Untitled - Chapter 1 - The Insiders

I am lost.1

I know this city by the back of my hand, and yet these walls and alleys are alien to me today. I feel as if I’m a rat in an experiment, being forced to run through a maze in search of food. Only it isn’t food I’m searching for. 2

I speed around another corner just like all the others and am relieved to finally see something familiar. My heart rate immediately slows. It is my friend.3

I greet the mech by raising my hand. This is a sign of trust in the City, because on all our palms is the sign of the Insiders. There are people who treat artificial intelligence like slaves or tools. But I grew up with them. To me they are equals. 4

They’re designed to look like people anyway. They have two legs, two hands and faces like us; they’re just made of metal instead of flesh.5

I expect the mech to return my gesture with its own, but it just stands there. Frowning, I stare into the lenses that are its eyes. There’s something different about this mech. What is it? The mech moves its arm as if to touch its chest, but the shuddering metal limb jams before it can. I step back uncertainly; it looks as if it’s about to explode. 6

I mutter a string of words incomprehensible to normal people to the mech that should make it shut down. But it doesn’t listen. Mechs are always obedient. What’s going on?7

The lenses flash with an unsettling image of human eyes for a second and the machine trembles more obviously. Its joints clatter and creak against the stress. I know there’s nothing I can do and that I should run before the mech hurts me, but I just can’t move. My eyes are glued to its chest. 8

The metal plate is turning black and burnt. The mech is by now shaking violently. There is a loud, high-pitched sound as its chest suddenly bursts open. I should be yelling or screaming or running away like everyone else would. But I don’t. I wish I did.9

The image burns into my mind, burying itself in me like an insect so that I’ll never be rid of it. Inside the mech’s chest amid computer chips, threaded with wires and steel, beats a bloody human heart.10

“Logan!”11

I can’t move.12

“Logan!” I’m kicked in the stomach. “Get up!”13

Warily, I open my eyes. Jonn is shaking my shoulders so hard that a sting of pain shoots through my neck. I push him off of me angrily. Satisfied that I’m awake, he growls one word, “Outsiders,” and I’m out of bed in a flash. He disappears out the doorway, loading his gun as he goes. I quickly throw on a shirt and a long dark jacket over my sleeping pants, grab my handgun from beneath the mattress on the floor, put my earpiece in and follow him outside, careful to seal my door before leaving. The insiders have no need to steal, but if a bunch of outsiders have managed to get into the City I’d better not take any chances.14

Outside I can see exactly what has happened. My home is on low ground, but this just gives me a good view of the other side of the City’s tall dark buildings on the rising ground. Stars dot the hill where people have left lights on. But I don’t need to look any further than the small orange blaze near the West wall. You can always find outsiders wherever there is any disturbance or destruction.15

I jump onto my bike and start the motor, which makes a hissing sound as it starts to hover. I shift it into gear and lean forward in anticipation of the sudden speed. Soon I’m whizzing through the streets in the direction of the West wall. Anyone I pass would probably see nothing more than a white light shooting past. I love my job.16

Even in the quiet backstreets of the City where I live, people walk safely and freely. This harmony is the reason why Outsiders are always trying to get in. But if we did let them in, the streets would no longer be safe anyway. Outside the walls there is nothing but barren land where the savages fight amongst themselves. That’s why the City was built; to keep the better people safe. I know this sounds stupid. There’s definitely something wrong with the idea that leaving most of the population outside to survive on their own, but what else can we do? This is the only place left that is safe; we can’t risk it all. I spin around the corner into a long, narrow street. It’s dangerous to ride so fast through here but it’s the most direct route to the West wall.17

Before I reach my destination I see another bike coming toward me from the end of the street. My earpiece beeps twice and Jonn begins speaking. “Fancy seeing you here.” The two of us shoot past each other but he continues speaking. “There are a lot of them this time. About twenty outsiders all got past the wall somehow, which is supposedly impossible. They’re crafty, Logan. That fire is where a general and his companions were meeting. Needless to say, they’re dead now. Think I’ll get a promotion?” he asked wryly.18

“So we’ve been betrayed?” I ask, though it’s not really a question.19

“Just be careful,” Jonn warns needlessly. “I was sent back because I’ve been injured.” I’m surprised. There’s no pain in his voice. Then again, Jonn is like that. “The mechs are holding up ok,” he continues, “but it could be better down there. Do us a favour and pull one of your miracles out of your arse, would you? If this fight lasts too long the Insiders will become unsettled, and that’s the last thing we need.”20

Jonn is stating the obvious. I know what to do. It’s the same thing I always do. When Jonn says ‘miracle’ it really doesn’t mean I’m particularly special. I just work well with the mechs. And so I should, considering my main job is actually to control them, study them and keep the technology up-to-date. I forget that it’s my turn to say something.21

“Logan?” 22

My bike takes me in an upward slope through the widening streets. I’m at the hill, so I’m not too far away from the wall now. “Go get fixed,” I say. “I’ve got this covered.”23

My earpiece beeps twice. I blink my short dark hair out of my eyes; it’s flicking in my face. It’s kind of important that I’m able to see whilst riding this bike because of the speed I’m authorised to go at. It doesn’t help that I’m not wearing a helmet or any protective gear. But I’ve never felt the need to. 24

Still a few streets away from the fire, I’m about to reach a corner when a disemboweled mech is thrown from behind the wall into my path. I slam on the breaks and let the back of my bike spin out a bit so that I reach the corner facing whatever is waiting for me. I already have my gun aimed with one hand.25

There is no one in the street. Cautiously, I look around. I’m yanked off the back of my bike by the shoulders and thrown to the ground. Someone takes my gun. Three rugged men with haunted looks in their eyes stand over me with guns pointed, one with two because he took mine. “Don’t think we weren’t waiting for you,” the one with my gun says in a gruff voice. But one of them, the somewhat softer looking one, is hesitant. 26

“It’s… just a kid,” he says. 27

This may be true; I’m no more than sixteen in a couple of months. Only my intelligence got me such a high rank here so fast, but I have no doubt these men are just assuming I stole the bike in an attempt to be a hero. The third man scratches his stubble. “He could serve as a hostage…?”28

The first man whacks him in the head with my gun. “No you idiot, we have to hide once we’ve finished off anyone who could give evidence against us. Taking a hostage will just get us kicked out of here again.”29

“But he’s just a kid…”30

“I don’t think he is just a kid. Look at him.” He pushes my hair out of my face with the point of his gun, but I don’t flinch. “He’s intelligent,” he says. “And he doesn’t look afraid.”31

Two mechs leap down from the roof of a building. One is partially on fire. They’re right on time. I can always trust them to come when I call. They aim their fists at us and guns pop out of their forearms. “Outsiders are a danger to the City,” they say in their tinny voices. “Surrender.” The trouble with mechs is that they’re predictable. They always follow the procedure and fight in the same way. Even if I give them specific orders they might not listen unless I tell them in their own language. The Outsiders hold up their primitive guns to shoot the mechs before they can reach us, but I hold up my marked hand so they know who I am and tell them what to do in their robot gibberish. They lower their guns. 32

The three outsiders peer down at me with narrowed eyes. I notice the orange-tinted smoke rising above the buildings not far away and know I must be quick. “You could be more useful than I thought,” the first man observes. “You’ve made them surrender, now make them help us.”33

I speak to the mechs without answering him. They assume a passive stance and walk forwards. The burning one’s shoulder is melting. The outsiders lower their guns, an astonished look in their eyes. But the moment they’re close enough, the mechs extend the blades in their fingers and slash two of the men’s throats. I take the opportunity to snatch back my gun and shoot the last man in the head. He goes down.34

“Thankyou,” I say to them, wondering if I’m the only person who ever does so. I point to the burning one. “Find water and quench your fire, then you can help your comrade clean up this mess.”35

They make a small jerk of their heads to nod and we swiftly part ways. I get back on my bike and head to the fire. When I get there I squint in the sudden flickering light. The Brigade is being defended by the mechs as they hose down the burning building. Other mechs are coming out of the building on fire, with people in their arms. I’m surprised at how organised these Outsiders are; they’ve positioned themselves on the rooftops of adjacent buildings and the mechs are having trouble shooting them from the ground. A fireman falls to the earth as a bullet hole from a primitive gun pierces his back. The mechs are doing this all wrong. 36

I shout at them to let half of their numbers seek out the snipers on the roofs. A couple of them acknowledge that I spoke but they know that they should follow procedure and protect the main priorities. I take an impatient breath and use their language. Five of about twenty separate from the group and head to the surrounding buildings. They could probably only spare that many. I follow one of them. It recognises my help and kicks the door to the house, but it only dents the thick metal. It steps back and rams into it; pushing the door out of its hinges. 37

Inside we find two determined men aiming at us; two hostages tied to chairs beside them with fearful eyes and small whimpers. I leave the mech to do what it does best and climb the stairs up two storeys to their roof, listening to the sounds of its victorious clash as I go. Outside in the smoky air the Outsider kneeling behind a low wall with a gun spins around to face me. It’s a woman.38

She’s thin and starved, and has deep dark circles beneath her hardened eyes. She is afraid. I freeze, not knowing what to do. Suddenly a spray of blood splatters from her chest onto the cement and she drops her gun, falls to her knees and lies still. She shouldn’t have stood up; a mech down below had shot her. Hesitating only briefly, I run back down the stairs where the mech is untying the hostages. “There’s also a body up there to clean up,” I inform it and leave the house. Outside, I see a mech and an Outsider fighting on a rooftop amid a river of yellow sparks. 39

A mech on the ground moves closer to me and shoots the man up there. Both mechs don’t even acknowledge each other; they just go back to their work. I head back to the fire which looks as if it’s gradually being quenched and scan the shadowed streets while the mechs are too busy scanning the rooftops.40

I wonder where all the human troops are. Was it just me and Jonn who came? Or… I realise with horror that the real invasion must be somewhere else. My fight is a distraction. It looks like the mechs have things covered here so I run back to my bike and press a button on my earpiece. “Sefton.” I hear two beeps.41

“What is it?” the man demands soon after. To think that I’m his superior. “Where are you? We need you down here.”42

“I would be there if someone had told me. What’s happened and where is it?”43

“Second Street,” he replies, and I hear a gun shot coming from his end. “The mechs have gone insane again. I don’t know what brought it on.”44

“On my way,” I tell him and hear two beeps in my earpiece as I start the bike and head off into the night.45

There are almost as many mechs in the City as there are people. Now I understand why there weren’t any more than there was at the fire. Occasionally, and more often lately, the robots of the City have had instances where they’ve gone insane for no reason at all. They suddenly decide to go out to destroy the place and kill any people they see. Considering we made the mechs to be superior fighters to most people, this makes them a worse threat than the Outsiders. Perhaps they were in fact the distraction so that the outsiders could get in. But who would have the power to induce this? I think it has something to do with some sort of radiation, but there’s so much radiation on this planet and in the City alone that there’s no way for me to pinpoint exactly what causes it.46

As I ride down a wider road, I sense the trouble ahead. I have a strange affinity with the world and the people in it. It’s not always a strong feeling, but I can often sense people’s emotions. Fights are full of fear and death. It makes it hard to concentrate sometimes while I’m fighting, but if I can sense someone coming I know if they’re an enemy or not. In this case however, I won’t be able to sense any mechs coming because they have no emotion.47

When I was young I thought everyone had this sense, but only a few years ago Jonn corrected me. I wonder still if I’m the only one, or if there’s someone out there like me. Who could know?48

The streets widen and the buildings get taller and more magnificent as I near the centre of the City. Soon the many storey, dark grey walls surround me. Second Street isn’t far away now. My earpiece beeps. “Nice of you to show,” Sefton says. I look around but can’t see him. Wherever he is, he can see me.49

“Perhaps if you were more capable you wouldn’t need me in the first place,” I argue and cut off contact.50

Something high on the wall of a tall building grabs my attention. I’m surprised to find that it’s a mech climbing the wall, like a big metal spider. It looks at me as I approach, and shocks me by releasing its grip on the wall and letting itself fall. But I’m already below it by the time I realise what it’s doing.51

The steel limbs clamp around me and I lose control of the bike, crashing into the base of the building the mech leapt from. By now a normal person would be crushed to death by the robot, not to mention the impact with the building, but not me. Seemingly frustrated, the mech extends its retractable claws into my shoulders, piercing both my black jacket and my flesh easily. I yell and, abandoning all self-consciousness, throw it off of me. It lands on the road, a loud crack informing me that something inside it has broken. It gets up, showing no notice of an unusable arm dangling uselessly at its side.52

“You landed badly,” I say, ignoring the blood streaming down my shoulders, the same way a mech would. “What are you doing without the rest of the pack? Bored with Second Street?”53

It doesn’t attack me. It’s probably running through its data files trying to figure out what I am and therefore what my weakness is. Funny how just yesterday I was in the labs wishing something interesting would happen so I could go running around with the soldiers. My reliable gun is fortunately still in tact on my belt. I point it at the mech. “You shouldn’t have left the pack. There’s no point in keeping a straggler.”54

It doesn’t even try to stop me as I pull the trigger, aiming for its vulnerable spot in the centre of its head. It’s unsettling sometimes the way mechs seem to have emotions when they’re berserk. With a tired sigh, I put my gun back in my belt. I’m losing a lot of blood by the looks of the red puddle on the ground. My bike is a mess and completely inoperative now. Damn it all; I’ll have to buy a new one. 55

“…Logan,” Sefton says. I didn’t even hear the earpiece beep. “You…” Crap. I forgot about him. He just witnessed me survive all that. “You’re still alive,” he says. 56

“Stay where you are,” I order. “Where are you?”57

“The roof of the shopping centre,” he replies. “I was injured, but I got the metal bastard.”58

“Do you have any other soldiers with you?”59

“No.”60

“I’m coming to get you,” I decide and break into a run to the shopping centre. I pull some aides out of my jacket pocket to stop my blood from spilling out of me, slapping the silicone roughly onto the skin. The injuries will still be fresh when I take them off but at least I won’t leave a trail of cerise behind me. 61

When I find General Sefton on the roof lying still, I see just how badly he’s been hurt. He’s lying in a pool of blood. I reach down to feel his pulse. 62

He’s dead.63

I stand up straight and run back the way I came. I have to help the soldiers who are still alive stop the mechs from destroying the city. 64

Author notes

Any ideas for a title? ^^"

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 37 of 37

  • RyanGaryJoel
    October 17, 2008
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    Awesome! Well...

    I get so bored with fantasy titles these days because it's usually somebody trying to out-write JK Rowling and JRR Tolkien (and failing). But here we have something really original. Yay! As for a title, hmmmmm, just from reading the first chapter I can only think of 'The Mech Whisperer'. Anyway the first chapter is sweet, and I want to read more!
    And you get top marks just coz ur cool!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Riveralex
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very very good. liked it

    I used to read a lot of sci-fi or fantsy-fi and think this is a great example. I got here by following links and am very glad I did - the world you create is convincing and the lead character has depth.

    I got a little bit bogged down in the technical details at points but that may be because it's not my genre any more, so I haven't as much interest as I might have once had in how things work.

    I liked the suggestion made below "The Mech Wars" particularly, as it would be easy to do series based on that title, and since the world here is compelling, why not?

    Personally I liked your use of a dream sequence at the beginning - I think it's good foreshadowing - but I needed to re-read it to understand what it was. The point at which he is awakened seemed a non-sequitor at first... but again, this is something that could be done simply by using three commas to differentiate the sections, or in print by using italics... or a million other things.

    Nice work.
    RA


  • ainshbu
    July 13, 2008
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    this is really good it would make a great book and moive


  • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I just have to say I'm sorry I didn't read this earlier.

    Way to go! Always a great fan of sc-fi stuff, me, and this one takes home the prize. Granted, the story subject maybe a little tired, as in, overused, but I reckon you can make something out of it.

    I'll be sure to read the rest soon enough.


  • wolfcub
    April 18, 2008

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    The City Walls? Something like that. I will let you know more when I've read more.
    This isn't at all what I expected, but then you didn't tell me much so I didn't really know what to expect. It's not the sort of thing I would have read a month ago but now it just dragged me in! You've got some great description and a real pace to this piece. I can't comment on the overall plot yet, but this first chapter seemed to be well thought-out.
    I'm hoping my mysteries will be explained as I read on...

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.

    • EphemeralStyle
      April 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, everything is gradually explained ^^ I'm so glad you liked this; thanks for reading There are two more narrators in this story too, but the rest of my posts are much shorter, I promise

      Eph


  • Radiance
    March 21, 2008

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    Wow. I love it. This is truly an awesome idea, and you're right--the City refuges in our stories are somewhat similar.

    This is a really interesting and cool story. I don't have as much time today as I thought I would, but I'm glad I took a few minutes to finally read the first installment of "Untitled". As soon as I get the chance, I'm going to devour whatever else you have posted! (Don't worry; I'll save a little bit for the other readers. )

    I'd have to read the rest of the story to come up with good ideas for titles, but I have a few in mind:

    1) Refuge
    2) The Mech Wars
    3) Berserk

    Do you like them? Like I said, I haven't read enough to give REALLY fitting titles, but I'm just tossing around some ideas.

    I was a little confused about the part where Logan encounters the first few Outsiders. How could they tell he was intelligent? Was his abnormally large brain that conspicuous? Lol, just kidding. Maybe his attitude gave it away.

    Thank you so much for requesting me to read this; I enjoyed it tons. Logan seems to be an incredible character, and I look forward to reading more of "Untitled".

    • EphemeralStyle
      March 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Lol I'm glad you liked this ^^

      Omg you are awesome at title-thinking-of, lol. They aren't quite as relevant as one would hope because, as you said, you haven't read much, but the titles sound really kewl and interesting.... Cry.... I'm so bad at title-thinking-of

      Perhaps I could get your opinion on two possibilities of my own I have going at the moment: 'The Innocence' and 'Innocent Mentality'. Which one sounds better?

      Lmao! No, I think they knew he was intelligent because you can usually see in someone's eyes the sort of person they are, whether they're calculating and devious or utter simpletons.... And besides that, he didn't look afraid when they saw him. That would be weird to them

      <3 <3 <3 So happy you liked this ^^

      Eph


  • B Chandler Greeters member
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    commentary

    Still a few streets away from the fire, I’m about to reach a corner when a disembowelled mech is thrown from behind the wall into my path. I slam on the breaks and let the back of my bike spin out a bit so that I reach the corner facing whatever is waiting for me. I already have my gun aimed with one hand.25

    There is no one in the street. Cautiously, I look around. I’m yanked off the back of my bike by the shoulders and thrown to the ground. Someone takes my gun. Three rugged men with haunted looks in their eyes stand over me with guns pointed, one with two because he took mine. “Don’t think we weren’t waiting for you,” the one with my gun says in a gruff voice. But one of them, the somewhat softer looking one, is hesitant. 26


    ...It was just those two parapgraphs that caught my attention the most. In P25, you only needed one 'L' in disemboweled and just drop the comma after POINT in P26. But other from that, this was a really good read

    • EphemeralStyle
      March 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      O.o *shame!* That wasn't a typo; I actually spelled it wrong! *shameshameshameshameshame!* Oh well, thanks for pointing it out for me

      Eph


  • silent dances
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great story! I liked It alot, I sort of get the feeling you know about these characters already, Instead of just the plot. You know their pasts thir futures there weakenesses and streangths. It's really hard to show that the character existed before the first sentence at the beginning of the book. I am sorry to say I won't be your editor, I suck at that myself, But I'm sure already Have everything edited right anyway, right? I'll try to come up with a title as I read. I loke Logan, alot, and from what Shikas tild (not very much, no worries,) I think he's going to be my favorite. especially with that whole able to fell others emotions thing, thats what I like in abook character. I can't wait till tommorow when I read the next chapter.

    • EphemeralStyle
      March 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Definitely; my characters can't hide anything from me I do my best to use correct grammar and spelling, but there's always the odd typo that I miss, lol ^^

      I'm considering a title at the mo, perhaps.... no, I won't say it yet

      Everyone usually likes Garn the best, but I really like Logan too. Thankyou for such an awesome comment xD

      Eph


  • Surreal Rhapsody
    February 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That was reall really exiting!!!!! Im glad I finally got to it. Sry it took so long. I did enjoy it. I will try anf think of a title, but I will have to read more. AWESOME!!!!


  • J.P.Troy silver member
    February 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering our contest. Good luck.

    J.P. Troy
    (Writing Review)


  • matt101
    January 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Awesome!

    Wow, you literally had me on the edge of my seat wondering 'what the hell is gonna happen next?!?!' lol

    very well written, a few mistakes, but if you just have a quick skim over it, you can quickly correct them.

    other than that, im proud at this story, i wanna read more!


  • Brightest
    January 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Paragraph 16: " which makes a hissing sound as it starts to hover. " Honestly, what you've got here is technically fine. However, it doesn't read as smoothly as it could. A slight change could fix this. '"I jump onto my bike and start the motor," hissing as it starts to hover.' This or something similar really helps keep the reader going without small little pit stops, if you know what I mean.

    Paragraph 17: Base on what I know, you should try to avoid communicating DIRECTLY to the reader. In this line, " I know this sounds stupid. There’s definitely something wrong with the idea that leaving most of the population outside to survive on their own, but what else can we do?" you do just that. I would try to find another way to get this point across.

    Paragraph 20: I've began to notice that when you go back to narrate the story with your character, you continue in the present tense. I was always taught that you should narrate in past tense and I've stayed by that rule.

    I've got to go now, but I'll get back to this soon. Good job so far.

    -Ephemeral E


  • water-spirit-ryuu
    January 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Whoa.
    That was REALLY intense.
    THanks for an awasome read!
    ^_^

  • Innocent Evil
    January 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    OH MY GOD!!!! I love it! It awesome, almost like im watching a movie! Great job!

  • kiwi-fairy
    January 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome


    • EphemeralStyle
      January 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks much! The next segment is from the point of view of an Outsider, if you wish to read.

  • PaintedRainbows
    January 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Yay for Untitled, I love this story and can't wait to read more. ^^


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this a lot, it unfolds nicely as it goes. I personaly don't like stories that tell you everything in one segment. There were a few mistakes i found but nothing big. Overall i really like this story and will contiune reading when i get time.

  • B Chandler Greeters member
    January 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Commentary

    In my opinion, I really don't think you need a title to go with this write when you've already got one: "The Insiders"

    Secondly, just like a prior commentor has said, I really didn't get the whole story line until about mid-way down. Keep penning

    • EphemeralStyle
      January 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Mmm I know 'The Insiders' would be a logical title, but there's much more to the story and I don't want to make it obvious and blunt.

      And yeah, sorry for being vague at the beginning ^^ I should try to find more of a balance between being subtle and being just plain confusing. I'll work on this. Thanks!

      Eph


  • Frumpshkin-Pickles
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Really neat. I didn't get it at first but it kind of made sense a little later on. Good job!

    • EphemeralStyle
      January 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for commenting! Sorry if it was confusing at the beginning; I didn't want to explain things directly. I think I may even have wanted the reader to be confused at first O.o (which is strange, but meh )


  • FantasyDreamer
    January 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very interesting of the future

    beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


    • EphemeralStyle
      January 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Sankyou... The next chapter is up if you want to read it *massive grin*

  • HoneyAngel
    January 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very good for a story in first person. I myself hate writing in it. But it's quite good...

    Maybe you could give it the Title Logan? I don't know, I've never been good with Titles myself.

    At some points this seems a little too, robotic. Haha. *Shrugs* I'unno, seems stiff somehow, not everything flows.

    • EphemeralStyle
      January 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      That's cool, I'll do better next chapter ^^ I'm posting that today if you want to read it, but I'll only post a part of it so that it's not too long and intimidating to read. The story is overall going to be narrated by three characters, Logan, Avi and Garn, so I used the first person because I find it easier to write a person's thoughts if it's both from their point of view and in present tense. Thanks for the comment!

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