The incredible life of Mr. goombah and Mrs. turtle

one day Mr. Goombah went for a walk. as he was walking he found some mushrooms He liked mushrooms but there was no time for mushrooms today becasue today was Mrs. Turtle's birthday . she was having a big party with lots of her friends and it was starting soon so Mr.Goombah had to hurry. he ran as fast as he could down the road to the flower store. 1

"hello Mr. Goombah said the store keeper Mr. Bird. 2

"hello Mr. Bird said Mr. Goombah. "I would like to buy some flowers for Mrs. Turtle for her birthday today." Mr. Bird nodded. 3

"thats a good idea. here are some of my finest flowers take these." Mr. Goombah took the rose's and left.4

As Mr. Goombah walked along the road he remebered a shortcut he had found a couple of weeks ago.5

"i'll take the shortcut and be the first one at Mrs. Turtles party so he walked over and begun to carefully walk down the hill. as he shuffled down the hill he triped. 6

"oh no! " he shouted as he rolled down the hill squashing Mrs. Turtles rose's . faster and fatser he rolled flatneing the rose's to a pulp 7

Mr. Goombah stood up and looked at tose pulped rose's 8

"oh no! " he cryed. "Mrs. Turtle is going to hate me forever!" he scoped up the pulp and placed it into a small bottle then put the bottle into a box. then headed over to Mrs. Turtles house just across the road. 9

"I'm so sorry." Mr. Goombah said when all the other geusts were gone. 10

"why?" Mrs. Turtle asked.11

"becuase i ruined your flowers on the way here." Mr. Goombah * goombah* cryed. 12

"no you didn't, it smells so pretty." Mrs. Trurtle said. so from that day on, whenever Mrs. Turtle had a party Mr. Goombah made squashed rose's. 13

and that is how potpurri was invented. 14

and that was how poturee was created

Author notes

the beer mug is a bottle. -.- thats all i could find. i hope all the emoticons work otherwize i am going to go crazy... i think i have about 18 diffrent emoticons. i may of missed one or two though. lol this was fun. i hope somebody else enters so i can read theres.

A contest entry

ok so it's kind of strange but i like it :D and it was the only thing i could think up when i had to use emoticons. i do like a chalange

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • theDARK1
    February 5, 2008

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    very colorful with the many emoticons that you used here. you may want to try to use your emoticons in place of the words to give it a better effect (just a constructive suggestion and not a mean one). good luck in the contest, DARK.


  • Ted E Bare
    January 31, 2008
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    I will have to say it was cute and original. I saw this contest and felt like I had to try it for it was truly different. Saw your entry, but wanted to write mine first before I looked at yours so I would stay as original as I could myself. Thanks for the laugh and good luck in the contest. I agree with you totally how fun this contest has been.

    Ted E


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    January 28, 2008

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    LOL omg that was so cute and funny!! I loved reading this it sure did give me a good laugh. Very cute story to! Especially love the way you said that potpourri was invented. This was great and a very creative use of the emoticons!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • StarIlluminated
    January 27, 2008

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    Very funny! This was entertaining and cute, great work! I think you repeated the ending twice, may want to look at that. And once there was * goombah* instead of , showing you didn't proofread, , but nothing you can't fix. and i also agree with TwighlightRoses, use the little things or as the actually word, not just an illustration next to it. But great great job this is so awesome!

    Illuminated *KT*


  • Midnight-Engaged
    January 25, 2008

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    Okay, I really (really really) liked your story, so I'm going to go ahead and give you a chance to redeem yourself. This doesn't happen often, so please don't take offense.
    1. You need to do a little editing. Like, be sure all your words are spelled correctly. That was the only problem in the literary sense.
    2. Your story would be boosted tremendously if you would use the emoticons not as illustrations, but as words in themselves. Don't write goombah, just have on there. Don't write turtle, just , you know, so on and so forth.
    Other than that, I loved the story. It was cute and entertaining. Hope this helps! Twilight

    P.S-To protect your identity (if you care, that is) then don't message me to let me know you've edited. Just put that you did in the preview.


  • Sailor Moon
    January 25, 2008

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    XD I the emoticon use! thinks it rocks and so do I! *claps* nice going!


  • SusanAlembic
    January 24, 2008

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    LOL I had fun reading this it was so funny and very good I love how you put alot of thought and imagination into it LOL


  • angel.of.mine
    January 23, 2008

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    LOL hahaha thats funny great way of usuing emoticons now how can i compete with this hmmm

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