If Love Were Enough

His footsteps echoed through the labyrinth of white hallways as he walked the well trodden path to her room. The hospital was deserted, not unusual for the early hours of the morning. He never could get used to the clinical place, despite the months he had spent within its chipped white walls. The smell of antiseptic and sickness, and even worse, that of death, still played havoc with his stomach, and no matter how many vases of flowers or happy posters the waiting areas were littered with, the rooms still sent a shiver down his spine. 1

God, he hated hospitals. 2

He paused when he came to the elevator and gingerly stepped inside as the rickety jaws shuddered open. Punching the worn button for the fourth floor, he waited while the metal box sent his stomach plunging to his feet, and then stepped out into the dim light. Various signs pointed the way to the oncology ward, but there was no need for him to glance up at them: even now, at two in the morning, with mismatching socks, uncombed hair and an expression of dread that matched his dark leather jacket, the route was burned into his memory. Even the most socially challenged would realize he dressed in a hurry, and broke half a dozen traffic laws to make it to Prince Albert Private Hospital within ten minutes of Dr. Peter's call. 3

With a hurried knock on the doctors door, more out of habit than courtesy, he walked into the clinically empty room and shook the doctors offered hand. Without noticing the fancy doctorates hanging on the walls or the convenient box of tissues on the desk, he looked squarely at the oncologist. 4

“Tell me.” Although his words themselves were strong, they were undermined by the falter in his voice.5

“Mr. Burke.” The doctor sighed and moved from his chair to lean on the edge of his desk, deciding that using the man's last name was too impersonal. “Will.”6

“Look, just tell me, okay. Rip off the band aid.” His eyes were filled with haunted lost hope and an all-knowing sadness. He wouldn't be called in at two in the morning for good news. 7

The doctor nodded. “Kiera's taken a turn for the worse.”8

Will buried his head in his hands. “Oh, God. How-” his voice broke off as he held in a sob. “How long?”9

“As you know, your wife's cancer's already metastasized, and we thought she'd only have weeks,” the doctor said. Regret filled his voice as he thought once again how much he hated this part of the job: telling the families bad news. Oncology was a great choice, seeing as he only got patients when there was bad news, he thought sarcastically. 10

“Well, we got the latest scans back, and it's not good news.” With a deep breath, the doctor looked him straight in the eyes. “We think she'll be gone by sunrise.”11

A muffled sob managed to break its way through Will's defenses and echoed in the suddenly silent room. The doctor looked on, with sadness and regret as the man's shattered world hung around him, the broken shards digging at his breaking heart. She would be gone. Not coming back. Ever. It was too hard. The tears broke through his carefully constructed walls, crashing down his smooth cheeks in a tidal wave of raw emotion. 12

For minutes he sobbed, clutching his arms round his chest. But nothing lasts forever: he realized that now; and soon the watery abominations ebbed, wet trails still clinging to the sharp contours of his face. His chest throbbed. The pain was sharp: thumping in time with the ticking of the white clock on the wall. A sudden anger blocked out the numbing pain.13

“No! No your wrong! She can't-...God, we were going to Paris tomorrow. The tests must be wrong. You said she-she had weeks!” Denial . A few tears still rolled down his face, but he didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. 14

“We were wrong. I'm so sorry, but there's nothing we can do but make her comfortable.”15

Will looked back up at the doctor, desperately trying to pull himself out of the downward tailspin he was facing. “Does she know yet?”16

The doctor shook his head. “I was just about to tell her when you got here.”17

Will was silent for a while, eyes blankly unfocused in the vicinity of the doctor as he tried to come to terms with the fact she was really about to...die. Even in his own mind, he had trouble with the horrible word. 18

“I want to tell her.” He said, eyes clouded and heart numb. 19

“All right,” the doctor nodded. 20

Will slowly straightened out of the chair and pushed the door open, taking a left down the nondescript corridor toward Keira's room. Number 192. Right across from the nurses station and two doors from the coffee machine. It also happened to be where he had spent most of the last three months of his life.21

He and Kiera had been highschool sweethearts, and as homecoming King and Queen, they thought their future together was final and would be perfect. They went to the same college in New York, he to study journalism and she to study photography, and they often joked about how that was just another way in which they fitted together perfectly. He'd popped the question after a romantic dinner at one of the most expensive restraunts in town and there'd never really been any doubt as to what her answer would be. It was obvious they were head-over heels, do-anything-for-each-other, conquer-the-world in love. As they announced it at Will's family reunion three weeks later, to a chorus of aww's, life was perfect. 22

Two weeks after their honeymoon, two weeks into perfection and happily-ever-after, they had broken down together in the doctors office. Final stage cancer, already metastasized. Three months. 23

Happiness seemed an age ago, as tears and denial had filled their worlds through the pointless chemo and sleepless nights. The worst time of all had been when Kiera packed up her 'hospital bag' as they'd come to call it, for the last time. Never to see their cute, one bedroom appartment again. The weeks spent playfully bickering over wallpaper and carpet seemed dimmed and pointless, now. In light of their new problems. 24

Paris had been her childhood dream. He'd wanted so badly to whisk her away from the painful tests and clinical detatchment and take her to the Eiffel Tower and a five star hotel for her final days to filled with champagne and romance and perfection. Paragon - a shadow of their past. 25

He reached her room and slowly took the cool metal doorknob in his hand. The trails on his face were still damp, and he hoped in the darkness, she wouldn't notice until he'd told her. With a deep shuddering breath, he pushed through and quietly walked over to 'his' seat. 26

Moonlight streamed in through the window, falling onto her pale and drawn face. She looked like a porcelain doll, perfect and wonderful and so much fun. ' She won't wake up again either ', an evil part of his mind whispered. He ignored it and smiled bitterly. She was so beautiful, even now. Hours before her death. 27

She stirred slightly and pulled open her heavy lids, letting her beautiful and striking blue eyes fill the room. 28

“It's time, isn't it?” She asked. Her tone resigned and accepting. He didn't question how she knew.29

A tear fell down his face. “Kir.” He stuttered, gazing into her eyes.30

“Hey, come here.” She pulled him into her arms, and he wrapped his hands around her, hoping that if he held her hard enough she'd never leave him. Kiera thought this was probably hurting him more than her, and that was no small feat. She couldn't imagine going on without Will. Couldn't imagine wanting to. 31

“Don't go. Stay here with me...please.” He wondered why Kiera was the one comforting him, when she was the one who was about to 'go to a better place'. 32

“Will...if love were enough, I'd be right here by your side. Forever.” He pulled back, and they caught each others gaze again. “But it isn't and we can't control what happens.”33

She grabbed his hand and gently pulled him up. 34

“Wha-”35

“Lie with me. One last time.” She said, tears and emotion clogging her voice. 36

He settled himself on the unnaturally white sheet, gathering her into his arms and burying his nose in her hair. 37

“Remember that time? In ninth grade? When I sat behind you in science class that first time?” He asked with a smile.38

“And you cheated off me in our test.”39

“Hey, you let me cheat!”40

“Because I wanted you to sit behind me.”41

He felt her smile and a sad grin tugged at his lips. His eyes drifted toward the clock. 3 a.m.42

They spent the next few hours laughing and sharing memories; the funny, the romantic, the firsts. Every good second of their life together was brought up and then they just lay there. Watching the seconds tick by as they were safe in each others arms. Wishing that they could stay this way forever: away from cancer and hospitals and tests. From pain, anger, denial, depression. The way they used to be. 43

It was a gale force storm right now, in Will's head; so many questions were rolling around, fighting for the spotlight. He just couldn't understand how this was his last chance with her. His last moments. He wished they could walk through that park in Autumn, just one last time. Hand in hand as they wander around together on a carpet of lost leaves, whispering playfully to each other. And he wanted so badly to wake up to the smell of breakfast, and sip his morning coffee as she questioned him about the crossword again. One more time. 44

While the darkness hid his tears, he angled his head toward the ceiling and talked to the God he hadn't seen since primary school. He was desperate.45

“I-I'm kinda new at this,” He whispered nervously. “It's been a while.” His voice took on a more violent tone. Anger . “I just wanna know why you did this! Why Kiera? She's perfect. She's the one who believed in You. Went to church. Why take her?” As he tried to hold back the tears and stop his voice from breaking, his rage deserted him, leaving him lost at sea with nobody to guide him home. Bargaining . “Please...if you'll just save her, I'll finally go to church like she wanted me to. I-I'll do anything.” He brought a hand to rest on her shoulder. “Take me instead. I'm the one you meant, you just made a mistake. P-Please. Take me!”46

After a few minutes of just laying with her gathered in his arms, he remembered to finish. 47

“Amen.”48

As the seconds had ticked by, he'd felt her breathing become more labored and she'd begun coughing. He rubbed her back and held her hand as their tears mingled on the white pillow. This wasn't fair, but it was their forever.49

As the first rays of sunlight began to break through the heavy clouds, she turned to face him. 50

“Will.”51

“No, don't say goodbye. You can't...I can't,” he admitted, voice breaking as he slowly rubbed her back. 52

“Will,” she said more determinedly. “Ever since that first science class, you were the only guy for me.” Tears began to roll down her face. “I love you, Will. So much. I-I wish I could stay here with you forever.”53

“Shhh. You know I love you more than I could ever say. Right?”54

She nodded tearfully, and he brought his hands up to cup her face. He had to force himself to continue. He would have preferred to just break down completely, but he couldn't miss his last chance. To say goodbye.55

“I thought we had forever. I thought we'd have the two and a half kids and the white picket fence. The whole she-bang. But even though we haven't, I wouldn't change a moment.”56

She was beginning to close her eyes, and her breathing hitched. “In the cabinet, there's a note.”57

He nodded, tears streaming down his face as he made no move to stop them. He pulled back from the hug and looked at the beautiful blue eyes he'd never so again. So unique. So...her.58

It wasn't long now. 59

“Do you believe in heaven?” although she tried to pass it off as a casual interest, Will heard the fear and uncertainty in her voice.60

He nodded, even though he truly didn't know what he would answer if pressed. He didn't believe in God. Didn't believe someone that was supposed to love everybody could do something like this to Kiera. But to comfort her, he lied.61

She tried to pull a 'gotcha' grin, but couldn't quite make it. “You don't even believe in God!”62

He smiled gently, “But you do.”63

When he saw she still didn't believe him, he continued. “Kir, someone as...perfect...angelic, as you can't just be buried in the ground. I truly know that you must be going to somewhere better than here. God owes you, after doing this to us.”64

A peaceful look crossed her face, and he gently took her hands. “And you'll be in my memory forever.”65

He pulled her into a gentle kiss. Reassuring and loving. Goodbye.66

As she let out her final breath, she whispered hoarsely, “I love you.”67

Will's eyes opened in horror, and he gently shook her still form.68

“Kir? No, Kir! Come back to me!”69

He gathered her into his arms, rocking back and forward slightly. 70

“Please...”71

He buried his face in her hair, trying to ignore her closed eyes. The striking blue would never be seen again.72

“I love you.” So quiet, the words would be missed if you weren't listening.73

At some point, the nurses came in and lay a white sheet over her body, making her little more than the shadow of a human being. The silhouette of death. He hated them in that moment. He could delude himself into thinking she was only sleeping, but that one sheet made it real.74

After they were gone, taking their pity-filled half smiles with them . he walked over to the set of drawers and took the white envelope nestled above the wood. He left the others, Mum, Dad, Brock, Grandma Katie , in the draw, sliding it closed.75

Moving to sit on the seat near the window, he hesitantly broke the seal, the only noise in the newly empty room. His heart seemed numb and, for now, he had exhausted his tears. His eyes were empty and dead. Why even bother going on? Depression .76

He began reading, eyes shaded with a curtain of tears.77

Will,78

We both knew this day would come, and as much as I wish I could've prevented it, fate works in mysterious ways. I love you so much, Will. More than I could ever express. But I guess that just wasn't enough. 79

I'll always be with you, Will. In your heart. In your memories. So don't forget me. But you will have to move on with your life at some point, too.80

Don't be afraid to embrace love again. It doesn' t always hurt. We had so many perfect years, and I want you to find that again. With somebody else.81

It's okay to cry, Will. But you can't make your life about me, now I'm gone. Please. You have to live for the both of us.82

Don't be angry. Don't be sad. Just remember the good times we had. The happiness. The innocence. Let me live through you. 83

I love you. 84

And as the first ray of sunlight lit the room, beaming on the paper, he read her last three words. 85

Yours forever,86

Kiera. 87

And the tears streamed down his face while he held the letter in one hand, as his first day without her dawned in bitter, ironic beauty.88

Acceptance

Author notes

Okay, for those of you who might not know, in her 1969 book, 'On Death and Dying', Swiss-born psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief of someone who is dying.

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

In many cases, these also apply to the family of someone who is dying. That's why I included the italic words in this story. I though it kinda...fit. Not too 'sunshine-y'though

A/N Option 3...(for a contest)

I'm Paragonz Shadow, by the way, and I watch the TV show House, MD. (That's the thing not many know about me

Option 2 - Evanescence, Breathe No More


(For a contest) This story has won three gold trophies, two silver, a bronze and two HM's.

For another contest, my fav animal is either a dog or a cockatiel. Have both as pets and both are great.

I am Paragonz Shadow.

A contest entry

I tried to get it angsty but realistic, how'd I do?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 43 of 43

  • sarahlove
    September 29

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautifully written. The flow was excellent, and it was a very interesting read. There are a few sentence fragments and awkward phrases, but overall it's very nicely tied together. You really made me work for the definition of love, but I think all in all you did a fair job describing the amount of dedication it takes. Thank you for your contribution.

    --Sarah


  • Coldplayer
    September 27
    Edit | Reply
    Not that this is a bad story, but my contest is for lyrics only. Sorry.


  • moonwriter
    August 3
    Edit | Reply
    It is nearly impossible for a story to make me cry, but I was crying from the middle to the end. That was so sad! I can see why you win so much. Your story is beautifully heart-wrenching. I cried the moment I started reading their history. Well-written and altogether incredible. I wish you luck (not that you need it) with any contest you enter.


  • NiennaCalmcacil
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    This was...wow. I felt the emotions...I lost someone close to me recently, and this was quite spot-on. Good job...


  • Caledonia
    June 21
    Edit | Reply
    amazing. this is pefect. i loved how you wrote about the emotions and made them seem real. it is very well written. it made me cry when i read it. thanx alot for entering my contest and great job. i think your very talented to have written something like this.
    -Caledonia


  • Prim-Rose
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    You did a wonderful job! It made me get teary-eyed and I felt the emotions wonderfully. No major problems that I saw, so good job! Keep writing.


  • tallblondie Greeters member
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    [24] Sentence fragment; 'In light of their new problems.' - try incorporating it in the previous sentence at the start;
    "In light of their new problems, the weeks spent playfully bickering over wallpaper and carpet now seemed dimmed and pointless."
    You also need to work on the proper use of speech punctuation. Anything that is followed by he/she said/muttered/murmured/whispered etc, should be preceded by a comma. For instance;
    [30] '“Kir.” He stuttered, gazing into her eyes.' should be; '“Kir,” He stuttered, gazing into her eyes.'
    [36] '“Lie with me. One last time.” She said, tears and emotion clogging her voice.' should be; '“Lie with me. One last time,” she said, tears and emotion clogging her voice.'
    There are a few other places in the remainder of the story.

    Overall, a powerful and touching piece. The decriptions of the environment were fantastic - you managed to touch on most of the five senses. Good use of imagery, especially with the sunlight hitting the paper to bring home the realisation for your character that his wife's love still lives on even though she doesn't. Very emotive, and your writing style took this piece beyond the standard fare.

    Thank you for your entry and good luck!

  • WillyLee
    May 16

    Edit | Reply
    Very well structured, and emotionally affecting. If I was not such a mean old man I would have tears in my eyes. I don't, exactly, but that is just me. This story is very well structured, the way the title is woven into it, and using the five stages of grief. In actuality, I think usually the five stages would be experienced following the death, although I suppose they could happen as Will experiences them, not that it matters really. I have only two areas of criticism. First, your punctuation, or lack of same, which hurts your story to some extent: Don't forget your apostrophes, and that quotation marks generally go outside the punctuation, not inside. Sentences should generally have both a subject and a verb, but an incomplete sentence is often easily fixed simply by using a comma instead of a period, to make one sentence instead of two. The other thing would not concern most people. Regarding Will cheating by looking at Kiera's test in the ninth grade: You present this as a minor indiscretion, but I really hate cheating, and youth is no excuse. My sympathy for the characters is diminished somewhat by this. But overall, I enjoyed the story and admire the skill with which it is told. Thanks for entering the contest.


  • Doppleganger
    May 8

    Edit | Reply
    I can't help but feel like an ass. I think I went a bit overboard in my critique. It is a disticnt possibility that you also entered just to get a bit more constructive criticism and I ignored that. I was a bit overzelous and for that I appologize.


    • Paragonz Shadow
      May 8
      Edit | Reply
      It's okay I was in a really bad mood that day...tired, grumpy and I'm fairly sure I only just passed my physics exam, so I think I may have over-reacted as well. I would usually just write of as (to quote you ) somebody being an ass, but it was kind of a chance for me to rant, so I took it...

      Forgive and forget, and all that jazz

      Jac

  • Writing0Freedom
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    It is well written and it is very emotional and sad. I do really like this , I think it is a very strong piece. I really like the voice of the husband in this story and as a reader you can really feel his love for her and all the emotion. I like the description of the hospital, it makes me shudder inside and dislike hospitals also. Good write!
    WritingFree

  • creationsfromheart
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    this was sad, emotianal and had an impact a successful story written here wonderful write.


  • ArtificialSweetener
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    This was so emotionally realistic, it really touched my heart to know such a young couple ended so soon. This was truly wonderful.


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    Awww... *wipes a tear* You made me weepy, and that's not easy to do. This reminds me of something Nicholas Sparks would write - so perfect and sweet and heart-wrenching. I definitely picked up on the stages of accepting a death (I took a psychology class in college that when through them all), and I thought they were a nice touch. So sad...cancer scares me a lot because it is so debilitating and there's not a whole lot that can be done about it. Anyways, congrats on a great write, and on inducing a tear from me.


  • Starlight-Kisses
    April 18
    Edit | Reply
    okay this is still really good and i still like it i won't say much because i've already commented on this piece but you forgot one of my rules i want to know your favorite animal you can put it in your author notes if you message me i'll check it again when your done still well done and good luck


  • Scarlet Of Dreams gold member
    April 15
    Edit | Reply
    I am crying! That Was wonderful in A sad way!

  • Xabstruse
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    It was sad, I'll give you that much. My eyes never were drawn away from the screen once, you used a lot of detail, the words chosen were perfect, the entire story just dragged me in...But, I didn't cry.

    Thanks for entering.


  • ParadoxicalOxymoron
    April 7

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, nice description! I love your word choice. Aww, nice emotion! I got soo sad when I read this
    I think its awesome how you describe their past; it adds so much meaning to the story. Also, its really cool how you describe both character's emotions.

    Aww, now I'm crying. (almost)

    Good luck, keep writing, and thanks for entering!


  • Miss Hanako Megumi
    April 2
    Edit | Reply
    This was a really good story!! I loved it!

  • ElfSong
    March 31

    Edit | Reply
    This is the saddest story I have read so far in this competition, so I commend you for that. I really enjoyed the way you used denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance in this. These can also apply to any kind of grief, but sadly, some may never, or take a long time to get to the acceptance part. I loved the use of the letter at the end, it really makes the piece very effective. Good luck, I think you'll do well in this competition.


  • ShadyWilbury
    March 29

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant!

    This story is extremely realistic. I could feel Will's pain. I could feel everything they were going through. Man, I'm almost getting misty here. (and that's hard to make me do.) Brilliant write!


  • Silverwit
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    A rather good read but a little to dull on a few areas. You could've easily added in some raw soorowful emotion and details in places which would have made the story outstanding.

    I noticed a few typos and grammatical errors but other then that it wasn't that bad of a story.

    Good luck in my contest
    -Silverwit


    • Paragonz Shadow
      March 31
      Edit | Reply
      Which areas do you think I should add 'raw and sorrowful emotion and detail'? I'll edit it.


  • IxLovexElphiex
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    very very good! so sweet and romantic and perfectly gooey. but really sad...i teared.
    thanks so much for entering and good luck!


  • Missi
    March 13

    Edit | Reply
    story was a bit predictable, you have some spelling mistakes; you wrote 'defenses' its spelt defences

    you also spelt 'highschool' wrong you are ment to space it out

    also you had spelt 'restraunts' like that you spell it as 'restaurant '

    you spelt ' labored' wrong, but i cant make all your mistakes wrong so please next time try to use grammar.

    good luck in the contest

    -Missi


  • Frozen Angel
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    FABULOUS. I'm totally serious, it awesome. I don't know what else to say. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck, my friend!

    *Frozen Angel*


  • Tiger-Lily gold member
    March 9

    Edit | Reply

    Not too angsty, but...

    Ouch! That hurt! Straight to the heart. Some of the phrasing threw e off though, it cuts the suberb flow you have here. Beautiful work!


    • Paragonz Shadow
      March 10
      Edit | Reply
      What bits disrupted the flow exactly, I'll go back and fix them. Thanks for the comment too, lol.


  • HitmanShah
    March 7

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    It was beautiful, a bit preditable but very beautiful, keep writing and you have to write your name so we know that your a part of Storywriter Inc

    Good Luck in the Contest


  • stardust3492
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    This is SO beautiful. It made me cry and it takes a lot to do that. Thank you so much for entering.
    ~


  • loyda
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    it made me cry like a blonde over a dead puppy.
    or maybe worse.
    it made me cry as i remembered my cousin who is in heaven.

    this story is great, perhaphs the best ive read in storywrite.

    and you are barely 13? wow.

    congrats.
    i can't believe you didn't win those contest you entered.
    this is truly an amazing story.


    sorry for making this comment so darn long.


    -love
    loyda


    • Paragonz Shadow
      February 11
      Edit | Reply
      No, I love long comments!! Gives me something to read . So thanks for that and for the kind words


  • Starlight-Kisses
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    very well done that was really good i loved it it's so sad but true deatth cn happen in the saddest ways well done and good luck in the contest


  • Hekate gold member
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, really well done. I think it did come across and capture the angsty feeling. Best of luck in the contest


  • tabbykat92
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    This story was so good, I almost started crying when Will was praying to God. Great job with the emotion and good luck in the contest.


    • Paragonz Shadow
      February 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much for the comment and the little yellow clappy people . I like them


  • Naive.
    February 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I really love this and especially the last part---the note to Will. It was really beautiful. Good luck.

    -jj


  • Ghost of a Siren
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    This was amazing, so sad and real. I actually feel on the verge of tears, of course the song playing over my computer doesn't help lol. "Breathe no more" by Evanescence. But seriously, this was an incredible write, you deserve gold for this one.


    • Paragonz Shadow
      January 26
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much for your comment, I especially need feedback them when I write pieces with emotion, because I am just beginning to do that. Listening to that song probably wouldn't have helped, lol.


  • Elisabeth Greeters member
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    I don't think you actually got involved with the angst, I believe that your true writing ability came through and directed you to write a more true account of a young couple's final moments together. You wrote well, with feeling and you showed a writer's respect for their characters.
    Well done and good luck in the contest.

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