To the one who ruined my life...,1
How should I start this letter out? Should I start it by simply just saying what you have done to me? How much you hurt me with the lies you told? The unbearable pain I have went through for so many years all because of the things you done to me or maybe the scars that line my arms where I tried to erase the pain you placed upon my wounded heart.2
There have been days I felt as if I was nothing more than a broken doll; lifeless, plastic, unable to even move. I would sit emotionless and stare at the walls as the tears flowed freely from my eyes just wishing I could erase the past. Erase my memory of you and the pain that you have made me feel every single day since you broke my heart.3
Lies, lies, lies!! That's all you ever told me! Not once did you speak the truth! How can you even live with yourself knowing what a jerk you are! Knowing the only thing you ever cared about was taking someone's heart and breaking it right before your very eyes just for the sheer pleasure of watching them wither and suffer from the severe pain you had induced. 4
I begged and pleaded with you to please tell me the truth, but no! You just kept on telling me more and more lies. You led me on making me believe in you again even though my head kept telling me not to give in my heart just wouldn't listen. Why must I be such a fool! I loved you with all of my heart and that feeling of intense love blinded my eyes into seeing the real truth that was before me. 5
I cried the day you walked out that door leaving me here with this memory inside of me. The memory that grew in my womb until it was time for her to come into this cruel world. When I first held her in my arms the first thing I noticed was those eyes; the same ice blue eyes that you had. She looked up at me and I sit there holding her as I cried partly tears of happiness and part from sadness knowing every day I looked at her I would be reminded of you and the things you had put me through. This was going to be a new beginning though for me a happy one because I already loved this beautiful little girl so very much.6
But my happiness was short lived she became deathly ill when she was just two months old. The doctor's tried everything to save her , but I lost my little girl and once more my heart became frozen. When they told me she had passed on I had no one, no where to go, no one to even comfort me except a complete stranger who was standing there dressed in white; the stranger who could not save my baby.7
Why was this happening to me? Why? First you left me then I found out I was carrying a part of you inside of me only to have her be born then taken from me in such a short time. Did God hate me I found myself wondering? I was never the same after that day I started to cut myself my arms became a map of scars as I tried to drown my pain out. I begin to feel numb to the point that after awhile I wasn't even able to feel the blade of the razor as it gashed into my skin. 8
I grieved for my little angel every single day. I would hold her picture in my hands and imagine she was there with me, but it only made things worse. A picture is just a picture it doesn't speak; you can not comfort it or love it. It's a mere object that just exists with an image on it. After awhile the picture became worn and ragged, but the image in my mind remained. How could you have caused me so much pain if I had of never met you none of this would have happened. I would still be the woman I once was. The woman I should have been.9
So here I sit once again staring blankly at this wall as I write this letter. I want the pain to end I need it to end. I feel like I'm starting to loose my mind even more. There are voices inside my head. I can't get rid of them. I have tried to get rid of them, but they will not stop. I can't live with this pain anymore. I won't live with this pain anymore. Today I'm ending it. I have to. I need to. The voices are telling me it's time and I know deep within me there right.10
I don't know why I even bothered to write this it's not like you ever even cared about me at all. I am certain you could care less if I lived or died. I will never understand how my life turned out this way. How you made me go from being an innocent girl in love to becoming a woman who can no longer even hold her head up without breaking into tears. Why do people fall in love when it only brings pain? Losing you then losing our daughter I just can't take it anymore. I have to let go of this life. I need to be with my baby again. I hate you so much for the things you did to me yet even know I still love you just the same.11
If you're reading this then it means I have gone to heaven to be with my angel. To be somewhere I can finally be happy. Somewhere that is safe away from all of these earthly pains. Even now I can't bring myself to even wish pain upon you for I would never wish this pain I have felt on another human being. I only want to tell you one last word before I die... Goodbye...12
Love,13
The one you left behind...14
She signed the letter as the tears begin to fall more from her eyes. Walking outside, she put the letter in the mailbox. She came back inside her home and picked up the faded photograph of her daughter then sit back down on the bed. Reaching in her night stand she pulled out a shiny new gun that she had just purchased the day before. Holding it up to her head she closed her eyes as the hot tears flowed like a river from her sad eyes. As she pulled the trigger the last thoughts that entered her mind was that she would at last be free. 15
The gunshot rang out as her broken body fell lifeless on to the white sheets. As her human body laid there in a puddle of blood her spirit floated up. She looked back at her human form laying there and was relieved to have the pain finally over. A bright white light appeared in front of her and she saw her daughter once more. Tears of joy filled her eyes as she embraced the child that she had lost the child that she now would be with for eternity for at last she was free of all of her pain and she could finally be happy in heaven...
Author notes
Depression
A contest entry
- Killing lonliness by Prodigious.Mirth.
350 points, ended February 15, 2008, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Pain by beezy92.
800 points, ended February 13, 2008, 28 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Contest for Everyone! by RegalTheft.
450 points, ended March 30, 2008, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Void of the Soul by NightTerror.
240 points, ended December 30, 2008, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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wow
this waz a good yet sad story i really lyked it i cant stop crying tho it waz so sad im glad shes finally happy and wit ha bby grl -
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Thanks so much
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I like a lot of the descriptions you used. The imagery was very good. I think the story itself could have been done better. It's not that it is a bad story, I just see so many stories that are all about someone who is hurt by love, then kills themselves. The subject matter is a little tired. I think the ending could have made up for it, especially because of how well you played up her devastation. To have to live with all of that pain, in my opinion, is the worse tragedy. If she had pulled the trigger and the gun not gone off, I probably would have started crying right on the spot. But like I said, I like the emotion and imagery. It was very well done.
Thank you for entering. -
*sobs* Great, now you made me cry! Oh, damn, that was a touching story, even for a category I hate. A little bit of *sobs* incorrect grammar here and ther but you put that so beautifully it doesn't really matter. Crap that was good!
--RT (still sobbing) -
this was such a sad story. how an abuser took two lives and never cared abit. i can only hope he gets hit by a bus or a bulldozer some day to let him know true pain. i'm sure there is a place in hell with his name tag, DARK.
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Well I recommended you for this contest, so there's not really much to say! (= Finalist list
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This was absolutely incredible, one of the best suicide/depression/pain pieces I've ever read on this site. This part, especially, made me cry-
When they told me she had passed on I had no one, no where to go, no one to even comfort me except a complete stranger who was standing there dressed in white. The stranger who could not save my baby.
The simplicity of that was so real and powerful that it hit me with such an impact. Your words and emotions in this piece is so foreful that I felt like it was going to jump out of the screen and strangle me.
-[There were a couple of minor grammatical errors, like run-on sentences and missing puncuation. Re-read it multiple times on different days and you'll catch things you didn't see before, or have a friend look over it for you.]-
Never stop writing! This is absolutely amazing and beautiful but so sad and dark at the same time.
♥sarahelizabeth
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Thanks! I have been meaning to go back through my other works on here and do a read through of them. I've been working a lot on improving my grammar on here. I edited my main story and the bios with it, but I hadn't got to these yet. I need to make note of that
I started this story out as a simple letter. It then seemed to almost take on a mind of its on as I went. Glad you liked it!
Joann
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this... is really powerful. I actually cried reading this 'cause I know what this is like... it just brought back so many memories... >_< except for the baby part... that I can't imagine 'cause I haven't gone through it... but it was still sad.
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I first started this as based on something that kinda happened to me. Then it went even further. Some stuff is true and some isn't (The baby part is not true). I did see a friend though who went through losing a child once and it nearly killed her. The man couldn't care less. (((Hugs))) thank you for your comments.
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no problem! you deserved them!
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another great write
You have a good style...a few grammatical errors in there...but still a good style. Given that you are able to convey raw emotions, I would encourage you to try something different. Try a short story of humor or love and walk another pathway. You never know where it will lead.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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i FELT SO sorry for her god though I must add it was written suberbly
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Oh my gosh.....this is amazing! What an ass for not sticking around with his girl! AGH! Stupid boys! I'm so glad that she is with her daughter now....even if it is just fiction!
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Nice. I like the contrast between the pain and the ending. So many times I read stories about suicide and they don't seem realistic or justified but this felt real, the emotion felt real, plus there was a balance of loss and redemption. I like it a lot.
I have a contest right now called Pain and this is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for in it *hint hint*
lol. Anyway great write! Thanks for sharing (=
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Nice. I like the contrast between the pain and the ending. So many times I read stories about suicide and they don't seem realistic or justified but this felt real, the emotion felt real, plus there was a balance of loss and redemption. I like it a lot.
I have a contest right now called Pain and this is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for in it *hint hint* lol. Anyway great write! Thanks for sharing (=
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Wow!
Pretty damned powerful, girl. I am not fond of contest entries for obvious reasons, as they do not often reflect or mirror what a writer might want to write about....but you sure as hell did justice to this one!
Damn it! Edit more! Find someone critical and unfeeling to read your things and be cruel!
Grins...
Amicus...
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Wow!
Whoa this story is so good very well written OMG the emotion in this one left me so speechless yes indeed! Men sometimes makes me wonder what it is about them to hurt someone I think they need something Um well hehe missing LOL you did a good job there expresses every emotions and sadness (((Hugs))))) Keep it coming sweets and heres some yummy martimmy for ya
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Thanks Suzie Pooh! :-P Hmmm you are so right some of them do need that done for sure! LOL (((Hugs))) Wooo hooo Martimmy's all around for all!! Wonder if they cure insomnia? Nah I doubt it.
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