Entwined Forever.

Okay, this is going to be extremely long. I hope you still read it *sad* i put a lot of effort into it. I honestly think its good, and it should be sad. 1

But that’s just my opinion. Please read it although it is really long. It is for a contest and I expect it to be read either way. 2

Thanks. 3

Enjoy4

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Entwined Forever. 6

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Entwined Forever. 8

9

Horror Day 1. Friday. 10

The clock ticked above my head, as I waited impatiently for the school bell to ring. I wasn’t paying any attention to the Teacher at the white board, explaining some complicated stuff about algebra; although it’s easy, I hate it. I hate all maths. As well as school, the only classes I actually enjoy are art and L.A because in art; I have always been a fan of art, and creating arts, so it’s the class for me. And L.A; I can sleep without getting noticed. 11

I sighed and started to bite on my sweaters sleeve, picking at the already formed holes with my teeth, attempting to make them bigger. 12

A habit of mine; I’ve done it since I was 6. And I can’t break it now, not after 8 years with none stop doing it. 13

“Christine. “ The teachers booming voice startled me, and I turned my head to the teacher, staring boredly with my brown eyes. He walked to my desk, and slapped it with his hands; well technically he slapped my Paper. 14

Wait, let me re say that.15

My Blank paper. 16

“Why aren’t you copying down the notes for Algebra? You know there’s a test tomorrow. “He lectured me, as usual. I heard a chuckle from behind me, and rolled my eyes knowing who it was. 17

The bell finally rang, and I collected my things quickly and carefully before the Teacher could continue lecturing me. 18

I got out of the class room before every body else, avoiding the ever so popular door jam. 19

I sighed as I walked to my locker. I did the combo and opened it, and a note fell out. 20

Picking up the note, I skimmed through it quickly. 21

Sorry, I would talk to you in person but unfortunately you are pissed, just kidding. I just don’t feel up to waiting for you to get your stuff, which takes what seems like hours. Any way, I already spoke to your mom about Saturday, she said its okay if I come with you and your family to spend a few days at the cabins in Lester beach. I asked her to make that home made stuffing that I love so much. Any way, see you tomorrow. Or I’ll probably see you tonight,22

From Roy.23

I chuckled at my friend’s words, what an idiot he is. I crumpled the note and threw it into my locker, gathered my things, and left the school building. 24

‘I don’t want to go home. ‘I thought as I walked down the streets. The air was cold, autumn was settling in Winnipeg, creeping into the bones and keeping its usual chill. I didn’t even bother to put on my extra sweater. 25

I passed a group of kids bragging and saying how much they are ‘gangster’. I scowled as I heard one say the most retarded thing ever. I stopped by their group, and smelt something I expected to smell.26

Weed. 27

I ignored the horrible smell, and continued to walk down the side walk. I was cold, but still didn’t want to head home. 28

My father would just yell at me, and probably threaten me and my mom again. 29

I came to the point of town where I turn right, to go home, or left to go towards the mall. And, as any one would guess, I chose left. Besides, Roy will probably be there, he is working tonight. ‘Nice, if he is I will get free food & drinks ‘I thought, placing a grin on my thin lips. 30

The mall seemed packed, as I pushed through the crowds of strangers and school buddy’s, or enemy’s, trying to get to the food court where Roy worked. And to my liking, he worked at the small Pizza hut that was there. 31

Sure enough, I saw Roy standing at the counter serving some costumer. I smiled and walked up to the counter, Roy greeted me with a wave. He took out his hair tie and walked out of the court. 32

“Hey, “he said, brushing his fingers through his long Black hair. Well, it isn’t too long. It’s just above his shoulders. And it’s thin, so he has to ware a hair tie while working. 33

“Yo, do you want to go to hot topic?” I asked, pulling out my wallet to check how much money I had. 34

$94. 00. That’s enough. 35

“Sure, why not. I guess grace can take my place. “Roy stated, while resuming his hair to its natural style.36

Covering his right eye. 37

It’s cute actually, how both he and I form our hair to cover one eye. Mine for left, and His for right. 38

I nodded and then we both began to walk to hot topic. 39

We spent about 1 hour and 30 minutes in the mall. We both bought a decent amount of things at hot topic, 40

I bought several pairs of arm warmers, some band T-shirts; evanescence, three days grace, and Billy talent. Plus, I bought a pair of looser fitting jeans that were darker in color. 41

Roy bought tons of t-shirts, and some more lip rings for his lip piercing. He didn’t have as much money as I did. 42

We walked on silent feet down the side walk, the moon and stars already takings its picture into the sky. A light mist settled down on the streets, and the wind blew lightly, but coldly. I am wearing my second sweater this time, and Roy is wearing his usual Red Jacket. The silence was not an awkward silence, but a silence knowing that we both trust each other with all of our being. 43

He is my only friend, for everybody else in the school think I am a freak. They call me Devils girl, or Gods enemy. 44

It is stupid, and I try my best to ignore it. Roy is always there for me. So I feel comfortable. 45

Finally, Roy broke the silence by pulling out his I-pod and placing one ear phone in his ear, and handing me the other. “Nice. “ I stated while taking the ear phone and putting it into my ear. 46

We jammed to some Rise against. 47

It stayed like that until we finally reached my house, 48

He took his ear phones and wrapped them around his I -pod and then placed it into his pocket. 49

The lights were on in my house, and I heard the TV playing extra loud. 50

Which meant my mom wasn’t home, and it was only my Dad. 51

Roy began to walk off; I turned around to face his walking away figure. Before he could turn the corner, I called to him. 52

“Hm?” he stopped and turned around. I gave him ‘that ‘look. He sighed, and walked towards me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes. 53

“Do you want me to spend the night? “ He asked sympathetically. “Yes, my mom isn’t home tonight. And I don’t want to stay home alone with my dad. “I stated, with truth. Roy sighed and nodded. “Of course I will. My mom told me I can do whatever tonight, so why not. “He smiled and then took my hand. 54

We walked into my house, only to hear the TV playing extra loud. 55

Snapping gunshots echoed through the house, my dad must be watching his violent gun movies again. 56

I walked into the living room and waved to my dad as a greeting. He stood up and walked towards me, his eyes filled with hate. I glared back up at him, wondering why I even entered the living room. “Where the heck were you?!” he yelled with his usual raspy voice. I cringed at the sudden raise of noise level. “I was at the mall “I said with a confident voice. “And besides that, it’s none of your business. “I continued. My dad raised his eyebrow, and pushed me against the wall. “If you ever speak to me like that again, you are getting the boot!” he yelled with anger and rage. I fell to the ground after hitting the wall. He definitely didn’t push me lightly, and I didn’t have that kind of strength to stop my self from falling. 57

Roy stepped into the living room. The gunshots stopped on TV and my dad turned his attention to Roy. I glared at my dad as he looked at Roy like he was some kind of demon. 58

“What exactly do you think your doing pushing your daughter around like that. “ Roy snapped, with hate in his voice. He glared at my dad with detest. 59

Roy always hated my dad for the way he treated me, he truly is a good friend. My dad chuckled and approached Roy with heavy footsteps. I sent Roy a worried glance, and he exchanged it with one filled with confidence. “You stupid demon child. Both you and Christine are worthless pieces of C*ap. “my dad said, standing tall before Roy. It’s not as though Roy was short or anything, it’s more like this. 60

My dad is a giant, violent, horrible man. And I have concern for Roy. I wish I didn’t ask him to come here. 61

Roy hardened his glare at my dad, and his eyebrows started to lower in anger and frustration. “You call Chris a piece of c*ap? Look at yourself, you are the one who is the piece of C*ap. “Roy hissed in defence, 62

My dad’s forehead made the H in wrinkles, and he raised spit out some saliva and got closer to Roy. “You stupid, stupid boy!” He yelled, and then kneed Roy in the stomach. 63

I gasped as Roy fell to the ground, clutching his stomach. I stood up with haste and ran towards him. Glaring at my dad with such hate, that it could burn a hole through someone’s heart. 64

“I hate you! You are the worst!” I yelled, then helped Roy up and quickly dragged him upstairs to get to my room.65

“You’re an ugly beast Chris! I’m happy that you cover your face all the time! You and your demon Friend just stay up stairs for the rest of the night or I’ll kill you both!” My dad’s voice was heard from down stairs. 66

I heard something fall downstairs, and it made a loud crashing noise. My dad is probably getting violent. 67

Roy walked to my bed, out of breath from the blow my dad gave him. He groaned in hate and pain. “Chris, why don’t you just come live with me already?” Roy said, looking at me with sympathy. I shook my head slowly, and sat beside him on the bed. “I couldn’t leave my mother with a guy like my dad. I would feel horrible. “I stated, while bringing my knee’s to my chest. Roy sighed and put his hands to his face, and rubbed his eyes with his palms. 68

“Your dad is horrible. I hate him with all my being Chris. I just want to get you away from him. “He said in a low voice. I stared at him. Oh how much I love the way Roy protects me. He is truly the best friend I could ever have. Not to mention my only friend. 69

I heard Roy whispering some things to him self, that was his habit. He thought out loud in whispers, still hard to hear, but easier to hear then reading minds. “Are you hurt?” I asked, remembering that my dad kneed him pretty hard in the stomach. “No. “Roy mumbled in his hands. “You?” he asked. 70

“No… “I said in half whisper, and then I felt sad rush over me. ‘How could my dad strike my best friend? Just how could he? I wish he would go away, I just wish my dad would leave the house. ‘I thought, and then felt a few tears escape my eyes. 71

I started to weep silently, and I quickly attempted to wipe away my tears. I don’t want Roy to see me cry. I let out a sound of sadness, which gave away my current state. Roy jerked his head up from his hands, and looked at me. His eyes softened as he saw tears escape my eyes. 72

Roy has seen me cry 2 other times in our friendship, which has been 6 years. But never has he seen me cry through emotional damage. Just broken legs and bloody cuts. “Chris…” he said in a low voice, and then wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close to him. Trying to comfort me. “ … I want to get you away from him so bad. .” he continued as he held me tighter. “You have no clue what I would do just to make your pain go away. “ He whispered. I sobbed, and spoke as steadily as I could. “Roy, I just can’t believe he did that to you. I can’t believe what he does to me and my mom, I can’t believe my mom isn’t here tonight, I wish she was so I could help her. I wish she wasn’t at work tonight, Roy. I wish you didn’t get hurt, I wish this would all stop!” I cried, and shoved my face into his chest. Sobbing, and sobbing. Tears just kept flowing. 73

I’ve never cried like this in my life. I hate it, I hate crying so much. I hate my life so much. 74

“Roy… “I Mumbled as I hugged him to me, I lifted my face from his chest and then looked at his tear stained Jacket. 75

He still hasn’t taken off his outdoor clothing. I smirked slightly and looked up to Roy’s face and pulled away from him in the process. And what I saw shocked me. I saw something on Roy I’ve never seen before, something I never thought I would see. It just shocked me completely. 76

I felt a wet substance hit my face, that wasn’t my own. And felt more tears beginning to swell up inside of me. 77

Roy is crying. 78

For the sake of me, he is crying because I was crying so hard, because I am suffering every day, while he lives his life as he wants to. 79

“Roy… “I whispered. “Please don’t cry. You have no reason too “I said in a shaky voice. It is so weird to see Tears coming out of Roy’s emerald green eyes. His cheeks had three wet stains on each side. He smiled slightly, and hugged me again. 80

“Chris, I promise you. I will always protect you from your dad. “He spoke slowly. His hug was tight and caring; he had his arms wrapped around my shoulder area body. His head hung over my shoulder and his eyes shadowed, I stared up at the ceiling as more tears streamed down my face. And I knew he was still crying too. 81

He didn’t want me to see him cry, but he couldn’t help it. I knew that much. And that is why he is hiding his face from me right now. 82

“I will protect you, Chris. You are my best friend, and I want to make sure you’re happy. I want to protect you, and your mom from your dad. I may be but a teenager, but I can protect you. “He whispered. I smiled, knowing his word is true. 83

But, that’s what scares me. His words are true which means he will do anything to protect me. Even put himself in harms way. But, despite that fear. I was great full, and trusted him with all my being. “I know Roy, and thank you. “ I said, and then Yawned. 84

He let go of me, and wiped away my tears with his thumb. While I did the same for him. “Don’t cry any more. “We both said in unison. We stared at each other for a minute, then, we burst out in laughter at our combined words. “I won’t. “ I said, he nodded. “Dido” 85

“Well, shall we go to sleep? “ I asked, as I looked at my clock. It read 11: 00 pm. And the day was rough, and long. Plus, tomorrow I, Roy, and my Mom are going to Lester beach for a few days. And I look forward to it greatly, 86

Although Roy will have to go home for a while tomorrow, to do his chores and to say goodbye to his Mother. 87

His father is dead, he died 3 years ago. And I remembered how Depressed Roy was. I never want to see him like that again. 88

That’s why I’m going to trust him on what he promised me. 89

“Sure, let’s get some sleep. “ Roy said. 90

Roy and I got into bed; we didn’t feel uncomfortable sleeping with each other. Seeing as we have been friends since we were around the age of 7 or so. It didn’t bug us at all. 91

We both got under the covers and I clapped my hands to turn off the lights. 92

“Goodnight. “ Roy said, as he turned onto his side and closed his eyes. “Night. “ I said, as I did the same.93

‘Tomorrow’s going to be a better day. It’ll be just me, Roy, and My mom. And no one else. ‘I thought, before drifting off into a peaceful, happy sleep. 94

I awoke to the sound of the door swinging open. I shot my eyes open and looked around franticly, it is still dark outside. I looked to the door, and saw my dad standing there. His cheeks Rosy and his eyes showed that he wasn’t sober. 95

“You little Demon! Get out of my daughters bed you pig!” He yelled as he grasped Roy’s arm and threw him off the bed. 96

Luckily, he was awake before I even awoke, so he landed in a safe way. “Dad!” I pleaded “please stop!” I yelled, my dad scowled and walked up to Roy. He picked him up by the shirt and pushed him against the wall.97

I was panicking, watching my Best friend getting abused by my Dad. It was horror. 98

“If I ever catch you in my daughter’s bed again, I’ll Skin you and feed the flesh to our dog!” My dad spat, slamming Roy against the wall with his last words. Roy chuckled, despite the pain he felt. “You don’t even have a dog, you idiot. You are drunk. And, what’s with all of this defence of your daughter? First you abuse her and her mother, and curse at her and call her cruel names, and now you are mad because she is sleeping with her best friend that would care about her more then you ever could?! You monster!?!” Roy spat with hate. My eyes widened at his words. He was being serious and the look in his eyes… They were that of pure hatred. 99

My dad’s forehead made the H in wrinkles again. And the next actions brought my hands to shaking disaster. 100

It all seemed to be a blur, first Roy was thrown far across the room, then I heard a small cry of pain, and then blood poured. 101

My dad just beat the living shit out of Roy. His lip was bleeding with his nose too. My dad picked him up again, and threw him. I felt tears run down my cheeks again. ‘How can this be happening? ‘I thought, and then I did the first thing that came to mind. 102

I ran towards them and stood between my dad and Roy, who was on the floor desperately trying to get up; he coughed up some blood and groaned in pain. 103

Tears streamed down my face, as I glared at my dad with pleading, hateful eyes. “Dad, please stop! Just get out of my room, and leave Roy alone! Please! He’s had enough Dad!” I cried. My tears now flowing down faster. 104

“Chris… “I heard Roy mumble behind me. My dad scowled, and walked towards the door. 105

He stopped and glared at both me and Roy. “ that ‘ friend ‘ of yours is idiotic, I wonder why he is even caring for such a girl like you, and dido towards you caring for him. “ my dad hissed, and then left the room, slamming the door shut. 106

I fell to my knees and stared at the spot where my dad once stood. I felt tears stream down my face even more, and then I fell to my stomach and cried my eyes out. 107

I heard Roy get up from behind me, and crawl towards me. He put his bloody hand on my shoulder, making a mark on my black T-shirt. “It’s okay. He didn’t hurt you. “He whispered, and his words made me hurt even more. Although they were comforting, they were hurtful. Because sure, I didn’t get hurt. 108

But Roy did. 109

He got hurt badly, and he is bleeding and coughing up blood. I sat up and looked at his face. It still held his form; no bruises looked like they would be there. There was just blood on his face from his lip and the inside of his cheek. His nose isn’t broke, and his eye isn’t black.110

But he has coughed up blood from the damage to his stomach and face. Seeing him like this, hurt me inside, and twisted my stomach in random directions. 111

“Roy… I am so sorry. “I said, while gently touching his face. He cringed a little; it probably stung as I pressed my hand against his cheek lightly. He smiled despite his pain, and grasped my hand and pushed it away gently. “Its alright, we should sleep now. “He said.112

I hesitated to answer, but nodded. 113

It’s hard to believe that I even got sleep that night, but we both fell asleep. 114

The next day, a horror I thought could never happened, came to be. 115

116

Horror Day 2. Saturday. 117

The next day came quickly, and the sun shone brightly in the sky. It hit my face, and I stirred in my sleep. The warmth of the sun going through my window is what woke me up. I opened my eyes, and looked out the window. I squinted as the sun shone off my eyes. I yawned and sat up. 118

Beside me laid Roy, his sleeping figure breathing steadily and slowly. His face held peace and the blood on his face is dry and a dark red. I felt a pain in my chest as I looked at his blood. ‘So it wasn’t a horrible nightmare… ‘I thought as I sighed. 119

“What’s wrong?” Roy spoke, as he opened his eyes. It startled me; I didn’t even know he was awake. “ nothing, I’m just happy that today is the day I don’t see my dad for a while and I get to go to Lester beach with you and my mom. “ I lied. He smiled and yawned then sat up with me. 120

I got out of bed and began to pack my things for our early leave. Roy joined me to help me pack. 121

It Is 10:30 am and it is quiet downstairs, which meant my dad has already left for ‘work’. He does that every day, my mom and I have no clue what he does all day, but we both know it’s not work. He never comes home with money. 122

Once I finished packing some clothes and my prized items, I carried my suitcase down stairs. It felt like heaven to hear quiet, and not feel the Hateful Aura of my dad’s presence. And not hearing gunshot sounds coming from the TV or his voice. 123

Roy followed me downstairs, and went straight to the bathroom. If he was going to go home, he should wash the blood off his face so his mom doesn’t get suspicious. Nor with my Mom. 124

I Looked into the living room, and saw that the Item that broke last night was the TV itself. My dad must have pushed it off the stand last night. I sighed, feeling depression rush over me. 125

It took Roy less then 10 minutes to come out of the bathroom looking like he never was damaged at all. 126

“Well, I should go home and pack. I’ll be back around 12:00. That is when we’re leaving right? “Roy said. I nodded and looked at the door. Roy walked to the door, and opened it while putting on his shoes. “I’ll just leave my jacket here. See you later Chris. “He said as he waved and smiled at me. “Bye” I said as he began to leave. 127

The door slowly shut as he left, and seeing him walk away hurt me inside. It gave me butterflies and this feeling in my chest… Something didn’t seem right. The air feels cold, and sticky. As though blood was poured and has been there for a while. The feeling in the pit of my stomach felt bad. 128

Something horrible was going to happen today, 129

And I didn’t like the way I got the feeling as soon as Roy left. 130

I stood in that spot staring at the place where Roy once stood for about 5 minutes, before I finally walked into the bathroom to take a shower. 131

‘Nothings going to happen, ‘I assured myself. ‘It’s just a feeling; my mind is probably playing tricks on me. ‘I thought as I stepped into the shower. 132

‘Just think, in about 4 hour’s time, I’ll be away from the city and be on the beach with Roy and my mother. I’ll be away from my dad, and all the pain. ‘I thought with a smile. 133

And showered in my hot water.134

* Advance in time 1 hours time (yes it takes me that long in the shower)*135

I got out of the shower, and began to dry myself. I heard mumbling voices outside the bathroom door, it sounded as though there were more then 2 people out there. ‘My mom must be home, and she must have brought some people with her. ‘I thought, as I got into my clothes. 136

I looked at myself in the mirror, and began to brush my hair and put on my heavy black eye liner that I always keep in the bathroom drawer. 137

I heard a sobbing type noise come from outside, and it made me feel odd. ‘I wonder whose crying.’ I thought. As I put away all my towels, and exited the bathroom. 138

When I walked into the Kitchen, I saw 4 people. One was my mom. Two, was Roy’s mom, and the other two were Police officers. 139

My mom looked at me, and as soon as she saw me, her eyes saddened and her hands fell loose to the ground. She walked towards me rapidly, and pulled me into a tight hug. 140

“Oh my god, Chris. I thought you weren’t home. “She whispered. I cocked an eyebrow and pulled away from her confused. “Of course I’m home, why wouldn’t I be? “ I asked confused. I glanced over at Roy’s mom, she was crying softly, dabbing at her face with a cloth. 141

It confused me. 142

The police officers wrote down something in their note book. “Ok, we know she’s alright. “One said in a relieved voice. 143

I looked at my mom confused. “Where would I be mom? And why is Roy’s mom here, why’s she crying, and why are their police officers here?” I asked, confused as ever. 144

My mom closed her eyes, and grasped my hands. “I thought you were with … Roy. “She spoke in a low voice. I raised an eyebrow. And then suddenly, I felt as though I should be worried… Why would my mom be worried if I was with Roy? She knows him all to well, and knows he would protect me with his… Life. 145

I looked at my mom confused, and grabbed her hands tightly. “Mom, why is that a bad thing?” I said, feeling something hit me. 146

My mom looked over at Roy’s mother. And sighed, and then looked back at me. Her eyes held sympathy, and sadness. She looked like she was about to push me off a cliff. But she wasn’t. She opened her mouth, and said in the most gentle, soft voice I ever heard. “Honey, we found Roy’s Body near our house. He was murdered… By your dad. “She said. I felt my heart skip a beat at my mom’s words. I stared at her shocked, the world seemed to stop. My hands startled trembling, with my lips to follow it. My eyes widened. I looked into my moms eyes. “y-you’re lying… “I whispered. My mom started to cry, seeing my expression, and she shook her head slowly, biting her lips. 147

I heard Roy’s mother let out some more sobs, and the police began to talk again. They looked sad because of me too. 148

I felt my heart sink to the bottom of my chest. I felt a lump in throat, keeping me from talking.149

‘He’s… dead? He can’t be dead. My dad… killed Roy?’ I thought, and then felt tears form in my eyes. 150

“R-Roy!” I cried, as I threw myself at my mom and sobbed more then I ever did before. My mom held me tight, and cried gently with me. 151

Everything was so horrible right now, Roy’s mom crying, the police officers talking about my fathers ware about, my mothers crying, My crying, 152

And the loss of the most important thing to me in my entire life. 153

These last two days were the most horrible days of my life. And I felt as though my entire world has been crushed by the hands of god. 154

155

Roy’s funeral was so sad; I couldn’t even bring myself to look at his body when they opened his coffin. 156

I cried so much there, it didn’t seem humanly possible. 157

My father was caught, and put into Jail for the abuse he gave me and my mom, he was charged against drug dealing, and for the murder of my best friend. 158

My mom and I moved to Lester beach, never to go back to Winnipeg again, for I couldn’t stand to face the school alone. I would need Roy. 159

But there was one thing I knew that Roy kept, and that was his promise to protect me, and always be with me.160

Sure, he is dead. But my memory of him remains, and for what he did for me.161

We are entwined forever.162

Our hearts, are Entwined in the tightest friendship ever.163

Author notes

Not a true story. Just to let you know, but any way, did you like?

A contest entry

If you read, please comment. And no bad comments please. if you have to say some thing i did wrong, please do it in a nice way.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Birchwhisker
    March 12, 2008

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    Good description ^^ I always imagine the story as I read it, and I could imagine everything...
    *applaud because doesn't want to use smileys*


  • Mel-the-Believer
    March 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Holy Cow! This was awesome. I absolutely loved it. Excellently written. It pulled me right in. You did a wonderful job. Keep on writing. God BLess!


  • UndercoverShinoda
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I wanted to enter your contest but I couldn't read this. Maybe make the background a bit plainer?


  • Lover of Stories
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was a good story, and I like your writing. It doesn't follow the requirements for my Naruto Fanfics Galore contest, however - it doesn't seem to be related to Naruto at all. ^^; Also, you didn't include one of the quotes mentioned in the rules in your Author's Notes. Ah well. This doesn't really qualify for an entry in my contest, but it was a pretty good read, so whatever. ^^ I liked your characters, and the story was emotional. The ending was sad... *sniffs* I like tragedies, though they make me a little sad when I read them. Anyways, keep writing! ^.^


  • Amicus2K9
    February 8, 2008
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    Congratulations...

    ...on your award. And congratulations to you for taking on such a painful story, thinking it all the way through and finishing it. Quite a formidable task to take on with such a difficult subject to write about.

    Thank you for your lovely comment on my story, if there are some things of yours you would like read, please let me know.

    Amicus...



  • Kari gold member
    February 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Usually I am not into really long stories but this one held my attention, and I really felt the emotions in it for sure. Awesome job and the best of luck


  • X-SaNiTy-AsSaSsiN-x
    January 31, 2008

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    It's okay... I like it. The emotion's definitely great. But for me, it was kind of taken away by all the grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes, as I am a total grammar freak when it comes to stories. I would have definitely enjoyed it more if the grammar and spelling were better, but it's still an enjoyable story.
    Good job. Maybe you could get somebody to edit it and in that way, better it.
    ~*~goth&sweet - Bo~*~

    beginning: 3, language: 1, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 1, characters: 4.


  • Shadow06
    January 29, 2008
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    You made a couple of grammar mistakes, but I liked it. I could feel the emotion.


  • EphemeralStyle
    January 25, 2008
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    A few spelling and grammar mistakes, but the emotion in this makes up for it

    Woooooooooaaaaaaah so sad.... Very very intense and depressing.... It's a horrible thought to know that stuff like this actually happens to some people O.o

    *tear* well written <3

    Eph


  • The Golden Son
    January 23, 2008

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    I-I-I...

    I don't know what to say. That's a real heartbreaker. I... I just can't imagine... ahhh... I-I... just... Ya know... I never have the courage to kill off a character for some reason. I haven't felt such an emotional tug since my aunt died. The only little thing I noticed was your tense kinda went back and forth. Man, it's really hard to be a technical critic when the emotional pull is so strong.

    beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • WhiteLight15
    January 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    That was one of the best stories i have read.
    All of the characters where life like and the emontion from it was breathtaking.

    You could really feel for Christine.

    11/10

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    January 22, 2008

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    That was... so sad. I'm trying not to cry right now. You told that so well, I think if it had been writen any different it wouldn't have the same blow as it does.

    You write very well for you age. They only thing I can say is that you need to fix some of the grammer. You missed a few apostaphes, comma's, and you need to split up the diloge lines better so its easier to tell who's talking. You are very good at first person writing, something I myself can not do.

    Amazing!


  • This Will Hurt
    January 19, 2008

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    Wow, I'd like to first say thank you so much for entering my contest with this peice. This has to be one of the saddest that I have ever read, out of the 18 other stories that entered. I found a couple small grammar mistakes, but don't worry about them, that's not how I judge in this contest! ^.^ I have no doubt that you're going to get some kind of reward for this one, and you made me hate the father so much, if I was Chris I would punch him in the face. Thanks again, and good luck! : ]


  • Yoko
    January 19, 2008

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    That was...*cry, sob, sob*...SO SAD. I felt my heart get doiced in pain. And when I read that Roy's mom, her mom, and some police came, I was like oh my god. And when the mom was asking her if she was with Roy, I was like what happened. I really wanted to know what happened to him, I was yelling at the story going tell me what happened. I can't handle suspence. Let me just say, that father is a pain in the *beep*. Jerko! I hate him so much to. I felt water come to my eyes but they wouldn't come out. I guess I'm a softy about friends breaking up or a friend dying. If I was Roy I would of nailed that father in the face. I'm so sensative in people who cared about someone and they die. And the thing that really get's me to hate myself is that almost all my stories has a lover dying, or friends. Jeeze, if this story is the one that aint the sadiest story you have, than you are just good. And if this is the saddiest story you have, you are still good. Awsome. To make things short, I looove this story. Keep writing. Mew!


  • Peachy
    January 19, 2008

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    oh my goodness, that's the saddest story I've ever read! I can't believe you are 13; sounds like an adult wrote it! This is so amazing and believable, if it weren't for your authors note i would have thought it was a real story!
    I am in complete awe of this story; I am simply stunned. You deserve the gold trophy a hundred times over; just too bad I'm not the judge.

    Today you have just met your biggest fan.
    I loved every bit of it and this comment is something coming from me!


  • Xtclozer-
    January 19, 2008
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    and yes, thats how you spell the name Christine.
    I know, ok?

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