Prologue1
It’s amazing really. How incredibly useless one can feel. There are the good people in this world, and there are the bad, and if you asked anyone on the street which one of those two people I was, they’d tell you I’m the latter. Because of it, I’m completely useless. It’s not an easy thing to do necessarily, feeling that awful about oneself. You almost have to make yourself feel that way. You have to have a certain attitude toward life, toward the people around you. Then, and only then, can you find what’s truly bothering you, deep in your roots. You have to dig deep, and deeper than you ever thought you would have to. But that’s what I’ve done. I’ve realized, here, moments left before I die, and I’ve finally realized; I have a deep, deep-rooted problem, and, if you promise not to tell, I’m here to tell you, the few who – care, the fuckin’ who, what, when, and where story. Deal?
I really need some feed back on this... If you can, I urge you to read the next 2 chapters... They're quick reads, and I really need some feed back... Thanks...
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Hmmmm...... I think your idea is good, but the way you've written it is somewhat confusing; I agree with Shadowed Phoenix on that one. If you edited it a bit, I'm sure you could get it to flow better though ^^ I like the way it ends with, 'Deal?' It has attitude, man
And it's a good prologue because it's quite intriguing. Nice work.
Eph -
The idea's wonderful, but how you presented it is diffecult to understand. It seemed drawn out, choppy, and un-organized. I would love to continue reading this, I think you have somthing going for you here.
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Ok, the critism before the glorification. First off, the flow (even though it's only a paragraph) is choopy at best. Since this is a narrative, eliminate slang and dialect (like "fuckin'"). Also, the word "towards" is not correct. It is used liek that in dialect because the American people can't speak proper English. But the word is not plural. "Toward" is the only correction version of the word. Same with "forward" or "backward".
The sentence "You have to almost make..." would make more sense and flow better if written as "You almost have to make..."
"I’ve realized, here, moments left before I die, and I’ve finally realized." I have no clue what this sentance is trying to say. A little revision wouldn't hurt.
Ok, all that aside, this is an interesting beginning. The character's insight into him/herself is interesting and works for a prologue. Good job, just a little revision and it'll be even better. 4/10. -
This is great, you hook the reader and make them want to read more. The style you wrote it in is good, because it's so vague the reader has no idea what's coming next. Good write, i'm off to read more.
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This was a good beginning. It intrigued and captured me, made me want to read more. Answer the questions, find out the story. Be careful though, that you don't make it too vague and leave readers confused.
I didn't notice any gaping grammar or spelling, although there was a bit of flow disruption here and there.
All in all good, and if the next chapteres reach the standard, I might read them too!
Kudos and happy new year!! -
I love the title, It is as mysterious and intriguing as the prologue. This prologue leaves me hooked, wondering why people think he/she is considered bad and if the reputation is justfied.
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Good start.
This was REALLY the kind of introductory prologue a story should have if it's in first-person style. You do great at capturing the attention of the reader.
Great work! There's a few things that could be changed, like fuxing the first and second sentence together with a period, but other than that good work.
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