Have you ever had something happen to you, good or bad, that caused a whole other set of events to start taking place? It's almost like dominoes you know? One single event kicks off a series of events that just keep going and going and eventually...it spins out of control. It's a weird feeling knowing that nothing will ever be the same from that moment forward. It's true what they say...a mere second can really change your life forever. 1
By this time, Scott and Devon had been missing for almost two days. Devons parents were threating me, telling me they would call the police. Even though I was the last one he was with, I hadn't the slightest clue where he was. I couldn't tell his parents the truth, so I told them I had dropped him off at the pizza place, and hadn't seen him since. It wasn't a complete lie. I dropped him off at the pizza place to buy some drugs and when I went back to get him, he was gone. I decided that when they called, I would ignore it, or tell them I had no idea. 2
I began to crush viccodin with the butt of my lighter.
I had crushed at least three pills when I got a text. 3
" Blow's in. " 4
Finally, some Coke.5
I felt great. I inhaled a line. I was a bit jittery, but it was a euphoric jitter. I hadn't had a good snort in almost a week. I took a few drinks of Vodka and snorted another line. John owed me some money for gas, so the blow was free for me. 6
Free blow is of course, the best blow.7
I had just finished off the Vodka when my phone rang. Devons parents were outraged. They told me that I had twenty four hours to find him, or else legal action was going to be taken. 8
I knew from the past that whever Scott was, Devon was close by. I called a few of the random numbers Scott had called me from. They were mostly dead ends. I called the last number...half expecting it to be another Barbie-sounding girl on the other end, or somebody pissed off that I was interupting their day with my petty bullshit, but instead the voice I heard was pleasant. 9
It was a guy, who sounded mid to late twenties. He was probably a drug dealer. We made small talk for a few minutes until I finally was able to make my point clear. He told me that Scott and Devon had been at his house earlier that day. He also said they would probably be coming back, and that I could come over and wait. 10
To me, this was an invitation for sex and free drugs.11
When I arrived at Zachs, coccaine was still fresh in my system. He had a strong, but gentil face and a skull tattoo on his right arm. He was wearing a black wifebeater, and grey sweatpants. His house smelled of fresh linen and dogs. It wasn't the sweetest smell but it was different from the alcohol aroma I had become used to.12
I sat down on the couch adjacent to the chair in which he was sitting. 13
" I'm high as hell right now. " I laughed as I said it.14
" Pot? " he didn't see the humor in it. 15
I shook my head no. I looked at my feet.
It was then I realized he wasn't a dealer.16
He was eating icing with a baby spoon. I didn't understand this, but I did think he was kind of cute. 17
" I have a knife in my purse! " I don't exactly know why I said this. I think I was reminding myself I was protected from him. I wouldn't admit it then, but I was scared. 18
He smiled at me.
It was the first genuine smile I'd seen in a while.
I'm not the type of girl a guy smiles at.
I instantly drew back. 19
" I should probably go. " I wanted out, fast.20
" Stay," he said.21
I looked around.
I didn't know what to do, but I leaned back against the couch and took a deep breath.
Author notes
This is based on the past year and a half of my life...and how one moment can completely alter your life. It's not finished and still needs major editing..but your comments are greatly appreciated. <3
Be honest please.
Comments
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Okay
I liked how it began. I think it needs a few more details...like, what's up with this girl? And do we even know her name yet? Why's she so into drugs? What about the guy? What's going on with him?
I liked the clear details of the smell of the house and how the furniture was placed - I thought that was very good.
Keep writing and keep up the good work, I'd like to see what happens and if the boys ever get found.beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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It's a decent start. Vi's right and you should try to beef it up some if you want it read and not just heard. It's really lite on the details and descriptions, when there, are pretty vague. The topic could be really hard hitting and make your readers stand up to take notice with just a little more inside, you know?
Line 7, "of course" should be surrounded by commas. -
Love and Drugs
It was a good beginning, but I think the fact that it was based on a true story was a little too evident to make it interesting. You started in near the middle of the story, then backtracked so it would make sense...it would have been better to do things in chronological order. You could also try and add a little more description, to make it sound more like a literary story than a story you'd just tell a friend off the top of your head. (Add adjectives, adverbs, and sentences about the character's feelings.)
For the record, you don't need a space between quotation marks and the words inside them.
This may sound a little naive, but a few lines made little sense to me, someone who has no experience with this sort of topic. Is that an indication that I shouldn't be reading it, or did you just assume that everyone knew the terms? Don't take offense or anything; I just want it to make more sense.
Nonetheless, it was a good first chapter!beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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its was okay
i was bored a bit and skiped some off it but its alright not the best i seen but well done!
beginning: 1, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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