There the creature stands,
On its lone pinnacle,
Overlooking vast valleys.
Being watched,
Itself,
By the lost moon above.1
Shifting weight uneasily,
From left to right,
Unsteady feet and heartbeat.
Mourning tears,
Falling,
Before the lost moon above.2
Stars above the monster,
Shining bright endlessly,
Together in company.
Final smiles,
Sharing,
From the lost moon above.3
Bellowing softly,
Inwards and outwards,
Unheard by the quiet many.
Noiseless end,
Breathing,
Beneath the lost moon above.4
Captured in evening light,
A beam of difference,
Body becoming weightless.
Lifted up,
Slowly,
Unto the lost moon above.
In a list
A contest entry
- Give me your best work! by Shadowed Phoenix.
750 points, ended August 7, 2008, 39 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is really good actually. It had a kind of creepy sadness about it that I couldn't quite place. I wasn't in the best mood to start with and this didn't halp, but that's not important. At parts it seemed a tad bit repetative but it was so wonderfully writen that it didn't take away from the final product. I am a big fan of poetry and this is one of few that I do deam as excelent. Thank you for entering my contest.
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Thyank you for having me in the contest and for the HM. I'm glad you liked my poem.
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Wow...so sad...
It was beautifully written and just stunning.
I loved every word you stitched into this masterpiece.
Great job Andrew. -
This is really well written. ^_^ Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. ^_^
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*sighs* I loved it, I loved it alot. But, unfortunately, it is under the word Minimum
-_-. Sorry, you have to be DQ'd
. Great job though!
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I've added to the poem.
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This is so incredibley beautiful and deep. A great write. Very enviable. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Intrigue!
This is so beautiful.
My favorite part:
"Unheard by the quiet many.
Silent end,
Sighing,"
Because it's how it's like to be lonely. How it's like to be invisible. At my high school of 5,000 student body, it's hard to find friends for me because i transferred late in the freshmen year - the year where everybody find friends then settled down. I felt very isolated. I still am, but that's ok.
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I absolutely loved the magical imagry in this. I was right there....just waiting with baited breath for the next line.
Thanks for giving me a great read, and I actually have no criticism. Oh, well I guess you could GIVE ME MORE...lol.
Kudos.
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Aww. More of your poetry! It's so good!!! I loved the imagery in this, as always, and the way you word things always seem so magical.
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