wrapping my arms around him. The tears seemed to dry up almost instantly at the friendly gesture. I didn’t want to pull away. I felt protected in his arms even more then I did in his lap. His arms were tight around me keeping me there with him. My arms did the same. I was keeping him there with me and whether he wanted me to or not I wasn’t going to be the one to pull away. He was laughing to himself, but I didn’t say anything. He was only trying to wipe the tears from his own eyes and keep them away. I knew he wasn’t laughing at me. I tried to laugh too, but I didn’t do that and Hunter would think that I was laughing at him. He pulled away and smiled. His eyes were sparkling. I could feel my smile grow. I didn’t know what had brought the sudden and unexpected change of mood. I didn’t question it though. There was no need to. I still wondered though. How could someone be serious one minute and so kind the next. Only Hunter could. He pushed himself up from the sand leaving two deep hand prints. I looked down at them. The fingers reaching out like they were reaching out to someone. I peeled my eyes from the prints and looked up at Hunter. His hand was reaching out towards me. I rested my hand in his palm and pushed myself up from the sand. My clothes were covered in the thick sand and it felt like my clothes were sagging. I followed his gaze out to the ocean. I wondered what he was looking at. I turned away when he realized I was watching him. I wiggled my toes and stared down at them. I could feel the gritty sand between my toes. It felt strange. It burned my skin and scratched it. My whole foot felt like that. I felt like the sand was burning it. Hunter tightened his grip around my hand causing me to look up. He had a questioning look on his face. I just shrugged my shoulders and continued to wiggle my toes. He looked down at my feet so I stopped. I blushed. He turned and took a step to the side pulling my with him. I tried not to stumble, but the sudden and powerful pull of his arm had surprised me. I started to fall, but Hunter pulled me up not bothering to laugh like he usually did. He liked to think that he made me clumsy like that. He thought that when I was around him I suddenly became so self conscious that I would pay to much attention to little things and end up tripping on my own feet. But, I was just naturally like that. I never hurt myself. I just tripped and sometimes I ran into people. I didn’t really think anyone could trip on their own feet as much as I did, but apparently I’m the exception to that rule. I recovered my footing after Hunter let my stop to make sure I didn’t trip again. He had a goofy smile on his face. He was trying to suppress his laughter and the look on his face almost caused me to burst out laughing, but I turned so he couldn’t see my the ridiculous smile I had on my own face now. I felt him tugging on my arm so I turned and pulled down the smile on my face so it looked somewhat normal. Walking on the beach, on the sand, felt good. Despite the fact that the sand was hard and rocky it felt like warm velvet under my cold feet. It was like walking on a cloud. It was so soft and it seemed to rise above my ankles like I was walking on just the very bottom layer, so close to the warm core of the earth. I could feel the heat rising from the ground wrapping my body in warmth like a soft mist. My heart was beating stronger. It sounded as if Hunter would be able to hear it, and maybe his heart would echo mine, beating so loud that I could hear his own heart beating in rhythm with mine. It didn’t have to be anything special. Just my hand in his sent my heart soaring. It was so simple, but it meant so much. It was so natural. It was something even friends did. It was just a feeling of closeness and comfort. Only something you did with someone you loved to be with. No matter who you were. Husband and wife. Mother and Child. Hunter and me. Holding hands forever. If I hold yours will you hold mine? I am holding the light in my hand. If I let go it will all disappear. And that’s how I feel holding his hand. I feel warm. I feel like the light is in my hand keeping me safe. Hunter was walking towards the ocean now. He was walking to where the sand was hard and cold where there was no warmth to wrap itself around my body. I followed reluctantly walking slowly and watching my steps as my footprints sunk less and less into the sand. The waves crashed loudly all around us. I could not escape the sound. The bubbly water was racing up the shore towards us. It brushed our feet and then turned in an unnatural way instead of retreating straight back to the ocean. Its home. The sand felt mushy under my feet, but it quickly dried up just as another wave climbed up the shore to race past out feet again. A deep chill ran through my spine. I felt myself shiver. I quickened my pace to be closer to Hunter. He was still walking. He hadn’t looked at me since we had left our spot on the beach. He was walking closer and closer to the waves and I could feel a thin wall of salty spray hovering in the air. It smelled good. It smelled like the ocean. He was leading me into the ocean with him. He was determined. I untwined my fingers and stopped. His fingers slid from the grasp of my hand. He stopped and clenched his hands into fists. I bit my lip, but didn’t move. I let the waves soak my pants. The water rushed up around me. My now stringy hair whipped across my face stinging my skin. In a matter of seconds his shoulders relaxed and he unclenched his fists. His back arched when he took a deep breath and then he turned on his heals. He raised his eyebrows and looked at me. I raised mine back and shook my head. He shrugged his shoulders and then started walking backwards. I rolled my eyes even though he was looking at me. He was trying to be funny. He wanted to act all serious like I wanted him to. But the real Hunter could not be masked. He was trying to let me know that he was over it somehow and that he wanted to have fun. Why he had decided to act normal-if normal could describe him- I would never know. He was trying to make me laugh, and if he hadn’t figured it out already it wasn’t working. It was not the right time for him to be fun again. I wasn’t ready for Hunter’s fun. He was trying to get me to laugh so much that I would just bolt after him to tackle him to the ground, into the ocean. But I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of fun right now. No, not right now. Maybe later I want to tell him. Maybe later. Finally, he turns around and starts walking in zig-zag pattern swaying from side to side like it was hard to stay balanced. I couldn’t help it. I laughed. He looked like he had just had too many drinks and he was trying to walk normal, and it just wasn’t working. He stopped then suddenly jumped around and pointed to me as if to say “Ha Ha I knew I could make you laugh and I caught you!” He held out his hand and beckoned me over. And just like he wanted me to do I bolted forward and tore after him. His eyes got real wide trying to act like he was scared and than he started to run himself. I could feel my legs pumping. I was running through the water and it was splashing all around me soaking my clothes, but I kept running. I could feel my feet sinking deep into the sand as I forced my legs down hard. It felt good. My hair was blowing behind me and their was a loud wind rushing back me. But I didn’t feel cold. I was laughing. It sounded so real. I couldn’t remember the last time I had laughed so freely with Hunter. It filled my whole body with an overwhelming joy that was almost ready to spill over. I was smiling. My face was not tense. Hunter was up there singing “You can’t catch me, you can’t catch me.” like we were little kids again playing a game of tag, and he was winning. And that’s what I felt like. I felt like two little kids playing a game on the beach and just having fun. We thought that’s all you could feel. Happiness and Fun. And if someone was in a bad mood all we had to do was start to play a game of tag. My laughter sounded so childish. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that. I wished that I was a child again because nothing had ever changed between us. Hunter was always fun. He was never the one in “the mood”. He was always the one getting me out of it, and all it took was a little laughter and maybe a game that only we would play together. He was my best friend. And even though he was my boyfriend-though I don’t know if that’s the right word to explain things-he was still my best friend. We don’t need to do anything special to have fun. All it took was laughter. All it took was for Hunter to stand there and look like an idiot and things were normal. Hunter was so far ahead and my legs were sore. They were pounding in protest. When Hunter noticed how slow I was going he slowed down and lifted his legs like he was moving in slow motion. He was making fun of me. Figures. I ignored him and my protesting legs and continued to run. He was still walking like that. He had the strangest look on his face. I tried to hold in my laughter, because I knew that if I would begin to laugh it would make it hard to breath and I wouldn’t be able to run unless I took a break. The sand was taking a tole on my legs. I stopped and bent over resting my arms on my knees. My breathing was heavy. Hunter -who was still moving in “slow motion”- looked at me with a triumphant smile. He stopped and started skipping towards me. Yes, skipping. What an idiot. I laughed between breathes. When he finally reached me my breathing was becoming normal again. He rested his hand on my back and started to rub it. My legs were still pounding, but my back felt better. “Thanks,” I said straightening out my back. He smiled. “No problem,” his voice was light and airy. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. We started to walk together. He looked so handsome. His choppy black hair was blowing across his face. His dark eyes were focused on me. His lips were straight he wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t frowning either. I looked up at him and locked my gaze there. The waves were growing larger and more powerful as the sun began to set and the moon started to appear into the darkening sky. The water swelled around us and pulled with such force that I stumbled into his side. Hunter was rooted like a rock. He didn’t move. He lead us farther up the shore so that I wouldn’t knock him over if I bumped into him again. His mood had switched again. He was like a moody teenage. I guess he had something to say now. The look on his face was serious. He expression showed no humor. He was trying to collect his thoughts. What he was going to say was serious and he was trying to put everything into something understandable. Something that wouldn’t hurt me. I kept my eyes on his face. Agony. Something was bothering him. If wanted to say something serious why couldn’t he just have told me before he ran off? Why did he have to be so moody? Maybe he had just thought of it and he knew if was time to say something. There was fear building inside me, but I wouldn’t let it show. I knew I didn’t have anything to worry about. This was Hunter. He hadn’t done anything and he wouldn’t do anything. But my body told me otherwise. I glued myself to his side. He was still looking at me though. He forced a weak semi-smile and I forced the same. What was wrong? What do you want to tell me? Will you just tell me already! I wanted to make him tell me already. JUST TELL ME HUNTER! I wanted to scream. WHY WON’T YOU TELL ME?! As if sensing my urgency to know what was so important to know what was filling his mind with agonizing thoughts he opened his mouth to say something, but then snapped it shut. I furrowed my brows and gave him a questioning look. He looked at me like I was his mother. What should I do? His eyes were wide with question and his head was cocked to the side. What should I do? Do what you know you should do I wanted to say to him. Come on Hunter I know you can do it. Please. . . He didn’t open his mouth again. It seemed as if he wanted to forget about what he wanted to say, but I wouldn’t let him do that so easily. 10

“Is there something wrong Hunter?” I asked. I raised my eyebrows urging him to answer me. 11

He looked at me like he was surprised I had even asked him such a question. “No, no. There’s nothing wrong.” He turned away with sorrow in his eyes.12

“I know there’s something wrong Hunter,” I said firmly. I wasn’t going to let him stay silent any longer. I looked down at the sand avoiding his eyes. He didn’t say anything. “Please tell me.” Silence. I reached for his hand and placed my fingers in between his. You can tell me anything. I wanted to say. Don’t feel like you can’t. 13

“I know that you’ve been wondering why I’ve been acting so strange lately,.” he told me his voice quiet and unsure. His hands would not stay still. I nodded waiting for him to go on. “I just wanted to let you know it has noting to do with you.” He looked at me again and forced a weak sheepish smile. Liar, I felt like saying. You’re lying to me. I was relieved despite my growing suspicion , but I knew that wasn’t the only thing bothering him. I wasn’t satisfied with what he told me. 14

“I know that’s not the only thing bothering you. Please tell me. Maybe. . .” I let my voice trail off trying to find the right words to say.15

“Maybe you can help? No, you can’t help Elizabeth*. There is nothing you can do!” He yelled. His eyes were black was anger. He clenched his fists, and breathed deeply in through his mouth. He mumbled something unintelligible. Then he looked at me. I was frightened. I didn’t understand. What had I said? His eyes were beginning to fill with tears. I reached up to touch his eyes and wipe the tears away. He shook his head trying to regain some composer. 16

“You’ll never understand,” he struggled to say through clenched teeth. 17

I shook my own head. “Yes, yes I will Hunter.” I tried to convince him. I wanted to be there for him. I looked at him tenderly and gave him a convincing smile. 18

“You know when you love someone so much that you’ll do anything to protect them, to save them, even if it would hurt them.” He was quiet. 19

I didn’t understand what he was saying so I nodded trying to look like I did understand. “Go on,” I said. He turned away. “ I just don’t know,” his voice was filled with uncertainty. 20

“Please Hunter. . .” He shook his head. I touched his arm tenderly. I smiled sheepishly.21

“But then there are just some things you can not avoid. And you know eventually that you’ll have to tell them before they find out because that’ll ruin everything.” He continued to tell me. 22

I was confused. I tried to link the two things together. The last two puzzle pieces left and they didn’t fit together, and you wanted to finish this puzzle so much that you’ll do whatever it takes to find the right piece. These two pieces would just not fit together. I felt like he was talking about me, but trying to fit myself into the puzzle just made it even harder to solve it so I didn’t bother to put myself into this. He paused letting me take all of it in.23

“This unavoidable-he paused trying to find the right word-secret-he finally settled on- that you just can’t tell because its just too. . . it’s gnawing at you so much that it changes you completely. And you reach the point where you have to tell, but the person you love seems so vulnerable. So you decide that you must do something even more drastic, if you want to use that word.” He struggled to find the right words. His words were forced. 24

I tried to follow. Some secret that you can’t tell is gnawing at you so much but you can’t tell them so you have to do something more drastic. That made sense, but I still don’t see where everything fits into a whole. But maybe it didn’t need to fit. Maybe it wasn’t suppose to fit together. 25

“This drastic thing will ruin everything though. What could you do when you want one thing but you have to have something totally different. Because. . .” His voice trailed off and then he was silent. 26

He didn’t finish his last thought. What was there to say. Because it would be for the better that’s exactly what he wanted to say. There was something he wasn’t telling me. He was giving me everything, but there was something missing. I could figure out most of the missing puzzle except the ending. Why was he telling me this? I didn’t understand.. He loved someone so much that he was willing to hurt her to save her. But he had a secret that would ruin everything. So he had to do something else. Because it would be for the better. I wanted to think that I was the girl he was talking about, but I didn’t want to either. I didn’t want to be the girl that no matter what she would end up getting hurt in the end. I wanted to be that girl because I wanted to be the person he loved. What I wanted to know more than anything though was what the secret was. The whole time he was telling me this his face had been twisted with agony. This secret was something he didn’t want to discuss and to be honest, neither did I. I let the wind whip my hair and the sand -which had suddenly became cold- chill my body. I shivered and moved closer to Hunter. He relaxed apparently relieved that I wasn’t ready to go home and that I was still willing to spend my day with him. I rested my head on him. He rubbed my head trying to lighten up the mood that he had just created. He opened his mouth, but I spoke before he could say anything.27

“Promise me. . .Promise me you’ll never leave me.” Silence. I looked up at him. “Hunter? Why won’t you answer me?” His face was frozen. His eyes were wide. He was questioning himself. I freed myself to turn to face him. “Hunter?” I asked again. He blinked trying to avoid my gaze. “ I’ll. . .never leave you Elizabeth*. Please don’t worry I don’t want things to be awkward all day. I want you to be happy.” I nodded even though I didn’t believe him. His voice had been flat and emotionless when he had said it. He wasn’t very reassuring. All I needed though was for him to say those words, “I’ll never leave you Elizabeth*. Don’t worry,” and I would be satisfied. He wrapped his arms around me and told me over and over again “Don’t worry. Don’t worry.” I wanted to tell him that his words and actions were comforting me, but that was a lie. And like I had once told Hunter I never wanted us to lie to each other so I silently stood there in his arms trying to relax. I took a deep breath and pulled away. I held out his hands and I rested mine in his. “I will never leave you,” he said with more sincerity in his voice this time. I slid my fingers across his palm and then turned grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the ocean. He followed not bothering to ask me what I was doing. I walked as fast as I could to the water’s edge. I pulled Hunter to my side. We looked out at the horizon. Half of the sun was visible over the horizon. The sky was a mix of deep dark blues and red all melting into each other like a beautiful painting. The water was dark, but beautiful as ever. Neither of us said anything. I let go of Hunter’s hand and without looking back slid into the water. It felt good. I needed this. My body did not register the temperature of the it. I could feel Hunter staring at me watching me. I duck under a tall wave as it rose high above me ready to swallow me up. When my head once again broke the surface I was soaked. My hair was dripping and my clothes felt heavy on my body. I pulled off my gray sweater and dropped it into the ocean. It bobbed on the surface moving up and down with the water. My undershirt felt loose on my skin. It felt much more comfortable than the thick gray sweater. I suddenly felt cold. It felt as if the wind turned my wet skin to ice as it blew across it. I heard Hunter wading through the water. It surged around me rising to my neck. My feet were lifted off the rocky bottom and I kicked to keep my head above the water. 28

“Do you want to get sick or something?” he asked in between laughs. 29

I laughed. “No of course not I just. . . miss being in the ocean that’s all.” I lied. He wouldn’t understand the real reason I wanted to get away. I wanted to escape him for a moment. I wanted to think that the water could wash away the new Hunter revealing the old. I wanted that.30

“Oh.”31

“Hold on,” I said right before I ducked my head under the water. 32

The water was dark, almost black . I forced my eyes open. The dirty water burned, but I forced them to stay wide and focused. I looked around taking in everything around me. It was so peaceful down here. All I could hear was the movement of the water around me. I closed my eyes. It seemed like I could have fallen asleep, but my lungs were screaming for air already. I broke the surface and took a deep breath letting the air fill my lungs. It took my eyes a second to adjust to the clean air. I tried to wipe the water from my eyes forgetting that my hands were covered in the salty water themselves. That only made it worse. I blinked a few times and the water flowed from my eyes. I left it alone this time. 33

“Better?” Hunter asked.34

I nodded and wrapped my arms around my soaked shirt in a pitiful attempt to warm myself. 35

“You’re cold already?” he said swimming farther away from me.36

“Mmm-hmm.” I didn’t bother to open my mouth. He started swimming towards shore. I didn’t want to leave the ocean. I wanted to stay here and let the ocean move me. But my shivering body forced my to follow after him. It felt like my blood was frozen although my face felt hot. I walked up the sandy shore my arms still wrapped tightly around myself. The wind stung my skin in a unexpected way. It made it burn, but I was freezing. My skin was a deep pink color, and my nose was running. I was such an idiot. Why did I think that going in the ocean would make anything better. I stepped into the warm sand and stood rooted to a spot. My knees were buckled and my body was shivering violently. Hunter walked over and wrapped his arms around my body locking in the heat. He was surprisingly warm for just being in the ocean. I shifted over so I was closer to his chest and let his breath warm my face. I felt like a thawing ice cube. In a matter of minutes my body temperature was back to normal and the shivering had ceased. He untangled his arms and pulled away. I held out my arms like a helpless infant that needed to be held, but he ignored my silent plea and locked his eyes on the long stretch of narrow beach that lie* ahead of us. “Do you want to take a walk?” he didn’t turn his head to face me. “Sure. It that’s what you want to do,” I agreed. He nodded then started to walk. I followed keeping my pace slow and steady staying at least five steps behind him. He didn’t turn. 37

“The point of taking a walk together, he finally said, is for you to walk beside me not behind me. Are you afraid or something?” he laughed at the end, but still he didn’t turn. I blushed then quickened my steps until I was at his side. He seemed to be blocking the wind that was blowing in from the ocean.38

“That’s better,” he said.39

“I figured it would be considering you felt the need to make fun of me,” I scoffed.40

He laughed. “Sorry ‘bout that.”41

“It’s okay,” I mumbled flatly. 42

He furrowed his brows and put on a pitiful face. I turned away. I felt his gentle touch on my shoulders again. I let him keep his hand there as I continued to walk with him. I looked down at the white sand and all the little broken shells and stones. 43

“Is there something wrong?”44

“No.”45

“Cause you seem a little tense.”46

I burst out laughing. A little tense. Since when did Hunter* talk like that. I didn’t really know why I had laughed like that. A little tense, no big deal. Maybe what really made me laugh was the way he had sounded when he’d said it. He sounded like a overly-concerned mother.47

“I knew it,” he mumbled under his breath.48

“Knew what?”I asked. 49

“That I could make you laugh!”50

“Hunter,” I said shaking my head. “You could make anyone laugh,” I promised him. 51

“I take that as a complement.”52

“Of course you do.”53

He beamed and wrapped his fingers around mine. He swung our arms high up in the air humming to himself. It figures that Hunter could take something as romantic as a walk on the beach and turn in into something funny. Only Hunter could make the atmosphere around us so tense, and then make it so airy and light. Only Hunter could. Eventually I began to swing my arms with his humming along with him. He snorted.54

“What?” I asked sharply still swinging my arms.55

“You sound like some old witch.” He didn’t bother to add in the all important “No offense.”56

“You did not just insult me.”57

“Yes I think I did.”58

I gave him a stern look, wiggled my arm free, then bent over to grab a handful of wet sand. He pretended to act scared. I cupped my hands around it forming a wet ball. I whipped it at his face, but he ducked and it went flying high above his head. He laughed. I formed another ball, faked a throw, then whipped it at him. It missed his face, but hit him square in the chest. He still laughed despite the sand that was now splattered across his shirt. “I think I’ll keep it as a souvenir. The only time Elizabeth* ever hit Hunter.” I rolled my eyes. “Come on be serious.” I almost laughed. Hunter be serious. Only he could spend a month in the mood he was in then suddenly go all comedian on me. “Fine. But where’s my souvenir.” I tried to make it sound like I actually cared. 59

‘Good question. I promise I’ll get back to you as soon as I can find something worthy of belonging to you.”60

“Only the best,” I said.61

“I figured you would say that.”62

“Why?” But I already knew the answer.63

“Because I’m the best and I belong to you,” he beamed. Of course he thought that he was the best.64

“I wouldn’t be so sure of yourself.” He pouted. “Prove to me you’re the best.”65

“Nah. Maybe later,” he said waving it off. 66

I crossed my arms and looked up at him with big wet cow eyes. 67

“You won’t?” I asked running my finger up his arm. “Please?” He shifted over. 68

“Awwww. . .” he said as I tried to force tears into my eyes. “Tisk, tisk. So impatient.”69

I sighed admitting defeat. “Fine. But I’ll be waiting.”70

“Of course you’ll wait.” 71

Yes, I would wait because I knew it wouldn’t take him long to give in and kiss me. He knew that’s what I wanted for him to do. He would give me whatever I wanted as long as it involved him. As long as it made me happy. I reached for his hand again. He was still humming. I didn’t bother to hum along with him. That would only result in another joke about my horrible singing. I closed my eyes letting him lead me down the beach. I let the sound of his beautiful singing fill my head, echoing in my ears. I began to sway from side to side slowly, but Hunter didn’t say anything. Wow, that’s surprising. I stepped on something sharp and jagged. I opened my eyes as my foot began to throb. Hunter had stopped humming. I ignored the pain and continued to walk. He was looking at me and smiling. I smiled back keeping my eyes locked on his dark face. The sky was becoming darker. The wind was blowing harder. The moon was starting to shine. The sun was dropping farther and farther below the horizon line. Night was coming. The darkness was coming. For some reason that made my heart sink. The. Darkness. Was. Coming. The light I was holding in my hand was quickly fading. It was leaving me. Something felt wrong. It felt like something was going to happen something that would change everything. I tightened my grip on Hunter’s hand. He reacted loosening to his fingers to keep himself more comfortable. I closed my eyes shut again and tried to clear my mind. “Relax,” I told myself. “You’re overreacting.” My hand was warm in his. The light was still there. Hunter’s still there. “Just relax.” I toke a deep breath and suddenly smiled.72

“What’re you thinking about?” he asked with a cocky look on his face.73

“Just you.” I began to swing our arms far up in the air. He beamed. He was deeply satisfied with my answer. So was I. How couldn’t I think of Hunter when I was standing so close to him? So close that I could feel his breathing on my face. So close that if I turned my head I could kiss him. I loved Hunter and I could not lie. Of in the distance there was a life guard chair. Oh no. I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking of the game that we had played when we were little. Queen Elizabeth* the first and her beach throne. He looked at me and smiled holding in his laughter. He started running. I ran with him, afraid to let go. He laughed the whole way there. I laughed along with him. Natural. It was all so natural. Something Hunter loved to do. He looked at the empty chair. “Your throne,” he said bowing. I buried my face in my hands. “Please don’t make me do this,” I begged. 74

“Why not?” he said faking tears. 75

“Oh, fine.”I made my way up the large steps to the top of the chair. It was wide and I had to stretch my arms to reach the rests. The seat was hard, wet, and cold, but I tried to act like I was sitting in the most comfortable chair in the world. I peered over the edge of the chair and down at Hunter. He looked like a little kid standing down there. He looked like a little boy who was playing his favorite game, and was just so happy. He had the biggest, goofiest smile on his face. His eyes were wide and filled with wonder as he gazed upon his queen. But, this was no longer the childish game we use to play. He did not address me as Your Royal Highness. He didn’t show me my kingdom. He didn’t tell me of my great rule and kingdom. He didn’t tell me that every one loved me because I was their beautiful queen. He didn’t act as if were my court jester. He climbed the chair and placed himself next to me. This was new. It was no longer a game. “Please Hunter I thought we were. . .” He placed his finger to my lips. “It’s still a game Liz*. I’m just your king.” I raised my brows, but smiled. No, it was still a game. Hunter would never change his silly little games. He would never change any of them. He would only add a new twist to it. Now everything would fall into place. He would call me Your Royal Highness. We would play his favorite game. 76

“Your highness,” he said.77

“Your Royal Highness,” I said replied. 78

“Your kingdom,”we said in unison. We laughed our voices melding together into one beautiful sound. That was strange, but it was enough to make us laugh. 79

“My queen, what will be your first royal decree? He looked at me with questioning eyes. 80

I pursed my lips. Umm... my first royal decree. 81

“For you to kiss me,” I finally said. 82

“I veto that!” he shouted. I pouted.83

“You can’t veto the queen,” I said to his face. “This is a monarchy not a democracy!”84

He narrowed his eyes. “That’s true.” He gave in. 85

“Exactly.”86

I leaned in to kiss him. He reacted leaning in towards my face. I pressed my cold lips to his and closed my eyes. His lips were warm and soft. He lifted his hand and rested it on my cheek. I opened my eyes to his warm, soft touch. His eyes were closed. He moved his lips with mine, not bothering to pull away. I didn’t want to be the one to draw back so I waited for Hunter, but he wouldn’t stop. I ignored the pain in my chest as my lungs screamed for air. My body went rigid. I finally drew back. His face was flushed. His hair was blown across his face in a messy fashion. 87

“Now,” I said picking at my cuticles,” what is your first decree?”88

“That’s a hard one.” He tapped his chin impatiently. 89

“I wish. . .” he started. 90

“This isn’t a wish!” I reminded him He sighed. 91

“My first decree is for this to be a wish.” He put on a cocky smile. I didn’t say anything. He had found a loophole.92

“Oh fine.”93

“Ummm. . . I wish for this day to never end.”94

I beamed. I wished for the same thing. I never wanted this day to end. It was perfect. We were having so much fun. I loved it. I loved being with Hunter. I loved having fun with him. For once in a long month I had fun, and I knew Hunter was having fun too. I rested my head on my King’s shoulder. “I guess you’re the best,” I said. He ran his fingers through my hair. 95

“I knew you were going to say that. ‘Cause it’s true.” Yes, it was true. It would always be true. 96

“So. . . what’s your next decree.”97

“Actually I would really like to get down from here. My butt hurts.” He laughed. “Okay. Whatever.” He stood up and jumped down. He landed graciously in the sand. He didn’t stumble. I pushed myself up and stood at the edge of the chair. I always got sandy doing this. I would land with my knees almost touching the sand, and then I would fall. I moved my feet closer to the edge and jumped. It was a short jump, but Hunter felt the need to catch me and so I fell lightly into his arms. He didn’t need move. He held me as if I was a baby. He didn’t need to force his arms to support my weight. “Show off,” I mumbled. He shook his head. “I’ll put you down if you want me to.” He slid his arm from under my back. My head was hanging dangerously close to the sand. “Don’t you dare drop me,” I said to the sand. He began to spin in circles. I closed my eyes, but that didn’t stop the dizzy feeling. “Stop!” I managed to say. “Oops.”I felt his knee on my back and then he lifted me back up in his arms. I rubbed my temples. “Thanks.” 98

“Sorry,” he apologized. 99

I felt ridiculous with my arms dangling there. I wrapped them around his neck. I felt like a bride leaving the church in her husband’s arm. “I could get use to this.” I unwrapped one of my arms from around his neck and slapped his arm. He didn’t flinch. “Don’t count on it.” 100

“Why?” He put on his best sad-puppy face. I rolled my eyes. “Never mind. You win.”101

“I hope you can get use to this,” he sang.102

“Whatever.”103

He started to walk away from the tall lifeguard chair. I wrapped my arm around his neck again and tried to keep myself as comfortable as I could. He wasn’t supporting my neck, and it was beginning to cramp. I rolled my head trying to de-cramp it. He shifted his arms up so one was under my neck and the other was farther up my legs, just like a mother would hold a baby. My feet were dangling close to the sand. “Better?” he asked.104

“Yes.”105

He started to walk towards the ocean, but stopped at the wrack line. He didn’t say anything as the broken bits of shells dug into his skin. He was humming again. I didn’t bother to join. He was still thinking of some way to make a joke out of something I did. I was bouncing up and down in his arms, but I always seemed to land just as gently as before. I unwrapped my arms again. I lowered my eyes to the ground. Hunter followed my gaze. I lifted my head, and he took that as an indication to put my down. He positioned his body so that I was slanted towards the ground. He pulled his arm out from under my legs and waited for me to catch my balance. Then he took away his other arm from around my shoulders. The ocean debris scratched my feet. I took a step to the side so I was off of the wrack line. The sand felt cool and smooth. 106

“Are we going to finish our walk?” he asked pointing down the beach. I nodded. I forgot that we had been taking a walk in the first place. He didn’t bother to hold my hand. No, skipping was more important to him. “You look like an idiot,” I mumbled. I didn’t know why Hunter felt the need to act like so idiotic all the time. It was just Hunter, I guess. And that’s why I love him. . 107

“What?” he asked still skipping. Crap, he heard me.108

“Nothing,” I sang. 109

“Okay. Whatever you say.”110

He was getting farther ahead of me. I picked up my pace. I felt like telling him to slow down, but he would only speed up. Just for the fun of it. Just to annoy me. Like always. But it didn’t bother me like it would bother most girls. I didn’t want to be the kind of girlfriend who would always be asked what was wrong or if I needed something. I wanted to be the kind that was the object of his silly jokes. Yes, I wanted to be the inspiration for his life long comic act. I started to skip, lengthening my small strides until I was at his side. He slowed down, but continued to skip. I smiled a mischievous smile and bolted past Hunter. He still skipped slowly. 111

“Someone a little tired?” I said speaking to him as if he was a little child and I was his mother. 112

He didn’t say anything. I took that as a yes, but in reality it was a no. Hunter raced past me and continued to run. I stopped. “Hey! No fair!”113

“You never made any rules!” He turned around and stopped.114

I took a deep breath and ran after him. He just skipped like I was no match for him. When I finally caught up I jumped on his back. He faltered for a moment and then caught himself. 115

“Ha!” I said into his ear. 116

“Ha!” he said back pulling my arms from around his neck. 117

I fell into the wet sand. I stood up and brushed myself off. “That wasn’t very nice,” I told him in a stern voice. 118

“Sorry.” he said like some little kid apologizing to his cranky old neighbor after he broke her window. “We’re never going to finish our walk before it gets dark if you keep attacking me.”119

“You’re the one who keeps running ahead of me!” I yelled at him. 120

“Do you want me to walk behind you?”121

“No,” I clamped me hand around his wrist. “You’ll stay right here.”122

“Right here. I don’t know about that. . .” I rolled my eyes. “Oh, shut up.”123

I pulled on his arm and he started walking along side me. He bit his lip like he was afraid of being so close. “Can’t you not goof off for one minute?”124

“That’s hard.” He said. 125

“For you, yes, for others no.”126

“I thought you like it when I goof off.” He let his voice rise. 127

“Yes,” I admitted.128

“Then what’s the problem?”129

“You’re just being ridiculous,” I told him. 130

“Is ridiculous really the right word?”131

I shot him a look. “Okay, okay. I’ll try,” he said raising his hands up like a criminal the cops had just caught. 132

“That’s all I ask.”133

He pried my fingers from around his wrist and wrapped his arm around my waist. I shifted over so I could wrap my arm around him. The sky was blackening quickly. It was night. We should be heading back, but I knew he had no intentions of doing so. The light coming from the beach front homes was shining brightly on the dark sand. The almost-full moon was high in the sky. The air was cold and crisp and the wind had died down to a light breeze. Stray pieces of tangled hair blew across my face. I tucked them behind my ears. I looked out at the ocean. The light was dancing on the surface of the water. Sparkling under the light off the moon. The beach looked beautiful at night. The sand became pale and soft. All the footprints from the day visible under the light. The sky was filled with light gray clouds moving quickly across the sky. The water had an undescribable beauty to it. Beautiful. All of it was beautiful. I squeezed Hunter’s side and he squeezed mine back. He turned his head and stopped walking. He unwrapped his arm from around me and took a step back.134

“Do you want to go home?” he asked.135

“No.” 136

He looked at my face closely, but I wasn’t lying. I didn’t want to go home yet. I could recall Hunter’s wish. “I wish this day would never end.” The sooner I went home the sooner it would end. I started walking again pulling him along with me. He followed reluctantly behind me. I wanted to wrap my arm back around his waist, but he wouldn’t walk beside me.137

“Oh come on!” I yanked him beside me and he laughed.138

“I didn’t know you were so strong. You’re definitely stronger than you look.” He nodded. 139

“Thank you. And I can be strong when I want to.”140

“Yes. I guess you can.”141

“Thank you.”142

“Your welcome.” He smiled and wrapped his arm back around my waist.143

“I think that’s the first time you’ve complemented me all day.” I told him. 144

“It is?.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Wow.”145

I sat there with my arms folded across my chest. “Oh you’re waiting for me to give you another complement. Don’t count on it,” he said giving me a peck on the cheek. I didn’t argue but I gave him a stern look. Just feeling my hair- it was a tangled mess, thick with salt- made my want to shave it all off. I dreaded the time when I had to brush it. I most likely looked horrible. We continued walking through the pools of bright artificial light asking each other questions that we already knew the answers to, seeing who knew the most. Hunter won because I couldn’t remember what his favorite color was. I would never guessed that his favorite color was the color of my eyes; dark brown. 146

“You won. . .” I stopped when he interrupted147

“Again,” he reminded me.148

“Yeah. Again.”149

“Oh don’t worry you’re better than me at one thing,” he assured me. “You keep promises better than I do. I still haven’t given you your souvenir. I’m not done looking.” He stepped into the light and pointed to his shoulder. “I still have mine.” His shirt was stained with a small dark patch of sand. I laughed. “Yeah I’m still waiting on mine.”150

“I could repay the favor,” he indicated his shirt.151

“No thanks.”152

“Then you’re going to have to wait.”153

“I can wait. Don’t worry.” It really didn’t matter to me if he gave me a “souvenir”. I tried to sound like I cared. 154

I stood there for a moment swinging my arm back and forth letting my arm brush his. I could see the tall wall of rocks that sliced the beach in half. For some reason we both were reluctant to walk further. I took a step towards the slippery rocks leaving Hunter standing behind me. The sand down here was made mostly of uncrushed rocks and I could hear Hunter follow me, the rocky sand crunching under his feet. I lifted my leg and hoisted myself up onto the wet rocks, out of the reach off the ocean spray coming from the waves that crashed into the face off the wall. I crawled back holding onto the rocks so I didn’t slip and fall off. The crevices were filled with seaweed and shells that cut my fingers as I dug my hands in. “Shoot.” I pulled out my hand and shook it. There was a small piece of sharp shell deep in my skin. I pulled it out and threw it into the sand. A large drop of ruby red blood slid down my finger. I stopped to check if there was any other pieces of shell in the skin, but the freely flowing blood made it hard to see. Hunter crawled past me. His body seemed to stiffen at the smell of my blood. I didn’t say anything. I swung my legs back and forth bumping the rocks with my heels. Hunter sat down next to me swinging his legs from side to side letting them brush mine. Each time his leg met mine a tiny electric charge ran through my body. It felt strange, but I was use to it. Every time I touched him I felt the same strange sensation. I leaned back and rested my head on the rocks. It felt cool and hard. Hunter leaned back following my gaze. We continued to brush legs. I looked at the stars. They were bright, shining through the thin white clouds. Bright on the pitch black sky. I locked my gaze on the North Star, the brightest star in the sky. It was twinkling brightly. I felt as if I could feel its light shining down just on me and no one else. It made me feel warm and protected despite the night chill. Hunter was my North Star, protecting me, guiding me. I rested my hand on Hunter’s chest waiting for him to hold it. He set his hand down on top of mine, sheltering it. But he did not lock his fingers with mine. I closed my eyes. Hunter, my North Star. I could only think of all the times he had been there for me. Sometimes I wished that I could be that star in his life. His own North Star and he could be mine. Now I was there for him. He needed me, and I was there for him. I would always be there for him from now on. I would not abandon him out of fear again. Something about his story-how he has to do something drastic-was gnawing at me. I still didn’t understand and the words stung. Why did he tell me that? I tried not to think about it, but all I could hear was his voice in my head repeating it over and over again. I turned a head. He was still looking up at the stars. I wanted to know what he was thinking. Why? Why? Why did he have to tell me that? He didn’t seem to notice that I was looking at him so I turned my head back to look up at the stars. I tried to concentrate on them but it was no use. There was no way that I could not think of Hunter. Over and over again that’s all I could hear. I could not hear the loud roar of the crashing waves or my loud steady breathing. Only his voice. I could feel my hand sweating under the heat of his shelter. I struggled to lock my fingers in with his. He didn’t fight it. I pulled on his arm and set our hands on the cool rock. My hand burned. He didn’t say anything. Please say something, I wanted to say. I hate the silence. I don’t want to hear this story again. Please. I rested my cheek on the rock. My body seemed to be burning. I pressed my legs against the rocks. I could still feel Hunter’s legs bumping into mine. I didn’t move. I sat there in silence trying to clear my mind. Trying but not succeeding. I rubbed my temples. “It’s easy. Just think of something else,” I whispered as quietly as I possibly could. Just think of something else. It sounded so easy, but in reality it was almost impossible. It was screaming at me, blocking out anything happy, and no matter how hard I tried to push it back it would only scream louder. My mind was filled with it to the point were it almost made my head throb in pain. I tried to think of running down the beach with Hunter-laughing the whole way-but the laughter only mixed and made it even more unbearable. I closed my eyes. I felt something warm on my face. My eyes flicked open. Hunter’s face was hovering above mine. His free hand was clenched, a small dark strand hanging from his between his fingers. I peeled my eyes away from it and turned back to Hunter. 155

“Are you okay? ‘Cause you don’t look so good.” He looked concerned. 156

“I’m fine,” I lied.157

“Are you sure? His voice was edged with concern. “I could take you home if you want me to.”158

“No, I don’t want to go home.” 159

“I think we should go,” he said starting to get up. 160

“What about my souvenir?” I asked trying to stall him. He didn’t want me to stay here. 161

“I already have it,” he told me indicating his closed hand. 162

“Oh.”163

“But if you want to stay. . .” He practically took the words out of my mouth.164

“I’ll stay. I’m fine really.” I tried to make my voice sound as convincing as I could. He furrowed his dark browns. “Okay.” I smiled. “Thank you.” He didn’t say anything. He leaned back down onto the rocks clenching his hand tighter around the object. His knuckles turned white. It made me wonder what he was holding. It seemed like he didn’t want to give it to me. Like he was debating if he would or not. I ignored him. 165

“When are you going to give it to me?” I asked him. 166

“When do you want it?” he asked.167

“Now,” I answered. 168

He smiled. I turned on my side so I was facing Hunter. He didn’t move. He kept his hand far away still tightly closed around the object. My souvenir. He didn’t say anything to me. He just shrugged his shoulders. I touched his hand gently. He raised his eyes and looked at me. He slowly opened his fist keeping his curled. Resting in the palm of his hand was a perfect white shell stained with a single drop of blood at the tip, my blood. The end was chipped and sharp, but the shell showed no other flaws. But what caught my attention the most was the shape. A heart. It was shaped like a heart .It was perfectly formed all by nature. I ran my fingers over its surface. It was perfectly smooth. It was a bright snow white. It was beautiful. Hunter reached for the shell and placed it gently in my palm. I reached for the long piece of seaweed that was threaded through a small hole at the top, but Hunter reached for it first. I didn’t say anything as he placed it gently around my neck. It landed softly on my chest. I picked up the beautiful heart and stared at it trying to take it all in. “I love you,” he said. I buried my head in my hands and took a deep breath. 169

“It’s beautiful,” I said in a voice filled with sincerity. I closed my hand around it. I couldn’t believe he had given this to me. “I. . .I . . .”170

“Don’t worry.” he assured me that it was okay.171

“You really didn’t have to give me something like this.” I turned the shell over examining it. It was perfect. It was a perfect gift. I loved it.172

“No, I wanted to,” he assured me. 173

“Thank you.” I wrapped my arms around him letting the necklace fall. I rested my head on his shoulder. “Thank you so much,” I said again fighting off tears. He rubbed my back. 174

“I love you Hunter.” I pulled away from our tight embrace. I looked down at the heart again admiring how it rested perfectly on my skin. It felt strange though. It felt like a heavy weight. I smiled sheepishly at Hunter. He didn’t say anything. He realized something was wrong. I turned away keeping my hand on the shell. I pushed myself off the wall of rocks letting my feet sink into the rough sand. My clothes were damp from laying on the wet rocks and they were sticking to my skin, but I didn’t bother to fix them. I felt Hunter’s hand resting on my back. I spun around. He was standing in the shadows. 175

“Aren’t they beautiful?” I spun around letting my messy hair smack my face. “The stars Hunter. Aren’t they beautiful?” He walked past me letting his arm brush mine.176

“Yes, they are beautiful.” He turned towards me and held my hands. “When I look up at the stars at night all I can think of is you. So I search the endless sky until I find you. And when I find you I can smile. . . I love you.”*177

I lowered my eyes to the ground. He loved me. I felt his finger on my chin. I lifted my face and stared into his eyes. 178

“Reciting cheesy love quotes again.” I chuckled. 179

“I have never recited cheesy love quotes before.”180

“Are you sure?” I looked at him skeptically. 181

“You confuse me,” he gave me a playful smile.182

“If you’re going for the whole you’re strange thing again don’t bother. It doesn’t annoy me anymore.” I could remember his comments about my taste in books, music everything that all ended with the short phrase “You’re very strange Elizabeth*.” I always felt like saying the same thing. “You’re the one who’s strange Hunter.” But I never did say that. 183

His smiled spread wider across his dark face. “Oh darn.”184

I lowered my eyes to the ground trying to avoid his smile so I wouldn’t laugh I felt are arms link and I jerked my head up in a swift motion. He was standing right beside me now.185

“Oh darn,” I said in a tone struck with much fear. I tried not to, but I couldn’t stop a small smile from creeping across my face. He frowned. I nudged him playfully with my elbow. “I’m just kidding,” I reassured him. “I wasn’t serious.”186

“For a second I thought you were,” his voice was filled with sadness. He lowered his eyes avoiding my stern look. I nudged him again. “Stop it.”187

“Okay I will,” he gave in still speaking in the same sad tone of voice. I slowly lifted my free hand to touch the shell trying to give him a hint that yes, I was still thinking of him. His gaze followed my hand.188

“Oh darn you do like it. Now I can’t break up with you. That would be rude.” I felt my mouth drop. I closed it immediately. My relaxed smile creased into a deep frown.189

“Only kidding.” He raised his free hand in front of his face to protect himself.190

“That’s not funny,” I told him sternly.191

“I thought it was.” He laughed. 192

“I swear Hunter sometimes I. . .” I pulled my arm away violently.193

“Hey no need to use violence.” I reached out my hand to smack him, but he jumped out of the way. He was too quick for me. “Ha!” I chased him down to long dark beach waiting for my opportunity to strike. I could feel the shell bouncing up and down smacking my chest. I forced myself to run as fast as I could, and just when I thought I could catch him I tripped taking Hunter with me. I quickly pushed myself up and sat down on his back my arms folding across my chest.194

“Got off of me.” I shook my head. “Say your sorry,” I sang.195

“I’m-ow he shouted as I slapped him in the arm. I’m sorry!” I let him push me off my arms still crossed tightly across my chest.. “Thank you.” I didn’t look at him. He brushed the sand off himself muttering something unintelligible. 196

“In thought your mother taught you never to use violence!” He shouted. 197

“And I thought yours taught you that not everything is funny and joke-worthy.”*198

“Sorry I haven’t had that talk with her yet.” He tried to joke. I rolled my eyes and ignored his outstretched hand. He sighed and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me up, forcing me back on my feet.199

“Try not to trip next time,” he told me.200

“I can’t make any promises,” I replied. 201

“Why does that not surprise me?” He rested his head on my shoulder and looked up at me with sad eyes. “Please try to forgive me.”202

I smiled playfully. “ I can’t make any promises.” 203

He frowned. “Now you know that’s not fair!”204

“Oh well,” I said skipping away. I skipped around in circles for a minute. 205

“Did you know that just one thing you say can take me out of my bad mood or even forgive you,” I said skipping around him in circles.*206

“I’ve noticed,” he said following me with his eyes. “But do you know what would really make me forgive you,” I continued. He shook his head. “I know what you’re thinking. Maybe later.” I stopped skipping . “But that’s not fair.”207

“Oh well,” he sang.208

I stuck my tongue out at him and turned away. “I think we’re a little old for that.” I pursed my lips to keep from saying anything. I breathed in deeply through my nose. I sounded like an angry bull.209

“You know I still dol remember the thing you said about just one little thing I say or do makes you feel better. I just have to think of something.” 210

“I know I’ve been waiting for five whole minutes.” I fanned myself. He blushed bright red. “Oops.” He tapped his chin and narrowed his eyes like he was thinking really hard. I started to let out a laugh, but stopped abruptly before he heard me. I wasn’t quick enough. 211

“Do my eyes deceive me? Did you just laugh?” he questioned widening his eyes.212

“I’ll be honest I laughed,” I admitted.213

“I thought so,” he said.214

I took a step towards him trying not to catch his attention. He watched me out of the corner of his eyes.215

“When do I get my kiss?” I brought my face close to his and fluttered my eyes in a questioning manner. 216

“Oh that’s easy. When we leave.” I looked up at him with disapproving eyes. I pouted. He looked uncomfortable, like he wanted to go home. 217

“I don’t want to leave. Don’t you want to sleep on the beach?” I tried to get him to change his mind. He shook his head. “You’re not allowed to sleep on the beach,” he reminded me of every beach coveted “law”.218

“Since when do you follow all the rules?” I pressed. I could only think of all the times he had gotten in trouble for not following the rules. Hunter wasn’t the kind of person who you saw at a juvenile delinquent center, he just liked to have fun. He didn’t answer my question. “Why do you want to go home,” I asked him in a voice that implied that he should answer me. Again he didn’t say anything. 219

“It’s getting late,” he finally said. “If you don’t feel good we should go home.” By the tone of his voice I could tell that that wasn’t the real reason. 220

“I’m fine really,” I lied. I felt my forehead, it was warm. I shook my head “Anyways it doesn’t matter.” He gave me a look indicating that this discussion was over. I sighed admitting defeat. “Fine if that’s what you want.”221

He smiled triumphantly. I wondered why he wanted to go home so much. I felt his arm around my waist. Reluctantly I did the same. I leaned into his arm letting my head rest there. I could feel his strong toned muscles underneath his tight blue long sleeved shirt. I inhaled deeply taking in the strong scent of the ocean that still remained on it. I looked out in the direction of the ocean. I could see nothing, only the darkness. I leaned farther over. We walked the rest of the way in silence. I stared deeply, intently into his dark eyes trying to find an answer. I could only see sadness. All the sadness in the world swirling insanely in his dull eyes. I wanted to ask him, beg him to tell me what was wrong. But I didn’t want to make him angry. I didn’t want to see the insane look on his face ever again. I didn’t want to. I closed my eyes letting Hunter drag me along with him. I listened to his deep breathing and the steady crashing of the waves. My feet suddenly felt cold. My eyes flicked open and a looked down. Dark water rushed past my feet. I closed my eyes again cringing each time the cold water brushed my feet. I let Hunter walk me up the beach closer to the homes. I could see the light shining through my closed eyelids. I could feel myself drifting. I was dragging my feet fighting to keep my heavy eyelids open. Hunter stiffened his arms to support my weight as I stumbled half asleep. “Do you need me to carry you,” he asked stopping so I could recover myself. I suddenly became alert at the sound of his voice. I opened my eyes widely. “No I think I can make it the rest of the way,” I told him staring down the short stretch of beach to the narrow entrance. He nodded. I kept my arm wrapped around him as we walked to the entrance. He stepped into the bright light. His skin was sallow and he had deep purple bags under his eyes. They were dull colored. The bright green color was light and faded. His choppy black hair was blown across his face. His smile faded. I lowered my eyes. It hurt to look at him in the bright light. He pulled me close to him and stared down at my eyes. “Now you get your kiss,” he whispered into my ear before pressing his warm lips into mine. I wrapped my arm tight around him. Please don’t let go. Please don’t let go. I closed my eyes moving my lips with his. I pressed mine into his hard. He stumbled back, but he didn’t move his lips from mine. Something about this kiss made me worry. He was stiff and uncertain. I moved closer to him until I was pressed so close to him. He stopped keeping his lips on mine. He pressed his forehead into mine. I kept my eyes shut. He kissed me again. It was short and filled with uncertainty. I stiffened keeping my lips still. He pulled back quickly. His eyes were wet, warm tears were running down his face. I wiped them from his eyes, his cheeks. They were warm, but cold. I shivered as I touched his face. I could feel my eyes fill with their own hot tears. I let them run down my face not bothering to wipe them away. “Please don’t cry,” I said before pressing my lips into his one last time. Just looking into his eyes I realized that something was terribly wrong.222

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