There was a cold chill in the air after all it was December and the winter had set in beautifully. Snow was falling softly covering the ground for the third time this season. When Mace received a letter. One he had been looking for. It read:
My dearest Darling;
I will be in the area around the 15th of the month I like to meet you for coffee or tea. Please let me know if you will be at our favorite place. I should be arriving around 11am and I will be staying 3 days. Your galfriend Lily.1
This warmed his smile he knew when she was with him time seem to stand still. Nothing else mattered. They were the only two people left in this old world. There lives became one life. 2
Well time was drawing near it was the 14th and he knew she would be coming real soon. He shower about three times that day, shaved twice. Combed his hair so many times he lost count. Waiting for his long diatant love.3
That night around 6pm the train arrived in ElPaso, Texas. As usual she was early. So she checked in at the beautiful borden house across the street from the station. The first thing she did was take a long hot bath. Lavender scent filled the air and her long dark hair. Lily sank down in the tub just to soothe her tired old bones from the ride. Closed her milk chocolate eyes and nearly dozed off to sleep. 4
When she felt a kiss brush her cheek and that tall drink of water she was craving was standing there in her room. Smiling at her."Howdy honey pot," said Mace. Lily just squealed her delight. "Hi baby" she reached for her towel but Mace had it already in his hands.
She stood up and he feasted his eyes on those huge tasty orbs. Then down to soft rounded hips, that he recalled swaying when she walked. "Mace honey my towel" she said a deep sultry voice.
"Baby your not going to need it for what I have in mind" Mace sung out.5
Lily smiled and stepped from the tub, He was holding the towel against him. Direct into his arms the magic unfolded, they were locked together at the lips. Tongues dancing as he backed her against the big bed. It was no stopping them. The night seem to short for Mace. He laid there thinking about the heat, moisture, smell of her sex. He cock began to throb again. She was sleeping now curled up next to him. He just watched her. His hand automaticly touching her hair, caressing her while she slumbered. He turned to face her and she stirred a little.
He closed his eyes but could feel her smile. Her hand rubbed his chest, down to his growing prick. Lily pushed the covers back and bent to kiss the tip. Its was turgid as steel, in much need of release so she slipped it into her soft lips and sweetly suckled it. Mace tried to be still, but the pleasure was driving him mad. Lily was determine to awaken him to this surprise of oral delight. It was all Mace could take now his hips started a slow grind. Reaching down with manly hands he held her head until he moaned & groaned out loud. That when Lily broke the hold on her sweet piece of candy. 6
Smiling, "Good morning" baby. Mace did not said a word at first, then he said, "Baby you have some finishing to do. So just throw the two legs up over my shoulders and we're in business." He was in a happy horny mood. Thank to Lily's doing. This was just why he knew he could not live without her anymore. They needed each other badly. 7
Lily locked those tiny feet behind his head, and rocked, swiveled on the hardness until he exploed inside her. Collapsing on top of her she held him in her arms as they kiss until they calmed down. 8
Mace sat up on the bed and told her about his cabin high in the hills. Darling would you like to spend the rest of our visit there. Its peaceful, quiet, good fishing, and well stocked. We can hunt, fish, make love, run naked in the woods if we want to. He just knew Lily was going to say no. 9
"When do we leave?" Mace was shocked, happy and ready. He told her to pack. He'd be back with their horses. It was a long ride up there and they needed a early start. When he returned he looked for Lily. No one was in the room. He went to the bathroom. There she laid on the floor bearly alive. Her eyes were closed. She open them slowly and spoke." He followed me and kept his promise. I love you Mace. Just hold me Honey Pants," said a dying Lily. 10
Mace held her after calling for help. When help arrived she was in his arms...gone but not forever because she lived in his heart. Tears streamed down his face, he heard his heart break; shattering like glass. He leaned down and kiss her now cool lips and promised he would avenge her death. She belong to him always & forever......11
Well Mace left for his cabin after her funeral and no one ever seen him again..But some people say there's
a hermit in the hills and at night you can hear him singing a song about Distant Lovers. 12
Author notes
Just a love story
A contest entry
- Heartbreak.. and more heartbreak... oh, and might I have a side of heartbreak to go with that? {{Now ALLOWING Prewrites}} ((PIF extended time)) by Arcularis.
700 points, ended February 18, 2008, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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A most sensual tale, but very sad in the end. The last few lines made me cry. It is quite like real life: full of upsetting moments, but we've gotta treasure the good ones while we can. Well done. I love this.
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Another comment
As I commented earlier, this is a very intense love story with a tragic twist at the end. Hmmmmm, kinda sounds like real life, huh?
This time around I thought I'd point out some grammatical errors just to help you a little; the spelling errors you should be able to find yourself, and there aren't too many of them. But on to grammar, to wit:
comma needed between "air" and "all", line 1
put "The" before snow, comma after softly, line 2
delete "When" in line 3, begin with "Mace"
comma instead of period between "letter" and "one", line 4
rewrite "one had been looking for" so that it doesn't end in a preposition [for], perhaps "one for which he had been looking" would be better
"month, I would like", lines 6/7
These are just some of the things I found in the first paragraph, there are more as you read down, re and re-read to find them and ask me about anything you are not sure about.
That being said [cliche], it is still a good, strong story and a pleasure to read, keep on keeping on sweetness.
I love you,
Brazos -
This was a good read because of the flow, the topic and your ability at description. However, there were a few spelling errors and a couple of grammatical dysfunctions that are easy to pick up if you read over it again. I also felt that the ending wasn't justified in the sense that the amount of heart-break the reader feels is minimal. Perhaps there was a little too much emphasis on the physical side of their intimacy rather than the spiritual side. Critique aside, it is a good piece of writing, keep up the good work.
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This needs a little TLC, some spelling errors, some missteps in putting the language together, the basic idea was good, keep writing, and it will be excellent!
beginning: 2, language: 1, plot: 2, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 3.
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Thanks for your encouraging words. Every comment helps! This was very well written...it flows. I did, however, have to laugh at "honey pants."
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Wow
Wow, this is an amazing short story, I wish you would expand on it and write more on this story, it was wonderful, it kept on the edge of my seat through the whole story, excellent write, thank you for sharing and keep them coming.
raingoddess
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow!
This is wonderful! Almost along the lines of a ghost story I remember hearing many ages ago. You gave me goosebumps with the last paragraph. A most excellent love story, thanks for letting me read it!beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Aww the ending was so unexpected... well done!
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Aww..
Baby this was so sad. Just when I was
expecting it to get real spicy you
flipped the script and made it a tragedy.
I know in life things like this do happen
but I was so disappointed because it had
the makings of a great romance story.
Nice write but sad
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WOW!!!! What a wonderful but very sad love story. I think as women we dream of a deep love like this our whole life. Some of us are lucky to find while others of us continue our search.....This truly was a wonderful short story and I thank you for sharing it....
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Thank you so much for sharing this with me Novy
This is beautifully written, sad and touching, I could feel my eyes welling up as I got to the end.
It is so true that although she is no more in this life, she will be with him forever living within is heart.
All the best in the contest
~sugar~
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Poor Mace, what a harsh ending to his love affair with Lily. I wonder if he ever found her killer?
It seems to me that both of them deserved so much more out of life than this. Mace still has his remembrance of their love, but that is not the same as having it for real.
A hermit in the hills...yes I could be that, and I could also sing songs about Distant Lovers. Thank you for the write.
I love you,
Brazos
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