Why I Don't Write Romance

They walked hand in hand down the path, the sunlight streaming through the trees casting soft shadows on them both. 1

Charles gazed into Samantha's eyes as he murmured, 'You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, my dear.'2

Samantha smirked as she said, 'You're so cheesy, Charles.'3

He grinned an ear-splitting grin, and kissed her lightly on the cheek. 'I know, but you love it.'4

She just laughed. He was right; she did love it. She laid her head on his shoulder, feeling his steady pulse as they walked slowly through the park.5

Charles took a measured breath, savouring the sweet smell of her perfume. He kissed her hair and smiled. 6

They walked in silence awhile, simply enjoying each other's presence.7

Charles bit his lip nervously; steeling himself for what he was about to do. 8

He stopped walking.9

Samantha looked up at him, curiosity only slightly diluting the love in her eyes. 10

'Samantha.' He paused as he knelt down on one knee and pulled something from his pocket. 'Samantha, will you marry me?' he asked, his voice soft but steady as he carefully opened the small box and held it up to her.11

A tear trickled down her cheek as she smiled at him through misty eyes. Her mouth opened to give her answer.12

Blam!13

'Boom! Head shot!' yelled a voice.14

Charles' eyes widened in horror as Samantha's head exploded in a shower of red. He swallowed with difficulty as her body tottered, then with slow grace fell backwards onto the now - somewhat - red grass.15

He stared in shock at her, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water as he tried to comprehend what had happened.16

For a full minute he stared at her body before, finally, he spoke.17

'...Samantha...?' he croaked, before lapsing again into silence.18

The sounds of children playing in the park filtered through the trees.19

As the shock of what happened left, he scowled as he said, 'Aww dammit, not again.' 20

He stood up, pocketed the ring, and stalked sullenly off into the gathering dusk.21

Author notes

Err.... To many late nights, and long days at work? Haha, enjoy.

DoozerDan's me name, for whoever was asking.

In a list

A contest entry

Bet you didn't see that coming ;)

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Comments

1 - 30 of 343     1 2 3 4  next >  (show all)

  • HypnoticHeart
    November 17
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    Mmmm...cheesiness and blood mixed together. Delicious I'd say!


  • smitten kitten
    November 14
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    thats sick wot does he mean not again lol so funn


  • ForTheLoveOfBooks
    November 13
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    no didn't really see that coming. It was funny but it didn't have detail. I like detail.
    I understand this is meant to be a joke and it was funny but the writing could have been better in my opinion.
    I liked the line "Aww, damn it, not again." Would like to know what killed her, it's not very obvious as it should be.

    beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 1.


    • DoozerDan silver member
      November 18
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      Well, I like sparse and to the point writing, more action less flowery. So...

      I could spend another 500-1000 words fluffing it up, but that would ruin the point of it. And I would lose the readers I want to get. Because the people who appreciate the joke won't, for the most part, want to read through this big colourful romance chunk to get to the joke. Especially for something as corny as this.

      And likewise I could tell the reader, 'Yes, she was shot by an unknown stranger for reasons unknown with a Stoner SR-25 Match from 134 metres.' But I like to give the reader more credit for imagination. Let them see the scene how they want.

      Boils down to personal taste, really. I don't like particularly like descriptive writing and prefer to imagine the scene how I want. *Shrugs*

      Eitherway, glad you appreciated the joke. Sorry for the rant, shitty day today, and thanks for reading and leaving your feedback.


  • Animus Argentis
    November 13
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    LMAO

    BAHAHA this made me laugh... inside. i have too much of a headache to laugh outside. but still that was fantastically awesome!


  • Dovina gold member
    November 13
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    Hahaha, this was a great write. What seemed to be just a normal cheesy love story took a twist. i literally laughed when the ball hit hear head and made it explode.

    I personally loved how it ended. Not happy, but still great.

    I managed to ignore all the capitalization errors, which is usually a hard task for me, but since I loved this so much i kept reading on.

    Nice work!

    • DoozerDan silver member
      November 13
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      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

      Though... capitalisation errors? I just reread it, and I have to say, there are none. I'd like to know which you thought were the errors. If I had to guess, I'd say you're referring to parts around the dialogue, for example:

      'Boom! Head shot!' yelled a voice.

      If I'm right and you, by error, mean the 'yelled' should be capitalised, then no, it shouldn't. It is part of the dialogue and effects how it should be said, so it isn't capitalised. Even though there is an exclamation mark. If that's not what you meant, please, point it out! I'd rather be told I made a mistake so I can fix it than told it's just 'very good.'

      Thanks for reading!

      • Dovina gold member
        November 13
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        Ah, that makes sense. I'm just used to the grammar rules where you have to Capitalize everything. like in your third line where you have 'you are so cheesy, Charles.'

        But if that is supposed to be taken in the same way, that's fine. But yes, i did enjoy and thanks for sharing it

        • DoozerDan silver member
          November 13
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          Ah yes. OK, so one slipped by. That was meant to be capitalised. xD But the rest were all like they should have been.

  • Shahbaz
    October 9
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    it was nice but had a unintresting ending

    beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 2, dialog: 4, characters: 3.

  • rustic
    October 4

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    Yup

    didn't see that coming and the fact that it happened again.

    Its like what killed her ? ..or every time he proposes, his just made fiancee gets their head exploded? haha

    funny but just a bit messed up if you get what I mean.

  • Cherrylv
    October 2

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    Well I'm afraid I am a terrible romantic!!
    But I am broad minded enough to see the humour in this piece. I can see that a lot of others did also judging by the number of awards it has been given

    Cherry xxx


  • F66142589
    September 30
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    I hate romances too. Great title you have there, and the best ending EVER.

    plot: 1, ending: 5.


  • Mike Driscoll jnr silver member
    September 14

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    If only this happened in Grease when at the start of the film they're on the beach lol, this was so funny, I kind of had that feeling that something would happen but what really made me laugh was the yell of 'Head shot!' LOL, that sealed it for me!

    Spoof-tastic!

    Mike


    • DoozerDan silver member
      September 14
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      Indeed. If only it happened in a lot of films and books.

      Glad you enjoyed it.


  • ManualLoveLetter
    September 3
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    This is funny shit I like it..very much


  • Smexi-gurl
    September 2
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    Umm...the ending was a bit odd but other than that it was good.


  • therenaissancegirl
    August 31

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    lmfao!!! "Aww dammit, not again." What the hell were you thinking? Well, whatever was going through your head, it was brilliant hahaha great job on all the trophies, by the way

    Renaissance


  • Benwater
    August 16
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    Hahahaha, I laughed my ass off. Hahahaha sick


  • Silenced Lullaby
    August 4

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    what. the. crap?! haha that was amazing. reminded me of a video game called gears of war. when you snipe them in the head, thier heads explodes, blood pours out, and the guys next to them act like nothing happened. hahaha. great romance story!


  • demonkitty
    August 3

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    this is hilarious. You would corner the market at romantic stories. I certainly had butterflies


  • Unkillable Monster
    July 29

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    AMAZINGG. Reminds me of Grand Theft Auto, of one of the random couples walking about. Usually they run when you shoot one but sometimes, the other person stares at the body and walks off.

  • alwaysrockon
    May 25

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    no, i didnt see it coming but that dosnt make it good. just because it strays from the norm of cheesy non-cheesy-romance dosnt make it what all these people below are saying, that its good.

    it seems as though with a little gore, non emotionality, and twists they are appeased in a literary sense. the writing was not that great, and there really wasnt much to the story.

    a story does not have to be realistic in the least to be good but sometimes it can be easily overdone. in this case the entire thing seems ludicrous. shure shure it works as a great twist, but not really. anything can have a twist thrown in or two, but that does not make it good. for instance, yes, you could end a child story with a "twist" with mr. rogers being a psychopath but that dosn't make it "jenuis!!" as people below me are suggesting. especially not if you never became attached to any of the charachters.
    yes, i unnerstand it was meant to be a joke, but i guess i simply dont find it amusing.

    sorry bout the rant, i jus didnt like the story or the praise that it is recieving.


  • FreakshowAkaChristy
    July 21
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    Best freaking romance piece ive ever read!! man, if u wrote romance novels, i would read them. that means a lot coming formm me, lol. Very nicely done. Ah, when she got shot I coculdnt stop laughing! I thought it was just me being my warped self, but apparently others thought it was funny too. yay! Amazing, so glad I read it. Check out some of my work?


  • BloodRedPrimrose
    July 13

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    Haha, that made me laugh so hard. My friend gave me a funny look, oh and I agree your not the best romance writer


  • CantYouHearTheDrums
    July 12

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    He he he!!!!! Funny!!!!!!!! (by the way, I just walked over a cliff, hit my head on a rock on the bottom of the sea, found a bottle of 100 year old ale from a pirate ship wreck and drank it, then floated to the surface and died)

  • johnomaha
    July 11

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    Not surprising, given the fake pastels of the intro. I recommend you take time off adolescent "shooter" games and dig for the  courage to actually fall in love with someone. Believe me its not a shampoo commercial, but one wild ride!

    • DoozerDan silver member
      July 12
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      *Scratches head* And who said I wasn't in love with someone? Or haven't been in the past? This is NOT a satire of romance, it's a parody of romance BOOKS.

  • Adinatak
    July 10

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    Oh GAWD I loved that so much! Best romance story I've ever read!


  • Raining.Fire
    July 5

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    That was AWESOME!!!! Totally hilarious! I definatlly did not see that last part coming. What did he mean by "Not again"? It was very well written, and I liked it a lot! Bravo!

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