Men and Their Eyes [a Play]

MEN AND THEIR EYES [A PLAY]
BY
GODWIN S. U. INYANG 1


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SYNOPSIS
The play has six main characters and is divided into four scenes. SCENE ONE deals with the theme of love as having many faces; SCENE TWO deals with the need for birth control and the advice from the red-headed lizard sums up this: not having a long chain of wives and children that is problem as having a strong enough tail to protect them; SCENE THREE dramatizes the dark side of reckless childbearing and there is a piece of advice to put buttons on our sex life, not like those on clothes but like the ones on a control panel; SCENE FOUR deals with the turbulent relationships most marital homes face: the men are indicted that notwithstanding all that women do to please them, men still have their eyes placed at the backs of their heads.3

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CAST:
[1] EMMA [FRESH GRADUATE]
[2] TAILOR
[3] PAPA SAM [FORAGES THE JUNGLE FOR A LIVING]
[4] MAMA SAM [HAIRDRESSER]
[The above are all TENANTS of the same house]
[5] CARETAKER
[6] EKA MMA [MAMA SAM’S CUSTOMER]5

SCENE ONE6

[FAZE’S TRACK, ‘YOU NEED SOMEBODY’ PLAYS]7

A TENEMENT HOUSE BY A VILLAGE ROAD. AT ONE END OF THE VERANDA IS A TAILOR’S SHOP WITH TABLE, SEWING MACHINE, STOOL AND A BENCH. TAILOR SITS ON THE TABLE, SMOKING.8

EMMA: [EMERGES FROM THE CORRIDOR, THEN HAILS:] Tailor de tailor! I can see you’re cooling yourself down this early morning. [EMMA SITS ON THE BENCH.]9

TAILOR: [DRAWS AUDIBLY ON HIS CIGARETTE, COUGHS AND SPEAKS BETWEEN PUFFS:] What other option has the poor man? At least we console ourselves with this.10

EMMA: Boy, easy o! That thing kills!11

TAILOR: What will kill a man will kill.12

EMMA: Is that so? Look, it’s a foolish poor man who sees the rich man’s funeral and decides to die. Where is the money for his own grand burial?13

TAILOR: [GIGGLING]: Don’t let me choke on this thing. I assume you’re calling me a foolish poor man?14

EMMA: No, my guy. Just the colourful way our people speak.15

TAILOR: So I take that to be a piece of advice. I’d try and stop it. It’s the resolution I’m making for next year.16

EMMA: That is barely one month from now.17

TAILOR: Yes. Emma, the truth is I’m burning right now – not by cigarette but love! This cellphone calls to this midget of a girl is drilling big holes in my pockets and worse still, she’s not responding positively too.18

EMMA: [ LAUGHING] If the midget of a girl would not appreciate the pain you’re passing through to approach her on a cellphone, don’t worry, have consolation in the fact you’re a cherished customer of a giant telecoms operator.19

TAILOR: [IN FRUSTRATION] It’s sometime pointless sharing my grief with you! I thought you could cheer me up a little, one way or the other.20

EMMA: Love you’re in, love would cheer you up. Love has many faces – it could be a grimace, a grin, a scowl or a smile. Press on and yours may eventually smile on you.21

TAILOR: [THINKING] Well … well … maybe you’re right.22

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SCENE TWO24

[A GONG IS SOUNDED]
TENANTS SIT ON BENCHES ON THE VERANDA. CARETAKER WALKS IN FROM THE OUTSIDE.25

TENANTS: [CHORUSING] Good morning, sir.26

CARETAKER: Morning, all. How is Sunday?27

TENANTS: Fine, sir.28

CARETAKER: [ADDRESSING PAPA SAM:] You’re a strong man, my friend. I can see your wife is ballooning again so soon!29

PAPA SAM: It’s God’s gift, sir. We can’t help.30

CARETAKER: Certainly, God’s gift! Our God is a generous God.31

PAPA SAM: It’s true, sir. He says we should not bother about what we will wear or eat in any given day.32

CARETAKER: Sure enough. You’re right, my son. You see like in our case, the good Lord is even over-generous. He brought the jungle just beside us. So we go in and come out at will. We only ask for strength to cart the produce we gather and as we come out we know the buyers are waiting in the village with their cash ready. With our very easy income, which the bumps on our backs readily testify, we can keep creating our football teams. [EMMA AND TAILOR BURST OUT LAUGHING.] I hope my money is ready this time o!33

PAPA SAM: Yes, sir. Sir, I mean, it will be ready next weekend …34

CARETAKER: [INTERRUPTING] You see, this is what I’m saying. The good generous
God who provides ceaselessly has done it again – this would be your fourth kid in five years and you’re owing me ten months’ rent. My son, you’re not being fair to me. This house is owned by a classmate I used to beat hands down in all our examinations while in school. But his father had a wife and four kids and was focused in training them. My father married two wives, created a football team with solid reserves. I dropped out at Standard Four. My friend went through college and left for overseas. Today he is a commissioner and I’m just a mere labourer in his ministry. So if he is good enough to let me take care of his property, don’t disgrace me. Let me just be accountable to him.35

PAPA SAM: [IN AN HUMBLED TONE] Sir, there’ll be something down at weekend.36

CARETAKER: Please, try. [CARETAKER ADDRESSES MAMA SAM:] And young woman, if it is love potion nobody would tell you where the witchdoctor lives. But to look for a health centre to save yourself from this man’s havoc, you’re there waiting for his permission …37

MAMA SAM: [CUTS IN] Sir, I told him.38

CARETAKER: Yes, you told him. I have eyes and can see he took your advice. What the red-headed lizard said is what I would say now to both of you: it is not having a long chain of wives and children that is problem as having a strong enough tail to protect them. Please, my money next weekend. [CARETAKER DEPARTS HURRIEDLY]39

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SCENE THREE41

[DRUMS ARE ROLLED]
[BANGERS EXPLODE, CHEERS OF ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’ AND SOUND OF JOY AS PEOPLE THRONG OUT OF PLACES OF WORSHIP BACK TO THEIR HOMES. BANGERS EXPLODE MORE ON THE STREETS, AND THERE ARE DRUMBEATS AND SONGS. AS THE COMMOTION FADES THERE ARE CHEERFUL GREETINGS OF ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’ EVERYWHERE AS MORNING APPROACHES.]
CARETAKER SOON AFTER WALKS IN TO SEE THE TENANTS.42

CARETAKER: I say I should walk down the few poles from my house and wish my people a ‘Happy New Year’.43

TENANTS: [IN CHORUS] Happy New Year, sir.44

CARETAKER: I invite you all to my place for some cool wine later in the day. It’s great to be alive and see another brand new year.45

TENANTS: Thank you, sir.46

CARETAKER: Till then. [CARETAKER LEAVES.]47

PAPA SAM: Wine today, rent tomorrow. Please, let this man leave me alone!48

EMMA: Ah ah! You haven’t forgiven this man for giving you helpful advice?49

MAMA SAM: Oh, my brother. Tell him o!50

PAPA SAM: [ANGRILY] Shut up woman and go inside! At all times you are always siding the caretaker.51

MAMA SAM: I’m not shutting up. If you want to start a fight this New Year, start – I’m ready for you!52

TAILOR: Please o! With your condition, we have no strength to separate such a fight.53

MAMA SAM: Look, my brother. It’s that ten months’ rent he owed. I begged him to forget every other thing and pay as the caretaker had been patient enough. After paying, my husband doesn’t want me to speak again.54

PAPA SAM: Why should you speak? All you do is talk, talk. It’s high time you start making meaningful contribution in this house!55

MAMA SAM: Not only high but higher time! You don’t let me turn – every year new pregnancy. What do want me to contribute more than the kids you’re slaving for?56

PAPA SAM: Look, if you don’t shut up your long mouth I’m going to cut it off!57

MAMA SAM: [LAUGHS DERISIVELY] Quietly cut off your responsibilities and leave my mouth alone.58

PAPA SAM: You’d never hear one word of praise from the mouth of the woman I’m killing myself to take good care of. How much was the rent? How many times had I left money with you just to go bring a little and add to pay off the rent only to be told on my return the children were sick and that you had use up the money. Sometimes, this woman would just use the money to buy her clothes! Enter the room all the pieces of furniture scattered everywhere are nothing but her clothes!59

MAMA SAM: If you’d needed furniture you should have bought them before thinking of having children. If it bothers you, you don’t have furniture simply let me rest after this turn. If you think you brought me here to walk naked and yet be your baby factory, then mister, you’re sorely wrong.60

EMMA: Mama Sam, it’s okay. And Papa Sam, look, your anger with our caretaker is rather misplaced. What the old man pointed out is the source of your headaches. Everybody knows you work hard enough. Had it been you have like one or two kids, there would be enough room and time for your woman to practice her hairdressing profession. The few ladies who had been coming around to have their hair fixed feel quite uncomfortable as your kids if they’re around disturb a lot.61

MAMA SAM: Tell him o!62

PAPA SAM: Woman, shut up! Even if you had all the room and time in this world to practice your profession all your money would still end up in wearing what every other woman is wearing. So shut up!63

MAMA SAM: I’d shut up. The hump on your back will keep growing rounder and rounder …64

PAPA SAM: Whatever is on my back is because of you and the children. So shut up for the last time!65

EMMA: Look, this quarrel won’t get us any where. Doing the right things will save you a great deal of headaches. Have a manageable size of family. That’s what our caretaker was saying. And you, Mama Sam, learn to cope with him. Nobody is saying walk naked but you just can’t be buying clothes every now and then as if you don’t have mouths to feed. Look, if the stress on him gets too much and he suddenly drops dead it’s you who’ll now bear the entire family loads …66

MAMA SAM: He’d never drop dead. His loads are for him!67

PAPA SAM: I’ll drop dead – in fact, I’m dropping dead now!68

MAMA SAM: [ANGRILY] Drop dead and leave this burden for who? God would rather prolong your life! After the birth of every child you’d keep tugging on my clothes till you have your way. Now you have got what you wanted lined up before you, you want to drop dead. God would rather prolong your life! [MAMA SAM STORMS INSIDE.]69

PAPA SAM: Men, this is red-hot trouble! After this one, please, anybody who knows the way should show me.70

EMMA: That’s a small thing. Once she’s given birth just talk to the village health centre workers and they’d readily guide you on what to do.71

PAPA SAM: I’ll do just that! This is absolute burden. If you see my mates you’d think I’m their grandfather!72

EMMA: It’s necessary. The mistakes our fathers made and never knew what leisure were all their lives we shouldn’t repeat. Their sex life seemed not to have buttons …73

TAILOR: [LAUGHING] Like the ones on my clothes?74

EMMA: No, like the ones on a control panel. You see, they had no buttons so they married and gave birth recklessly. But we seeing what they did was wrong should put in some buttons into our sex life. With buttons in place we are sure of having a good marriage as the woman can rest and contribute. Then there’ll be happiness in the home for as our people are fond of saying: when the palm scrubs the back, the back too would be scrubbing the palm.75

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