Once Awakened: Chapter Five

When I awoke I saw Romulus sitting on the bed I once slept in. He smiled at me as I stepped out of the coffin and held out his wrist to me. I took it and drank from him again feeling the indescribable strength rush through me and fill every particle of my being. I stopped though. Did Romulus not need this strength as well? Yes, he did if we were to hunt he would need it more then I. 1

“Go and get your cloak,” he said to me “as I said before we are going hunting.”2

I did as he said and followed him to the door of the castle, just before we went outside Romulus stopped me and handed me a small parcel wrapped in silk. 3

“Open it.” he said, when I did I saw that it was a beautiful knife sharpened only to kill. The grip was black and fit my hand perfectly. Carved into the blade and burned to black were the letters of my full name, Sithandra Den Selray. It was in a sheath that fit onto the belt of my dress. 4

“Carry it with you always, Sithandra. If you are unable, for any reason, to feed off one that you hunt you must kill them. You know they cannot find out about us.” I knew it well; we must always live in the shadows. 5

I took the dagger and tied it on the belt of my dress and turned back to Romulus. “Are you ready?” he said, and I nodded. “Then let’s go.”6

We stepped outside and I followed Romulus down the dark, silent streets. Romulus stopped me about 5 minutes later and whispered for me to be quiet. I saw an old man walking along the street ahead of us. Of course he had not heard Romulus or me, vampires walk silently. And Romulus walked up to him and I heard a dull thud and Romulus came back dragging the man with him, 7

“Is he dead?” I asked. 8

“No, not yet.” 9

Romulus showed me where on his neck to bite and I did. The man’s blood coursed through me and I could feel its warmth, but it was weak compared to Romulus’s blood. It lacked the strength and emotions. But this man was mortal, undeniably mortal, so I could not expect as much of him.10

I could feel him dying, and I did not wish to become a murderer so fast. I stopped drinking from him and released my grip on his shoulders, 11

“My lord,” I said “He had no chance to defend himself from me, I cannot, and I will not kill him.” But while I had been drinking from the man’s neck Romulus had been drinking from his wrist, and he said to me 12

“You don’t have to, I’ve already done it. But you swore to kill without regret. You are a killer, guilty from the moment of your rebirth. It is inescapable, my child. And you know I speak only the truth” The man’s blood suddenly tasted bitter in my mouth.13

“I’ll take the next one, my lord, I will kill them, I swear it I will.” 14

He agreed to that.15

I found the next one as well. A young girl crouched down beside the wall crying silently in the darkness. She couldn’t have been more then ten years old, a mere child. I looked at Romulus and he looked right back at me and nodded slightly, he would hold me to my word. I had no choice. This innocent child would die by my hand.16

I walked up to her and held out my hand. She lifted her head and looked at my hand and at me disbelief in her eyes. Those eyes, they were just like mine. Such a shining blue. 17

“Take my hand, child” I said and slowly as though she didn’t believe I was real she took my hand and I helped her up. And, with speed I had not yet seen from her she wrapped her hands around me and whispered into my ear. 18

“Please help me, they took mama away and left me to die.” I didn’t know what to do, she was so alone, so young, so helpless, and God, she was so damned. 19

“I’ll do what I can, child.” I said and she looked up at me. 20

“My name is Talia” she said and I wish she had not told me, I knew I would never forget that name, it would haunt me forever, and a thousand years later I still remember it. 21

“It’s a beautiful name, Talia” I said to her, “and I will help you.” She looked at me with wide eyes 22

“What are you going to do? She said. I feared that question but I had no choice but I had to answer it, I owed her that much. 23

“Are you going to run from me?” I asked her. 24

“No” she said, I paused and answered her.25

“I’m going to kill you.” The moment I said it I felt her tense in my arms and heard her say so softly that even with my immortal ears I could barely hear her,26

“Who are you?” I took her hand which I still held and put it where my silent heart was, 27

“You have no heart.” She whispered shaking with fear.28

“No,” I said to her “I have a heart, a dead heart, a silent heart, but a heart nevertheless.” 29

“You’re…dead?” she whispered “No, you said you would help me, you’re going to kill me.” I hated this, she was a child, an innocent child, and I was going to have to kill her. 30

“Do not fear death, Talia, you will be with your mother again, your family, everyone. It’s not that bad.” I said to her, but she passed out in my arms. I held her close to me and put my hand on her forehead. 31

“Talia,” I whispered, “Talia, wake up.” She opened her eyes and looked at me but before she could say a word I spoke to her 32

“I will give you a gift, only if you want it though. I’ll give you something that will ease the pain. A taste of our blood, you would die more painlessly then you ever lived. Do you want it?” She looked at me her eyes alone speaking of her fear, 33

“Yes”34

I opened my mouth showing her my small fang teeth. She shook with fear and buried her face in my cloak. 35

I cut my tongue as Romulus had done so many times with me and filled my mouth with blood. And lifting Talia’s tear stained face out of my cloak I kissed her, passing my blood into her. The moment I did she shook violently in my arms, and probably would have either injured or killed herself had I not held her safely in my arms.36

When she stopped she looked up at me with an amazed look in her blue eyes, 37

“Sithandra,” she whispered “it’s beautiful.” So my blood had spoken my name to her, I hadn’t known that was possible. If my blood had spoken my name to a mortal with just a small kiss, I shuddered to think what I might see in her blood when I drank it all. Her family, her home, her soul, what lurked there I could not know until I tasted her. And I was none to eager to do that.38

“Close your eyes, Talia.” I said softly to her. But I was surprised by her answer. 39

“No, I want to see my death. I want to look at my last moments, not only hear them.” Her voice had such strength in it at that moment that I almost forgot she was a child, almost.40

“Take my hand then, Talia. And may God forgive me for what I do.”41

I stood behind her and held her hand over her heart. I could feel her heart, the beat of it rushed through me. I kissed her warm neck softly and whispered one last word in to her, 42

“Goodbye” 43

And then I bit into her neck. The moment my fangs touched her she gasped in pain and grasped my hand tighter, and, as I had feared, I was plunged into a world of her memories. I saw her abandoned on the streets, I saw her mother taken away and I heard her screams. I knew now, without a doubt, that Talia’s mother was dead. 44

I felt her little heart slow and she fell to the ground and, with her last breath, she whispered the last words ever to touch her lips,45

“Thank you”46

Her blue eyes closed and Talia died in my arms.47

I kissed her forehead and laid her down. Then I felt Romulus’s hand on my shoulder 48

“Come,” he said, “let’s go.” He took my hand and lifted me up. 49

“What have I done?” I asked him and my tears fell into his shoulder, “A child?” 50

“Sithandra, look at me” Romulus ordered in a soft but firm voice and I looked up at him, “She wanted it. I saw it in her thoughts. She wanted death and you gave it to her. You did not lie to her when you said you would help her. Listen to me now, you know must lose your human emotions. They will serve you no purpose any longer, my love.” He was right, and as we walked slowly back home and he held me, I thought about this. I knew I could not become a killer in one night, but I had to learn. I could not last eternity the way I felt now.51

Romulus took me home and just before I went back into my coffin he embraced me tightly and whispered to me 52

“Drink my Santante, drink as much as you need.” And as my teeth broke the skin of his neck I felt the strength. But it was not the usual strength he gave me. It was the strength of a killer. The pure evil in it stunned me and I fell back, staring at him in shock. I did not know such power lurked inside my beloved. 53

He took me to my coffin and closed the lid when I was inside. 54

“Sweet dreams, my love.” And I slept, nightmares of Talia haunting my dreams the entire night.55

When I awoke Romulus was waiting for me with a glass in his hands. He took his knife and slit his wrist and let the blood spill into the glass and when it was full he handed it to me, 56

“Drink it, it tastes terrible when it gets cold, and it gets cold so quickly.” I lifted it up and said “to you, my lord.” He smiled at me and I drained the glass. It tasted so sweet and I tasted the same murderous strength as I had before. But this time I had been expecting it, and the rush of strength did not shock me as much as it had before.57

“We’re going out, you are not going to kill tonight, but I am. You will see how it is done, come.” I trailed silently behind him. 58

“My lord, if I don’t how will I …” I started to say but Romulus stopped me, “You will drink from me, my child, at least until your mortal emotions are gone.”59

“Oh, well I thank you, my lord.”60

“You’re welcome, Santante, now come.” It was unavoidable. I followed him out the door and down a few streets before he saw someone he liked. 61

“When there are this many people out here you can take your pick, there’s one.” 62

Romulus suddenly pointed to a woman wrapping herself in an old tattered blanket and whispered for me to stay put and to stay silent. Then he walked up to her and I heard every word he whispered to the damned woman. 63

“You look so cold,” He said, “come to me.” He opened up his cloak so the stunned woman could warm herself, but the moment she stepped into the cloak he put the hood up hiding her completely. 64

Had anyone looked out their window they would only have seen what appeared to be a man standing in the middle of the street. But I, I knew better and I saw as Romulus covered her mouth and sank his fangs into her throat. I saw her eyes grow dim with the approaching death. I saw as he drained every last drop of her blood out of her and let her fall. I watched as he cut his finger just releasing enough blood to heal the bite and let it drip on it so no one would ever know how she died. I watched as the bite was healed in seconds. And I watched as he stood and came back to me.65

“Can you do that, Sithandra? He asked me, with little of the usual softness in his voice “Can you kill without fear, without thought, without regret?” I stared at the body, now unmarked, and shivered slightly. It had nothing to do with the cold.66

“Surely not now” I said hesitantly “You said I would not kill tonight.”67

“Yes, I did and you won’t. But I chose to ask if you could. You are a vampire. You must learn to kill without regret. Your life will be torture if you don’t. You have been through death, you have tasted it. For you it was painful, but its not painful for them. You must do this it is what you are. Death on bloodstained wings, as my maker once put it.” 68

“I can try” I said as a blood tear snaked down my face, “but please my lord, please not tonight.” 69

Romulus nodded his head slightly 70

“Very well,” he replied “but you do need to feed. I will find you someone the same as before. You can drink from them and I will kill them. You do not have to.” I was grateful for this, I hated killing then. Now it barely registers.71

Romulus and I walked down the streets and he found a man I could drink from, he looked to be in his thirties with brown hair and eyes. Romulus told him to come over to us, said we had money for him. Such lies they were but effective lies nevertheless. But the moment he was close enough Romulus grabbed him and hit his head. The man immediately fell unconscious at my feet. 72

“Drink from him,” Romulus instructed and he turned away, “you know where.” I picked him up roughly and carefully avoided his eyes, as I didn’t want to grow attached to him as I had with Talia, and bit his neck. But I forgot all as I tasted his blood. I became so completely immersed in his thoughts that I lost myself as it filled me. 73

I tasted his thoughts, his memories, everything. I barely felt his heart slow. But as I did I came back to myself and I stopped drinking from him. I did not want to kill him. He had a life and a family. And I knew he would lose it all tonight but I did not want to be the one to take it. I looked at Romulus and he pulled out his own knife and drove it through the man’s heart. I heard it break the flesh and I heard his last breath, but I did not see. I looked away.74

“We’re done here,” Romulus said pulling his knife out of the man “Come let us leave.” And he stood, holding his hand out to me, I took it and he led me back to the castle. 75

“Don’t you usually take from more, my lord?” I said 76

“Yes, I do, but I don’t need it that much and until you can kill and witness death without your mortal emotions I will hold off on it. I do not wish to cause you more anguish then necessary, but remember you will kill eventually every vampire does. And you chose to become what you are.” 77

It was unavoidable. I had indeed been given the chance to remain mortal. And I had chosen this instead. I had to learn to live as I had chosen. 78

Romulus took me home and I went to my coffin, it was still the middle of the night but I went anyway. I wished to sleep. The coffin was not directly in front of the window so if I did come out of it to early the next night the sun would not hurt me. And I slept, deeply, like a baby as mortals say. 79

I did wake early though I quickly returned to my coffin until I was sure the sun had set completely. I was unburned as the rays had not touched my skin. When I did step back out I immediately found Romulus. He was in his own room and said I could come in before I had even knocked. I stepped in 80

“My lord,” I said to him “I’m sorry, you’re right. I chose this for myself. I must learn to be what I chose to be. Forgive me for acting so…” He came over to me and took my hands, 81

“For acting so normal.” He said “you have mortal emotions that take longer to die than anything else. They will be gone soon, but I am to blame even more so then you could ever be. I expected too much. I have nothing to forgive of you but you have much to forgive of me.” He kissed my hands 82

“Of course, my lord.” I said softly and held his cold hands close to me “hold me Romulus, hold me like you did when I was a child, when I did not carry this. Please, I miss that so much.” 83

“I know, Sithandra, I know.” Romulus whispered back and wrapped his arms around me. 84

“Close your eyes.” He instructed and as I closed my eyes I felt him kiss my neck so softly, so tenderly. His lips, though they were as cold as the death they held, felt warm to me. And as I leaned into his kiss I felt his fangs pierce my neck, but it did not hurt. Actually it felt…amazing, good. And rather then put forth memories for Romulus I felt powerful emotions he was sending me. Feelings of peace and comfort and more then anything love. As I felt my blood leave me I felt his love fill me in its place. I still had my eyes closed but I felt Romulus carefully ease his fangs out of my neck, careful not to hurt me. 85

And softly he whispered to me. 86

“Drink, my child, my love, drink and forget.” Then as Romulus held me I sank my fangs into his neck and tasted his love for me. And what love it was The power almost knocked me back as it had the last time, but this power was not that of a killer but that of a lover, my lover. It was so beautiful. I felt as though all the world had faded away and I was flying through the skies of eternity with my beloved hold onto me. 87

When I stopped drinking from him I was still in his arms and he still held me. 88

“My lord,” I said softly “thank you.” He held me to him and I heard music in my mind and I knew Romulus was doing it. 89

“Will you dance with me?” he asked and I took his hands. And as I turned and moved with him. I don’t suppose we were exactly dancing as our stapes gradually faded into an embrace but I felt again as if I were soaring and he kissed me 90

“You’re so beautiful, my love.” Romulus whispered to me and caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes again and he turned me around and held my hands in front of me. Then he sang softly into my ear, 91

Awaken my child92

And see the stars93

Awaken my child94

Awaken my heart95

The song sounded familiar to me though I knew I had never heard it before. Yet somehow, I knew part of the song and I sang it back to him,96

Oh my child asleep in the day97

Spirited to worlds far, far away98

I turned back around and laid my head on Romulus’s shoulder and I felt him run his fingers through my hair. And I kissed his neck but did not drink from him, and as I moved with Romulus we were one. I made a move, he mirrored it. It was the same when he moved. He held me so close, and with such love. The room seemed to swim before my eyes and I felt as though I were floating. I might have been floating.99

The music was growing louder and stronger as the rest of the world grew softer and faded away. The beauty of it echoed in my mind. I could feel nothing else but Romulus and the music, which was in my very soul. I could not remember my worry, could not remember my fear, or my sadness, anything. All the world had faded away. It was pure beauty. I didn’t know what was real and what was imaginary. I didn’t know where I was. I felt as though I was dreaming. I could not tell if I was moving or not. I could not tell if I was dreaming or not. And the music? It was fading. And Romulus? Where was he? Where was I? I didn’t know, but I barely noticed, I was flying. 100

I opened my eyes and found I was lying down. Romulus was sitting beside me and I was on his bed. 101

“What happened, my lord?” I said softly and took his hand. 102

“I gave you false memories and false emotions. Like nothing you had ever felt, it is one of the talents I have learned over the centuries. Those memories can be far more comforting then any mortal gesture could ever be. They cause you to forget everything, you feel as though you are flying. You passed out when I gave you the strongest memories. I am so sorry, Sithandra. I went to far.” 103

“But it was amazing,” I said, the effect of what he had given me was amazing “be sorry for nothing, you did nothing to be sorry for.”104

“Oh I did, I took too much from you. You didn’t fall only because of the memories. You fell because of me,” Romulus held out his wrist to me, “drink, I owe it to you, take back what I stole from you.” 105

“Are you sure?”106

“Certainly” he answered and I took his wrist and drank from him, his blood rushing through every vein in my body, the strength flowing into me, blending with me, becoming a part of me. And as I fell back my eyes closed and he kissed my forehead.