A smile would always pass over my thin lips as I passed into the light. My hazel green eyes would sparkle and dance. As my short brown hair started to shine. For a second, I felt like I was glowing, but I waked on. On, forcing myself out of the light and back into the darkness. The street lights where few and far between. The ones I left behind started to fade and flicker, until they would die unto the past. Just as the ones ahead always looking brighter then the ones before.
As for the city, my city. A city of solitude, is empty. The towers grew high from the lonely streets. They stood high and gray, sweeping the cloudy stars of skyline away. The protectors of the unknown. Protecting my journey and my personal road.
At least until she came, out from the unknown. She begin to walk with me. Gracefully her feet fallowed mine, as her hips would sway. I told her everything, everything that was worth the ‘tail’. She purred at my indiscretions and wept at my fears. The night grew longer as her paws fell faster. I could feel the lights fade in my eyes as, her jaded green eyes begin to glow, she looked up to me. Slowly taking the lead, as she lead me into emptiness.
Seven years hardly crossed my mind as her back form faded into the alley. Soon I found myself fallowing her shadowless cries. I held my coat tight as it faded to gray in nights light. I ignored the torn windows and shattered dreams. The empty bottles and garbage cans, even the man laying almost dead in his ragged, tattered, brown coat. The mist was rising as a trash can fell. Then I saw them again, her hard jade green eyes. Her small feline form danced in the night, as the fog poured in from everywhere.
It danced around the thin back cat as it begin to turn a neon purple. The purple mist slowly covered her form. Staring into the life of me as she begin to change. Her body turned and grew, as the purple mist folded. It turned as it changed into cloth around her. I could feel her jade eyes burn unto my skin. The gray mist engulfed her silhouette. Covering every inch of her. Every inch, except those eyes. Her gaze held mine, as the perfect form took shape.
Raven hair and ruby lips emerged from the mist, along with those eyes. She licked those lips, as something shown in those eyes. "Come to me." was read in her eyes and I obeyed. Her body danced on the wind and the sent of emotion filled me. Her silk soft hands lead me to her desire. I could feel her body press against me as she stepped onto a wooden crate. On which she moved for my eyes only. Her purple dress sparkling within the dark night while she danced. Then a flick of her wrist removed my long black tie. She pulled it over her long angelic form, as it danced with her body. The black cloth slid over her thigh, around her neck, and through her very white teeth. With a single tare it was severed.
With that rip my gaze was torn, torn away from her perfect form and those eyes. I could feel the fog start to fall and wondered at the thought of rain. My magician placed a single finger under my fallen face, then lifted my spirits. The broken tie was held tightly as her eyes once again locked me into place. She kneed and forced the torn cloth into her grasping fist. My smile spread as she pulled it out whole once more. Then she slowly wrapped it slowly around her soft fingers. Skillfully they slid over my face and down my neck. Sliding gently into my gray coat. Dropping the folded tie in my pocket. Retreating with mine own currency. Then with a smile and twist of her wrist it was gone.
She stood smiling over me dancing once again. She reached out, grasping at a shoulder to lean on. With this my soul soared, as she stepped behind my back. To emerge with a red, dead rose. In her silence it was given. Hard and brittle, it hurt my hand. Then, I was never aware of the thorn. Bewildered I still stared at what or who I had found. Her playful grace returned as she sat on the plane wood crate. Staring at her gift, I noticed the fog swirled around my cold feet.
The magician placed her hands behind. As she leaned back, I felt her open toe heal slid up my pants. I looked to those eyes only to catch her hands return with a tall violet hat. The top hat shown even bright even brighter then her short dress. She rolled it in her soft hands to convinced me it was empty. Then she reached into it deeper then she should’ve been able to go.
Her eyes sparkled as she pulled it out. The wand was astounding, simple and black. Yet, it was strange to see under that night light. It flipped and turned in her digits as she placed the hat upon her raven hair. Somehow something terrifyingly intriguing was taking hold, but I let my inhibitions show. My form stepped back as she stood and I held tightly to the thorns. She smiled.
A touch of her wand and my flower bloomed. A blue fire begin to glow from it’s petals and thorns drew blood. Amazingly it reflected the light left in my eyes. It magnified who I though I was. Then another touch of her wand and it was gone. Her rose, my blood, is gone.
Tears started to swell as she stepped forward again. I fell, landing in the dark, dirt alley. With the murmurs of a drunken bum in my ears. Her hands twitched and that dark wand was gone. I could feel the fear raise in my life as she reached to me. My tarnished coat rose as I stood. I never felt as secure in the arms of fear as I was then. She placed me on the wooden crate, pulling my tie out once more.
As it rose from it’s new found resting place, it was fallowed by a mass of colored cloth. Several colored scarfs were tied to my long black tie. They danced in the wind, along with a mysterious body. Once more I found myself held captive by her dance. So as she wrapped the cloth around my wrist I hardly moved. She leaned, lips to my ear and removed my identity. My wallet drifted from my back pocket into her hands.
She held it before my eyes and then it was gone. Opening my mouth I couldn’t find my screams. With her dreams bonding my hands. I was helpless and my coat seemed to fade. She pulled at her sleeve and with drew a stack of plain playing cards. They spread before my eyes. Diamonds, spades, tens, and jacks are a few of what I saw. Then my eyes fell on one of the many cards, a purple queen of hearts. My mind started to turn, but I knew, she knew, I knew. She shuffled the cards. I worked at my bondage. Then her eyes met mine, I was froze. She pulled her card and smiled. I thought, "no" at it was reveled to me. "A purple queen of hearts." She slid it into my dark coat. As she did my ropes where gone. I knew, I was hers and my smile faded.
She let her soft hand drift behind my hair. Then she pulled her dark power from my mind. She held her wand once again. My mind fell empty except for thoughts of her. Then her wrist twitched and she held my new living rose once again. Excitement filled me as I reached for it, for her.
My magician shook her head, I knew it was forbidden. She removed her violet hat and placed the rose inside. With a wave of her hand over the brim and doves took flight. My emotions flew out of sight, as I stood.
Now we where standing on each side of the wooden crate. She reached over into my dark coat and retreated with my grandfathers watch. It swayed on it’s silver chain just before her ruby lips. The reaching to her chest she pulled a red handkerchief. She placed the ticking onto the wooden crate and covered the sound in red.
Placing her palm flat on the cloth I heard it crack. As she pulled her hand away the red cloth reviled a shattered watch. My life stopped, or so I thought. Yet, another twitch of her hand and the table was clear. She held a reformed pingalum. My watch was whole. It was something that had taken me completely.
Then I heard it, I heard it in her eyes. "Give it to me." I needn’t have to ask, I knew what she wanted. I knew what she needed. I looked to her, my watch was gone. My tie had been severed, my credit evaporated, and my identity was hers. How could I refuse. I opened my coat, then my shirt. The light of a thousand suns seemed to shine. Reflecting like light on the water, it spun on the gears in my chest. The orb of my life was gently removed. My coat faded to black.
I could feel the clicking of my gears. As she looked over my life, like a gypsy gazing into a crystal ball. It’s lights where swirling in orange and red. Filling the empty alley, then the city. It covered the broken windows and dreams. The empty bottles of grief and the trash of my past. It even seemed to reflect the soul of the nearly dead.
As her hand spun around my life, the orb begin to float. My emotions mixed, as it took on shades of green, purple, and blue. I felt ,my tears swell. With a mix of joy and pain. As it faded to black it emulated a dark light. That’s when she let it fall and my life was shattered. Confused and lost I waited for her to make it whole once more. As my gears started to slow. My tears fell and the rain broke. I saw her sweep most of the pieces into her hat. 'Then it hit me!' An empty bottle held by the alley bum.
I hit my knees as rain ran down my cheeks. Looking up to them I cried "Why?" and they where gone in a lightening flash. I wept alone in my city as the rain grew cold. Then I saw it shining blue. What was left of my life. It admitted a blue light as my gears where slowing. As the snow started, I felt my city was broken. Ice traveled through the dark alleys, then through the streets. Freezing everything, my gears stopped. Until I dropped what was left of my life. Waiting for the summers to return.
Author notes
Okay, this story is represents an old relationship. If it don't make sense that's why. I would really like comments if you make it all the way through this story.
I started it after contemplating a line from one of my favorite songs. “Slight of hand, isn’t giving everything you can.”
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Check the use of down the darkness and onto in paragraph one. Paragraph two started shine. I think there are a few words that could be more clear aside from the ones that would appear to be misused but I think were actually intentional for the effect. What message I hear is - I knew better and had many chances but I just kept coming back for more. I stayed with it until almost the end but you stated losing me. I agree that if it was a little shorter you would keep the reader longer but it would be tough because each part has something important.

beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Thank you!
Thanks for the comment. Yes this story is a dream like expalnation of one of my relationships from beggining to end. You where right there where more then Alot of people didn't like the fact it didn't make since, but it wasn't supposed to. In my experance love dosen't make since, neather does the experances we have when in love. That's what this story is about to me, thank yoiu for the help, and reanding my long story.
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Hey, thanks so much for the comment, glade you could understand this peice. I hope you'll check out more of my work, I'll have to go check out your work. Always Jc
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I thought this was wonderfull I can not wait to read more of your work you are very talented
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The opening is about how things arn't really how we see them in our memory, the story is a medafore about my first relationship, the is a very real story line that echos all the ups and downs of that relationship. But you have to read between the lines to see it, I'm working on a brake down on this story I hope to post soon. But I promise there is a story line here. It just harder to find then most. Thanks for the comment.
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Started reading.... Great beginning. Great wording. How can you hear sounds of breath on your face? You don't have to answer that. These are just thoughts that came to me. Brought my attention and then lost it after It was going no where and had no real story line. This is just what I thought. sorry
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that was a great peice of work i really enjoyed it very much.
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The line 'I vaguely, remember everything' it isn't supposed to make since. This story is about a relation ship I had, it about how I choose to try to forget the unforgetable. It's a paradox in a means, just about how that night is great and horried all in one. I hope that helps.
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okay
I admit this it is very long and to me this needs to be shorten but I like and very intrigued with this and I would rank this okay. -
Cool beans. -robo-
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I either remember everything, or remember only vaguely the events of that night. But I don't, vaguely, remember everything. Unless that is to say, everything is vague, which of all the things I remember, each is clouded in this vague-ness. I didn't get much past that. r.
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Very nice, I usually dont take the time to read long poems, I'm just like fuck this, ive got stuff to do, but well im really really glad i took the time to read yours. Great work, and you should keep up the work. Have good one
-Nick -
I can't even think of a good comment in return to that.
I've been render speechless.
And nothing I come up with can justify how... amazing that was.
Brilliant. -
We'll what can I say hun, other then thanks. I think this story could use a bit of a revise, nut it feels good to get it out. It has been speening in my head as an idea for a while now. I just had to get the story to paper, I'm glade you liked it.
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That was amazing. What a great work of art. I loved it!
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i love and envy you
ok. (long pause) ok. i would love more than many things to be able to offer a comment worthy of this work of art; alas, i am still reeling, nearly speechless, (not entirely, obviously) you sucked my brain out, leaving little more than than an undeniable compulsion to at least say something, at least acknowledge that i did, in fact, (and quite easily) make it through to the end, and this story, like your others, has raised my admiration of your talent further still, just when i thought it could be raised no more. i knew it was a cat from the first, (being familiar with that particular metaphor) but would not remain one for long. and from the title her antics were not surprising. what was though, what was so brain-suckingly good about this, was this eerie spooky kinda dizzy feeling of deja vu that grew stronger as i read; like i read this before, or worse, had lived it somehow. guess that makes more sense (not less) after reading your comment, cause in a way then i guess i have. if i could give double applause i would. triple even. for god's sake don't you ever stop writing. don't you dare.






