Chapter 21
“Hey man, where have you been?” My best friend Patrick called me.2
“I just got back from Texas man! We went to my uncle Deuce’s house for the weekend to pick up some of my dad’s stuff that he’s had for a while. Why? What’s up?” I was sitting at my desk in my room rummaging through the boxes we had brought back.3
“I was wondering… do you wanna come over? Michelle and Anna are here, and we’re gonna have a little party. They’re bringing ‘the good kind’. You should hang with us tonight!”4
“I don’t know man,” I found a picture of my dad and uncle in tuxedos, “it’s a Sunday night, and I don’t wanna wake up tomorrow with a hang over. That’s just stupid yeah? Besides, my mom expects me up early tomorrow to help out with unloading all this ‘dad’ crap.” I put the photo down.5
“Come oooooon man. Take a break from this worrying about your dad crap. Michelle wants to see you dude. She’s missed you!” He said it with this taunting tone that put me to blush.6
“Shut up man!” My face was bright red. Good thing we were just on the phone. I never could get the hang of not blushing.7
“All right, well… If you change your mind, just call me up yeah? We’d love to have you.” He talked me into it. Too bad I gave into peer pressure.8
“You know what? Why not.” I resolved.9
“Alright! Show up at like… 8:00 or so? My p’s are out of town, so…”10
“Sounds good. I’ll be there.” I hung up. It was already 7:00. I would walk there. My mom worked the night shift on Sundays, so I’d be fine. She would leave in half an hour anyways. I was in the living room when she emerged from her bedroom, backpack on back as usual and papers in hand.11
“Sweetie, I’ll be back at 2:00 tonight, I have to go early to pick up a friend. Carpooling is green you know.” She was obviously concerned about me. Her tone gave her away.12
“Okay Mom. Are you alright?”13
“Yes sweetie, I’m just… flustered. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”14
“Okay. Mom? I love you.”15
“I love you too honey. Take care of yourself okay?” She kissed my forehead.16
“Mom, please. I’ll be fine. Go to work, the hospital needs you.”17
“Okay, bye honey. Marcus!” she yelled for my brother, “I’ll see you tomorrow honey!” 18
“Bye Mom.” he said from his room where he was busy playing video games.19
The garage door closed behind my mother, and she drove off to the hospital to save more peoples lives. If anyone was a hero to me, she was for what she did, but I had my own life, and I wanted to live it. I always appreciated my mother, but I always took her for granted. That night, I definitely took her warning for granted. That night, I definitely blew it. I went to Patrick’s house. When you’re a teenager, you think that you have no limits, that no rules apply to you, that you’re invincible. At least that’s how I was.20
Michelle was beautiful. She was my first love. She had ruby red hair, and a sleek, slender physique. Her skin was as white and soft as finely powdered snow at Christmas. Her green eyes pierced your existence, and their radiance could make you believe in God. I was a very lucky boy to have a friend like her, but I never could get the courage to ask her to be my girlfriend. Of course, Patrick knew that I had a crush on her, and he teased me for it all the time.21
Patrick’s house was huge. A mansion almost. He had a pool, a 60" flat screen T.V. in his room, the living room, and his parents’ room, an air hockey table, and all the good things that most people can’t afford. His family was obviously very well off. His dad was into big business, that’s the whole reason his parents were out of town. His dad had some conference on whether or not transnational exports and imports were damaging the economy and the stock market. I could have told him that easily. Needless to say, I didn’t care. I went to his house, and that night, we all had a great time. But as they say, it’s all fun and games until something explodes. The girls brought the alcohol, Patrick had the host house, and I… brought good movies?22
“Do you guys wanna watch a movie?” I asked.23
“Depends on what you brought.” Patrick replied. He obviously wasn’t about to watch the movie. The only thing that he was interested in at the time was Anna.24
“Like you’re going to watch the movie anyways.” Michelle said. We all chuckled. He had his arm around Anna, sitting on the granite counter top in his kitchen, drinking “the good kind”. I don’t even remember the actual name of the stuff to this day, but I drank it too. Something about alcohol was soothing to me after all those years of home schooling. It was my release. Under the light, Patrick’s dirty blond hair got brighter, and he looked very Aryan. With Anna under his arm and a bottle in his hand he looked older, and not in a good way. She was helplessly rested on his shoulder with her hand on his stomach, and he was living the good life. Her blond hair was almost translucent, and when she closed her eyes, she looked ghostly. She clung to his red polo with her hand and nuzzled her head into his chest. He was also very fortunate to have found someone like her despite her smoking habit.25
I was very shy. Patrick and the girls liked me, but they were really my only friends. They respected me for being so intelligent. It’s almost as if they took me under their wings and taught me a normal life. Growing up as a home schooled child, you don’t get much of a social life, and so it’s hard to grow into one. So, needless to say, Michelle and I were sitting at the kitchen table, but the only part of us that was touching was nothing. I was in a perpetual blush. I couldn’t get over my teen-age hormones and just hold her hand. She was almost too lovely, and to this day, I regret not having done it. We were facing them, talking and laughing and smiling when Anna sat up.26
“Lets play truth!” she proclaimed.27
“What’s truth?” I inquired.28
“It’s like truth or dare, without the dare part.” said Michelle, “That sounds like fun.”29
The problem with truth was that the only thing it really accomplished was humiliation, and getting dirt on people. If anything had left from that room that night, I would have been a goner at school the next day. Not that that mattered in the end.30
“I’ll ask the first question!” said Anna. We all mumbled our consent, “Okay… How long have you two been crushing on each other?” She directed it at Michelle and I. She was getting the good stuff out of the way first.31
We were shocked. Neither of us had mentioned anything to the other in the past at all about having a crush on the other. It was all kind of in my head, but looking back, I was pretty transparent. I figured, if I didn’t grow a set of balls then, I never would, so I answered first.32
“Since the first day of school.” Butterflies filled my stomach and my heart beat as fast as a humming bird’s wings. I repeated it under my breath. Michelle looked at me. She blushed, she smiled, and she answered:33
“Well… For a while.” That was the first mention of anything. It hit me so hard that I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I sat in shock and awe and the next 5 seconds seemed to me as 5 years. I wish that I could have been longer, but Patrick spoke up.34
“I KNEW IT! Actually, you knew I knew it, but now she knows man!”35
“You talk like I’m not right here Patrick. Okay, now I have to ask, how long have you known?”36
“Since the day I met the kid! We were sitting at the lunch table and he looked at you and looked at you and looked at you, so finally I was just like, ‘Dude. Say something’ and finally he was just like, ‘She’s beautiful…’ and the rest is history.”37
“That’s adorable!” said Anna. “Was that how you reacted to me Pat?”38
“Hey, watch it, it’s not your question.” Patrick replied.39
“Is that how you reacted to her Pat?” Michelle asked him.40
“Smart ass…” he said, but replied anyways, “No it’s not. I always just thought you were a hottie. You were the one I figured I could never have, and so I tried for it, because I’m that kind of guy. Then I found out how deep you really are later, and I have no regrets.” He digressed. Anna looked at him with that adorable pout that girls look at you with. She gave her thanks with a kiss. “Now it’s my turn.” he said, “Why don’t you kiss him Michelle?” I blushed again.41
“That’s a dare Pat!” she teased.42
“Come on!” Anna said. I was hiding in my hands now, smiling and chuckling. She leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek. I crumbled and melted.43
“It’s your turn now man.” Pat directed me. “Ask something.” He took a swig of his drink. I babbled:44
“Will you go steady with me?”45
Michelle giggled, “Of course wise guy! When were you planning on asking?” She kissed me again, this time on the lips, and then wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back. Anna and Patrick smiled and laughed at us, and gave their consent by looking at us like their son or daughter had just gotten married. I was incredibly happy in that moment. My mind wondered from the moment, and I snapped back into the room. I had to ask:46
“What do you all think of me?” The hustle and bustle stopped. They were all taken aback, including Michelle. “I want you to be honest. This is truth after all isn’t it? Sorry to put a damper on things, but I’m just curious.”47
“That’s fine man.” Pat spoke up first, “The first day I met you I had my doubts. I mean, you are a bit of a geek,” I nodded my head in agreement, “but after I hung out with you for a while, I realized that you’re a good guy. You’re a real kicker man! I think that you’ll end up doing something great in the end, and I’m not just being gushy. I kind of look up to you.” I blushed again.48
“Thanks.”49
“No turning gay on us you two.” joked Anna, “But seriously, you’re a good guy.”50
It was Michelle’s turn to answer. “I always thought you were cute. From day one. That’s why I started hanging out with you,” It came out in chops, “then, when I finally started hanging out with you, turns out your personality was just as adorable.” She stopped. I was finally happy. Maybe truth wasn’t such a bad game after all.51
“But I have to say buddy,” There’s always a catch, “sometimes you need to keep a hold on your emotions.” Patrick admitted.52
“Yeah, I figured someone would say that. Can I go outside?” I was still a little bit tongue-tied.53
“You don’t gotta ask man. Take your time.” I left to the patio. I stood and sighed. They don’t know that I over heard Patrick telling Michelle to come after me, while he and Anna moved into the living room. Michelle stepped outside and I nearly pissed myself. She kissed me.54
“Thank you.” she whispered in my ear. We kissed again. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed. I didn’t want to let go. Her head rested perfectly on my shoulder, and we stayed for as long as we could. Anna came out and interrupted awkwardly.55
“Sorry guys, I’m just gonna have a smoke.”56
“I’ll see you later.” Michelle said abruptly as she untangled herself from my arms. She never did like smoke. She pecked my cheek again, gave me a smile, and went inside.57
“Want one?” Anna inquired.58
“No thanks.” I said, “Smoking kills.” I sounded like a bad informational film that they show you in high school.59
“And alcohol doesn’t?” Good point, I thought. “You know,” she continued, “you’re a lucky guy… Really.” I was listening, “You’ve got a beautiful girl, and the best of best friends. All that stuff he said about you? He really meant it. Why I’m telling you this now, I have no idea, but the way he talks about you really isn’t light, and he really respects you. You should really take it seriously.” She took a drag of her cigarette, “I really appreciate the way you influence him.” She paused, “Really… Thanks.” She sounded like a mother talking about her child.60
“I look up to him too. It’s a two way deal.” I was overloaded with “really”s. She blew smoke into the air. It trickled into the moonlight, above the pool that reflected a radiant night sky. She smiled at me, and went back inside. She traveled through the kitchen and the dining room into the living room. I followed.61
“Can I borrow your cell phone Pat?” I asked.62
“Sure man.” He tossed it to me from the sofa and I caught it. The black flip phone stuck to my right hand. "Don't get too attached to it." I wanted to call my brother to make sure that he was safe, and even more importantly, still at home. I dialed my home phone and it started to ring. Anna must not have put out her cigarette outside because the next thing that happened there was a fire.63
I didn’t know exactly what was going on, it happened too quickly. These things happened all the time, or so I’d heard, but who knew it would happen to me? Later I would find out that a cigarette may have been dropped a little too far from the ornate ashtray, where it could have caught fire to a piece of paper. The three friends must have gotten a scare and instead of stomping the paper, threw it to the ground and stood back. The paper then could have set fire to the vintage rug beneath the platinum coffee table and spread to the walls where it probably ate through the thin exterior and into the wooden frame of the house. From then I knew that the flames engulfed the entire edifice, and we were all still inside. The deep red monster ate away at the finely finished frame of the house. The three of them were in the living room while I was almost back to the patio to call my brother. I can only suspect that the fire started in the living room because it worked its way out to the kitchen. I was terrified. I had never experienced a fire before. It was a whole night of firsts: My first kiss, my first “party”, my first girlfriend, and it absolutely had to end with my first fire. The smoke bellowed into the night, erupting with sounds of lights and expensive electronics exploding. It was beautiful from the inside, but it was a vicious killing animal. I ran into the living room as quickly as I could.64
“MICHELLE!” My screams could be barely be heard over the fire. “PATRICK, ANNA, WHERE ARE YOU?” I could faintly make out their figures a little farther back through the smoke. I had to at least try to save them. I shouted frantically with a crying desperation in my voice. For some reason I kept gripping Patrick’s phone. I guess I thought it would come in handy later. I crawled back into the room under the raising grey abyss. Fire safety videos can prove useful. I crawled back to them and yelled for them to get on the ground. Michelle was already on the ground, but she was barely conscious. She must have passed out from the smoke. I stood up and put her over my shoulder. I yelled for Anna and Pat again to crawl outside, but they were too far behind the smoke to see. I ran outside with Michelle on my shoulder as quickly as I could and put her down, the sleek black phone still in my hand, its cheap plastic beginning to melt. I ran back inside, but the fire was everywhere. When I said that smoke kills, I didn’t expect a house to burn down. I couldn’t even make it five steps into the kitchen before the flames cut off my path. My right hand was burning from the crappy plastic that was melting into it, and my body was cut and bloody from the shards of broken glass that I had crawled over. The skin on my left hand was seared to the point that my fingers were melting together. Michelle was battered and bruised, and would have scars later from her skin burnt severely. Sometimes, being a hero has a price, and this was the biggest price I’ve paid in my life. 65
Two of my best friends died that night.
I really need some feed back on this... If you can, I urge you to read the previous 2 chapters... They're quick reads, and I really need some feed back... Thanks...
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
The transition from the main character talking on the phone to talking to his mom is a little fuzzy (line 11-12). The transition needs to be a little more detailed: How did she get into his room? Or did he walk out of his room and go to see his mom off to work? Depending on how important the mom character is, describe her looks: The same goes for the rest of the characters.
Also, if you are writing in the preterite first person (past tense, first person) be careful not to slip into writing into present tense second person; which means not using "you" instead of "I". It's considered bad grammar when writing a story two slip into second person when you're writing in first person.
As you get into writing, you seem to get more detailed and much more fluent. Other than those few things, it was nicely done.
-
aaargh! to bad it didn't work. stupid clappies.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
And i just have to give you three more!
-
What a great story! you can feel yourself liking and getting close to the characters. Such a sad ending though. I'm serious when i say what a great story this is and it is probably the best story I've read all week. i could see this turning out to be an excellent book.
Awesome!

-
Awww. This chapter is so emotional! I can't wait to read the next one!
-
Wow, what a deep chapter. I REALLY want to read more. Since I don't think there is a 'subscribe to writing' feature on this site, message me when you post new chapters up!
-----
Just a few things.
It's not alright, it's all right. Alright is the non-standard for all right, and you always want to use the standard.
If you use 'he said' after dialogue, it is always lowercased unless there is a definite period there, and usually then you don't need that.
Teenager is one word.
A guy doesn't giggle; he chuckles.
It's considered immature to use !? at once.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
1 - 6 of 6




