The Fat Man and the Time Machine

Merlin Wussmeister was large and looked ridiculous, but he was also1

something else. His was the greatest scientific mind that ever evolved on2

planet Earth, being three times the size of a normal person's brain due3

to extremely good breeding throughout countless generations4

of his forebears.5

Thus, logically it follows, Wussmeister was the first6

person, unknown to the public, to invent a time machine.7

Unfortunately, Wussmeister was not interested in history and the laws8

of cause and effect as they relate to human experience, but was a sensulist9

who dreamed at night of epicurean and sexual delights!10

Thus inspired, he traveled back in time to the best breakfast he had11

ever ate, alternating with the best time he had ever had with a broad. This12

went on over a span of 10 years, during which time his vim and verve for13

each novel re-occuring experience never wavered. He was hopelessly14

hooked on his ecstasies.15

There was one serious drawback. He had to return to the place16

where he had invented his time machine in order to go back and relive17

his glorious experiences of supreme cuisine and favorite sex, and he found18

that time travel made him ravenously hungry. thus it came to pass that19

Wussmeister became too fat to get into his time machine.20

Having commtted the schematic designs of his time machine to memory to prevent anyone from cobbing his invention, he was greatly dismayed to21

discover he had forgotten a crucial equation of his formula that told him22

at which frequency he had set his machine on. 23

He told me their are endless infinties of ascending and descending24

vibrations and harmonics constantly making miniscule impressions on our25

brains to be recorded in the outer space Einstein relativities that comprise26

our sub-conscious minds, and that the frequency he had initially used27

had relativized into a different frequency.28

Poor Merlin finally had to soothe his massive dignity by braggin to 29

strangers about his time machine adventures, and this resulted in his30

being placed in a mental institution where they let him play with toy trucks31

and trains. He was the smartest man who ever lived but look where it 32

got him!33

This mental institution was where he met me and told me his story.I have related it to you exactly as he told it to me, all except for the saucier parts of his expoits with his girl friend that he honed to perfection during his many repeat encounters with her throughout time. I was there for running down main street naked34

with my rubber ducky, trying to get the media's attention in order to make a statement against cruelty to animals.35

Alas, how are the mighty fallen. the end36

By mystic drifter 37

© 2008 mystic drifter (All rights reserved)38