It was certainly the most beautiful sight in valley of Khagan. One could see the snow capped mountains and the lake following by, but the most attractive thing in the whole scene, even more beautiful than the wide blue sky, was undoubtedly the Apple orchard. In this part of the year it’s trees were covered in white flowers that meshed with the snow on the trees but, they would soon bloom into ripe golden apples.2
The mist was conspiring and as the cold wind touched the tall thin boy who was at least covered in four sweaters, he shivered badly and rushed into one of the nearest four dingy little tea shops around.3
The actual population level of the hill station was quite low but, there were a lot of teenagers around most of the time. This was the places that served as the home for some of most reputed institutes in Pakistan, most of them boarding schools that claimed to be of international standard, and were perfect for the rich parents who didn’t want to send their kids to a foreign country.4
Most famous were EAS-School of Creativity and Arts (The black coats), Burlington Academy of Sciences (The red coats) and Al-hamra Collage of Engineering (The green coats). 5
The boy entered the tea shop, it was deserted expect for an old man who was preparing a dough for bread. “A cup of tea, please.” He addressed to the man, who gave a small nod went inside the door behind the counter.6
The boy finally took off the huge muffler he was wearing as it was warm inside the teashop, right in front of the fire. He had messy hairs and a lots of acne and a rather big nose, but he didn’t looked ugly in fact he looked quite good.7
The man came back from the back room with a cup of tea. The boy took the cup from the man and muttered a word of thanks. At that very moment the door flew open again and another boy came in. He wasn’t wearing a battalion of sweaters like the other one. He had straight short hair was bulky and some how gave a very tough look.8
He was wearing a black dress pant, a white shirt, a red tie and a black coat on which a badge gleamed and show the letters “EAS,” he cast a look around and saw the thin boy sitting at the table, he joined him at once. 9
“I’ll have a coffee.” he addressed to the owner of the shop and then turned towards the skinny boy sitting at the table.10
“I didn’t expect to see anyone hear this early in the morning. So Gm, what are you’re doing? Waiting for someone I dare say.” he said with a grin on his face.11
The boy called Gm gave a small laugh. “Who would want to see me?” 12
“Well, I guess that’s true but not completely accurate. The cranky girl in that wooden house would love to avail this opportunity.” said the boy.13
“She’s not cranky and please don’t start that again, Shah.” said Gm. 14
“Fine, since we are meeting after such a long time I lay it off, for now.”15
“So why are you wearing the uniform today, is this some new policy?” asked Gm.16
“No, I needed some alterations on this, that’s when I saw you leaving the hostel looking like a fur ball.” 17
“Boots and Bin up yet?” asked Gm.18
“No,” Answered Shah unconcerned.19
With that the boy named Shah withdrew a book from his coat.20
“That Book!” said Gm sharply.21
“Yes, this book, what?” said Shah without paying much attention.22
“Where did you get it from?” Gm asked looking annoyed.23
“Found it near my bed, why are you asking these useless questions?” he said without paying much attention.24
“Because, this is my book and you got it from my cupboard!” Gm said now looking really pissed off.25
“So, do you mind me reading your books now, do Gm?” said Shah putting down the book.26
“It’s not that and you know it! It means you have been breaking into my private space,” said Gm.27
“If you dreading that I read that stupid diary of yours, save your breath G because I didn’t. I have better things to read.” 28
“Don’t ever break it to my cupboard again, understand Shah.” 29
“Alright, I am sorry, now will you please chill out,” said Shah as he offered the book to Gm. 30
“You can keep this,” he said grumpily. 31
“Nah, G it’s not my taste, lets see its 7:30, we can go to the book store and get some books. Then we can get back to school around breakfast and hopefully Bin and Boots would be up by then,” said Shah.32
“That’s a plan.”33
Together the two fifteen year old paid for their drinks and went to the book shop. Once inside the bookshop Gm immediately went towards the racks. Shah, however spared a minute for the owner.34
“How are you doing, dude?” he asked.35
“Kid! You’re back. Good to see you,” said the owner with a smile.36
“Yes, I am back. Came back last night, term’s starting tomorrow.”37
“So, you had a good summer?”38
“Well, it was nice. What about yours?”39
“Summer! Not a proper sunlit day, not a morning without mist, what sort of a summer is that? And nosy tourists treating my shop like some rest room. That’s not a good summer.”40
Shah laughed uncomfortably, the owner was starting his never ending list of complains. “Where’s Maria?” He inquired about the owner’s teenage niece who helped him in the store. 41
“Still sleeping, I don’t know how that girl’s going to pass senior year,” said the owner shaking his head.42
Shah knew where the conservation was going now, about the owner’s unstoppable ranting of how Maria is going to end up like him unless she studies seriously. Shah decided to take the owner’s mind of Maria.43
“Have you got that new Paulo Coelho book?” He invented.44
“I believe, I had it here…. Somewhere,” The owner retreated to the shelves looking for it.45
Finally after getting all the books they wanted, Gm and Shah paid the owner and retreated back towards the school. At 8:30, they entered the school gates heavily laden with books.46
They walked through the school grounds for a short cut and entered the building with the sign “Boarding house.” There, the package they had got inspected. Then finally after climbing five floors, they halted on the door on which there was a worn out brass plate that read “Standard Nine” and on wall there was a soft board with glass cover at one side of the door.47
On the top of the board, an official looking paper was pinned that read Standard Nine (O-levels Year One), Occupants: Ghulam Mujtaba (known as Gm or G), Zaid Shah (know as Shah), Ziyad Hamayun (known as Boots) and Hamza Bin Tahir (known as Binu or Bin). 48
Under that notice there were some other printed leaflets like the usual welcoming notice, some posters; messages form the D.P, banning stuff and dates for scheduled practices of Soccer and Cricket.49
And the rest of the soft board was covered in pictures, one was of 7 people sitting at a table dressed in school uniforms, one had eleven kids in red t-shirts and shorts all sitting around a Huge Silver cup with D.P and some other teachers and a Picture of eleven teenagers in Cricket kits.50
Gm and Shah entered the room it was covered in a red carpet, with enamels on walls. There were four beds in there; each had a side table at one side and a Cupboard at the other. Shah got keys out of his pocket and inserted them into one of the cupboard which read “Zaid Shah”. 51
There was a collection of suits, shirts, pants and ties in there. Also there were shoes, books and DVDs inside but everything was messed up and the moment Shah swung the door open, a huge mound of clothes fell on him. He stuffed it back hastily along with the new set books he had purchased and forced the door shut.52
“Well that’s done, let’s go down in the hall. I am starving,” said Shah with a relieved look on his face.53
Gm gave him look which meant you should tidy up.54
Shah however replied. “I just got back. I didn’t have time to settle properly.”55
Gm shook his head, “You’re hopeless, Shah.”56
They descended five stairs into central hall where breakfast was served at the tables. There they found their fellow occupants of the room Binu, a broad shouldered dark boy with short height and joined eyebrows and Boots, a tall, white and bulky boy with a round face and a grin that was permanently plastered to his face sitting at one of the small tables. Boots got up and singled Shah and Gm to join them on the table.57
Shah And Gm made their way to the able and took seat facing the Boots and Bin.58
“Where were you two?” asked Binu.59
“Nowhere particular, just enjoying our first day back. I really missed this place,” said Shah,60
“You’ll be cursing this place after our first class with Hedi,” said Boot with a grin on his face, but that didn’t strike Shah as a change as he was always smiling.61
“Man! I thought we would get different teachers this year.”62
“No, no one new, even that Miss Shahista is still with us.”63
“Thank Goodness, I am dropping Bio this year,” said Bin.64
“Me too!” said Shah.65
“So, what are the plans for our first day back?” asked Gm,66
“I don’t know but may be………..”67
“May be, what, Boots?” asked Shah.68
“Well, our class is planning to break into that girl’s school,” said Boot with a cheeky look that didn’t belong to him.69
“No way, dude! That’s asking for trouble, big trouble!” said Bin, visualizing the fat Headmistress of the girl’s school and her cane.70
“Last time, when she caught boys sneaking in, they were beaten to pulp! Some say Fahran Ahmed was never the same again,” said Gm, with a look of horror on his face.71
“You guys disgust me! Sacred of that old cat,” said Shah.72
“I say, you’re planning to go in there Shah, aren’t you?” asked Gm, laying the trap.73
“I never said, I was,” said Shah, his voice shook badly.74
“Chicken!” They chanted together and rolled of laughing.75
“Look, she’s here!” said Shah pointing behind, Bin and Boots, the look on his face was quite convincing.76
Boots and Bin did an incredible back turn and almost cracked their necks. Even Gm for a second turned red. It was Shah’s turn to laugh now.77
“Now, who’s the chicken here?” 78
“My! My, what handsome little boys,” came a voice that gave them goose bumps. 79
They turned to see who was there, it was the Biology teacher, Miss Shaista, a peppy middle aged woman with loud make up and curly blank hair that were streaked golden. Shah never thought he would be glad to see her but today he was. Compared to the girl’s school headmistress, she was fine.80
“So Boys, Ghulam Mujtaba, Zaid Shah, Hamza Bin Tahir and Ziyad Hamayun,” She said checking the list, “Hmm…. So, who’s planning to continue Biology?”81
“I am,” said Gm,82
“So am I,” said Boots.83
“Great, great,” she said scribbling something on her notes. “Enjoy your breakfast boys.” She said leaving their table.84
A second apart, a loud yell came from the grounds.85
“Phadda!” (Fight)86
All the boys in the hall rushed outside. Unwan, a big brawny guy with an almost inhumane look on his face was standing in the middle of a circle of spectators. In his hand was the collar of a small black guy, Fahad Tasleem. 87
“Routine bullying, let’s go guys,’ said Gm observing the scene.88
But Shah had something else on his mind. He rushed to Fahad’s rescue.89
“Take on someone of your own size Unwan.”90
“I am guessing you meant yourself, Shah-Ji.”91
Unwan let go of Fahad’s collar, his eyes now fixed on Shah.92
“Fight Shah,” Boots hooted. Others in the circle followed his lead.93
“Fight! Fight! Fight! FIGHT! Fight Already!”94
“What’s the meaning of this!” The little headmaster had come to the scene. One quick look at Unwan and he had an idea that he knew what was going on but as they were no victims and no fighting at all. He could do nothing.95
“Now, go, shoo! Do what you kids do. Come on, go. There’s nothing to see here.” He said as if trying to shoo away mosquitoes.96
Unwan eyed Shah one last time then he went away with his gang. Slowly the crestfallen crowd also dispersed. Fahad stayed long enough to say thanks to Shah, and then he also went away.97
“That was awesome Shah!” said Gm as soon as they were alone,98
“I don’t know what got over me,” said Shah, imagining what the whole Unwan gang could have done to him.99
“Probably, my sense of justice came over you and you decided to rescue little Fahad,” said Boots happily.100
“If it was your sense of justice, why didn’t you go to the rescue?” asked Bin.101
“Ah! Well………..Um……...leave it,” said Boots, and he started to whistle like he always did when he wanted to avoid something.102
“So what were the plans again?” asked Bin at large.103
“Well, I haven’t played soccer all summer,” said Boots.104
“You know that’s a good idea,” said Gm.105
They divided into two groups, Gm and Boots against Shah and Bin. It turned out it was true that Boots hadn’t practiced at all. Out of the four chances he got, not on one occasion was he able to get a straight kick and score. The match finally ended at lunch One- Nil. Bin and Shah went celebrating all the way back to the hostel while, Gm looked seriously annoyed. The only goal in the match was scored by Boot, by mistake of course.106
“Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” Shah and Bin chanted.107
Slowly the day reached its end. Tomorrow was the first day of term, and the boys were excited of the prospect of being regarded as seniors.108
“Senior matches are so much better, they get different colored kits for each house and everything!” said Boot excitedly.109
“And we get to do all sorts of experiment and stuff in the labs,” Shah added.110
They were all lost in their own senior fantasy world. All that was standing between them and their first day as senior was that night. They eagerly waited for it to pass. 111
Author notes
This is the first chapter, before this it's the Prologue to a novel i am writing, comments welcomed.
if you have read it before you'll see that I've changed a lot things. Most Importantly I've taken down the number of characters down to four. Which has greatly influenced this story.
Username: Hitman Shah
In a list
A contest entry
- Friends, can be so different. by Mel-the-Believer.
175 points, ended May 1, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Can you make an odd, intresting, unique fantasy character? by NinjaMegami.
320 points, ended May 1, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - WRITE ME SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY GOOD. I WANT TO BE HOOKED FROM YOUR FIRST SENTENCE. I LIKE SURPRISE ENDINGS OF SORTS, BUT NOT ALWAYS. by Bernice DeLucchi.
525 points, ended May 12, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Is the chaterizartion good, is it predictable?
Comments
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I'm removing this chapter from the contest ALMOST ANYTHING GOES... if you're 16 and younger since you have the entire story posted to my other contest For the Long Haul. Thank you for your interest in entering the contest, but perhaps you have another story that you could enter instead?
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This is good, and thank you very much for putting your username in the AN. The characters were very life-like, not shallow like most are. There are mistakes scattered through, quite frequently actually. Go through this, reread it and fix up all the grammer, punctuation and spelling mistakes.
You did a good job on this, well done. -
I liked this. Your characters are very much alive and believable. The only thing I can really say is read over this. You've got some grammar and spelling errors that can easily be fixed. Very nice though.
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This is a very nice story
The only problem is
I really didn't want chapter series but i did say its okay
But the option you picked i wouldn't call this drama
It's more a friendship thing
Not much drama at all unless you meant Roshni got slapped
Other then that
This is a very nice story well written
But not really what i meant for my contest.
But i'll still considder it just you have a less chance of winning
Sorry.beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Luvyas
This was unusual - in a good way. Very creative and original. I like the begining. It was sort of funny, too. I enjoyed it. Thanks for entering...Ugh... I have more entries to read.....bye..... -_~
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Hmmm, this was very interesting. One thing I might say is watch your spelling, there were a few mistakes here and there, make sure to read over your work. Other than that though, this was a very interesting story, or rather, chapter. I liked it. Thank you for entering the contst. Good luck. God Bless!
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Just so that u know Gm is friend one and Shah is friend 2







