The Ending Begins ~ “Red Dragons Point Part 1”1
“What is thy bidding my lord” asked Krojonus bowing with his swords and bow. 2
“Take five of your finest Alcyeon warriors and find out what has happened to my son Rameous. He went to the front lines to join forces with the Minonites three days ago and I have not heard from him since” ordered King Aralious. 3
“Yes my lord” Krojonus answered. 4
“And Krojonus” – the king paused turning back around… “Do not return without an answer” order the King pointing a finger to his talisman. 5
“Yes my lord” answered Krojonus bowing; taking slow steps backwards to the giant entry doors. 6
“So shall it be said, so shall it be written.” The king ordered again to the talisman holding up two fingers and draping his robe over his arm.7
Krojonus knew that this might be a task that he may not return alive from. The Minoites have been fighting the Dragarsians over Red Dragons Point in the eastern territory for the past year. It has been a bloody war but it was coming close to an end. The final clash of both armies had been building for the past three months. Both sides were strong and with neither losing ground.8
“Marcus, gather four more of our finest warriors and meet me in two days at dragon’s point. The king’s son has been gone for three days without word. He has charged me with getting answers good or bad.” I said to my brother. 9
“I will Krojonus. I can have them here by tonight and we can all leave together” said Marcus. 10
“No Marcus, I must leave now. The king is not a very patient man. I will meet you in two days a dragon’s point.” I said to Marcus as I attached my shield, two swords and double bows to my saddle. 11
“In two days Marcus or I’ll leave without you” I said mounting my horse. 12
“We will be there Krojonus. May the gods be with you” Marcus said holding up a clinched fist towards Krojunus. 13
“And to you Marcus” said Krojonus pulling away and riding fast out of the castle gates with his red and black cape flowing in the rushing breeze behind him. 14
"In two days my brother" whispered Marcus watching Krojonus fade into mountain side.15
A contest entry
- 1st chapter contest!!!! by Surreal Rhapsody.
175 points, ended January 11, 2008, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Story Starters, Prompts, Just Help Me Write T_T by Be.Your.Own.Hero.
850 points, ended January 25, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Awesome, that was an intriguing start to a story
I loved it, and I feel anxious to know what is going to happen when they arrive at Red Dragons Point.
problems I'm having is the dialogue, like Bowie said, you have to put a space between separate character dialogues so readers don't get confused. But anyways, the quality is great and I really enjoyed this.
Good luck!
~*Princess*~
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Ok, this sounds like a very interesting start to a story. The only thing that really needs to change is your paragraph form. Whenever a new person begins talking you should put a space and an indent to tell the reader that the person who is talking is not the same person as was talking before. I know that its easier when your writing to forget about doing this, but it really will make your work easier to understand. Other than that, your dialog is good, your descriptions are nice. This seems like a very nice start to a story. Keep writing!
Bowie.
-
Awesome. ^.^ its kinda short, but thats nmot a bad thing at all. It's quality, not quantity. But, awesome story so far, it gets you sucked in really fast.
Adding your comment:
