Once Awakened: Chapter 12

I don’t know where she ran to, probably her own room. And as I had given her a coffin she probably went to go see it. But with her speed I really had no way of knowing. I, however, went directly to Romulus. He was in his studio painting. I couldn’t tell what as he was painting as he liked to paint at a mortal pace much of the time, so much of it wasn’t finished yet. All I could tell was it was a woman with long black hair, and the number of paintings he had done with me in them gave me a very good idea of what it would be. 1

Romulus had told me before that, for immortals, it is easy to create something beautiful when we have the talents we possess. But the novelty of being able to move as fast as we do and because of that create as fast as we do wears off very quickly and what we create entirely with those talents can, just as quickly, become worthless in our eyes. 2

As it usually was when I went to talk to him I did not have to knock as he sensed my presence the moment I decided to speak to him and told me to come in the split second before I knocked.3

“Yes Sithandra?” He answered and I lowered my hand, as it had been less then an inch from the door because I had been about to knock on it, before stepping inside.4

“Sithandra, you know there is no reason for you to knock before you come into this room. I can sense your presence and even if I couldn’t I have nothing to hide from you.”5

“I know, you tell me every time but it doesn’t feel right not to knock.” I suppose it was one of the things I had picked up a mortal and my mind had refused to let go.6

“How is she?” Romulus asked suddenly, though not to my surprise.7

I knew he was asking about Narcissa and I also knew that he would want an answer.8

“She’s fireproof.” 9

He looked confused as though trying to decide if I was being sarcastic or not. 10

“Explain.” He said simply and stared at me while I did.11

“She passed her hand slowly through one of your torches and it didn’t burn her.”12

That seemed to settle his inner debate on the meaning of my words but I didn’t really notice what he was thinking or much else at the moment. Something, but don’t ask me what, happened inside me just then and I fell to my knees, barely able to remain conscious. It was as if all the energy poured out of me at once.13

Of course, before I hit the ground Romulus caught me as he always did when I fell. He lifted me in his arms and carried me to a loveseat he had in the studio and sat down, holding me with my head across his chest like he did when I was little.14

“She took a lot out of you, didn’t she? Clearly far more then she should have.” 15

“Yes,” I replied in barely more then a whisper, “She didn’t stop when I told her to, and she never does.”16

“What is her name?” He continued to speak softly but, as always, I could hear him quite easily.17

“Her name did not change, it’s still Narcissa. It doesn’t seem possible but I swear it’s true.” My eyes fell closed from exhaustion as I said the words. Underneath my head I felt Romulus twitch, as though he were about to sit up in surprise but seemed to think better of it with me on top of him.18

“That has never happened, all of our names changed. My own name,” He paused, deep in thought, “was Rayen. When our names change they really just become a more complex version of our mortal names. You see, when our parents name us they have a glimpse of our soul, but as it’s only a glimpse they do not give us the name of our soul they give us the name that they see.”19

I tried to absorb everything as he said it but my lack of energy made it nearly impossible. Romulus must have noticed this, for he changed the subject.20

“Sithandra, I know you need to sleep. Even if she hadn’t taken that much from you it would still exhaust you. Changing mortals takes a great deal out of us.”21

“I don’t want to sleep I want to stay in your arms, my lord.” I said stubbornly. You see, I was trying to disguise the exhaustion in my voice but I must have failed miserably.22

“Then sleep here, I’m not going anywhere and I’ll keep my arms around you.” As he said this he brought his arm over my chest and around my arm and he kissed my head.23

“My lord I-“ I didn’t really know what I was going to say but I had to say something, but it didn’t matter he cut me off.24

“Sleep,” He ordered, “I will stay here with you and I’ll talk to you when you wake.”25

“And pretending-?” I tried doubtfully 26

“-won’t work.” He finished and I could almost hear the faint smile I knew was on his face.27

I tried to sleep, I really did, but it was simply not possible with so much in my mind most of it being things I wanted to discuss with him. I tried closed my eyes but all the things I had seen with Narcissa floated in the blackness behind my eyelids. I tried thinking of other things, replaying entire nights with Romulus in my mind multiple times, holding onto them as long as I could. I even held Romulus’s hand hoping the cold of it might relax me but it did little, if anything, in that direction.28

“My Lord, I can’t sleep, I worry about too much and it is all I can think about be my eyes open or closed.” I insisted about three minutes later.29

Romulus sighed in a resigned sort of way before speaking.30

“May I see your thoughts?” He asked me and of course I nodded, I hadn’t thought of that.31

Romulus laid his cold hand on my forehead and I closed my eyes once again only this time I called up the things I needed to tell him on purpose and let him see them.32

“Relax,” He whispered, “open your mind completely.” 33

I took a deep and unnecessary breath before removing all barriers from around my mind. It was not something one commonly did. Many of us have permanent barriers around our minds. But my barriers are not so permanent; I can remove them quite easily. 34

However, Romulus was the only one I would do it for; I didn’t trust anyone else enough. You see, while vampires don’t need physical contact to read thoughts without such physical contact we are limited to only one or two thoughts at a time and that is if the person is thinking directly on them. But if we are granted physical contact we can see more thoughts at a time, we can see just about every thought a person has ever had unless they are hidden with barriers like the ones we keep around our minds against others. But, and only if we feel comfortable doing so as it makes us extremely vulnerable, we can remove those barriers. And when that is done every thought we have ever had, every emotion, every feeling, becomes completely visible to anyone with psychic ability that cares to look. 35

Of course, without the barriers in place physical contact is not as necessary. Romulus prefers to use it when he can though, especially with me. He’s told me that many times, but I know reading my thoughts is not the only reason he prefers physical contact with me. Nor is it the only reason I prefer it with him.36

It feels strange having someone else in your mind. But with Romulus nothing is ever really as unpleasant as it should be. He has a way of making what could be the most painful thing in the world seem bearable. Had it been anyone else in my mind I could have been writhing in immense pain, but Romulus’s presence felt wonderful in my mind, warm almost, with a hint of the loving chill he always possessed. 37

I actually felt irresistibly drowsy now, and I believe he was doing that for me as it’s another power we have, though it is a power that must be learned from another, not one that we naturally have. While it’s true that all vampires have a power that is unnaturally strong in them we can each be taught to strengthen any of our powers.38

I brought my arm over to his, where it was draped across the indigo corset of my dress, and lightly curled my fingers around his pale wrist. I didn’t move it; I simply wanted to hold him. And, with his arms wrapped around me and the gentle caress-like sensation in my mind from him seeing my thoughts, I finally managed to drift into sleep.