Chapter One1
You cannot balance on the tip of your nose. You cannot physically contort your body so that all of your weight is rested, balanced, relying on only the tip of your nose.2
I may be dashing your dreams with this statement. It may be a truth that you cannot handle; it may be a concept that it so unreasonably unreasonable that you just cannot accept it. But still I say it, because this is my story (and her story). 3
Balancing on the tip of your nose is impossible, quite as impossible as racing your shadow, ingesting the sun, or bringing peace and equality to the world. 4
For one thing, the point of your nose is too small, the scope too narrow and the idea too focused to be at all conceivable. One’s vision is narrowed by the fact that one has only the tip of one’s nose to balance on. There is logic behind using the feet (which were, in fact, made for balancing). 5
Plus, if you try to balance on your nose, the weight of your body is unevenly distributed. All the power lies in one end of the spectrum, while only the brain and the hair occupy the other. The wealth of flesh, the power of a world, is leaning so heavily toward one end that the other has no chance of compensating. And the body is left tilting, and the balance is achieved maybe for a shaky second, until it topples to the floor in a heap with a large lump on its forehead. Alas, the balance has been alluded to, but not achieved. 6
I would imagine that balancing all the weight only your nose would also be very painful. I will be generous and compliment with the assumption that you weigh 100 pounds. This is still 100 pounds resting on a patch of body not meant to withstand more than a soft tissue or a probing finger. A great weight is added to a fragile situation, and the pressure hurts. The pressure provokes irrepressible tears, which gravity pulls past an issue aching to be aided with a little common sense (stand up!). 7
And as more pressure is added, more tears flow, and less is accomplished. 8
Why would you want to balance on the tip of your nose in the first place? 9
Author notes
It needs a lot of work. Help, please?
Also, do you get the point of it? Do you get the worldly implications? Do you get the metaphor? I think it may be a little too subtle, but I'm not sure.
Oh, the amount that I want critical comment on this is IMMENSE. I'll comment those who comment me!
A contest entry
- Descriptions Only by Jouven.
525 points, ended February 5, 2008, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Pot Of Stew: A Mixture of Here and There by Miss Hanako Cullen.
294 points, ended February 22, 2008, 37 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please critique!!!
Comments
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Ok I'll be starting off with edits and mistakes and then I'll tell u how good it is. =)
(it may be a concept that it so unreasonably unreasonable) Third paragraph, more like second but it has the number three. the "it" before so and after that I'm guessing that should be is.
(I would imagine that balancing all the weight only your nose) Seventh Paragraph, "only" should have an on before it.
That is all the mistakes I have found. Hmmm, lol. I'm thinking that the what your relating to is not really the nose, but of being by yourself. Your body parts are like your friends and your nose is just you. You need help and have to learn to live equally with all of them, because if you put them all behind you, you will collapse. Am I right?
I like this, it's so awesome. Keep up the Superb job!
~Blazing Mike~
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow, thanks so much for finding the mistakes! I usually don't miss stuff like that
I would be happy to edit your stories... not tonight, I have too much homework, but tomorrow probably. Could you do me a huge favor and remind me if I don't comment you in the next couple of days? My lack of memory is not malicious
annye
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I really like your opening - it's sweet, funny and really draws the reader into the story. Also, the mention of bringing equality into the world gives it a more serious edge. Clever.
It's an intelligent opening, although it doesn't work as an opening chapter yet because it doesn't have a specific character yet and it doesn't lead into any other chapter.
However, the premise is very clever and I imagine would work magically in a series.
Need any help; give me a shout!
-Toxic.Paradox[xxx] -
Thanks for the entry. I think I am getting part of your metaphor here but you are right it is very subtle.
Would I be correct in saying that the world can't balance on a single person? Or another case would be a single person cannot represent an entire nation? The pressure would be too great and that person would topple? I may be missing it but thats what came to my mind.
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