Car Crashed Heartache

Johnny was sitting across from me and I knew what he was going to say before it came out of his mouth, “Life is too important to take seriously,” he said while he put is head in his hands.1

He never really gave a crap about anything and I guess that’s why he lives by that quote. I have no clue where he got it from. I’m not even sure if he knew where he picked it up from. It didn’t matter though because he’s right. If you take life seriously, then you can’t have fun, and life is way too important to go through it without having any fun.2

Then Jenna chimed in, interrupting my thoughts. “That doesn’t mean you have to get arrested,” she folded her arms and leaned back on the bench.3

Yup. We got arrested. Jenna, Johnny, and me- Brittany.4

Well we’re in custody, they never technically arrested us. Or if they did I wasn’t paying any attention to it. We didn’t really do anything that serious, we just got caught with marijuana. Poor Jenna- she doesn’t even smoke it, she just chose the wrong friends, at least that’s what her parents said when she called them and told them the bad news.5

I’m over both the adrenaline rush and the drug induced high, and I’m ready for more.6

“Johnny,” I whisper to get his attention, “are you ready for some more fun?”7

He chuckles, “what you got in mind?”8

Rather then telling him I stand from my seat next to Jenna and walk towards the front door. It’s way too busy in the police station for anyone to stop me. So I walk out, then I wait. I knew Johnny would follow and I didn’t figure Jenna would. So when Johnny said, “Jenna doesn’t want to get in anymore trouble,” I wasn’t surprised. 9

“I can’t believe they were stupid enough to leave our car out front,” Johnny commented.10

“And on top of that- they left the keys in it,” I start the car and go.11

“Hand me a cigarette would you Johnny?” 12

He opens the glove box and pulls out a Marlboro for me and one for him. 13

He lights mine then hands it to me.14

“So,” I take a drag, “how long do you think we have until they come after us?”15

“Hmm,” he thinks, “maybe fifteen minutes.”16

“Well I better get driving… where are we heading?”17

“Lets go to my house.”18

“What about your parents?” After I say this I regret it because his parents are the coolest parents ever. They don’t care when he gets in trouble, as long as he comes home alive. 19

He looks at me, opens his mouth, and sirens come out.20

“I think they noticed we were missing,” I say to myself but loud enough for Johnny to hear.21

“Really?” Johnny replies.22

“Shut up. I’m the driver, I’m allowed to say dumb things.”23

He smiles, “well- driver, you better drive a little better or else they’re gonna catch us.”24

So I step on the gas and go go go. But it doesn’t matter, their cars are way faster than my piece of shit. 25

“Watch out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Johnny is screaming at me but I don’t know what’s going on. Then I hit the spike strip and the car goes out of control. I’m trying to straighten the wheel but it’s not working. It’s like the wheel is jammed or something.26

“Hold on Johnny!!!!!!!!!!!!!”27

We’re heading towards the ditch. 28

“SHIT!!!”29

Then we hit the biggest tree I’ve ever seen.30

I wake up in the hospital. It’s dark out so it must be about two hours late. Then I remember the accident, hitting the tree then hearing Johnny whisper, “Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.” 31

A nurse comes in and I ask about Johnny. She ignores me, this can’t be good. When two cops come in, one is about 5 foot 3 and chubby- the other one is about 6 foot four and less chubby, I know I’m in for it, but I wasn’t ready for the news they were about to share with me.32

“You’re friend is dead,” the taller, thinner cop breaks it to me.33

The short and stout cop says something to me but I can’t hear him…34

I can’t believe I’ll never hear his voice again.35

I can’t believe I’ll never see his face again.36

I can’t believe this happened.37

The other day I heard someone in the store hollering about something. They just kept saying, “there is a NEXT button,” over and over again. Right now I’m looking- but I can’t find my next button. I want this part of my life to be over with. I just want it over. Though I know I’ll never forget this day, ever.38

[2 days later]39

Today’s the day of Johnny’s funeral. I wish I could be there… it doesn’t matter because I know I’m not welcome anyways. His parents must hate me so much. But it’s not like I wanted him dead. He was my best friend. My best friend. And now, now he’s gone because of me. I’m going to jail. I’ll never forget Johnny.40

With as shitty as I feel, I’m thinking a lot about Heaven and Hell. I know if they exist Johnny has to be in Heaven. I must be going to Hell. *I wonder if I can say good-bye to him in a prayer… I wonder if he’ll hear me.*41

“Johnny, if you’re listening- if you can hear me, I’m sorry. I never wanted this to happen. Never. I know you know that- you have to. I love you Johnny. I always will. I just hope that in your death you’ll forgive me. I know this sounds weird but I keep thinking about your words. Everything you would say to me to make me smile when I was feeling down. Do you remember saying ‘I don’t love you because you are beautiful, you’re beautiful because I love you.’ You said it to me a week before the car crash. I was just feeling horrible about myself because Donathan had just broken up with me. And you said that to me, and you made me cry. Well Johnny, I don’t love you because you are dead, you’re dead because I love you… know that must sound really weird but I think you’d get it.”42

“Get up kid-” the security officer was standing outside of my cell. I stood up and made my way out of the jail. It was my day of sentencing. I knew I was going to jail, but I didn’t know for how long, or even if I was going to get something as horrible as the death penalty. Maybe Johnny will talk to God, tell him that I’m actually a good kid, so if I do get the death penalty, me and Johnny will be able to see each other again…. Maybe….43