“I love you” Fujii said. “Sure.” Endou said “Listen I need to go to the restroom make sure nobody takes my bag OK?” “OK.” *Endou takes a look in the bag* “HMMM…. A photo album…” *Endou takes a look at the photo album* “GUYS IN PICTURE MILLIONS OF THESE PICTRUES IS SHE A PLAYGIRL!!!!! “I’m back!” “OH!!!!! HI!!!!!!” Why are you so sweaty Endou!” “No reason.” “Why do you have so many of pictures of guys in your photo album??????”*Fujii starts crying* “BECAUSE I’M THE CAPTIAN OF THE BASEBALL TEAM THAT’S WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” “Oh I’m sorry.” “I STARTED TO REALLY LIKE YOU ENDOU!” “Really????” “Yes” 1
Continued in part 2!2
Comments
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Luvyas
I like 'em short.....NICE!!!!! -
Cool story, can't wait to read chapter 2
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Haha, very cute and quick.
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luv it its wounderful it felt like i was talking to them or listning on thier
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Alright
This was not too bad, but I'll have to admit, I didn't quite get a few parts, like the sentence: GUYS IN PICTURE MILLIONS OF THESE PICTURES IS SHE A PLAYGIRL!!! ??? I mean, what does that mean? lolz. Just because she has pics of baseball players means she's a playgirl? I mean, huh, darlin, what were you trying to put across here??
Anyway, hope you write part 2 soon and have a nice day! -
Yeah...
Same with me Shy.. this was a little hard to understand.. for a starter, you might want to break it up into different paragraphs, and add a little more details so it's easier to read.
When someone comes here to read a big block paragraph, most of them leave as soon as they see it. Another thing is, you need to work on punctuation, you have tons of grammatical errors in this. You don't need so many exclamation points!
Also, break up what the people are saying so we know who's saying what.
Other than that, I guess it was okay, but work on grammar some more!
Lil
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I'm not sure I entirely got it... but I'll read part 2 when it comes out 'cause it might help me understand it better.
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