Roses lie in disarray on the ground.
Petals fall like shattered glass all around.
Shimmering the many faces I see,
I turn to look but there is only me.1
The distant sound of music in the air;
A piano playing through my lair.
Angelic voices appear like the mist
Composing the dark arts through its lyrics.2
My wedding dress gleeming in candle light
Allure my lover to grin in delight.
His eyes glowered with a powerful lust.
It made my heart faint and turn into dust. 3
Trembling down the aisle with one memory,
Eternity is my only dowery.
A cross hung upside down at the alter.
The priest glared with an unholy laughter. 4
Once I had arrived at my destination,
The groom smiled with much anticipation.
Vows echoed through the demonic temple.
The ring was colored a scarlet opal. 5
When it finally came to the last words,
The priest spoke and this was all that was heard:
"If love is present; do not let it hide.
Finish the ritual. You may bite the bride."6
He tenderly gripped the nape of my neck
And kissed my skin with the most gentle peck.
Without warning, he pierced into my vein.
Small screams echoed of pleasure and pain. 7
All that I could feel now is my heartbeat.
The last pulse of life is now excrete.
He slits his wrist to allow his blood flow.
I now drink vampiric liquid from my beau. 8
Our lives are now interwined by our vows,
And blood that was shared can only allow
This matrimony to be revered by all.
Now existence no longer holds its walls.9
As my former life fades away and dies,
I can now see this world through my new eyes.
Now that the ceremony is complete,
Our lover's duet will not see defeat.10
Author notes
The idea of a vampiric wedding came out of no where for me. I just felt like writing a poem and this is what came out. I can't say that I am not pleased with my work but I know that it has a few hiccups here and there.
A contest entry
- Poems by werner1221.
100 points, ended March 6, 2008, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 1,000 Points for poetry!!! by Forgotten Anomaly.
1000 points, ended March 26, 2008, 58 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Best of 2008... So Far by taylor-swift13.
350 points, ended April 3, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Do you feel that this is fluid? Is it an easy read? Are feelings expressed enough as to allow you as the reader to feel as the character feels?
Comments
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Best Of 2008... So Far
This is really good!! i like it but there are so many entries to choose from already, only after 2 days!! I will definitely put it in the finalists list though. -
This was good, quite fluid. I don't useally like vampiresc type poetry but I actually liked this. It was well writen, exspesally for someone who just felt like writing a poem. Well done, and good luck.
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I loved it - well written. I love your view on the vampire wedding
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I really like this - very well written. Why don't you post your poetry on the sister site of this one - Allpoetry.com it works the same as here but it's for poetry and thats where I post my poems. I just started writing short stories on here
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Thats a good idea.... I probably will... Thanks for commenting and I'm glad you liked it
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wow I have never heard of it before .. oit was amazing and so cool
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Thanks! Im so glad you liked it
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oh yea, and another thing, i left the angelic voices part in there because it was supposed to sound like church music.. like the choir. In the beginning, the girl doesnt really know whats happening until she walks down the aisle and sees her lover.
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To everyone that reads this, I just felt like writing a poem and this is what came out. Honestly, I just put random thoughts together until the third stanza...
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Overall, very nice. I like the visualizations the writing inspires. I'm not terribly good at critiquing poems, as I'm a storyteller, but I did like it. The only thing that really threw me was in the second stanza, where the last word did not rhyme like the stanza above it. Have you considered turning this into a story?
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Really Good
I like the idea behind this and you had some pretty good lines in there. The only thing that I would recommend would be to work on the flow of your poem. I noticed that the beats per line are inconsistent throughout most of the piece and this really hurts the smoothness that is possible in this. Work on this and I think this would be a fantastic read. Great job and Good Luck,
-Ephemeral E
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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Oh I like that! I had a bit of trouble reading it with the color , but I loved the poem the way you changed it from kiss the bride to bite the bride was so unique and then how he cut himself so she could drink from him. Wow! I thoroughly loved this poem! I am a huge vampire fan!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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