I´m writing this because i´m all alone,1
so alone, so alone2
When the darkness fall and i close my eyes, all that i can see is you,3
just you, just you4
When i´m dreaming, all that i can dream are dreams about you and me,5
just you and me, just you and me6
When i´m In my dreams i feel happy,7
so happy, so happy8
When i´m sitting by the sea all by myself i think of you,9
who are you? Who are you?10
For all my questions there are no answers, just darkness,11
so much darkness, so much darkness12
When i try to get closer to what i think is you, i make everything wrong,13
so wrong, so wrong14
When i´m back in my dreams i see myself sacrifice my life for you, and i smile,15
just smile, just smile16
When my tears are falling, its because i can´t find you,17
can´t find you, can´t find you18
When my life is in danger, i don´t care. Because you are not here,19
you are not here, you are not here20
When i´m taking my own life away, its because i realized that you never existed,21
Never existed, never existed22
When i died, i found you,23
found you, found you24
When i tried to get closer to you, you said that you don´t love me anymore,25
don´t love me, don´t love me26
When i asked why you told me that it´t because i stopped searching,27
i stopped searching, i stopped searching28
When i tried to leave hell to find emptiness, i was stuck,29
in eternal pain, in eternal pain 30
©copyright Reserved by David Berg31
A contest entry
- Poetry contest by Xtclozer-.
700 points, ended March 9, 2008, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 1,000 Points for poetry!!! by Forgotten Anomaly.
1000 points, ended March 26, 2008, 58 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
THat was good! iliked it! yay for coffee.
-
your poem is so cool!!! it's so realistic, sad and true. i just don't like, that you repeat every second line, but anyway i love it!!! it's awesome!
-
Wow, this was absolutely filled with emotion!
Great, fantastic, all the words you could ever use!
I loved this, and I hope you continue writing stuff like this, it's awesome!
*KAT*
-
Corrections:
When the darkness fall(should be "falls" I think), it´t(it's).
Anyway besides the minor problems this was good. I liked how you expressed love in a raw and often painful way.
-
I already commented on this
And I will say it again, this poem was great, and I loved it! Great job David
Good luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
-
-
Thanks for the kind words... just wanted to apoint that i have edited it some
-
-
Ok I can understand the concept of the eternal anguish this must have cast upon you... the feelings that may have crushed you to peices and left you to the feiry gates of hell... even in saying that the emotion was purley anger filled witha deep awareness of hatred... bittersweet love and personification
great poem
P.M BLAIR
-
David! This is a good piece of writing. This made me cry so much and it too made me think. Just remember ur not alone....
~Jane -
For some reason, at the beginning it started out like a poem, then later it begun to sound like a song. Cool.
-
This was a brilliant Poem. One of the best I've read on SW, no jokes.
The emotional pull in this was just so strong, and I loved every word that I read. Your use of words are great, everything was just lovely. I love poems, I write a lot of them too. And I am very picky when I read a poem, and I found this one to be enjoyable
Great job
~Roby~ -
Oh wow, David this is amazing. I loved the enchanting feel this gives off. The way you say the words twice together gives it this incredibly haunting sound. I think it makes the piece even more beautiful. Great work
I talked to you in the cb a couple days ago, don't know if you remember me. but I decided I would come and check out your work while I had some free time. I rarely ever go in the cb.
Joann
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
You know theres there two of these?
Good job but...You should'nt put your whole name....on there....like that....nvm.
There are mistakes here mister! Come edit this!
-
This is a really good poem. Kind of sad, but still good. Melancholy fits a lot of us it seems. I know the feeling that's expressed behing this poem pretty well David. Keep penning aight?
-
it was ok but i think you should check your tences, you said when i die i found you, it mwas still good but you didn't need to repte what you were saying every second line. still a good poem/song
-
omg!
This is beautiful in an angsty kind of way. I really like it. It's.. depseration and sadness and lonleyness all in one..
Awesome job!
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
