"No, Nathan, I'm fine," Rachel insisted. She didn't usually talk on the cellphone when she drove, but the road was deserted. She freely ignored the posted speed limit of 35 miles per hour, as well. "How about I call you once I get in town and settled in? Okay, look, this isn't about me and you, right? This is about my career. No, I never heard of the Nazareth Falls Gazette, either, but I have to start somewhere."1
The road's surface was very well-maintained, considering how little used it seemed to be. She must have caught it on a slow day. Although there were still dirty gray piles of snow here and there on the side of the road, ugly mini-glaciers that would likely thaw every day and re-freeze every night until well into April, it had been forty degrees or warmer for several days in a row and there was no ice on the road. 2
"Look, the whole reason I went to school is to be a journalist," she said hotly, surpised at the lack of support. Her college boyfriend hadn't been thrilled when she'd accepted a job offer in another state, but he'd waited until she was actually well on her way there to let her know exactly how strongly he felt. She punched on the gas as the white station wagon, a hand-me-down from her mother, went up a small but steep slope. "Meeting you there was the best thing that's ever happened to me... but it doesn't change what I want to do with my life."3
She came to the top of the rise, unnoticed, and continued downward, her foot still on the accelerator.4
"Nathan, don't even ask me that. Of course I still love you. You just can't ask me to choose between you and my career... what? What do you mean you shouldn't have to ask?"5
Wrapped up in her feelings and her telephone conversation, her mind began to process the impending bend in the road, the bright yellow "Dip" sign, the picturesque stone bridge beyond and the posted warning about iciness.6
"Listen, Mr. I-Minored-In-Women's-Studies... I wanted this to work out. I wanted to give this whole long distance thing a try. But if you think for one moment that oh, holy Christ!"7
The phone flew from her hand as she gripped the wheel in both hands. She let off the gas, too late. Days or weeks of run-off pooled in the depression at the bottom of the hill, making a surface of smooth, glassy ice. The road's curve put her heading in a straight line for the foot-thick stone wall that served as a guard rail on the bridge, flying towards it at sixty miles per hour. 8
She hit the brakes, as gently as she could, and corrected her course to the right. The back of the car continued swinging to the left. The road up to and across the bridge was paved with cobblestones, made slippery with trapped water. She tried to correct, but lost control. The station wagon spun out, spinning one hundred and eighty degrees around. It would have kept going but on the narrow bridge, there was no room. The right side of the spinning vehincle slammed into the thick stone guard rail, front corner first. Rachel was flung forward and to the side, her temple impacting the dashboard.9
Her world exploded. She saw brightness, then darkness. She was gone, out cold. She awoke to more darkness, with only the dim awareness of a gap during which she hadn't even been conscious of the black that now filled her vision. 10
It was a sound of chanting, low and rumbling. It was like voices buried in rolling thunder, like a tape played backwards and slow. She heard it... felt it... in the back of her brain, down by the base of her spine. It was only the sense of there being sound, or perhaps it was sounds without sense.11
The un-sound increased in speed and volume, building to a monstrous crescendo. She saw things, flashes of imagery that lit the darkness. Trees, dark shapes moving among them. Blood on the snow. Heads on pikes. Bodies strewn on a wooden floor, throats ripped open. Men and women in masks, doing things to each other she had only read about. People who weren't people. Other things. Things her eyes could not process, things she had no words for. 12
A smile that could devour a world.13
She tried to scream. She might have screamed. She didn't know. There was no sound, no feeling of air pushing through her throat... no feeling of anything... but the progression of images abruptly stopped. She had a sensation of landing, of catching and righting herself after a stumble or near-fall. 14
The chanting--if that's what it was--continued. She was hearing it properly now, although it sounded muffled and echoed.15
Her hand reached out and she gave a shrieking gasp as her fingers found something slick and wet, before they encountered the solid stone behind it and she realized she was touching stonework covered with mold and moisture. Now that she knew it was there, she realized she could see the wall, or at least light glistening off its wetness. She turned around to get a sense of her surroundings. She was in a narrow tunnel or hallway, with darkness behind her and light, however feeble and flickering it may be, ahead.16
The passage floor sloped downward as she went towards the light. She started to wonder if she was dead... if this was the tunnel people spoke of... but she cut that thought short.17
The tunnel opened out into the middle of a room with walls of unworked stone bricks, with a high vaulted ceiling. The illumination came from two braziers in the far corners of the room. To her light-starved eyes, they lit up the room in graphic detail.18
There were people in brown hooded cloaks, all-concealing. They were arranged across the room... not quite in a line or a semi-circle, but somewhat irregularly. She had the feeling that there was a purpose to their placement, though why she would think that was beyond her. In the center of the group was an old man, attired differently than the rest. In front of him was a sort of raised table or platform that was inclined towards him, blocking whatever might have been on it from Rachel's sight. Whatever it was, it was clearly the focus of the group... all present were turned towards it.19
The old man wore a toga or gown of some black material. It was sleeveless hung loosely over his body, leaving his arms and one bony shoulder exposed. With his thin, spindly limbs and his oversized, almost bulbous bald head, he reminded her of a spider. 20
He is like a spider, she realized, and all the people around him are either caught in his web, or are themselves a part of it. The insight came unbidden to her, but she knew it to be true. It was neither a memory or a revelation, merely something that... was. 21
One of the hooded figures, a tall, imposing presence at the old man's left hand, raised his head to gaze her way. Her breath caught in her throat with the shocking realization that he could see her, that she was really there. His cowl slipped back, and her pounding heart hit a staccato burst as she saw his face...22
"Miss?"23
The image dissolved in a haze of pain and light. She became aware of a throbbing in her head that matched her racing pulse. She moaned, squeezing her eyes tightly closed, then opened them more gingerly.24
"Miss? Are you alright?" the kind, richly textured voice said again.25
She realized she was slumped over on her side, across the front passenger seat. The voice came from outside the car's, through the perpetually open driver's side window. With one hand on the steering wheel, she pulled herself upright. A glance out the other window almost made her swoon again... she'd knocked a big chunk of the side wall off the bridge, and her right front tire was halfway out in empty space. She recoiled, turning her head away from the dizzying sight... and towards the face of the stranger. Her gaze locked with his, and she froze.26
"My name is Leonid," he said. "Are you alright?"27
She continued to stare, dumbstruck... awestruck... somethingstruck. As much as she wanted to shake off the effects of the horrific vision, chalk it up to a nightmare induced by the trauma of the crash, she found she couldn't.28
She was looking into the face of the man beneath the brown hood.29
You can get the rest of the story here: www.keepitcoming.net/glass-darkly.html 30
Author notes
A Glass Darkly is the first thing I've ever written that was published for pay. I'm cross posting the first chapter here because storywrite.com is where I got started with writing serial fiction and it's really what gave me the confidence to come this far, and hopefully keep going.
And of course, anybody who wants to read more of my stories for free can do it on storywrite, or my website: www.starharbornights.com
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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This is great story, it really grabbed my attention. I was very susupensful. Great job, I got a little confused on some grammer, but still, I thought it was a great story. Awesome job! Keep up the good work.
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I loved this you kept me wanting more great job. clap i'm going to read the rest in a second. keep up the excellent work
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This is sooo good!! I can definetly see how you got published!! ooo, the face of the guy and the... Ohhh... Im going to read the rest of it for sure, I love it, Can't wait to see your name all over book stores!
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Woah. That gave me the creeps...
You have talent. And I mean, a whole lotta talent.
Good job!!!! -
A++++++++++
Imagery, excellently written story, had me drawn in from the beginning. You captured me in your web. This is published, right? If so, I can see why. This is a great, yes, a great imaginative story. And it's intense, never letting up. I enjoyed this one immensely. I rarely read stories on sites because they take so long to read. But I had to read this one, for it was intriguing and turned out amazing. Wow, I just am awestruck by this one. Excellent. -
wow this is a great story it kicks ass.Great job.
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Umm y did you have to post the whole story again in the comment box are you just trying to get points?? what you did was wrong you should left a comment not posting her story over again..
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Holy chit you gave me the hibby gibbys.. This was so tense it I had to turn some light on when I got done reading because i actually got scared don;t ask me y but I did lol... You did such an excellent job I could visualize that I was the one in the car and come crashing and feeling the wet mold on the rock... Ohh you did such a great job!!! Thank you o so much for posting a great story keep up the great work!!!
Always
~JENN~ -
Actually, part two (and much more beyond that) is already written... as I said, the rest of the story is being published for money... which means you have to purchase the story from the website. I can't post any more than the first chapter for free, because that's what's available on the website.
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Awww... Chapter 2 isn't on there.
PLEASE tell me when you add to this! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Angeltears4 -
Wow! It's such a long a awesome story. I really, really enjoyed how you just went right into the story instead of how some authors explain the world before actually telling what is happening and what is going on. The dialogue is clear, yet real sounding, and I love your ability to explain both sides of the conversation in one voice. The descriptions are all so vivid and concrete. The slightness of humor (I-Minored-In-Women's-Studies) is cute but you don't overuse it, which is nice. The little music metaphors are cool. I actually Instant Messaged one of my friends a link to this story because I liked it so much. I'll be sure to check out the rest when I get back on *puts link under favorites,* but I have to sign off now. AMAZING!!!
Angeltears4 -
hey! i thought i'd get bored in this because its so long! but i went straight through it! read it three times! i really liked it! well done and keep up the great writes!!
esme xxxx -
This is great. Published you say? I can see why. The whole man being like a spider, and other examples of the way you word things is amazing. The storyline is a little confusing, but my brain melted recently etc. It almost reminds me of the DaVinci Code and the underground cult...Anyway, great write and I think I might have to read more if I have time.
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Creepy, Scarey, and GREAT
YIKERS!!!!
And YEAH!.... a new StarHarbor serial to follow.
You captured the feeling of the crash well, and the confusion and horror afterwards, too. The mental imagery of it all is great.... and scarey! I can't WAIT for partez deux! -
Long stories are wonderful. Kinda hard to get a hang of all the characters, but i really liked it. Great job, and keep up the good work.
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LOVE IT
I like how you write out and give a full image of what is going on in the story... I THINK THIS IS AWESOME! wow wow wow wow! I dont want to sound like a person who is just trying the comment on something, but wow this is so freaking awesome.. it was so good, i was almost in tears! well keep up the good writes.. i am coming back to read more/ -
great imagery and storyline I like how you write out and give a full image of what is going on in the story.
'The un-sound increased in speed and volume, building to a monstrous crescendo.' favorite line *grins* great work and congrats on getting cash for your work now! I shall have to continue this story at a later date but the small piece here that I have read is very good indeed. Keep on writing! -
Interesting, crossingtheline.
It's always funny to see someone who feels the need to comment on something they clicked on even when they didn't read it... if you had, you might have noticed that this isn't a poem. You might as well brag that the cookies you bake are better cookies than this story is.
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Wow, I'm going to the website to take a look- I really liked this story, it was fantastically written and I can see why it was published, it's like the books I usually read. Good write, I liked it a lot- keep writing
All the best,
Pozo
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Awesome! You are such a great storyteller. I was immediately captivated by this. I'm not surprised that it was published for pay... it was excellent. I hope someday that I will get published, but for now, I'm just going to sit here and be jealous of your talent Anyway, great story, I'm definitely going to have to check out the rest of it sometime soon.
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I don't usually read story's but this was really great. It was ...so far...the best story I have read in a few years.
I cannot wait to read more...I will be checking out your work very soon. Great write...wonderful. ~JD -
I've bookmarked this, will have to come back to it later - love the way you jump straight into the piece without a lot of boring build up and introduction but am on my lunchbreak at work and don't have time to settle down and read this properly. I promise I'll come back
Beck
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this is really good! i like it a lot all the images seem so real, just-wow. i like it a lot! i'll be finishing this soon!
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awesome - I love the bit where she can see heads on pikes, and blood on the snow etc etc, its creepy and cool. well done
Luke
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Nice. Some of us just have a way to effectively take us where they want with words
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Wow... I got to say that I don't usually have the patience these days to read writes like this but I am glad I did. It drew me right in and I didn't find like a damn thing "wrong" ... I like your talent, great work
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Well, i give it nine out of ten. I love the idea, the concept, and it seemed well written at the start, but it seemed less vivid than it could have been. Not by much, though, not by much. I still loved it. I am eagerly looking forward to its continuation. This has infinite possibilities. And it has great potential, and should turn out to be a very enthralling and intriguing write. Keep it up, and good luck with getting your work published and money and such.
*KR* -
Actually, the two spider references are fairly distinct... the first is a physical description, the second is her sudden insight into his nature.
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GREAT
oh my god this is a great story.... keep writing... i really wanna hear more, for some reason it reminds me of Silent hill just a little bit wow i love you imagery i normaly cant sit still to read somethignthat long but you had me hooked...Keep up the good words man keep[ up the good words -
wow, i will definately be reading more, you've got me hooked, and i don't usually do the storywrite thing.
~Kate -
Excellent! I really enjoyed reading this!
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This is awesome. Very well done. If you have time you should consider entering my contest Elaboration. Great images, smoot flow, perfect wording. Great great job. Really caught my attention and I read so much so often that thats hard to do now. Awesome, awesome piece. Keep writing. You have amazing talent. And I mean that. Smile.
- Malificent of Forbidden Mountain - -
Very well done! A good sustained opening – lots of great hooks and interest for a nail biting story, I defiantly wanted to read on – always the acid test!
One small niggle - ~ ‘bald head, he reminded her of a spider.’ Followed by- ‘He is like a spider,’~ I don’t think you need or can have both – it really jarred as I was reading; otherwise good writing, I shall be looking for part two.
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stupendous
hey man, this is some good stuff. suspenseful as i dont know what. great write dude, im lookin forward to the next one! -
Amazing
Thats really good! I like this! Its a surprising ending! I can't wait to read chapter 2!!! I liked the details! Very vivid! I saw the bridge! I liked this! Good job!-Amber- -
This is a story that starts as it should. It is written witha confident hand (or two, typing) pulling us in, carrying us along, trapping us in a horrendous crash, releasing us in a rather miraculous but somewhat otherworldly landing place. The climax of this segment is reached unerringly, with relief shortlived, when we realize it is not of this world at all.
It has all that it needs to keep readers returning for more.
I'm glad I found it.
--Dee
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wow. this is fucking awesome (don't mind the language..heh) i liked it alot. im gonna applaud after "wow"-ing five times!
1-wow
2-wow
3-wow
4-wow
5-wow
yeah i have no life...sorry..haha
-Michelle
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I loved your word choices such as "her pounding heart hit a staccato burst" I can see why you got paid for this. Ill definatly check out the rest.
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wow, i dont usually read stories but this is awesome! great, great great job!!! i liked this a lot, especially, like others, the "A smile that could devour the world" part great job!!
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Enjoyable
That was verry good. I much enjoyed the "A smile that could devour the world" part, I believe that's how it was worded at any rate. It's good to see that people post stories on here, as I've recently done so myself. I enjyoed this peace, and encourage you to continue writing such pieces. -
This is good. I cant wait to read the rest of the chapters! Good write. Keep it up! Great job! Keep it up.
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i wanna read more tooooooo! lol so far so good! im really into it! be sure to lemme know when you write more, kay? youre a great writer!!!!!!!!!!!
*~*RaVeN*~* -
Whoops... thanks for the catch. No idea how that happened since I was copying and pasting from a copy that doesn't have the doubled paragraphs. I'll fix it.
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this was good but did you mean to type the same two paragraphs twice or was it an accident or something?/?
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excellent
WOW. This leaves me speechless. it is well written and very good. keep up the good work. -
Whoa! I can't wait to read the rest!
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wow, this is awesome! I'm totally intrigued and I will definitely be reading the rest of this later. it's just too good to resist! I really enjoyed this story.
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oo ooo oooo!! oh my gosh this is so incredibly awesome and weird and creepy and *gasp!* SO going to that site to finish it
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woah thats GOOD!! great job I'll be sure to check out the rest!
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WOW!!!! I absolutly love this, if this is chapter one i can't wait to read the rest, great work keep it up, i just love it!
~codie
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