I sat in my living room, sipping boiling hot coffee. Straight black, just the way Blade likes it. He sat across from me, studying both his surroundings and me with steel blue eyes, finally realizing he was in no danger he relaxed and reached for his mug of coffee and the sugar bowl. He didn’t spoon the sugar in; he dumped it in, nearly the whole thing. He stirred his coffee, humming softly; he seemed to be on safe, for now. I studied him, God he was tall, nearly seven feet, and he looked much like Master Chief, from Halo. He was bio-augmented like MC but twice as ruthless and he didn’t have power armor like MC too. He stopped stirring and took a sip, he looked out the window. Winter had come to Pennsylvania, Cardinals and Barn Swallows frisked in the snow; deer were feeding behind a tree line. The tree line stood out, Black against white, it all looked so beautiful. Blade spoke, startling me “ It’s nice to be back in Penn’s woods after so long.” He had a rich Basso voice. 1
“ You used to live here in Pennsylvania?” I asked 2
“ Up near Lake Erie, an Upper Class section.” He said 3
I couldn’t help but pry,4
“ What made you leave?” 5
He paused before starting his tale 6
“ Dad was a banker, Mom was a stay-at-home housewife. All through school I got straight A’s, honor classes mind you, sports too, soccer, football, basketball, track, lacrosse. Everything was perfect up until 8th grade.” 7
He paused to take a swig from his mug.8
“ My parents divorced that year, Dad got custody. My sister swung to the emo side of life, her boyfriend was a piece of work.” He Chuckled. “ I walked in on them and he beat me. So I ran to my room, I had already been planning to get leave home for good. I had all my things packed in a hiking backpack. I could have left the day before but I didn’t. I had a Pistol, a Ruger 9 Millimeter; I walked back in and shot him. I left home in a run I didn’t know where I was going, but anywhere was better than there. So I hiked the Appellation Trail, eating what I killed with my pistol. I went to Virginia; an old couple took an interest to me and adopted me.” He took a photo out of his back pocket. It showed a young boy with steel blue eyes in the back of a Pick-up holding a twelve-point buck, the buck’s antlers held a 30-30. “ I shot that buck my third year with them. They owned a small farm so whenever I wasn’t working on the farm I was outside. I went off to HQ when I was twenty-one. That was the hardest thing I had to do.” His eyes welled with tears. “They were the only things I could call home. But I couldn’t stay their forever. They died while I was in basic training, I was distraught, and I signed up for the Augmentation process, Hunter was my senior trainer and he signed up too.” He took another swig from his mug. “ The rest is history,” he said. 9
“What about the commodore’s daughter?” I said 10
He blushed and looked at the floor, surprisingly humble for him, I didn’t know he was capable of blushing too.11
“Well, uh, Ummm.” he was getting uncomfortable. But he knew I wouldn’t take nothing for an answer. “ I didn’t know she was the commodore’s daughter” 12
“That’s true, but I know you, you knew you were getting older and you knew you and her had something in common.” 13
I focused on the ring on his finger. A turquoise stone in a gold ring.14
“ Well at least you owned up.”15
He nodded “ I love my wife and my daughter more than anything in the world. I’d do anything for them.” 16
I nodded. “ Thank you for coming, this will be great for my writing” 17
He stood up. “Anytime, just ask, thanks for coffee.” 18
“Anytime” 19
I showed him out sat down at my computer and began. 20
A contest entry
- Tough Nuts and Tea Parties by IrishYndina.
500 points, ended January 29, 2008, 6 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Got Inspiration? by Seachelle.
1000 points, ended March 25, 2008, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Run Away by Primal Scream.
100 points, ended September 26, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ***STORY OUTLINES, BIOS, PROLOGUES*** by Prodigious.Mirth.
600 points, ended August 2, 2008, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Well what do you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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hmmm I think if I had A faIR IDEA about games like dustbunni said I would of had a much clearer image of what you were trying to describe.
None the less it was an intersting read and I am interested is this a prologue?
is there going to be more?
Good luck
thanks for entering
blair
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Very fresh approach!
Except for the description of the main character, I'd say you had an excellent piece here.
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Hmmm...
Very very interesting piece you have here... The description of Blade compared to the master cheif in Halo did nothing for me, considering I don't really play video games. Be careful about doing that. More physical description would have been nice.. All I know is that he has steel blue eyes. Other than that, It kept my interest, and I would have really liked some more history behind everything... I know so little about this and I feel like i just opened up a book in teh middle of a chapter.. Again, you did a good job
Maybe a few little tweaks could be done if you found it necessary, but I really like the coffee description. Good luck in the contest, and if you wish to revise and re-enter, just contact me
Thanks,
Ana

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I like the detail you added about the scene outside of the window - that's exactly the kind of details I like to see!
You've given Blade quite an interesting past - I wonder if he ever regrets leaving his first family like that, or if he wonders what has happened to them?
Overall, there were a few typos and grammatical errors, but you have a consistent narrative voice and that's easy to follow. I also think the last line in this is perfect for it.
Best of luck in the contest and I hope you had fun!
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lol this was a very amusing story. I am wondering if you mean blade from thie video games or another blade. Eather way this was a fun read.
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