Allowing Idiots to Reproduce

Allowing Idiots to Reproduce1

 2

Kick, kick, kick. I groaned and slid down lower in my chair, trying to ignore the loud tapping on my chair. Math was boring, but now it was unbearable because of the annoying person behind me. I was tempted to turn around and wipe the innocent soul off the face of our planet.3

“Then you multiply PI by the--” My concentration was again ruined by the girl behind me annoyingly tapping her foot on MY chair! I could feel my vein pulsing at this girl’s annoying habits.4

Kick, kick, kick. Control yourself Mike, it’s just the third week of school, and you will NOT scream at a little girl just because she is annoying you. Breath in, breath out.5

Soon the girl began to hum. God, can she get any more annoying? Apparently she can. “I'm dancing… Just dancing in the rain. Can't you feel my pain. Ooh, yeaah. Ooh, yeah. Can't you feel my pain...” she trailed off. 6

Her foot thudded heavily against the cheap metal leg of my chair, driving my stomach into the desk. I gave a strangled sort of cough, and scrapped the chair backwards, and squeaked horrendously as I did so. These chairs never seemed to be quiet when you needed them to be.7

“…I’ve gotta stand my ground…” I heard her finish, triumphant. A second later, there was the sound of a pen cap un-snapping, and someone scratching away at their paper. Rolling my eyes I directed my attention back to the teacher and the blackboard.8

Kick. Kick. Kick. Before I knew what I was doing I had turned around and planted a hand onto her paper. She didn’t seem to notice and... kept on writing, across my hand.9

“Oops.” She muttered and glanced up, her nose centimeters away from mine. “Yo, can I help you?” 10

“Yes, you can.” For a moment I just contemplated her looks, she wasn’t a flat out beauty. Something more of a subtle cutie; shaking my head I cleared my thoughts. I recall her, somehow. Small images rushed into my head, a jumble of images. 11

A short girl who was crying by a grave.12

Brown hair being flicked over her arm and a loud laugh coming from her mouth. Someone slapping her arm and her laughing.13

Sparking blue dress for the Junior High Away Cerimony for eighth graders. A slow song, and her standing off to the side.14

Kick. Kick. Kick. She continued to kick, though I was glaring at her. I muttered angrily, she was a tomboy and nothing would really change that. “Stop kicking my chair.” I stared at her, watching for some sort of expression.15

She raised a perfect, I mean not perfect, eyebrow and leaned in close. Before I could stop her, something was being scrawled on my forhead. Slapping her hand away I scowled. First Algebra first thing in the morning and now an idiot writing on my head? What next? The cast of Monty Python comes dancing in?16

“What the hell?”17

“Damn,” she pouted, “You almost smudged the ink!” As if I really cared if I smudged the ink!18

“Hey!” The teacher, I vaguely recall his name being Mr. Crackle, snapped at us. “Flirt in the hallway, not in the class!” Sliding back into my seat I tried to keep my face from burning up. It wasn’t my fault, now everyone thought we were dating.19

“At least I have a love life.” She snapped back defensively.20

“Detention Miss Katie.” The class broke out into giggles. I shot some evil glares, telling them to keep their trap shut or die.21

____________________________________________________22

Third period flew by. I put all of my attention into Language Arts. It went by undisturbed. Maybe it was the fact I didn't have a certain someone whose name starts with a K and ends with an -Atie bugging me.23

One more class before lunch, Computer Studies, the easiest and most boring class ever made. Yet I have 'her' in it. Checking my E-mail, because no one really cared what our teacher said, it said I had one message. And I clicked on it. Not the smartest idea.
No, it didn't burst into flames, or start beeping. The message went like this:24

To: Mike&Ike6533
From: trouble_is_my_middle_name_Katie
Subject: Howdy Partner25

Hey chica. Would you look at that! I found your email address packed away in the bottom of my list! Coincidence or not? Well I just wanted to say that Mr. Charles stuck us as partners for Gym yesterday. You know, when you were sick. 26

Well toodles chica!
-The supreme ruler of the world
Katie27

My jaw dropped. How…how had she gotten my email address? Oh yeah, she found it on her list. Looked around and found Katie typing away at her computer, pretending to be interested in what the teacher was saying. I hit the REPLY button.28

To: trouble_is_my_middle_name_Katie
To: Mike&Ike6533
Subject: Re: Howdy Partner29

What the hell? Can I ask where you got my email address? Or do I not want to know? Thank you for telling me that. Couldn’t you just tell me in class with out giving me a heart attack or drawing on me?30


La chica se llama Katie es mucho loca y ‘chica’ qué? 31

-Mike32

Hitting the SEND button I stared at the screen. Why did she write “tootles chica”? That was my first hint that this girl wasn’t the brightest thing ever. Or she just chose to ignore certain aspects of the world.33

Class ended before I could get a reply. Thank God.34

______________________________________________________________35

Currently I was yelling at myself, for I had forgotten I had INK all over my head for two periods. Stop laughing. I can sense you are laughing! Now SHUT UP! I inspected my forehead in the mirror. The green ink was indeed smudged ALL over my head; there was even some on my nose.36

Grumbling I splashed water on my face and scrubbed almost all of it off. Thank god that my blond hair would cover up most of the green markings that girl had written on me. My eye twitched as I remembered that girl. 37

How could I forget her? I recall her being in my class last year as a freshman but she didn't stick out. I mentally beat myself for not adding her to the "Kill or ignore list". 38

Stepping outside I bumped into a familiar body. You guessed it, God does hate me. “Hey it’s you! Mitch….Matt….Leonardo…” I let her ramble on and on for some minutes before cutting in.39

“Mike. And next time warn me when you are going to draw all over my head!” Katie squinted at my forehead; the green smiley face was barely visible. A grin spread across her face as she remembered me.40

“You should have left it on. It adds character to your forehead.” Katie wisely nodded her head, as if this was her specialty. “Or are you worrying about what all the cute guys would think?”41

I stared at her for a long time. How the hell did God let her parents reproduce and make one of these? Finally I got my mouth open and snapped at her. “Why would I care what other guys think?”42

“Oh, sorry. Girls. You know, girls don’t really care when other girls draw on their heads.” Katie was one of a kind, I must admit. I was doing a lot of stupid blinking today.43

“I-I’m a guy!” I spluttered out. I think this girl needs to have her head checked. Really, who talks to a guy they’ve just met about adding character to one’s forehead? And, hadn't she just listed my name. I knew no female Mike. Did she fall down the stairs when she was little?44

“You sure? You could be flamboyantly gay cross dresser or a girl.” Katie offered, like she was giving some advice.45

“I am positive I am not flamboyantly gay, gay, or even a girl. I’m not even flamboyant.” My pulse was beginning to throb under this stressing conversation. Already I was mentally killing this girl. Who let her live? Killing her would probably make the world a better place. I began to wonder where I would put the body.46

“Come one! One of us has to be gay, and I’m already the girl.” Silence. I began to walk away from the girl. This is an example why God shouldn’t allow idiots to reproduce. They created these things.47

“OK, so we agree that you are flamboyantly gay! Good, now lunch time!” She grabbed onto my arm. This girl was reeking with weirdness.48

“I told you! I am not--” She yanked me down the hallway. Some people in our second period class, the class that I was embarrassed in, stared and laughed at me. I guess it wasn’t new that Katie dragged someone off to lunch.49

“Now I like the cinnamon poptarts but the strawberry ones are good too. Now go buy me one.” She ordered. Insert some stupid blinking here. She wanted me to buy her poptarts?50

“Go buy your own.” I muttered and began to walk away from this girl. The vein on my head began to pulse again; why did she choose me to bug? 51

“No, you owe me! And since you owe me, you either have to be my love slave of doom or buy me a poptart!” Good lord. Now I was putting some distance between me and this crazy woman, people were looking at her oddly and then looking at me. I hope to not be associated with this girl.52

"I refuse to be seen with you." I muttered and began to walk faster.53

"But if you tell anyone about the love slave part I'll have to kill you and I'm trying to cut back on murdering people this month!"54

“See you tomorrow Leonardo!” Katie waved hyperly and coincidently knocking one of the Seniors’ plates in his face.55

“What the hell Katie? This is the  third time this week!” He spluttered. Katie laughed and patted him on the shoulder.56

“Tim, calm down. It’s fate!” I watched her walk off to another table and was greeted by some girls and guys. Only five months until I am away from that girl. Sighing I walk to my table and Katie turns into a distant memory.57

At the end of the day I checked my Email, seeing the 1 NEW MESSAGE I clicked on it. Expecting one certian girl to respond.58

To: Mike&Ike6533
From: trouble_is_my_middle_name_Katie
Subject: Re: Howdy Partner59

If I told you, I'd have to kill you! And I told you, I'm trying to cut back on killing people per week.60

I'm sorry for mixing your gender up. Can we start off on another foot? Preferably the left foot? LOL. ;D61

Did you get the Math answers?62

-The Number One Ninja
Katie
________________________
To: trouble_is_my_middle_name_Katie
From: Mike&Ike6533
Subject: Re: Howdy Partner63

Fine, if you stay away from me I will forgive you.64

No, I didn't because a certian someone was drawing on my head.65

-Mike66

Author notes

OF DOOM IS ADDED! D: Sorry for forgetting! *bows head in shame*

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84_QL1kEmH4

20-something para: "La chica se llama Katie es mucho loca y ‘chica’ qué?" Sort of means: A girl named Katie is very crazy and what girl?

DEDICATED: To my lovely table-mates and our conversation about allowing idiot's to reproduce!

Note**** EMAIL ARE FAKE! D: MADE UP! I tried to make them as hard as could be so no one else could have it. Do NOT E-mail them, they are NOT related to the story in any way!


Also, thank you who ever nominated this for front page! I really appreciate it and it made me feel warm and funny inside when I heard.

http://storywrite.com/story/show/147916 <- Liked this story? Well check out another short about Katie and Mike! [Good King Wenceslas]

http://storywrite.com/story/show/151842 <- Another part of the story [Broken Hearts and their Laughter]

http://storywrite.com/story/168442 <- [Tracing Hearts]


~Edited 1/30/08
~Edited 3/15/08
~Edited 4/8/08
~Edited 5/7/08

~Edited 8/21/08

In a list

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Comments

1 - 96 of 96

  • Dassy
    September 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That was really funny, and reminded me of something that I would do to a couple of my girlish guyfriends. I still love em' tho! great job!
    Keep writing!~.~


    • perfect paradox
      September 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much! I'm glad you could relate to the strange things that Katie does. :]

      Cheers,

      SB


  • Hellcat Metal
    September 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "The cast of Monty Python comes dancing in?" HAHA! That was a funny story. I liked it. Yes, some people REALLY are like that. LOL thanks for entering the contest. It was well appreciated.


  • Wildpaw-Lily
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol u kno in 1 of his emails to her u wrote to katie to mike not from mike XD well other than that i loved it! honestly!
    (for some reason Katie makes me think of Rina from anime Shugo Chara!)
    :3 Nyaa~ loved it!


  • StreetRider
    August 21, 2008

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    Ha Ha poor mike. It will take some while to get the markers of his fore head. And as for Katie will thats some one I wanna run away from,lol. Great story! I liked it alot!


    • perfect paradox
      August 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! :] I agree. It does take a long time to get marker out from your skin...

      Sky♥Prince


  • xMoonlightxDreamsx
    May 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awwww this was really cute... hehe I liked the part with the green pen. Two things: 1 "Breath in, breath out" should be 'breathe in, breathe out.' 2) When you use a flashback you should put a border, or italicize the text... you don't necessarily have to of course, it just makes an easier read. Other than that it was awesome. Congratz on the trophies.

    • perfect paradox
      May 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for pointing that out! The bad thing is that I'm not a silver or gold member so I can't italicize yet. If I'm not to lazy I'll make some changes.

      Thanks again!


  • Patchwork Comedy
    May 7, 2008

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    HOLY 'bunny'!!!!! THIS WAS GREAT!

    YES! It was one of the funniest things I have ever read on storywrite, and it had me thinking that it was terrible that you ever thought about ending the hillarity!! I would love to let this win my cocntest, but as hard as I try, I can't, becuase it doesnt follow all the rules... I"M SO SORRY!!!!!!

    • perfect paradox
      May 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ah! D: No! I'll go back and re-read the rules! Sorry for forgetting something! If I get it fixed could I still be in the contest?

      Thank you for the comment and the applauds though! And good luck with the contest!


  • Peachy
    April 14, 2008

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    Yeah! Spanish people rock! Go us!!!
    anyways......
    Think I've already commented on this but oh well!
    lol, brilliant story, I can sort of relate to Katie: eccentric nature, complete wierdo, total island, doesn't really care what people think, everybody thinking she's wierd and telling her so, very VERY INSANELY annoying, yup that's me
    This story was really good, I liked it, good sense of humour
    Great story!


  • tallblondie gold member
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Spelling/grammer/punctuation errors;
    [3] 'just' not 'jut'
    [5] This is awkward; "squeaking horrendously" maybe try 'at squeaked horrendously'
    [9] This should be two distinct sentences; "Something more of a subtle cutie, shaking my head I cleared my thoughts.
    {22} Try not to use abbreviations 'Comp.' should be 'Computer'. 'E-mail', not 'E-Mail'. Spell numbers rather than just writing them.

    Overall an interesting and engaging piece. I was right there with Mike, suffering through Katie's annoyances. Good character development, plot and overall theme.

    Keep writing!


    • perfect paradox
      April 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ah, thanks a lot! I can't believe I, or anyone else, has caught that. Thanks a ton!


  • Cheerful-Panda
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    !
    Oh my god!
    This story killed me! I swear I was laughing so hard when I was reading!
    I actually knwow an annoying freshmen like this in my school and whenever she talks to me I feel the same exact thing! Wow good job
    Good luck
    -Miranda-


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You've changed this since the last time I read it! Still great, cute and funny - and Katie still reminds me of Luna... *laughs*


    • perfect paradox
      March 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I'm glad you came back!

      I couldn't really change Katie's personality, now could I?


  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    February 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well, I already read and commented on this and they won’t let me rate this twice—smile.

    • perfect paradox
      February 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Woo-hoo! This means others come back and read it! I still have hope!

      Dang that! I would love the extra claps! Ha ha, thank you for the extra comment!


  • Holey Pastry
    February 3, 2008

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    Hey!

    You changed it! You could have told me you changed it! Grr...Now I have to go back and read it all over again (not complaining)!

    Congrats on how many comments you have on this thing, 3 pages...wow...

    <3 H.P.

    • perfect paradox
      February 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Nice icon!
      Yeah I did. Guilty! Some people were asking for more depth into the characters so I did. I might put one more part into this, maybe a two shot. I dun no.

      76 comments babe!


  • Namoopf
    February 3, 2008

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    FUNNY!

    I want more please. =D I'm not like Kate at all, but I like her character, and how Mike reacts to her? Kick, kick, kick! It was awesome. I read this before and you said you were not planning on making this a series, but I hope you have changed your mind, or will in the future. It will make a great series, and if you wanted to, you could probably make millions of dollars if you expanded it. Lol =D

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • perfect paradox
      February 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I'm glad you read that part! I might make this into a two shot, one more chapter of what happens 6 month later or something!

      Do you know how many people say "I am just like her!"? *sighs*

      Keep checking, another chapter might be out in a week or less!


  • ClandestineKiss
    February 2, 2008

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    that was so funny! i love it. i might email it to one of my friends if thats ok. (ive met one of my best friends by her being an annoying little person

    • perfect paradox
      February 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! It's fine! I'm really glad you like it! As long as you include that I wrote it, than I will be fine!

      (I don't like others stealing my work RAWR!)


  • J.R. Coleman
    February 2, 2008
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    This is so funny! I actually laughed out loud! It made my day!


  • karmaxandxcrayons
    February 1, 2008
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    Oh my god. I am you 65 comment!! Hell yeah!!!

    Maybe it's just me, but Katie sounds a bit like you....

    xoxox
    Maureen

    • perfect paradox
      February 1, 2008
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      66! 3 pages! Am I cool or what?

      Me? Katie? Surely you jest! I asked Shawn what he would do if someone drew on him. He told me he would kill me. *sighs*

      • karmaxandxcrayons
        February 2, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Wait, so even if I drew on him, he would kill YOU? Hmm.... *ponders this deeply*

        ....Ha. I'm kiddin'. I love you too darn much to try and THINK about life without you....

        • perfect paradox
          February 3, 2008
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          You better! Well I think Shawn would still kill me because he would think I put you up to it... If I see you near him with a marker I will tackle you!


  • xeu4iax
    January 30, 2008

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    awww... its sad... I was hoping for this to be a series!!! it was really funny and it made me laugh!!!! I loved it!!!! great job!


    • perfect paradox
      January 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I'm planning on possibly turning it into a series.

      Thanks for the comment!


  • Diodorus
    January 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    I enjoyed this one! Very funny. Like some of the others have said I would have liked to read more. And why not continue this into a novel? You already have two very interesting characters.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    January 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    it is the kind of text that begs to grow either into a novel or a script.

    An exceptionally fun story that you have done an injustice to—both to the characters and the reader. By that I mean, it is the kind of text that begs to grow either into a novel or a script.

    If you are determined to keep this a shortstory, then add a bit more detail about the relationship? Apparently the girl wasn’t a new student. How long had they been in the same school, was this the first day of class?A few more hundred words wouldn’t increase the word count that much and would clear things up.

    A clearly written easy to follow plot, interesting characters, and good dialogue all blend together to present a delightfully comic young romance.

    Thumbs up

    Geri

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • perfect paradox
      January 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your advice! I'm going to add more to the story, maybe some flash backs. I haven't had too much time. Check back in a week and it should have more depth to it!


  • Glitter Dragon
    January 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Er... forgot something. I think you need to add some more meat to the story. Make Matt and Katie more memorial and make the readers know more about them.

    Possibly add some flash backs where Matt has seen Katie before.

    Just some more suggestions!


    • perfect paradox
      January 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! Wonderful idea! I'll add it in!

      Thanks for the comment and the help!


  • MysticalRayne
    January 29, 2008

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    I love this story very good and funny. Par 7 should either be "a hand" or " my hand" other then that excellent read thank you

  • Peachy
    January 29, 2008
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    I really liked this; it made me laugh a lot and I'd like to hear more about her,
    Extremely good word use.
    I loved the whole thing!

  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    January 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I couldn't tell you why, but Katie reminds me a bit of Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. Maybe it's the whole public insanity thing. *laughs* This was very cute and entertaining to read. Something to put a smile on my face - thanks for that! Cheers!

    • perfect paradox
      January 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I guess that's a good thing! Luna was one of my favorite characters! Thank you! I'm glad I could make you smile!


  • Frozen Angel
    January 28, 2008

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    Hello Coffee Cat!

    It's funny, I'd get annoyed if I was followed by that girl everyday. I like this a lot. Good luck in the contest. I wish you the best of luck. Keep writing, you're fantastic.

    *Frozen Angel*

  • dillpickle62
    January 28, 2008

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    Holy Cow!

    This is excellent! I gottah go back and see who you are. I saw the title and imediately started reading. Jeez this was the best short story! Actuallly I find this to be cute.
    You have an awesome talent.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • perfect paradox
      January 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Holy pig!

      Thank you! I guess the catchy title got people to look twice! Thanks for reading and liking it!

      Thank you once more!

  • Glitter Dragon
    January 28, 2008

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    Loved it! Mike and Katie seem like total opposites but they would make an amazing couple!

    Please write more like this! It made me laugh!


    • perfect paradox
      January 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I think my point got across then!

      I'll try to, this was more of a short story than a series.


  • roars-in-public
    January 28, 2008

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    Allowing idiots to reproduce allows non-idiots to have someone to make fun of...
    Do you have any more???
    This is so random and awesome~

    • perfect paradox
      January 28, 2008

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      True, humor would die out then. Well I think Mike doesn't really care, he wants to kill Katie after all.

      Some more of this? Uh, I might post more. I have some on things like this. For some others, check my page. <-- Really hope that isn't advertising...

      Thank you! Random is name and awesome is my game! Made that up on the spot.


  • loyda
    January 28, 2008
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    it was funny! i really liked it! ^^

    when is the next part showing??


  • Araina
    January 28, 2008

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    I'd have to hurt her

    This would involve a beating, I think. Poor Mike. Have him run far far away and quickly. Overall I liked the story. It's cute and well written. One thing, I think you meant "quiet" instead of "quite" when you were talking about the desk in paragraph 5. Keep writing, I'm curious how this is going to turn out. Where does Mike end up hiding the body?

    • perfect paradox
      January 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, thank you for pointing that out! Maybe I'll have another part on another day. *shrugs* This was intended to be a short story but I think I left it off weirdly.

      I did feel sorry for Mike when I was writing but I think he deserved it! Or atleast in my opinion...

      Thank you for liking it!


  • elfflower1989
    January 27, 2008
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    Lol aww, this was cute. The beginning of a hectic romance! Or at least, an amusing comedy ^^

  • Jinxgirl
    January 27, 2008

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    oh yes, idiot reproduction should be outlawed. i think anyone who is not a said idiot would agree with that... this is an interesting write, katie is one of those girls you would really want to strangle sometimes, lol.


    • perfect paradox
      January 28, 2008
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      I agree. Sometimes you wish they weren't allowed but then we would be missing 3/4ths of our population!


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    January 27, 2008

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    That was funny.
    I love the Katie type characters, the one's that make you wonder what their parents are like. I think her parents would have to be a little more then your average ideots.

    • perfect paradox
      January 27, 2008
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      Thank you. It does may you wonder. Now you'll go to school and see someone just like Katie and wonder what their parents are like.


  • JynxGirl
    January 27, 2008
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    lmao! I think you captured my baby sister's personality in this story.


  • wolfgirl1
    January 26, 2008

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    lol! this is funny!the crazy part is you basically took me and my friends, stole our personalitys and gave it all to one character!


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    January 25, 2008

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    Oh my Goddess I was that girl in school. No just joking. All kidding aside...I found this one of the most funny story I've read today. Thanks for the good laugh.
    I found nothing to really comment about except it needs more description, but as I type that I wonder if maybe it wouldn't take away from the funny antics that were written here. Oh well, that's my two bits.
    Brooke

    • perfect paradox
      January 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, care to tell me some other things you did that I could add? Thank you! I hoped I added my humor correctly!

      Thanks for the advice. I'll be adding some more as I go. I think adding stories at twelve affects my writing...


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    January 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LOL oh my god that was cute and funny! That Katie really is one of a kind there. I remember going to school with a girl that sounded just like her! She about drove people nuts most of the time. Would love to read more of this I hope you continue on it

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • perfect paradox
      January 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ah, the wonders of making my characters be weird! Thanks, I think I know someone like her though...could it be two of a kind?

      Well thanks for the comment! Keep checking back for edits!


  • Lover of Stories
    January 20, 2008
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    Lol. ^^ *lol* This was funny. Poor Mike... *snort*

  • Holey Pastry
    January 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Um...

    okay...poor guy...she's really weird...I mean she didn't even notice she was writing on his hand????

    Here's a mistake! Just pointing it out...

    I found himself listening intently (Myself?)

    Anywho...I loved it! It made me laugh. I want to see what happens to these two...I don't really know why...

    H.P.

  • VanessaM
    January 20, 2008

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    I've got to say that I like it, but the ending is rather abrupt. Have you considered adding more to it?


    • perfect paradox
      January 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Everyone else is saying the same thing, I'm going to add more to it when I get time. Thanks for the comment!


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    January 20, 2008

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    Laughed as soon as I saw the title

    I found this under stories by friends when I first logged on. I suspect I know where else to find it!!! A few typos my dear but otherwise, Hilarious. Always a treat to read you.

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • perfect paradox
      January 21, 2008
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      *shifty eyes* Guess you know who posted it! I'm going to edit it when I get back. Thanks for pointing it out! Come back in around a day and it will probably be fixed.


  • Krazy Scott
    January 20, 2008

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    Well, I found it to be hysterical, if a bit anti-climactic. God, I think I met this girl a couple of days ago. She works in a hardware store now, and can't ring you up without telling you what catastrophy her daughter caused that day... *laughs*

    But the story was well-written, certainly had some humor to it, and a fun read. Nice job

    • perfect paradox
      January 20, 2008
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      I'm glad you liked it! Sorry, there was hardly any plot and I have no idea why. I guess it's hard to put a major plot in a little drabble.

      I believe I've met a woman just like that. She wouldn't be quiet in the Blockbuster line. We had ONE movie and she told us EVERYTHING about her sons. *sigh*

      • Krazy Scott
        January 20, 2008
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        Well, short stories don't neccisarily have to be heavy on plot, they just have to relate something--and yours does that quite well.

        It simply leaves the reader wanting a bit more...closure, I guess. I see them getting involved somewhere down the road, personally. But that's just my imagination running away with me, I'm sure. And it IS a good story, I'm just nit-picky today! *laughs*

        • perfect paradox
          January 20, 2008
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          Thanks for your advice all the same! Short stories, I think, are sometimes the best to read because their plot is so interesting because it isn't so long. Also, I don't have to read too much of a horrible story...

          Nitty-picky is good! I think many of my stories need all the help they can get! Did you see any grammar mistakes, those are my WORST area in writing!

          • Krazy Scott
            January 20, 2008
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            Grammer?!?

            Golly, Miss... I'm the wrong person to ask about that--I just read the stories, and I either enjoy them and say something, or I leave very quietly...

            I'm a storyteller, not a writer. *shrugs* Not many people around here make that distinction, but I have NO illusions which side of the fence I fall on! *laughs*

            • perfect paradox
              January 20, 2008
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              Ah, well I thought I'd give it a shot! *giggles* Well since you probably didn't notice anything that threw the flow of the story off, I guess I'm fine.

              Now would it be possible to be both a storyteller and a writer? Now I was under the idea that a writer was a storyteller. Or is it one of those things that squares can be rectangles but rectangles can't be squares?

              • Krazy Scott
                January 20, 2008
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                Well, as *I* understand it...

                Writers understand the mechanics and technical do-jiggers and what-cha-ma-callits of writing a great story with perfect King's English, every time.

                Storytellers have great and vivid imaginations that they can often relate to otherr people in a manner that is easily understandable.

                I can tell a good story, but the 'rules lawyers' pounce on me for ALL my bad habits--double negatives, typos, poor--if accurate--grammer, etc, etc, etc.

                Therefore, I am a storyteller, and not a writer.

                Blessed--and published--are those wonderous few that can combine the two!

                *laughs* Does THAT make sense?

                • perfect paradox
                  January 20, 2008
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                  Getting there. But I take it that storytellers have to be good in their art of telling stories. Now take some of the people on this site as an example of neither writer nor storuteller. I think that as long as the story is good, the grammar isn't too large and it doesn't shut the flow off of the story, you've got yourself a good writer and storyteller!

                  Thanks for clearing that up! Now I can tell people the differances between the two with out saying "uh...the both start with different letters."

                  • Krazy Scott
                    January 20, 2008
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                    Yeah, I've visited several sites on here that were neither writers nor story tellers, and also several that were both.

                    And I agree with you that the story is the most important part, as well, so I'm happy with my 'storyteller' designation--I'd think that you can almost always make a good writer out of a good storyteller, but a good writer may not neccisarily have the imagination to be a good storyteller in the end.

                    If you get right down to it, a good story can be transcribed by someone else, but a lousy story isn't worth the effort!

                    But you have the making of both, so no stress on you! *laughs*

                    • perfect paradox
                      January 20, 2008
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                      Thanks! I do agree whole heartedly with you, storytellers have an imagination that only some writers have! Now don't you feel luck?


                      • Krazy Scott
                        January 20, 2008
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                        Sure do, in spite of having dyslexic fingers that refuse to type what I want! *laughs*

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