Shade [Part 1]

He sprinted along the beach, focused solely on escaping. The music that emitted from his Ipod flowed over him and the waves that lapped against his feet didn't deter him. Reality was catching up with him again and he fought it fiercely. Every muscle in his body burned with the effort. He hadn't run this hard or this long in months. 1

He had been running for over two hours before he slowed down to catch his breath. He stopped at a tall rock standing against the ocean. The shadow it offered was long, dark, and inviting. 2

He half-crouched with his hands on his knees, panting. A bright white earbud had fallen out of his ear and sweat rolled down his bronzed body, creating a dark V on the back of his gray t-shirt. He regained his breath, slumped against the rock’s solid surface, and slid down into the sand. He was thirsty. He could hear water pushing against the other side of the rock. But saltwater wouldn't help.3

He heard the sound of a bottle cracking. He straightened. Someone else was there. Drinking. He waited. The bottle crackled again. His brain wanted him to get up and keep running, away from any human interaction. He had three more hours before he was required to be back to reality. But his body instead stood, and propelled itself around the rock.4

In the small cove created by the rock and a couple palm trees, sat a girl. Her long brown legs were stretched out in front of her. Her black Pumas had been kicked off and he thought she looked almost naked in her white running shorts and red jog bra. She stared out at the ocean, with an ironic smile teasing the corner of her mouth. Her face was smooth, relaxed, and peaceful. He wanted her peace. Where had she gotten it? Had it taken her a long time? Or had she just not been through what he had? 5

The girl didn’t notice him. He approached her quietly, wondering what he would say. “Hey.” 6

He saw her spine stiffen, and the tranquility slip away from her face. She twisted to look at him. He watched her dark eyes slowly travel up the length of him to his face. And when their eyes met, he realized that she wasn't at peace after all.

Author notes

Part 1 of 12 (so far) in a story. Here's the whole thing: http://storywrite.com/story/138194

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Luckyk
    April 10

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    I liked this especially the way you began with him wanting to escape. Not alot happened in this part but the ending leaves one to wonder just a little, I'll take a look at the other parts when I get chance because I want to see where this is going.


  • Olinda
    December 14, 2008

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    Her face was smooth, relaxed, and peaceful. He wanted her peace. Where had she gotten it? Had it taken her a long time? Or had she just not been through what he had?

    that was really cute. this is a pretty good story, but i dont understand most of it


  • lovableReese
    March 7, 2008
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    Like I said before Great Job. this was very awesme.

  • abba12
    March 3, 2008
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    This makes me want to read more, and I may well consider continuing the series. Be careful naming brands and specifics in short stories, they are often tacky and take away from the story and feeling, because they come with their own steryotypes and ideas. Leave the specifics to longer pieces.
    An intriguing piece of writing, I wonder what happens next.


  • lovableReese
    February 22, 2008
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    this was very nice. i loved it a lot. i can't wait to read more.


  • J.P.Troy silver member
    February 3, 2008
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    Thanks for entering our contest. Good luck.

    J.P. Troy
    (Writing Review)


  • water-spirit-ryuu
    February 2, 2008
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    cool.
    not alot happened but I HAVE to find out the rest now.
    ^_^
    good job


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    January 27, 2008

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    Ohhh I like this and that ending really made me want to read more of it!! It was very suspenseful and really leaves the reader anxious to get to the next chapter.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • UnEdibleChick
    January 27, 2008

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    I agree with Kyoshoro-Wolf, this is very discriptive I like that. Good job and thanx for entering!


  • Kyoshoro Wolf
    January 27, 2008

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    There were good descriptive words used evrywhere,basically in the whole story.I think that is what made this story good.Also you did a good job with the ending.You left the reader in suspense and so it should make them read more and I'm one of those readers.I look forward to another one of your stories.


  • EphemeralStyle
    January 23, 2008

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    Very descriptive. I have to say, you're a very skilled writer. Oooooh good ending. Your stuff makes me want to read more xD Once this contest is over, I'll still keep an eye out for your work.

    Cool cool.

    Eph

  • Ahava
    January 19, 2008
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    oh my! what could be troubling this girl. haha. good job bee and i really cant wait for more!


  • StarIlluminated
    January 19, 2008

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    This is really really really good! You used so much description in this! My favorite line is: The shadow it offered was long, dark, and inviting. That's really good! I like how you ended it on such a suspensful note, I'm going to go read the next part!
    Illuminated

1 - 13 of 13