[ Jamie sat on the floor of the orphanage. This would add to the growing list, seven.1 ]

Jamie sat on the floor of the orphanage. This would add to the growing list, seven.1

She is thirteen and has not had a decent pair of parents in two years. No one wants her. They always want the babies of the group.2

Her mother had died while giving birth to her and therefore Jamie did not miss her. When she turned eight, her father left her in a Catholic church somewhere in England. Jamie can still remember being left behind.3

It was 1984 and Jamie was eating a small bowl of porridge for breakfast. Her father usually left her there alone when he went off to work, but that morning he asked Jamie if she wanted to go for a ride. Almost like a dog, she ran to the door in excitement. 4

When they got to the car, he told her that it would be a long ride and that they were going to visit a special place. 5

Some special place that turned out to be.6

It took three hours to get there, and when they did, her father took no time to rush her inside. She can recall him talking to a tall man in a black and white robe. She just sat in one of the pews, watching the men discuss their business for some time. Jamie did not know how long they talked or what about, but he left. She doesn’t know when or why, but her father just simply left and she still sat there until the tall man made her leave for an afternoon mass. 7

She had to stay is a small room in the back of the church for around a month and a half. Then one day a lady came and took her away in a car to the first orphanage Jamie lived in five years ago. 8

So now she sits on the floor of the orphanage for teens. She had never before been in a big kid orphanage and she did not want to be there. She enjoyed the younger children because they helped her remain in her youth. They helped her keep her dying innocence. Her body was changing and she did not like that. Change always lead to bad situations, including this place. 9

The teen orphanage is a large brick building with a lot more space. There are four bathrooms instead of just two, like in the last couple of orphanages she had visited. The building is even divide in two. One half for girls and the other half for the boys. She didn’t like it.

Author notes

This isn't my first story, but it is different than anything I've written before. I was going for a chapter, but I got stuck...go figure!

What do I need to change?!?!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • TwilaTarragon
    June 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It's not bad!! I think you need to elaborate more on jamie's current situation and get some plot in there. What's happening? Does Jamie have friends? If not here, then were there some at the other orphanage? would she want to go back to those friends? Give it a little action, and you have the makings of a great story.