I hate the way you left me,1
Just upped and walked away,2
But the more I think about it,3
I’m glad you didn’t stay4
I hate your sense of style,5
How everything was pink,6
I’m glad you’re out of my life,7
You were my weakest link8
I hate the way you’re always right,9
No matter how unfounded,10
Your version of things can leave me,11
Truly, quite dumfounded12
I hate your sense of humour,13
And your stupid, howling laugh,14
And the way you take forever,15
Just to have an evening bath16
I hate your taste in music,17
Robbie and Take That,18
Music’s about feeling,19
Not grinning, gormless twats20
I hate the way you dealt with it,21
‘We can still be friends’,22
But it’s going to take longer for,23
My head and heart to mend24
I hate the way you loved me,25
You stuck to me like glue,26
It’s time for my admission:27
I think I still love you28
My first attempt at writing anything since high school. Any comments gratefully recieved.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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That was posably the best break-up poem I have ever read. It was some how humorouse yet sentamental at the same time.
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awww this is love though a poem how sweet!!!!!
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Wow! Not alot of people will share their TRUE feelings like this. Most people just make it seem like they hated the person all along, and thats what I though you were doing too- until the last two lines. It flows great and I really think you did an amazing job. Just one thing though, In line 16 I personally think It would sound a bit better without the 'just' at the start of the line. By doing this it might make the flow, flawless. But that could just be my opinion, and its only a suggestion.
If this is your very first attempt at writing anything since high school, then I think you should try it more often. Your a very good writer (im sort of jelous lol) and I think you should use that to the fullest.
Wonderful peice. -
Hahahahaha, smashing!
That was probably the perfect break-up poem--and I must admit that I know a thing or two about break-up poems, friend! Well-written, great flow, altogether fun read.
I just checked it out because I saw that you were new, and curiosity got the better of me. I was delighted to find out that you can write.
So, keep it up! *laughs*
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Very good.
Reminds me of teh film Ten Things I Hate About You when she reads out the poem at the end. But this one is very good, flows well, and fully captured my attention. Well Done. Kais =)
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I thought it to be very emotinal and very well written, with the sense of bitterness, love, hatred , fear and thanks
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Very deep and beautiful poem. You're a good poet.
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This was great!
The flow and rhythm were flawless, and the ryhmes are natural. The mixed emotions come through really well, and you have written in a style that is easy to relate to and read.
This really is a great poem. The humour halfway through breaks up the almost melancholy begining really well.
Great job!
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Thank you for your kind comments.
It's nice to know that people appreciate this!
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I can sort of relate to this poem here in many ways. A love relationship can sure be confusing sometimes!
Kari
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WOAAAAHHH i really liked this!!!!!
It was sad but kind of funny as well. The ending was a bit of a surprise... although it just topped it off nicely and it was really quite good.
The lines:
I hate your taste in music,17
Robbie and Take That,18
Music’s about feeling,19
Not grinning, gormless twats20
were really good. they made me laugh, haha. (well, the last one did).
The flow was simply superb and rhyming wasn't out of place anywhere.
Awesome job on this... keep up the writing!
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