Walking This Plank

I take pleasure in the short gasps of breath that occur whenever I come uncomfortably close to the edge of the bridge. The cool, foggy air completes me, making my hands quiver and my mouth dry. I can almost feel my knees give out beneath me and I wonder how long it will be before I plunge into the ominously seductive lake that waits for me below. Yearning to taste the very last seconds of my Life as it slowly slips away...
        My eyes are burning with a fierce desire to turn away from what I know to be my fate: the emptiness behind my lids. I want to run away and go back to him. Scream at the top of my lungs, "I'm Home! I'm here! Take me back... Love me like no other..." And the reality that I can't do just that knocks the wind out of my lungs like no other force could. More forcefully, I dare t think, than what falling from this height and landing in the shallow water could do to me. There is no other suicide like letting go of the one you love. I never wanted to fall in love with him. It just happened. I knew it then and I know it now and all the times in between that he would never belong to me. But he made it so difficult to believe. As the wind whips and whistles a sad song into my ear, I can almost hear him say those things that once made my heart flutter and my finger tips go numb...
          No matter. All those are are memories, soon to be forgotten like a single grain of sand amongst one thousand sandy shores. My toes flex over the very edges of the bridge. I tease myself, rocking the weight of my body back and forth in time with the wind. I close my eyes and listen for anything or anyone in this whole world that will miraculously appear, caring just as much or more- if possible- than he had shown me. I hear nothing...
          Nothing but the sound of water rushing over my ear drums. Sweet, seductive swoosh of water... taking me deeper and deeper into the darkness.