Cry me a river.

I've always been a burden but I just don't understand, they see my suffering everyday. But they still won't stop, they still continue to fight, yell at the top of their lungs, drink that fucking alcohol, and take those fucking pills. 1

They make me stay up all night praying, crying, worrying, thinking if things will ever be the same. But who am I kidding? They are the only reason that knife is under my bed and it might not be a good enough reason, but so what? I don't need to explain myself to anyone. I don't need to talk.2

And yes I've been a bad person, but forgive me for falling down everytime just so I'd have my dad kiss me and tell me everything's going to be alright, forgive me for lying and telling my mom she looked good in that blue dress, I only wanted one big smile. 3

I don't deserve this, I can't take it anymore, but now what? where do I go from here? I've done everything, ran away, got caught, been to juvie for a week, and attempted suicide. But that was back then, back when they cared, and now they just don't, they don't care if I'll get sent to foster care. I don't want their sympathy, I want them to care, I want them to love me again.