Improbable Cliches

“What do you wanna know? What the fuck is it that you wanna hear? That I’m crazy about you. That from the first time I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. That after meeting you I was actually happy I had to read The Odyssey because it is how I met you. Do you wanna hear that every time you say ‘I love you’ to him that it hits me like a knife. That on the night that you were crying about him, I went back to my dorm and shed a few tears, myself. Is that what you wanna hear? Or do you wanna hear that every time I see you, whatever is going wrong in my day, it’s forgotten and everything is right? That when you look at me, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. And that if I were to live for only one more moment I would love my last sight to be your eyes, looking back at me. I doubt that’s what you wanted to hear, but it’s what you heard. I suppose that’s the way life is sometimes.”1

He shuffles his feet and looks to ground, stunned at what he just said. She stares in fear, stunned at what he just said. He meant every word but he never meant it to be said. Their heartbeats could be heard throughout the empty parking lot. 2

The eyes, that he had fallen in love with, seemed alive trying to find a thought. “I don’t know what to say” she says. 3

He slowly begins to walk backwards, while shrugging. “I don’t know what to hear.” He turns and walks away. It was out in the open now. Things would never be the same now, the innocent glances between one another, the friendly hugs between each other outside of dorms. Things were never going to be the same. However, the glances were never innocent and the hugs were never friendly, at least not to Sean. He never knew how she felt. She had a boyfriend for most of the time so she probably never felt the same way but he always wished she did.4

Cassie stayed frozen in the parking lot. She began to see his figure walk away and knew that she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she said nothing. “Wait” He stops and turns his head back to her. “What the hell do you want me to say? I’m going through a lot of shit right now and you have to drop this at my feet right now. “5

“Hey! Did you think I wanna say what I just did? Do you realize how pathetic I sound? This wasn’t easy for me to say, at all. But I said it. Because for the first time, in a long time, I am not afraid of my own feelings. Hell, the whole time I knew you I was afraid to even feel the way I did for you.”6

“So I bet you were pretty psyched when you found out I broke up with my boyfriend?”7

“Actually, it broke my heart.” She looks up surprised and confused. “I thought I would be pumped, but when I heard the news, to know that you were hurting…made me hurt.”8

“Yeah Bullshit.”9

“I know it seems like that but it’s the truth. Believe it or not, but it’s the truth and I’m a shitty liar so there’s you proof. But like I said, believe it or not, because after everything I have been through I just don’t give a fuck anymore.” Sean turns and walks away again. His feet were making contact with the concrete in perfect harmony yet it felt that he was walking on the air he breathed. A huge weight was lifted and he finally felt free from the shackles of attraction. But he began to wonder. The secret was out; he was finally free from keeping such feelings inside of him. Therefore why didn’t he feel good? He was free but still felt imprisoned. Perhaps he was only given the illusion of freedom. Perhaps the secrets of his emotions weren’t his weakness, but the emotions themselves were what held him in a state of depression. He loved her, but walking away only curtained the feeling, it did not extinguish it. By taking steps away from her, he was only denying the emotions that crippled him daily. 10

His thoughts and wonders were interrupted by the sound of shoes hitting the pavement at an alarming rate. He could tell from his ears that they were short fast steps that were growing louder as they went on. He finally turned to face the unknown yet familiar sound to see Cassie running towards him. Her eyes were wet but no tears dripped from them. Sean had no idea what to expect but at the same time knew what to expect. He tentatively opens his arms to welcome 11

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Missi
    June 11, 2008

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    A bit cliche but loved it, I thought I was going to get bored but I liked it.. ALOT.
    It was perfect and thanks for entering my contest


  • beezy92
    March 25, 2008
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    This is a sweet story. I like how he's imperfect. It's a little bit cliche...the whole "I love you and you never knew it so what areyou going to do about it" thing. But I liked the way you set it up. There were some grammatical issues that need to be cleaned such as tense changes and superfluous words, but it was still good. I enjoye dreading it (=


  • AllOuta
    March 25, 2008
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    Wow--

    I am breathless with this. I was afraid it would be trite and cheesy but you left such a feeling in me that I am afraid to find a word for it; could it be hope for love? Faith in others?

    Did you just crack my bitterness? You better pay for that!

    Well written and good luck


  • Taboo Pixie
    February 17, 2008

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    Wow...

    Gosh... your story is beautiful. The first words he says amazing. Yeah it's totally cliche but I just love it! great job here looking forward to reading more


  • SparklingMoonlight
    February 15, 2008

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    Aww....

    This was so sweet and adorable! I love romance and you did a great job at portraying it. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!
    ~Lil~


  • Artistic Innovation
    January 29, 2008

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    sigh.. i loved it

    what? i am a hopeless sappy romantic.. as the critique i thought that sometimes it seemed a little sharp i don't know if that was the intention seeing that the male was fustrated and you were trying to push that out but other than that it was a really good read, would love to see the ending. ^^

    • clichedriven
      January 30, 2008

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      thanks for the comment....and to be honest I would love to see the ending. Hell, I would love to see the whole thing. This is kind of like what I see happening any moment in the future with this girl. We'll see how it all goes, I suppose.

      and the male was supposed to be sharp, becuase well I am kinda frustrated about the whole thing.


  • Nesa Lyrel
    January 25, 2008

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    I liked this...I wish it would happen to me...*sighs* Oh well.

    I really did like this, though I have some critique here.

    You need to reread your dialog. The first speech was good, but the others seemed forced, something that real people wouldn't really say. If you can smooth that out, that would make this really good!

    Also, you need to watch some of your repeating words. For example "Sean had no idea what to expect but at the same time knew what to expect." Again, if you read it out loud, these will show themselves clearly.

    This story has a lot of potential! Keep working on it, and it could be GREAT!

    Best of luck in the contest!


  • loyda
    January 18, 2008
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    man, that all happened to me, only that i didnt have a boyfriend.

    i liked this dood, and he liked me back, yet we couldnt be for many different resons.

    i wish things had turned out so pretty as in your story.

    somehow your story took my breath away at the end. nice story, and thank you.

    • clichedriven
      February 1, 2008
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      I wish things could have worked out the same in this story as they did in real life for me too. None of this ever happened. My thoughts are real and the girl Cassie is real...but the whole story is just something that I really want to happen

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