"She Is Amazing"

It didn't take an army to convince her,1

that her world as she knew it had came to a screaching halt.2

That nothing would ever be the same again.3

That she had no choice, but to accept this awfull fate.4

She never even imagined that something like this could ever happen to her.5

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Someone she knew maybe, but never to her.7

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She felt as though her heart had been ripped out.9

She sank into a numbness that should have never been.10

She longed to have back the very precious son that she had lost.11

At the same time she would never wish this terrible world on him again.12

She knew deep down inside he was better off than she was. 13

She knew he had worked harder in his 18 years of life,14

than a lot of grown men she knew.15

That he would work for free a lot of the time,16

to help men that had a family.17

To help them be able to pay their rent and bills.18

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When she would ask him why he didn't accept the pay.20

He would say Momma they have to pay bills and I don't.21

She sometimes felt as though they were taking advantage of him.22

He reassured her that they tried to pay him,23

but he refused to take the money.24

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She struggled so hard to deal with the grief.26

She did everything in memory of him and helped other grieving mothers.27

All the while thinking hey I am handling this pretty good.28

This went on for a little over 3 years,29

then one day she realized that she was not handling it all that well.30

That she was just making herself feel better, 31

when she would help the others.32

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She never allowed anyone to know about her true pain34

and how much she was hurting inside.35

She kept in her secret hiding place,36

a place so deep inside herslf.37

That no one could even begin to reach her.38

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She finally allowed someone to reach her and she felt a huge relief.40

She begins to allow herself to feel loved,41

cared about,proud,human,sad,pain,happy 42

and so many more emotions and feelings.43

She is ready to learn to live again. 44

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All of the guilt of allowing herself to feel anything,46

since he had been gone was starting to fade away.47

A little bit at a time, the numbness was leaving.48

She was over whelmed with a huge mixture of emotions all at once.49

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She still misses him very much and she will always love him,51

but now she has to allow herself to live.52

To find new things to do with her life, she has to become a new person.53

Not by choice, but because this is the hand she has been dealt.54

She has to accept it because this change in her life will never go away.55

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She still has good days and bad.57

The difference now is that she allows herself to feel both58

the good and the bad.59

She allows herself to live.60

she finds it easier to share her joys and her pain with others.61

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Others say that she is an angel,63

but she says she is only human just like them. 64

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When she loves, she loves with all of her heart,66

when she gives she gives it her all.67

When she makes a friend they are her friend for life.68

Everyone says they admire her for her strength.69

She knows it is not strength at all that makes her70

be able to do the things she does or71

live through all she has had to endure.72

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It is the fact that she has learned to accept the things that74

she does not have control over or the power to change.75

Other wise she would have committed suicide a long time ago.76

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She still struggles every day to deal with this life78

and yes with each passing day.79

she does get a little stronger80

and a little braver to face the world again.81

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She is a loving mother,wife,grandmother,sister,daughter and friend.83

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She is one amazing lady full of enough love to share with the world.85

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She feeds off of caring for others who are in need. 87

She is beautiful from the inside out,88

just meet her and you will see. 89

Her story is a never ending story! 90