The Why

It is one thing to love someone. To know you love them and relish in the fact but, there is ever the why. You say you love someone, and others have doubts. They ask how do you know? How can you tell? It's amazing how much you can love someone, and never know a real true reason. 1

I had an epiphany today. I was thinking of Drake's ex, the girl he loved with all of his being, and the girl who died, leaving him here alone and aching. He still loves her, I know this. I know sometimes he probably thinks about me, wishing I was her. She and him were perfect together. She completed him in a way no one ever could. If there were such a thing as soul mates, she was his. But now her soul has passed. I know all this, and yet I am not jealous. I am not sad that he still loves her.2

No... instead I greive slightly for her. If she were still alive, he would be happy. Happier then now at least. I would still be by his side of course, only as a freind instead. But you cannot change the past. I don't dwell on it. I simply hope that perhaps one day he might feel that way about me. That I might make him complete and carry on in her place. This is how I know. This is my reason. I have no doubts, no jealousy. The thought of him with another girl doesnt phase me, though even just a guy freind with a girl saddens me slightly. He is the one person that makes me free. Free of the pain and torture of doubt and disbeleif. Free of jealousy and rage. Free of aching lonliness. Free of longing for more. I can feel all this, surely. But with him I have the choice to feel pain. With him I am free...3

It is true bliss, being with him. Everything about him seems perfect, for even his imperfections bring me joy. He has the same choice that I do, whether to feel pain or not. Whether or not to be free. I wonder to myself sometimes if perhaps he knows this. In my epiphany I realized that with him, I have the choice of what to feel, what perspective to have on life. If a thought brings me down, a thought of him brings me up. I rarely smile unless I'm blushing, or smirking my usual crooked smile. Rarely, though, do I really smile. I remember him leaving a message on my phone, saying he "missed me terribly." Just his voice echoing that in my head is enough for my true blissful smile to shine through. Enough for my eyes to light up. 4

He makes me happy, happier then I have ever been. This is why I love him. With him I am content, and I can simply exist near him and be perfect. This is why I love him. With him, I am free. I have the choice to feel pain, or let it flutter away in the wind. This is why I love him. With him, I feel the need to be a better person. I feel the need to be what she was to him. Not better, I cannot compete with her. Simply earn enough of his love and caring that I might come near to what she was to him. That is enough for me. That is why I love him. Because with him, there is no jealousy, no pain or need to sompete with others. There is no mistrust or want of someone better. Simply happiness to be by his side. A sense of peace within me and joy that can overcome anything else. 5

I love him, truly and deeply and without the misery and want of lust or of the more common state of love. To simply be by his side, in mind or body, is enough to bring me joy for years on end. I love him, and this is why.6