Destruction

Sitting on my bed, wondering how things had gotten so out of hand, I put the razor to the pale white skin on my stomach. I just wanted to make it all go away. Only the pain and bleeding could do that though. It was too bad that I had been caught so many times cutting on my arms, or I would've done it there, but I couldn't take the chance of doing it there, getting caught, and then getting sent right back to the hospital. That wasn't an option in my mind. So, the stomach would have to do.1

Slowly and deliberately, I pressed the the cold edge of razor as hard as I could, then quickly, I dragged it across my delicate skin. Relief flooded my body, as my blood began to leak out of the small gash that I had made.  I repeated this process over and over again, until I could feel the blood trickling down my stomach. For the first time, I looked down.  A couple of the streams of crimson liquid had reached the the top of my jeans, and others would soon be there. I would have stopped the blood from ruining my favorite pants even more, but it was so beautiful, the way the blood painted those little lines as the red droplets rolled down. I could not bring myself to wipe them away just yet.2

I sat there, just watching as the red life force oozed out of my skin from the gashes that I had made.  After I was satisfied, I stood up, and quietly opened my door, and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. I closed the door and locked it behind me. I lifted my shirt up and stared with amazement at the beautiful destruction on my stomach. It was almost completely covered by blood, and my jeans had soaked up every drop that touched them. 3

Reluctantly, I began to wash the blood away, making sure to clean the cuts out well. Afterwards, I took off my pants and ran them under cold water, trying to wash the blood off. After about an hour of soaking, and scrubbing, the blood had been washed off. I slipped out of the bathroom, and into my room. I laid down in my bed, and pulled the blankets up over me, and drifted off to sleep.4