Not to Care

There are still so many times, even now, that I think about you and the past and all you ever did to me. I still resent it.
After three years, I thought I could have moved on. I will never forgive you, but couldn't I at least forget?1

This kind of hurt is deeper than any lovers chasm, more putrid than falling out of love, because this is something I never chose, the best times of my life ruined, because you saw fit... You were my parent. Where was your paternal instinct? The unconditional love and hopes for me, your child? Apparently something that you did not choose to cultivate. 2

What did you cultivate? Nothing concerning me, as I recall. I was last on the list, until, I did something you didn't see fit. I stopped wanting your approval so long ago, but my freedom was more than desire, it was a nessesity, and I got it, didn't I? Since then, I try not to look back, but the past has a way of encroching on the future. 3

Often, I find memories seeping into my thoughts, and I realize you got to me. That, I think, is what I hate the most. I start to feel guilty, thinking that perhaps it was something I did, that I deserved, but that's wrong I know. So I am still choking on my resentment and contempt of you.I want to let it go.
I want to move on
I want to forget you
I am even willing to forgive
But what I really want is an apology. I want you to admit your wrong and mistakes, instead of throwing mine in my face. What I really want is a word from you, a reason why we went through all we did, because as it stands, its been in vain. I wanted you to love me.
Now, I want not to care