A single red rose stood alone in its delicately shaped glass vase. The window showed the endless garden outside, the rain pelting down on all those other roses who had been able to stay together, to stay outside in freedom. Why was it just this rose that had to be isolated from every other plant?1
Droplets of rain ran down each pane of glass like tear drops, the agony of the sky expressed in each and every one, crying its pain to the people but only the flowers heard it, the humans deaf to its sorrow.2
The lone rose called back unmoving, there was no wind in this prison where it had been cased, just the water that circled slowly around its stem.3
Soft red petals were stroked lovingly with fingers just as delicate. A whisper shook from the swaying rose echoing the pain of the person who loved her so.4
“Rosey!” called a female voice from downstairs drowning out the melody of darkness gathering in the small room. A flurry of red fabric swayed like rose petals in the wind as the girl turned on her heel and ran down the stairs shouting her reply to her mother.5
“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that!” Her voice resembled that of the sky, calm and filled with a hidden melody just waiting to burst out. Only when the rain came could the sky express itself. How was it that this girl expressed her inner, deepest secrets?
Author notes
This story is unfinished and in its first stages of editing so I apologise for any mistakes.
A contest entry
- anything decent less than 600 words. by Anonymous Shadow.
100 points, ended January 24, 2008, 26 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Thanks for the comment and support.
I'm still trying to find my writers voice but I will improve it at much as I can ^_^ -
Unfinished, huh? Alright.
It's written well, what you have so far. My biggest concern would be though that there's nothing here yet (aside from the actual writing) that really grabs my attention. Roses, rain, a lonely girl...okay, but I've seen it before.
Try to add something that is uniquely you. I want to hear the author's voice come through in the story, as though you yourself are telling it to me. Why do I want to care about this girl and this rose? What makes her different from all the roses and lonely girls on Storywrite?
So like I said, the actual writing is great, it just needs more of your personal touch to it. Good luck in your other contest! -
Thank you all so much for reading my story ^_^ It makes me happy to know that people like my work.
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This is a very strong story. You have a beautiful way of describing things, I love the rain as the tears of the sky, the rose feeling so alone and isolated, away from the roses outside in the freedom. This is a beautiful short story.
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It was utterly beautiful, especially the last paragraph and the part about the description of the girl's voice. So beautiful... I just couldn't read it and not comment.
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I totally loved this. I read this a couple of times, I must say this must be my favorite story I've read today. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Welcome to Storywrite,
Kari
Greeter
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