Just one bullet,1
you went away.2
Just one bullet,3
you left us in the face of a cruel world.4
Just one bullet,5
happiness went out with you and pain remained.6
Just one bullet,7
how Mom hated you so much.8
Just one bullet,9
how my older sister had to take on your role where you left incompletely.10
Just one bullet,11
I was alone whereas Mom can't see me nor my sister.12
Just one bullet,13
everything changed.14
Just one bullet,15
that night, the yellow line that screamed CAUTION became a lifetime.16
Just one bullet,17
You lied on the floor of your office, bleeding.18
Just one bullet,19
God knows what have you been thinking in your dying minute.20
Just one bullet,21
God knows what we have lost since we lost you.22
Just one bullet, Dad,23
you went away.
Author notes
I was around six when Dad was murdered in NY. Don't be sorry. =) It's not your fault.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Aww!
So sad :[ At first I thought it was about suicide. Even though you say not to be sorry, I can't help it! Homocide is horrid, and I'm sorry that you were exposed to it so early in life! Very well written, I enjoyed it
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This is sad, murder is a horible thing. You did quite well as this, taking it as an abstract work of are, not ment to rhyme but display emotion. I love it, its really good.
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how sad, you can easily see the lonely emotionions in this.
wat a great write, full od sad emotions.
gj xo -
awwwww. so sad
sadly written but so good.
gj. -
this is amazing. it flows so well
nice job
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Great poem! It was very deep and emotional. I could actually feel your pain.
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LOVE IT!
I know how ou feel in the poem.. My father didn't get shot but a person tha was like a broher did.. Now his mom has a hard time looking at her youngest son. It makes her cry. Well I like it alot.. -
I liked your structure and how it played like a story. It was very emotional. One thing I would like to suggest is that the rhythm of the poem was off. If you keep the rythm the same throughout, it will be so much more effective. Overall, it was good!
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Excellent!
Thank you for the visit and the read and the comment, I wish there were more of you work I could read.
Very impactful method of repeating that phrase and very effective, well done!
Hurry up and write some more! Please!
Amicus...
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This is deeply powerful. What a stunning structire used here to make such a pounding effect on sad loss you must have suffered.
keep up the strength you show and writing a peice like this.
~Lady Madeline. -
Thats so sad.
Idk if its my foult or not, Im sry 4 ur lose. I really am. That was a really powerful peice of art, and Im kinda sad that no more poems or stories r on. U should write more, b/c thaat was really beautiful. Plz, keep writing.
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Wow. I like how you structured it. Your words are powerful too. Well done.
-Linds
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