THE PARTY1
The afternoon was swimming along peacefully, uneventfully, when the phone rang. I had just settled down with a much anticipated chapter in a novel I had been hoping to finish by evening. The martinis were chilling to Ernest Hemingway’s recommended 15 degrees, the edges of the glasses, rimed with frost, duly rubbed with lemon peel (yellow side down). And I was in no mood for any interruptions, particularly those which demanded chit-chatting.2
I should have let the thing blare and clamor through the machine’s quota of four rings before the voice-mail picked up but it was just too rude and demanding, too urgent and annoying a peal to let sustain for a moment longer than I was physically able to prevent. 3
Skinning my knuckles on the shelf above where the phone sat, New York apartment-jammed in, among books and knick-knacks, I bloody grabbed the screaming banshee. 4
“Hello.”5
“You don’t know me. Dan Melkin’s daughter-in-law Leslie? Dan is in the hospital having a throat procedure so he couldn’t call. Sheryl is going to be sixty and I’m calling to invite you to a surprise party we’re having for her on the 23d, four weeks from now. It’s going to be at La Fortunata de la Tranavera, in the Oakland Building…that’s all the way downtown. It’s not hard to get to…”6
“Surprise? She’s sixty and it’s a surprise?” There was a chuckle, but not much of one. “When you’re sixty you can’t lift your arm to get into your coat; you can’t straighten up getting out of a car, and you don’t look so great. Funny things start growing on your body and mysterious little brown spots begin appearing. It shouldn’t be such a surprise. Why is she having a surprise party?”7
Silence.8
“Anyway, it’s not hard to get to. But you have to find Sixth Street first, and then it’s just around the corner. The address is 7466 Fourth Ave. Don’t confuse the street with the avenue because there’s no such number on the street buildings. And it’s kind of in an alcove, so look for that. And the number may not be on the door but you’ll know. There’ll be people inside.”9
“Dan is having a throat operation?”10
“It’s only minor surgery. He’ll be ok. He just can’t talk now.”11
“Four weeks away.”12
“So can we count on you?”13
“I guess so. I love surprise parties.”14
“Great. See you then. Be there around six. It’s around six-thirty but we want to make sure everyone’s there a little early.”15
“For the surprise.”16
“We’ll send a formal invitation in the mail but Dan wanted to make sure people were notified directly.”17
“That was good of him.”18
“Bye-bye.”19
Have a nice day….20
Somehow I couldn’t get right back to the book. I left the phone off the hook, took down the jalapeno stuffed olives and went directly for the martinis. 21
Four weeks later, invitation in hand, my wife and I found ourselves wandering around lower Manhattan trying to find an address which didn’t seem to exist. I wondered if Dan’s wife was going to have another surprise party next year when she would unexpectedly turn sixty-one. I wondered if this was payback for the surprise party Sheryl had arranged for Dan when he was sixty. I wondered if that was a surprise.22
Twenty minutes later we discovered the place. Two couples I had recognized from Dan’s surprise party some years back were overdressed and crowding into a small, unmarked doorway that opened onto a long flight of stairs. I was surprised at having recognized one of the women. Apparently she had undergone considerable plastic surgery since I saw her last and appeared somewhat younger although her face seemed to have a starboard list to it. I hadn’t seen her for months. Perhaps this was her coming out party.23
There was an usher at the foot of the flight pointing the way but there was no noise from the restaurant’s “party” room.24
As the six of us entered, everyone upstairs stood frozen in anticipation; they evidently were thinking birthday girl. It was not. Noise and movement resumed. I looked for the bar and perhaps a canapé. It was almost seven and I was hungry.25
A heavyish woman whom I didn’t recognize introduced herself as my neighbor, an old friend of Sheryl’s. She was affable, with some uncalled for smiles, (more plastic?) but was completely colorless and with not a hint of femininity, leaving absolutely no doubts as to why she was unaccompanied. It seemed a cruel observation but perhaps a softer, kinder one would follow after I ate.26
A waitress passed with a tray as I awaited the first martini of the evening, at the bar. I twisted to reach around…but the tidbits on the platter were unrecognizable…puzzling. 27
“What are those,” I pointed?28
“Akmi sashimitu.”29
“Really,” I said. “I think I’ll pass. And what are these?”30
“These are squid rolled in maple leaves.”31
“Oh.”32
I found myself grasping the martini…a lifeline, wandering the room, trying to avoid jostling, trying to dodge as many people as I could, and hoping to preclude a drink spilling incident. At the door was a table laden with petite, shiny, designer shopping bags, fluffed with tissue paper swaddling little things inside. I had no idea what they were. Apparently, I thought, no one did. No one had mentioned the bags. But it seems everyone did have an idea. These were the goodies for later…the favors!33
On the dinner tables at each setting, next to the placards, were copies of Sheryl’s baby picture…taken some sixty years ago, at least. Throughout the rest of the room, placed randomly, and fastened to the walls were various sized photographs of Sheryl, in her twenties, her thirties, her teens, her forties. Nothing much beyond that. And her sixties, of course, was to be a surprise. 34
In a far corner of the room was the real mystery object or objects of the evening. Some rather bulky presences covered by several padded black cloths. What was beneath was a conundrum; the mystery of the evening. No one alluded to this corner. It rivaled the favors for being ignored…disregarded.35
A smallish man passes me. I have seen him in the building for years and have always taken notice of him because he resembled an old friend of mine. Something takes possession of me and I introduce myself. He’s Walter. It turns out, although we are both retired, we’ve been in the same business, know the same people. Shared similar experiences. He is ecstatic…calls his wife over, introduces me. He can’t get over living in the same building…all these years. All those old times….We’ve got to get together. 36
I was about to turn away my fourth or fifth server with another tray of unidentifiable Japanese raw cuisine and concentrate on my remaining, shriveled, gin soaked olive when a collective “sshhh” admonishes the room. Someone audibly whispers: “She’s coming.” It was after seven…and it was about time. I only hoped dinner would not comprise another complement of Japanese delights.37
“SURPRISE!”38
A stunned look on Sheryl’s face. People she hadn’t seen for years! All here, now, for the surprise birthday gala! Laughs…glee…kisses…finger pointing!39
I could almost anticipate “Oh! God! I thought you were dead!...” 40
It was close. “And Tracy…I thought you were in Hawaii!..Abe! Where’s Francine? Francine, honey!” More kisses. I found my placard, removed the baby photo, opened the cleverly folded napkin and sat down. 41
The menu sported three choices which I examined carefully and with due dread. Two were of the Japanese mystery variety; one was some kind of “hangar” steak. There was no uncertainty. It was going to be a hangar steak night. I just hoped that wasn’t what was in the designer bags.42
At our table was a giggly girl, attractive at first, but then, altogether too giggly. She introduced her friend, a tall good looking man who said he was a gynecologist. They had just met some months ago, were living together, were going to marry soon and had only met Dan and Sheryl recently on a trip to one of the Islands. Long? Actually, they met on the boat coming back to N.Y. Dan secretly invited them to the party. I liked the doctor. He was going to have the hangar steak as well. The giggly girl, a rather thin person, opted for the shredded pickled sting ray fukami.43
Nothing came. But someone kept pinging a glass with a spoon. The toasts went on for nearly as long as the cocktail hour. Friends from her thirties, from her childhood, from when she was single, from when she met Dan, from her baby days,from before the womb. Oh, the memories. Oh, the people. There was her best friend from college, there was Mindy, Leslie, her wonderful daughter’s-in-law who couldn’t have made it if it were not for the guidance and understanding of Sheryl, a most incredible and unique mother-in-law; there were the grateful sons who never knew a mother like this; there was Ashley, and Kimberly, Taylor and Tracy, the daughters of Judy, Shirley, Joan and Barbara. Sheryl was a one-in-a-million. Dan was the luckiest man alive. How did he ever deserve Sheryl? Chuckles. Chortles.44
It was ten o’ clock; the salad finally arrived: greens with a strange pungent sauce. I poked at it, with not insignificant foreboding, but my hunger overrode caution. My wife, meanwhile, was falling asleep. Usually uncontrollable drifting off would take place while reclining on the couch in the face of an intriguing television event at this hour, but now it was upright in anticipation of washubi zotanambi hokunomo…while Dan clinked on a glass to announce what a wonderful wife Sheryl was and how supportive were all her friends, and to thank everyone for coming out in this weather, and for finding the place, and what a great mother Sheryl was, and how this couldn’t have been such a great surprise if it weren’t for the cooperation of all concerned, and to especially thank Ed, his oldest friend, who came out of retirement for the event, and all the members of the great staff of this restaurant, and this great food (there was silence at this) and please don’t go anywhere…because there’s a great surprise coming. There were more kisses.45
“Sheryl and Dan…Sheryl and Dan…Sheryl and Dan!” Frantic clinking! Another kiss. Applause. Another old girlfriend gets up…pings another glass. “Let’s give it up for Sheryl and Dan!” Utensils, in anticipation of the hangar steak about to arrive, are set down again. More applause. At last the food arrives. My wife, is asleep. I wake her with a gentle nudge.46
The hangar steak is unchewable, tough. There is no way around this. Even the sober, politically correct, good natured doctor agrees. To oohs and aahs and light applause the cake is wheeled out. A nauseating chorus of happy birthday is led by old pal Barbara, Sheryl cuts the cake, gets a dab of crème on her nose and comments on how fantastic the cake is. Someone mumbles something about why there are no candles…. Dan and two others, with extraordinary effort move the mysterious black-draped corner table to the center of the dining room. There is silence.47
The shrouds are snatched away. The things beneath are unveiled. Everyone gasps in admiration. Someone actually says: “awesome!” Someone else, on my left, whispers: “what is it?”48
Dan is an artist…this is his sculpture. It is his gift (along with the surprise party) to Sheryl. She too is awed, mouth agape. “It’s beautiful.” Applause.49
But everyone continues to stare at the creations. On a pair of square, black bases, two shiny brass protrusions emerge, reaching skyward. They resemble fish, essentially, but with no detail. They are more like slabs, or fins…each going in opposite directions. The guests continue to stare at these shining examples of quintessential modernism. Brasshimi? No one dares look away.50
The initial bites of the hangar steak are not going down.51
Sheryl rises to the occasion and lauds the talents and undying love of Dan.52
Everybody eats cake. The coffee arrives late and is rapidly cooling from luke- warm to cold.53
As Tracy, Leslie, Ashley and Kimberly mingle with Sheryl and Dan, and Joan and Barbara, we begin to meander in hopes of seeing whether we can unearth a ride. People are already taking their little designer bags at the door. There are no rides to be had with anyone going uptown…except for one. What luck. She is the spinster neighbor who smiled affably at the start of the cocktail hour: a lovely lady, (though a bit heavy…and undeniably unfeminine). She is alone and generously offers a ride home. My wife is barely awake.54
The woman drives a handsome, extravagant Lexus. “Why not," she says, "may as well spend it!”55
In the car, I peek in the favor bag: scented products and various colognes from an exclusive perfumer. Sniffing one of the samples discloses it is replete with the heavy, lingering, contemporary overwhelming miasma of industrial perfume’s latest creation for the department store set: Oak Moss. And I can’t seem to get it out of my nose.56
One month later I see Walter leaving the building. He doesn’t recognize me at all. Passes right by. Surprise.57
Author notes
This tale is by GARY ALEXANDER (who else?)
A contest entry
- Oi. Enter My Contest! :D by RxxSpiritWolfxxJ.
350 points, ended July 6, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - It's My Birthday! And I don't want to cry! by Taylor Renee.
350 points, ended August 20, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - What's Taters, Precious, huh? What's Taters? by Valkyrie.
800 points, ended October 10, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Show off your talent X3 by xXSnickiesXx.
600 points, ended January 16, 101 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - P-A-R-T-Y by flowerbee1234.
100 points, ended January 17, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Random Funk by Owen Aero.
450 points, ended May 1, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short Stories by Cavalier.
350 points, ended May 20, 33 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Sorry.... by Carina.J.LR.
175 points, ended June 3, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Let There Be HUMOR!!!!!!! by diamonds.R.forever.
130 points, ended October 24, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 67 of 67
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You Got Scrooged
Had me reaching for the gin bottle until the jalapeno stuffed olives. Worst martini I ever had was a Cajun martini. Ossified the oysters I had been eating. Loved the comments on the Japanese canapes, hilarious. Anyone who survives 60 yrs in NYC has my admiration if not pity(seems us denizens of the vast prairie wasteland need our elbow room). This cosmopolitan cataclysm may have been averted if BBQ had been served,but where would they put the fire pit? But another enjoyable Cheeveresque view of the Big Apple just reinforces my instinct to quarantine the home of the UN. Nice jaded contrast to the warm hearted stories of your youth.
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Good story! Def. an honorable mention!
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I really enjoyed the dry wit and humor of this story. I must say whoever is telling this story is a complete ass (i mean that in a good way). It is nice to read, but I certainly hope most people are not that judgental. The throat operation thing seemed a little pointless. Another general note is the daughter in law talks to a new york city resident like they do not live there anybody who has been to nyc knows to pay attention to the ave or ln or street. I think you get the point. "there was a chuckle," but not much of one" the fact it was a chuckle isn't it implied it was not much of one? I have never heard a long hearty chuckle. I do love your use of words most of the time.
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Awesome, very good.
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Being completely honest, i didn't particularly like this story at first. However, by the end of it, i came to appreciate the dry, witty narrative and blatant honesty which you portrayed so well. I think everybody who has ever been to an awkward dinner party will understand exactly where you're coming from. Well done.
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Imaginative!
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123
I love the humor in this story and I think you have good imagetion!
beginning: 5, language: 2, plot: 2, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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Mundane Lulz
lol As always, a pleasure to read your work, Gary.
You've got a great style. Smooth, fluid, intelligent and you do so well with dialogue.
The sarcasm and the flippant nature of dinner parties was fun to read, as they were so very well described, and I loved the line: "It seemed a cruel observation but perhaps a softer, kinder one would follow after I ate." I actually grinned. xD
And the ending topped it off and tipped the hat. Such a shame, really, but so very true.
Thank you for entering my contest, and best of luck!
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I do think it is wonderful!
Great story!
Really long but I read this story through.
This piece is definitely good and amazing!
You rock!
Keep posting! -
I like your writing style
this is really good! -
"It seemed a cruel observation but perhaps a softer, kinder one would follow after I ate."
I love this line for the very basic truth it contains. Don't bother me. You're not attractive unless my empty stomach has been recently filled with either a sufficient amount of nutrition carrying alcohol or a good Porterhouse.
I may have commented on this in the past, but I have no recollection of it and even if I did, it was just as fun to read.
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I liked this but it was rather strabge. what was the point of sorry?
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I really don't have much to add, I found your story and style extremely accomplished and quietly witty (that is a compliment, by the way). The whole thing was right up my alley, I loved it.
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You're Gary Alexander.
This is not my notion of comedy(. though I did smile when Dan revealed his sculpture...let me guess-it could be a food item for men, but was not exactly edible...
Good job, and best of luck in the contest.
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You are really accomplished at mixing dialogue with the narrative. This makes the reading of your work a really pleasant experience. I like the way that this story brings the mundane to life. The real message is the last line and that is a great way of leaving the reader satisfied.
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OH HOW CRUEL IS THIS UNFAIR WORLD!?! ZOMG
loved the ending, great write! I love your description and... your writing style, its a bit slow, I dont say that in a bad way, its just that... it really went with this story, it made teh story seem to drag on so tha toyu felt what the characters were, again dont take that in a bad way, it is most certainly not aimed that way.
otr vez, great piece, keep up your great writing and good luck in my contest!
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Wow this was as amazing as I have come to expect of you---amazingly funny. You have a real talent for humorous descriptions. No wonder you won so many trophies! you deserved them!!!
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lol, I love the the sarcasm and the satire that were used in this story. This story was kind of long, but overall was awesome! Good Job buddy!
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Ah, awkward dinner parties....this was a perfect description of those fearful things. I was grinning and wincing along with the long-suffering narrator (the lifeline martini was a great touch ). I noticed that in p36 and in p57 you slipped into present tense - maybe put this in past? But aside from that, nothing to critique. This was a highly entertaining story (how unfortunate that the party itself was not half as fun!).
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Hahaha, this was actually a really funny story. It was a really nice insight into a 'well prepared' party, the dulls and the borings of people with money. It flowed well and was a really nice read.
Good luck in the contest, and well done. -
I really enjoyed this. It was a fun, quirky look at a party. It was written exceptionally well, and moved along with a good pace. Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck.
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This was a nice read, and written exceptionally well. I loved the giggly girl and the japanese hors d'oeuvres. That sounds like a good party, and that's a lovely gift to recieve a sculpture. I love the word 'miasma' and the scent of the perfume, "oak Moss', that's a nice soothing name. One thing, why didn't Walter recognize him?
Well done. (:
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The last sentence on 22 need to be fixed.
It moves Really fast in some parts and other just drag on.
Over all i liked it, the humor flowed nicely.
Great job
Host. -
“Surprise? She’s sixty and it’s a surprise?” There was a chuckle, but not much of one. “When you’re sixty you can’t lift your arm to get into your coat; you can’t straighten up getting out of a car, and you don’t look so great. Funny things start growing on your body and mysterious little brown spots begin appearing. It shouldn’t be such a surprise. Why is she having a surprise party?”
I love that paragraph
This is amazingly written. I loved this so much... Its just.. wow...
Okay, let me start again.
I love the way you wrote this. The humour came naturally, and smoothly, and your details were fantastic. I loved the ending too. I love our style of writing. Its soft and extremely comfortable to read. Great job with this, GA, and a happy new year!
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Effective Affect
You invite me to this party, and when I show up, I am surrounded by pretentiousness and tedium. You introduce me to other guests who are either boring or self-important, the food sucks, the atmosphere is languorous, even the decorations are bad. In a huff, I leave without a word to my host.
After reclaiming my social graces, I guiltily return to party to readdress the gathering more fairly. Perhaps I am harsh and should give this another chance. After all, it is a party, and I like parties. I try a martini; I taste the sushi. But sadly, my second circuit around the dance floor ends with the same feeling of discontent. My conclusion: The festivities are moribund. I slink out the door.
It is only after eight hours of sleep (too many martinis?) that I realize that the party was a success. No, the food still barely edible (some indigestion this morning) and the company mundane (I, too, will pretend not recognize these people on the street), I was NOT entertained at the party, but this party didn’t occur so that I could have fun. The party was thrown for me to experience a tiresomeness event. Through the grace and intelligence of my host, I felt how truly horrible it was to be there. My host achieved subtle success, effective affect.
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I'm amazed
Wow. This story is definitely the bomb of this contest, and I thank you so much for entering. I'm still in awe about how great this was written, and how hard you must have worked. I have read many stories on story write, but this may be the best I have ever read. Superb job, and great luck in the contest.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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In accordance with your recommendation I looked up this story, even though I don't usually read any fiction above a thousand words on the screen, and it was definitely worth it! It feels very much like one of those voice-over monologues that are in so many quality movies. Just like Mort of Magic, it reminded me of Woody Allen, which in my book is a big golden plus-sign.
What I cannot get my head around, however, is your use of "...". At first I figured you used it where I would have used a dash (" - "), but later I saw that in a lot of places I would just have settled for a simple comma. Anyway, in my honest opinion it looks a little messy, and somehow unfinished. Of course, since you are portraying a characters mind, this might be exactly the effect you were looking for.
Great read, keep it up! -
Two of my conclusions about this story are the following:
1. It was the most boring party in the history of the universe, and 2. You don't like surprises. Am I right?
My favorite part of the party would have to be the comment on the sculpture, "what is it?" (hilarious!) and the cake.
And I love the last paragraph. Ha ha! It's the best part, as far as I'm concerned.
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Oh my god.......
.....I'm sorry I didn't talk to you, didn't see you in the crowd, but since we are in the same group of friends.........
I regularly develop diplomatic ailments these days, simply because of this sort of thing. One day, I swear by all that's holy, I'm going to tell those who invite me that I don't want to hurry my end. These things seem to last forever, and I'm always surprised when no-one discovers a mouldering corpse; maybe they're just too polite to draw attention to it!
You reflect my take on these affairs almost to the letter, well done. -
Entertaining, but not exactly what I wanted for this contest. I enjoyed the digs at the facetiousness of social niceties and all those other conventions that humans are prone to do in certain highbrow situations, but the overall effect of this story was somewhat too dry.
Thank you for your entry in this contest. -
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I might also add...
Urban...
This piece was not really satirizing "highbrow" affairs...it was satirizing the "surprise party"...and this, is what you are not yet old enough to understand (no fault of yours...blame chronology!)Kids still LOVE partyies...ANY ind of PARTY!
But, as I remarked in my earlier note to you, YOU WILL! Alas, you eventually, after about fifty of these dumb and totally phony, extravaganzas, WILL!
GA
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it was good a little lenghty but a good story
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Ah, the lovely joy that is attending a lengthy party.
This is exactly why I hate parties for anyone I know less than incredibly well, and especially for folks in the "lots of life experience" category. Being a body in the audience just so they can feel that they've got SO MANY people who LOVE them, when the relation between us is tenuous, is not my plate of squid in maple leaves.
I loved the way your sentences got shorter and shorter as the evening wore on, reflecting your impatience to move it the heck along already.
The extravagance of the exotic food, sculpture, and parting gifts, and the apathy for the plight of their guests, were breathtakingly hilarious in their cynicism.
And as always, I loved the descriptions of the people in your story. Especially how Walter breezed by at the very end.
And Surprise. HA! Neatly tied up, all wrapped around, finger on the knot, and ta da! That was the perfect ending.
Two notes:
P35 is all in present tense, unlike the rest of your story
P54 you've got 'she says' inside the quotes that she says
Thank you for entering my yummy contest. Did it help that I was eating while I read this? We'll see! Good luck!
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wow, it's really well written yet for some reason a little hard to read. Perhaps the vocabulary is a bit much for me in the mood I'm in to concentrate on it. All the descriptions seem a bit disconnected but all run together.
Anyway I liked the irony, though didn't find it laugh out loud funny. -
Your writing never ceases to amaze me, whether or not I've made you aware of this.
Somehow, as young as I am, I loved this. I love reading pieces like this. I giggled a few times and everything; I loved it!
Your writing style is so unique, and I definitely love it.
I love that last bit; "Passes right by. Surprise."
Haha. I don't know why; I just loved that.
This story is flawless, though, of course, I could expect that.
I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it.
Thank you so much for entering my contest, and I wish you the best of luck.
xoxo
-♥-
Tay
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Really Very Good
I loved this. Brilliantly executed. Incredible witt and a mature style and syntax all combine in one package of greatness. It was never too wordy and I loved the way you combined sentences meant to forward the story and those with seemingly trivial detail that just made it jump off the page. A great social commentary and terrifically believable. I loved every word.beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Oy! New York! New York.
Told with a journalist's eye.
Ho Ho Ho Paragraph 7. Sounded exactly like me at 60!
I understood the story to be about falseness, and the shallow relationships that city life breeds. Social masks. Hope I was close to the mark.
Tightly written. Dripping ironies.
Enjoyed it. Glad that's not my social set.
Regrads,
jg
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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In Reply to Gagiikwe...
Falseness? Shallow relationships? Social masks? Indeed, sir! And you "hope" you were "close" to the mark? Not "close"...I'm afraid you struck it right on!
And as for the kind comment of: "dripping" ironies and "tight" writing? From you, I am flattered. Thanks.
GA
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Amusing and interesting story, with some engaging tone and narrative. There was a slight surreal feel to it, different and enjoyable.
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Surreal?
Apparently you have not been to many of these events! (Count your blessings!)
GA
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Thanks for your entry into my contest. Your story is very entertaining and humorous. Made me laugh out loud a few times. Good job painting clear and consise pictures and catching the "feel" of the occasion.
Best of luck in the contest. -
Good!
I'm glad you recommended that I read this; it was nice and humurous.
But not very many people understand our type of humor, do they Gary? Eh. Oh well.
Anyways, well written! I think it could've used a tiny bit more detail, more than likely as to what people looked like, but the vague descriptions went well with the overall tone of the story.
So, once again, great job, and keep it up!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This is a great story, but I think I should re-read it later. My eye is twitching and I couldn't really focus on it...
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I liked this
It was very well written and I found myself laughing several times throughout.
I just don't really get the ending. It seems kind of rushed. Like one of those stories where it's moving and moving and then WHAM! it stops.
I also had to search up to remember who Walter was, because he was only mentioned once before
But like I said, I like this, and it was a good read
Thanks for entering
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Enjoyable
Seem as if he walked into the twilight zone, it is odd the man was so friendly but didn't recognize the main character at the end. Partys do strange things to people.They never act normal in a dress up,drinking party. some one usually wears a lamp shade home, and some ones feelings usually get hurt.We change into our party mode and forget who we really are in such a place.Maybe it is the intake of drinks which change an persons character,some get more outgoing, while others crawl into a shell and keep drinking and dreaming of better days.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Forgive me if I am wrong; but is this story the old fashioned era times.
One thing I could not understand again is the humor.... I hate the fact That I can't see it because I feel like I am missing out on something.
In some parts I found myself absorbed into the story. But for the majority It was so out of my league it made it extreamly disturbing inside my mind to pass a valid judgement.
I think it was well written. For the parts that I could truely muster and understand.
you have such a way with imagery, and description... It amazes me and really does scare me.
Blair
keep it up ! -
Gary, The Party" is really funny. It's pure Gary and I thoroughly enjoyed it. From the rich detail of the descriptions, I felt that at too was at the party, right alongside the narrator. I laughed outloud at times. And the ending...well it was perfect.
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You've sure got a talent for nastalgia. This is great. I didn't think there was anyone here old enough to write like this. This takes experence. Wonderful color and details. And the ending was great, finding the ride was beautiful Karma! Give me some mo
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 2.
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This was a serious satire like story. I liked it - it explained so much of the real world and the faults we have today. Yeah ..the guy totally doesn't get the point of the party - and have you got something against Japanese food?
Very well written and the character outlines and descriptions were excellent!
Cheers,
R.
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Great story, as always! It's hilarious how your character seems to miss the point that it's the PARTY that's the surprise, not the BIRTHDAY. It's also funny how terrible this misunderstood party is, even to someone who does like surprise parties; good food is key, and they seem to lack it at this sixtieth b-day celebration. One question: is the question mark in "'What are those,' I pointed?" at line 27 intentionally placed at the end of the sentence? I've never seen it used in that manner, but I'm not going to argue with your punctuation...
I love the ending too. It's so deflating; it's great. Amazing job! -
Brilliant
As always, your writing is excellent. I thought the view of life you took on this was realistic. You explained a lot of things about your main character, without ever actually explaining him at all. I would like to see more of this character. I wanted to witness how he looked at other parts of the world as well. I found myself able to relate. Really, really good stuff. You are easily one of the best on SW.
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Basically, well written. The only small complaint I have is that the story seems very level, and doesn't really peak at any point. The dry humour rolls onwards steadily, but lacks any twists, turns or structure.
Funny stuff, but lacks form, for lack of better word.
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Very funny
Quite funny, you were absolutely right. Definately my type of read. Highly entertaining. I especially liked the part where he was talking about the toasts. The sarcasm was hilarious. I found myself giggling at the dinner part too with his not-so-tender steak lol. A delight.
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What a hoot
Your story was very entertaining. I thought the best line was "I wonder if Dan's wife was going to have another surprise party next year when she would unexpectedly turn sixty-one." I'm still laughing.
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Haha! Nice story! you wrote it very well. I loved the sarcasm, and the humor was great ^^. Lol! Anyways, I think you should explain things more, sometimes I get confused. But I guess that's just me, 'cause nobody else said that, lol! Oh yeah and I didn't see any grammar errors or nothing. That's a plus! Also, I did catch some things. Sometimes you'd use run on sentences, use those commas! Lol. Well, overall that was a very good story. And I'm glad I read it. Keep on writing!
Overall, I'd say this story was very good and beautifully written ^^
Keep up the good work,
-Brian. -
cool storie
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^_^ so here. Again, GA it's flawless. I find the 5th paragraph especially funny. Is it that bad growing old? ^_^; Surely not! Some party eh? LOL. Hopefully you wouldn't have to go to one of these "surprise" parties with the narrator's outlook. Enjoy it! XD
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I greatly enjoyed this. I thought that was very funny that the protagonist didn't seem to like anything at or about the party! I wonder why he went? Perhaps just to be courteous?
It was very realistic. I could imagine the distasteful looks on the main character's face as he learned what each food dish was, and his struggles to eat the steak. I related to him very much; oftentimes at parties, I feel rather left out somehow and occupy myself simply by watching the commotion around me.
The very last word of the story rings with pleasant, sarcastic irony. I love it!
Thank you for sharing this with us!
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Very Well Written!
I noticed no errors. There was a lot of dry humor and sarcasm. The main character didn't care for the cuisine, didn't think much of the idea for the party, and didn't like most of the people. I was wondering why he went. In fact, the main character doesn't seem to like much of anything. I would think the poor character could use an attitude adjustment
Reads well and kept my attention.
Andy
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really good
you have great descriptions but be careful of run-on sentences...there were quite a few that I could detect. Overall, you did a really good job and you are a good and funny writer.
beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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this is a great narration of one of those awful, boring parties you wont ever forget!
great imagery, and your writing style kind of reminds me of P.G. Wodehouse(the guy who created Jeeves).
My only complaint is that I, at least, don't find Japanese food that bad!! -
Oh my, I felt like I was there, trapped along with you and your poor wife waiting an eternity to eat! This was very funny, I enjoyed the sarcasm of this and the description is great. The bit with Walter was a nice detail, everything in common, sure to be best friends... completely forgotten. The whole experience has a hilarious element of cloying superficiality to it, just like the cologne at the end. Another outstanding write, my friend!
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This is definitely another excellent read. I enjoyed your dry wit and veiled sarcasm. I think it must be obligatory, at these terrible functions, to serve totally indeible food at great expense. I think you may have suffered a few of these 'parties' Aside from that, this story is very well written and shows off another of your many talents - astute observer of life.
Well done, Gary.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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"And her sixties, of course, were to be a surprise." That line cracked me right up. A well-written, entertaining story that dripped adequte sarcasm in appropriate volume. Neither too heavy nor too light, just the right amount to add flavor to the story.
Fun read, Sir!
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Of course there is never a problem in following your writing. It is clear and flows smoothly—
You have to get a tipple ’A’ for this one. Of course I don’t think I would offer it up to AARP for publication.
Talk about a cantankerous, insufferable and disparaging view of people. Of course anyone over sixty would likely find the descriptions your main character gives more than a bit brutal. I have to admit your narrator was comical and his cynicism added to the humor.
Not like you to over-indulge your reader’s senses with so much detail; but I suppose this story cried for excesses. The way you described that Japanese cuisine, the raw nearly transformed to ‘live’ (first I gagged then I giggled.)
Of course there is never a problem in following your writing. It is clear and flows smoothly—If you just wanted me to enjoy the comedy in the situation, I certainly did.
If you had any hidden lesson in this, I lost it.
Geri
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Excellent!
I loved reading this! The sarcasm and humour weaved throughout was done superbly! Very intelligent. Excellent, like every single one of your stories!
I grew to like the main character and his dry wit. And i especially loved the ending!
Not quite sure what else to say, except to ask you to keep writing!
Yrs.
Azaradelle.
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I always want to ask is what you write is what has happened to you in real life. So here I am asking The reason I ask is because the details and conversations are so real.
This really sounded like it could have been a blast, but I would have left at 7:30. NO food until 10, I would have starved to death (eat here at 5:30)
Brooke
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